The List That Changed My Life

by Olivia Beirne

  When I finally staggered out of the car, Jack took me inside and made me put on this hideous boiler suit over my perfectly planned date outfit – which, let me tell you, does absolutely nothing for my figure. I look like a sack of unwashed potatoes.

  Howie, the man running the skydives, then laughed at my choice of shoes (I retaliated by laughing at the name ‘Howie’ when he left the room, but nobody found it very funny). He returned saying that ‘luckily’ Jan had left her clumpy old trainers behind so I could wear them. Lucky me.

  Oh, and also, I had to tie up my hair, without a hairbrush. Or a mirror.

  The only part of my date image that is still intact is my liquid eyeliner. Which will, obviously, vanish immediately when I burst into tears after being thrown out of a plane to my death.

  The rickety plane dips slightly and I grip on to my seat in panic.

  Jack was thrilled at the idea. He was all ‘what a great find’ and ‘another thing off the list’. Blah blah blah bloody blah.

  I mean, hello? I shaved my legs for this!

  ‘Right,’ says Howie, ‘we’re almost there.’

  My body seizes up and my eyes flit over to Dave, my tandem diver.

  I almost had a fit when I realised I would be paired up with him. I don’t have many qualms about being strapped to a strange man (obviously, I have a few, I’m only human), but Dave is absolutely enormous. He’s about four times the size of me.

  Howie said Dave is ‘very experienced’, but all I can think about is how much quicker I will be hurling to the ground with Dave strapped to my back like a baby rhino.

  I look up as Jack squeezes my hand.

  ‘Excited?’ he asks.

  I blink at him. ‘You do know I’m terrified of heights?’ I say bluntly.

  Jack grins. ‘I don’t love them either,’ he admits, ‘but I’ve always wanted to do this. It will be an amazing experience.’

  I nod feebly.

  Bloody Amy.

  Dave stands up and gestures. I copy. Feebly, I stagger over, my legs quivering like jelly.

  Oh my God, I’m going to be sick. I am most certainly going to be sick. This isn’t right. This isn’t normal. You’re not supposed to throw yourself out of a plane. Humans aren’t supposed to fly, that’s why we don’t have wings.

  Dave spins me round and I hold out my arms like a lifeless puppet. I glance over at Jack who is doing the same with Obé, his instructor.

  ‘So why are you doing this, then?’

  I jump as Dave speaks right into my unsuspecting ear. His gruff voice fires into my eardrum and I flinch.

  ‘Charity?’ he probes.

  He wants to do small talk? Now? I’m so nervous I can barely speak!

  ‘No,’ I manage, ‘it’s for my sister. She wrote me a list of challenges to complete.’

  Dave tightens a strap around us and I wince as the belt yanks all the remaining oxygen from my body.

  ‘That’s cool,’ he says.

  ‘Okay!’ Howie stands up and rubs his hands together. ‘Which one of you crazy kids wants to go first?’

  ‘Jack,’ I blurt before I can stop myself.

  Jack shoots me a look of alarm and I scowl at him.

  What does he expect? This was his bloody idea. I’m certainly not going first.

  ‘Goggles,’ Howie adds.

  Reluctantly, I pull the goggles over my face. They squash against my cheeks and I try the fight the image of what I look like. Although I have a strong feeling I look like a beaver suffering from a very serious anaphylactic shock.

  Jack and Obé move forward as the plane door slides open. A ferocious gust of wind spins through the plane and I stagger backwards. Or I try to, but Dave stops me from going anywhere.

  They drop to the floor and shuffle forward, until Jack’s legs are swinging out of the plane door. Jack looks back at me and grins. I smile back weakly. Nothing about this feels natural.

  ‘Right!’ Howie shouts over the wind. ‘Ready? Three, two, one.’

  Jack screws up his face and Obé tips their combined body weight out of the plane. A soft scream falls out of my mouth as they disappear.

  Oh my God. They’ve gone. They’ve actually done it. That means—

  ‘Right,’ Howie turns to me. ‘Your turn, miss.’

  Before I can open my mouth to argue, Dave moves our joint body forward and we drop to the floor, and before I know what’s happening, my bandy legs are dangling over the edge of the plane like two pieces of limp spaghetti. My stomach plummets as I gape down at the swirls of white clouds, streaming across the sky like marshmallows.

  Terrifying, deadly marshmallows.

  ‘Ready?’ Howie shouts.

  ‘NO!’ I scream back, but Howie ignores me.

  ‘Three, two, one!’

  Before I can register the count, Dave pushes his body weight against my back and I tumble out of the plane. My open mouth screams as we fall through the air, crashing through the clouds. The icy air rushes past my ears, and my eyes screw up tight and stream viciously.

  ‘Are your eyes open?’

  I flinch as Dave bellows in my ear.

  No! Is he insane? What is the matter with this guy?

  ‘Open them!’ he shouts again.

  No. Absolutely not. If I shut my eyes for long enough then I can pretend this isn’t happening.

  ‘Open them!’ he screams.

  Slowly, I peel one eye open and my stomach lurches in horror. The wisps of white cloud are swirling around us and snaking below like strings of cotton wool. Bursting between the clouds are flashes of green, and I see the tiny squares of land forming beneath us.

  My stomach unclenches as my mouth edges into a smile and a wave of euphoria sweeps up my body. Dave pulls at my arms, which are clasped around my chest. They fling backwards into the air and I fall through the sky.

  Oh my God. I’m doing it. I’m doing it!

  Suddenly, Dave yanks a cord behind his back and we lurch backwards as the parachute springs out of the backpack. My eyes take in the sea of colour as we hang in the air like babies and float towards the ground, as light as air. I swing my legs back and forth as a burst of laughter fires from my stomach. Adrenaline shoots through me like a cannon filled with great fireworks that burst and crackle around my heart.

  I have never felt anything like this before.

  The sun spills through the clouds and I squint at the brightness as we float towards the ground, angling towards a large field. I notice a small figure already there, and realise that must be Jack. I wave enthusiastically.

  I crash to the floor with a thud as me and Dave land in tandem. Dave unhooks us and I stumble to my feet, my weak legs trembling. I look up at Jack, whose entire face is masked by the giant smile plastered upon it. He reaches towards me and I throw my arms around him. He squeezes me back and throws me into the air, and I squeal in delight.

  I have never felt anything like this before.

  *

  ‘Give me the list, then.’

  I look up at Jack, my stomach clenching as I meet his sparkling eyes. His face is shadowed slightly by the flickering candle propped between us, and I take another sip of the red wine. My fifth glass.

  (Fifth! It’s a wonder I can still speak!)

  After I recovered from this afternoon, Jack took me on a real date. We had dinner in a tiny restaurant, tucked behind the pier. I opted for the floaty dress.

  I reach down into my bag and pull out the list. He pulls a pen out of his pocket triumphantly and ticks off the skydive. I laugh.

  ‘We’re nearly finished!’ he says. ‘We’ll definitely finish it before your birthday.’

  I cradle my wine and cock my head. ‘Do you know when my birthday is?’

  ‘December fifth,’ Jack says, not missing a beat.

  I grin. ‘You listen to me, then.’

  Jack’s eyes flit up from the list. ‘Always,’ he says, his mouth softening into a smile.

  I hold his gaze, warmth rolling up my body as I feel myself sink in
to his green eyes.

  ‘So,’ he says, moving his eyes slowly back to the list, laid out between us, ‘what else have you got to do?’

  ‘Well,’ I say, peering down at the list myself, ‘make the perfect Victoria sponge.’

  Jack laughs. ‘Oh yeah, how’s that going?’

  I roll my eyes. ‘Not well.’ I laugh as my eyes scan the list. ‘And obviously, the 10k is still on there.’

  Jack nods. ‘Which we’ve got planned.’

  I grin. ‘Yeah, and then there’s . . .’

  I trail off as my eyes focus on the last remaining item.

  ‘Go skinny-dipping,’ Jack says eventually, his voice hoarse.

  I look up and feel my heart jolt as Jack stares back at me.

  We can’t go skinny-dipping here. Can we? If we go skinny-dipping, that means we’ll see each other naked. If we see each other naked, that means that we’ll—

  ‘We’re right by the sea,’ his voice interrupts my thoughts. ‘It’s the perfect time to.’

  I hover, lost in his eyes.

  ‘Okay,’ I hear myself say, my mouth dry, ‘let’s do it.’

  I tip the remainder of my wine down my throat and get to my feet as Jack pays. My stomach flips and exhilaration courses through me.

  Am I really going to do this? This is not like me at all. But then, maybe that’s a good thing.

  ‘You ready?’

  Jack links his hand into mine as we exit the restaurant. Within moments, we’re right by the sea. Darkness stretches over the beach and only the crash of the waves reassures me that we are standing near the water. It is almost midnight. There is nobody to be seen. The alcohol in my body swirls up inside my chest and swims through my mind, fuelling me with a burst of confidence, and before I can convince myself otherwise, I pull my dress over my head. I hear Jack next to me, though I can no longer see him. I hear the chink of his belt and the light thump as his clothes fall to the floor. I gasp as the wind bites my bare skin. Jack reaches forward and takes my hand.

  ‘It’s so cold,’ I manage, my teeth chattering.

  He squeezes my hand. ‘I’ll keep you warm.’ He pulls me forward. ‘Come on!’

  I suck in a great gulp of air and run after Jack, our arms swinging together as we run towards the sea. The icy wind whips at my skin and I feel as if I may turn to stone. Suddenly, my feet spark in shock as we reach the sea. The icy waters crash over us and I gasp.

  ‘Oh my God!’ I cry, as the sea surges right up to my waist. ‘It’s so cold!’

  Jack doesn’t respond, his hand still firmly around mine.

  ‘We’re doing it!’ I laugh. ‘We’re skinny-dipping! We’re—’

  My final words are lost as Jack’s hands grab my lower waist and pull me towards him. I am lifted slightly under his strong arms and, with my bare body pressed against his, he kisses me. Everything inside me explodes as I sink into him and my body lights up with excitement. With both of his hands still gripping my face, he pulls away and looks at me.

  ‘God,’ he breathes, ‘you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  My face twitches as I emerge into consciousness and the musky smell of Jack fills my nose. His arm is wrapped around my middle, the palm of his hand resting on my stomach. Slowly, I pull my eyes open as my head crashes into action, thick with red wine.

  Oh God, I feel terrible. Why did I drink wine? And not just wine, red wine. I dread to think what my teeth look like. Instinctively I run my tongue over my teeth and clench my mouth shut.

  My teeth! How could I have drunk an entire bottle of red wine and not brushed my teeth? What was I thinking?

  Actually, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t have time to think. I barely had time to breathe.

  Jack stirs and I feel the familiar flame of excitement ignite in the pit of my stomach. My eyes scan the hotel room, and glance over to Jack, still fast asleep. We’re both naked. We barely made it back to the hotel room, but when we did, we . . .

  Well, I don’t need to spell it out. You know the rest. Saying that, I thought I knew the rest. But Jack . . . he was . . . I mean, he was really . . .

  Well, let’s just say I’m bloody glad I had the wax. I really must buy Natalie a drink.

  ‘Hey.’

  I look round as Jack’s voice whispers beside me. I smile at him and take in the sight of his familiar face. He really is gorgeous.

  ‘Hey,’ I whisper back, angling my body round to face him. He pulls me closer towards him and I giggle. His eyes peel open and he strokes my face with his hand. I smile at him, my heart inflating.

  ‘Last night was fun,’ I say.

  He smiles back at me and kisses my face as I struggle to suppress another laugh.

  ‘Tea?’ he asks, pulling himself to sitting.

  ‘Sure,’ I say, stretching my arms above my head.

  I haven’t checked my phone since yesterday, I have no idea what the time is. I feel as if, since arriving in Brighton, I have left my London life behind. Jack flicks the kettle on, his boxers hanging low on his defined hips. I watch him and he flashes me another smile.

  ‘What time is your train back?’ he asks.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I reply. ‘Actually,’ I reach over and grab my bag, ‘I’d better check what the time is. I haven’t got anything to rush back for. We could go try out those rides on the pier?’

  The last sentence spills out of my mouth as excitement whips through me.

  Oh my God, I would love to do that. I love rides.

  ‘I can’t.’ Jack hands me a mug. ‘I need to get back to London. It’s the rehearsal dinner tonight.’

  I take the mug with one hand as my phone springs to life. ‘Oh yeah,’ I say, ‘I can’t believe the wedding is this week.’

  Jack takes a sip of his coffee and nods. ‘I know. I still haven’t written my bloody speech.’

  I laugh as my phone vibrates in my hand. I glance down and my stomach lurches.

  Fifteen missed calls from Tamal.

  No.

  I gape at the phone as fiery panic races through me and claws at my skin, burning my throat and tearing at my eyes, when suddenly the screen lights up with another call from Tamal. My fingers barely working, I manage to answer the call.

  ‘Hello?’ I stumble.

  ‘Georgia? Where are you? Something has happened to Amy. You need to come to the hospital, now.’

  *

  I glare at Jack as he walks past me, plucking his belongings from the hotel room and slotting them into his open suitcase. My eyes snap back to my watch.

  We need to leave. We should have left five minutes ago. Why is he doing everything so slowly?

  I couldn’t get much out of Tamal, only that Amy was in hospital. He said she fell down the stairs. My body burns with fear. I need to be with her. I am always with her. This is the first time something has happened and I haven’t been there. I feel as if I’ve left an organ with Amy; I can’t function knowing she’s in hospital without me. I should be there. I have to be there. I need to get out of Brighton.

  ‘You okay?’ Jack asks.

  ‘Fine,’ I mutter, irritation pulling at my skin.

  Jack cranes his head to look around the room. ‘Have you seen my phone charger?’

  ‘It’s there.’ I jab my arm at the socket next to the bed, refreshing my phone.

  I tried to call Amy, but she didn’t answer. Which seems obvious now. Tamal said she hit her head when she fell down the stairs. He said the whole family is with her.

  The whole family, except me.

  Jack pulls his charger from the wall and drops it in his bag. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asks.

  ‘Fine,’ I snap. ‘My sister is in fucking hospital and I’m trapped here with you but I’m fine.’

  A wave of heat crashes over my face and I glare at my phone, as if Amy might call at any minute and tell me everything is fine. Or Mum, or Dad. There isn’t any signal in the hospital.

  ‘Trapped?’ Jack
repeats, looking up from his bag.

  Why is he moving so slowly?

  ‘Yes!’ I lash out. ‘I should be there! I need to get home and you’re being so slow!’

  Jack zips his bag shut and swings it over his shoulder. ‘Let’s go, then,’ he says evenly.

  I storm past him, out of the room and into the hotel lift.

  We booked on the first train we could find, but it doesn’t leave for another hour, and then it takes another whole hour to get to London. Let alone get to the hospital.

  I should be there now. I should have been there from the beginning. I’m always there.

  ‘You know the Uber has only just arrived,’ Jack says as he follows me into the lift. ‘I wasn’t just being slow.’

  I ignore him and refresh my phone again. The lift jolts as it jitters towards the ground floor and my heart clenches and unclenches like a stress ball.

  ‘She’ll be okay.’ I hear Jack’s soft voice and feel my body recoil in anger. ‘I know you’re worried, but she will be.’

  ‘You don’t know that,’ I spit, my eyes locked on to my phone.

  The lift doors creak open and I march out, tears clawing at the back of my eyes. I need to get home. I feel so far away from her. She’s lying in hospital and I’m miles away, and for what?

  I stagger out through the door and glare around hopelessly at the empty road stretching in front of the hotel. The icy November rain slices through the sky like knives and I scowl at the streets in fury.

  Where’s the taxi? Where is the taxi?

  ‘Where is it?’ I hurl at Jack as he appears behind me. ‘It’s not here. Where is it?’

  Jack’s face twitches. ‘It’s coming,’ he says calmly.

  ‘You said it was already here,’ I snap, glaring at the empty roads.

  I can’t just stand here and wait. I’ve been waiting all morning. I can’t wait any more. I need to get to Amy.

  ‘I’m going to walk,’ I say bitterly, and I begin to walk towards the high street.

  I can roughly remember where it is. I’m sure it’s in this direction.

  ‘Georgie,’ Jack calls after me. ‘Georgie, don’t be stupid. The cab will be here in a minute.’