Be My Valentine

by R. J. Groves

  ‘You did this morning,’ she said, her cheeks darkening even further.

  His thoughts flickered back to the way he’d made love to her that morning and his body twitched in response. They were heading into their third night at Margaret River and he felt like he’d give anything to turn those final few nights into a lot more. He somehow managed to angle Bucky closer to Bay and leaned in to Harley.

  ‘Then I haven’t said it enough.’

  She leaned towards him and he closed the distance between them, covering her mouth with his. He kissed her passionately, pouring everything he wanted to say into it and hoping she got the message. She parted her lips, letting him in, and he felt that now-familiar rumble at the base of his throat. She tasted sweet, addictive, and there was no way in hell he could ever get enough of her.

  A little too late, he realised the distance was growing between the rest of his body and hers and he released her only to land in the sand between them. Her laughter seemed to vibrate in the air around him and he smiled. If that was how he was going to go, it wouldn’t be so bad.

  Chapter 10

  ‘Okay, if you could do anything, what would it be?’

  Harley reflected on the previous few days as she sipped her glass of wine on the veranda of their cabin. Their exploration of the town of Margaret River earlier that day. Their beachside horseriding the evening before. The romantic strolls and heart-to-hearts they’d had in their time away. With every passing moment, she felt herself growing closer to Joey, felt whatever it was between them grow stronger and stronger.

  It had long since gone dark, but she could still see the light from the moon and stars reflecting on the water. She still couldn’t believe Joey had managed to find them a beachside cabin. To see that view and hear those sounds every moment of every day—well, that would be a dream come true. And it was. The very idea of spending a week in a place like this with a man like Joey was only ever something she’d dreamed about. And yet, here they were, sipping wine on a porch swing together, listening to the rumble of the tide, breathing in the crisp sea breeze. So when Joey asked what she would do if she could do anything, the very thing they were doing came to mind.

  ‘I’d do this,’ she said, snuggling into him as he traced patterns on her arm. ‘Stay here. With you.’

  She glanced up at him to find him focused on her. It was too dark to see his eyes clearly, but she felt it. Felt the way the intensity in his gaze bored through her, reaching her deepest, most sensitive inner parts.

  ‘That would be nice,’ he whispered, sending a delicious shiver down her spine. ‘But I meant as a job. If you could do anything, would you still be a seamstress in a bridal shop?’

  Harley stared back out at the water, taking a deep breath. That day had been the first time in their whole trip where she hadn’t thought that very question. The break-in at the shop was still a scary thought. What if Jannette decided to close for good? They were already struggling to keep afloat as it was. Throw the break-in on top of that and, well, it really wasn’t looking good. Harley knew that Jannette wouldn’t fire either her or Andie if she could avoid it. They made a great team, and Jannette needed the two of them to keep things running smoothly. So it was all or nothing. At the end of the time off, she would either still have a job, or she may very well be without one.

  And what would she do then? She had some money saved up, so she would be okay for a while. And she was sure Erin would help her if she desperately needed it. Still, she’d hate to be in that kind of position.

  ‘I’ve always been a seamstress,’ she muttered. ‘Andie could probably tell you that. We’ve worked together for so many years. I don’t—I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t do that. It’s what I’m good at. What about you?’

  He took a moment to respond, but she already knew what his answer would be. Being a sailor was as much a part of him as being a seamstress was to her. ‘I always dreamed of being a sailor,’ he said, squeezing her gently. ‘If I couldn’t do that … I don’t know. I suppose I would try to use my degree somewhere. I wouldn’t even know where to start.’

  ‘What’s your degree?’ Harley said, realising that she never knew he had a degree, let alone what he did on his ship.

  ‘Electronic engineering. I got it as part of my training when I signed up. I wouldn’t know how it would transfer over to a civilian job though.’

  ‘Well, what do you do on the ship?’

  ‘Maintain all the systems, mostly. Communications, weapons, navigation, that kind of thing.’

  ‘I’m sure you would be able to find something if you had to.’

  Harley felt him tense beside her, and his hand stopped moving against her arm. ‘I hope it never comes to that.’ His voice sounded so flat, dismissive. Had he never thought of the possibility before? Was it not an option?

  She polished off the remainder of her glass of wine. ‘You don’t think it would be an option?’

  ‘Not by choice.’

  Harley straightened. She couldn’t ignore the weight settling in her stomach, or the ache in her chest. ‘Well, what if something happened?’

  ‘Like what?’

  There was something in his tone that told her she should forget that line of thought, but how could she? She’d fallen in love with Joey and she was pretty sure he was at least on his way there, too—unless she’d read the signs all wrong. Unless the way he looked at her when he thought she couldn’t see him was all in her imagination. Unless the gentle, loving way he touched her and made love to her was all in her head. She knew she could fall hard for a guy. That she could feel so much more for him than he might ever feel for her. But she’d thought Joey was different. Why else would he have taken her away for the week? On a trip where they would spend every moment together? Why else would he pretend he could ride a horse just so they could have that romantic memory of a beachside sunset ride together?

  ‘What could happen to make me think leaving the navy would be a good option?’ he said, his voice firm.

  Harley swallowed. ‘I don’t know,’ she muttered, a burn starting at the back of her eyes. ‘What if you found a reason to stay?’

  ‘Like?’

  ‘Like … us.’

  He stared at her. It was still too dark to read his expression properly, but she didn’t need to. She could feel the tension between them. She could feel her heart breaking a little with every second he didn’t respond.

  Finally, he spoke. ‘Do you know what you’re asking me to do?’

  ‘I’m just putting the idea out there,’ she said, moving to the edge of the seat, turning to face him better. She reached for his hands and squeezed them, but he didn’t squeeze back. He didn’t move at all. ‘Joey, I know it sounds bad, but is it? Jobs are never permanent—’

  ‘It’s not just a job, Harley. It’s my fucking life.’

  He rose to his feet and began pacing the veranda in front of her. Her body instantly missed his closeness and her heart ached to tell him to forget she’d said anything, to wish away the distance and the pain. But what was said could not be taken back. Eventually, they would have to face the facts, and the fact was that, in a few short days, he would be heading back out to sea for God knows how long and she would be left behind wondering if he was ever coming back.

  ‘You are asking me to give up my life. Not just what I’m good at, or what I know, or what I’m qualified to do. My life, Harley.’ He stopped pacing and slapped his hand against his chest. ‘You know why I’ve got that tattoo? It’s because I accepted long ago that this is what I would be doing. Forever. I belong in the navy, Harley. It’s my anchor. It’s what holds me together and keeps me grounded. It’s my home. I can’t throw it all aside like it’s nothing. You can’t expect me to.’

  Her tears rolled unhindered down her cheeks. She didn’t bother with trying to stop them. ‘I’m not expecting you to. I’m just asking if it’s an option.’

  ‘It’s not.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Wou
ld you quit your job, Harley? Would you change your life—for us?’

  Her body heaved with a sob, despite trying to hold herself together. The truth was, she would. In a heartbeat. If it meant she could spend every morning waking up with him by her side, she would do anything. But it all meant nothing if they weren’t on the same page. The very thought that they might not be was like being stabbed in the gut.

  ‘I might not have a job to go back to,’ she managed through sobs. ‘Okay? I might be losing all that. I might not have a choice.’

  ‘But I do.’ His words only drove the dagger in further.

  ‘Even if I did, I would. I’d leave it all for us.’

  He rubbed his hands over his face. ‘It’s not the same, Harley. You can’t expect me to make the same choice.’

  ‘Why? Because I’m not worth it?’

  His hands dropped from his face and she caught a glimpse of regret in the tiny bit of light that shone on his face. ‘Harley—’

  ‘Because we’re not on the same page? Because you thought a week away together would be a good way to pass the time and have a little fun in the process?’

  ‘Fuck, Harley, that’s not—’

  ‘Because you don’t love me the way I love you?’

  The tears came freely now, and it felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. But better now than when she was in even deeper—if that was at all possible. There was no way of getting out of it without a broken heart. He took a step towards her and she rose to her feet, squeezing between him and the porch swing to put some distance between them. What was she doing? She’d known going away for a week would likely be a bad idea. And look at her now—just when she’d thought it could have been different. That he was different. That maybe, just maybe, she’d found her forever.

  Well, she’s the fool. His forever was his job.

  ‘Harley, wait.’

  ‘What’s the point, Joey?’ The tears still flowed, and she felt weary. She’d known their time would come to an end, that he’d go back to work and she’d be left behind. So why did it hurt so much? ‘I can’t expect you to stay.’ Something had changed in his expression, but he still didn’t deny it. It was still very much the truth. ‘And you can’t expect me to wait.’

  ‘Harley—’

  But it was too late. She went through the front door, letting it close itself, and beelined to the bathroom, locking the door behind her for the first time that trip. The tears came with no restraint then, and her sobs racked her body relentlessly. With every minute passing, she worked on building the wall around her heart again, knowing that her efforts were probably futile.

  She pressed her palms against her eyes, trying to scrub away the memories of the way he’d kissed her, touched her. And the way she’d said she loved him and he hadn’t said it back.

  Chapter 11

  Joey sat on the edge of the bed, his head resting in his hands. How had things escalated so quickly? He’d seen how hurt she was over him saying he couldn’t choose her over his lifestyle. Truth was, he wanted both. He wanted to still be a sailor, doing what he loved, and he wanted Harley. But he couldn’t have the best of both worlds. It was the age-old dispute he’d heard play out for anyone on his ship who’d ever been in a relationship.

  He was a fool to think it might have been different for him. To think that Harley wasn’t the kind of woman to make him choose.

  You can’t expect me to wait.

  Her words still rang in his ears. He’d tried so hard not to think about it—not to worry about what would happen when he inevitably had to return to work. He’d thought that if he just ignored it and lived in the moment that maybe the problem might just go away. Maybe they would get stuck in time and be left to live their lives in this little cabin on the beautiful beachside where magic happened and they never had to worry about any damn thing happening back home. Maybe something would happen and the decision would be made for them. Maybe they wouldn’t have to have a fight over something they didn’t have to worry about yet.

  But maybes were full of shit.

  And Joey had been so determined that, if she asked, he might actually consider it as an option. But then she’d asked, and his instincts kicked into gear. He’d become so hellbent that it was never an option, that she was asking too much, that she was too much like every other woman he’d heard about that he hadn’t realised what he was ultimately asking of her.

  She’d said she would do anything for him—for them. She’d said she loved him. And it was at that moment that he’d snapped back to his senses. That he’d realised he hadn’t imagined it all between them. That he’d made the right choice in coming back for her. But where did that leave them? He still couldn’t just throw the towel in on his job. It wasn’t just about him. He was in a position of leadership. He had people who relied on him to get things done. And others relied on his stories to get them through the tough months. He wished the decision were easier. He wished that he could go to bed every night with her in his arms and wake up with her lips on his like he had the last few days. But wishes didn’t come true, and magic didn’t happen in Margaret River—or anywhere, for that matter.

  They only had three more nights together—if Harley still wanted to spend them with him. He couldn’t let this fight fester and be their ruin. He had come back to win Harley over and, damn it, that’s what he was going to do. When he’d started to wonder if she’d somehow already packed her bags and left, the bathroom door unlocked and slowly opened. He lowered his hands and looked up as she came into view. She paused once she saw him there, her lips pressed together in a tight line.

  ‘Oh,’ she said, as though disappointed to see him there.

  His heart caught in his throat at her pale skin, her swollen, bloodshot eyes. Her tear-stained cheeks. He’d caused that. He’d hurt her. The very thing he’d wanted to avoid at all costs.

  ‘I don’t deserve you,’ he whispered, rising to his feet. Her lips quivered and she took in a shaky breath, folding her arms over her chest. He shook his head, fighting his own threatening tears as he slowly closed the distance between them.

  ‘Joey—’

  ‘Please, Harley,’ he said, knowing that he couldn’t say what he really needed to if she said anything first. ‘I don’t. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for me. Too pure.’ She scoffed, and he lifted a hand to cup her chin, urging her to focus on him. ‘I shouldn’t have come back like this. I shouldn’t have expected that a week would be enough time to figure this out. I shouldn’t have thought that any part of this would be fair to you. I shouldn’t want you.’ He wiped a stray tear away from her cheek and saw her swallow. ‘But I do. And I will never stop wanting you.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have asked—’

  ‘No, you had a right to ask. It’s your future, too. And no, I can’t see it being an option right now, but it doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way. We need time to figure out what we can be and how we can do it, and I can’t cut off my ties until we know.’

  ‘B—but I thought it was obvious what we are,’ she stammered. ‘Isn’t this something special? Tell me I’m not imagining it.’

  He swallowed, his heart feeling both full and as though it was being torn to shreds. ‘You’re not imagining it. None of it. It’s real, and I know it is. It’s just that me leaving my work is a huge change. I would be leaving a world I know for a world I don’t. Right now, I have security and a future in my career. I won’t have any of that if I leave. I have to think logically.’

  She dropped her gaze and let out a sigh. ‘I know.’

  He nudged her chin upwards with his fingers and wiped another tear from her cheek. ‘I overreacted, and I’m sorry. I love you, Harley. Nothing will change that. You’re my girl.’

  She let out another sob and threw herself into his arms. He held her tightly, silently vowing never to let go of her if he could possibly avoid it. And before long, he was kissing her, and she was kissing him with a new fervour and passion. A kind that he’d never known
was possible. Their clothes became a very distant memory and, in what seemed like a few moments too long, she was on top of him, lowering herself until he filled her completely. They moved urgently and longingly, the world around them disappearing until it was just him and Harley and the love they shared—their bodies moving as one, their breaths mingling, reaching their peak together. And as they roared over the edge, he realised how bittersweet it really was. That the woman he loved would no longer be able to share his bed after a few short nights. And the day that he was set to return to work was one hell of a bitch overshadowing every sweet memory he was trying to create.

  ***

  They’d wasted no time over their last few days and nights together. They’d made love as much as humanly possible, barely leaving the bed if they could avoid it. The looming deadline was a topic that was no longer talked about, even though they both knew it was there. Even if it tore at Harley’s heart more and more with every passing moment.

  So as she curled into him after they’d made love one final time, listening to the rhythm of his heart as it beat steadily against her ear, she couldn’t help but feel the ache in her chest, despite the fact they now had at least a semblance of a plan. They’d talk as much as they could. For now, he’d go back to work. He’d come see her as often as he could, but even that would never be enough. Harley wondered if they would ever really work it out or if they were just delaying the inevitable. But to hell if they were. The thought of saying goodbye to Joey for good was much more heartbreaking than the knowledge that she would see him again someday. She didn’t know when, and she didn’t know for how long, but she would see him again. And that could at least get her through each day.

  The early morning sun started to filter in through the window, which meant their time together was steadily coming to an end. Oh, how she wished that she could stop time—that things could be simpler. That impossible decisions never had to be made. But she was only human, and nothing ever seemed to work in her favour. So she just had to suck it up and do her best to manage the cards she’d been dealt.