This Side of Heaven

by Karen Kingsbury

  Lindsay was putting the final touches on a spaghetti dinner, watching Larry toss a ball with Ben and Bella out back and listening for the doorbell when the phone rang. She checked the caller ID. “Josh,” she groaned. “You’re late.” She answered the phone with one hand and with the other she stirred the spoon through a pan full of noodles. “Hey, Josh—where are you?”

  “I can’t make it, Linds. Sorry. Maybe nex’ time.”

  “Josh?” Lindsay’s heart skipped a beat. She turned off the stove and walked to the back door, her eyes on her family. “What’s wrong? You sound funny.”

  In painstakingly slow and slurred speech he told her that he’d been on the freeway for only ten minutes and that he’d taken a pain pill. “I had to, Linds. It’s so bad today. But . . . I feel sorta funny. I can breathe better but I’m a lil’ dizzy.”

  “Josh, that’s terrible. Get off the freeway and get to a doctor.”

  “Linds.” Josh’s laugh sounded easy and untroubled. “I’m fine. I would pull over if I thought I couldn’t drive.”

  “How would you know? You don’t sound right.”

  “I’m tired, tha’s all. I’m fine. The deposition went longer than ’spected. I’ll be fine with a lil’ sleep.”

  “I’m staying on the phone with you.” The way he was slurring his words terrified her. “Keep talking to me or I’ll call nine-one-one.” She didn’t want to be angry with him, but if he was having trouble talking then he couldn’t possibly be driving well.

  “Don’t worry about me, Linds. I’ve felt this way before. I’ve been driving under the influence of pain medication for almost three years.”

  He had a point. “Okay.” She still felt worried. “Don’t worry about dinner. Maybe Saturday night—after Ben’s game and church. Larry could barbecue.”

  “Yeah, Sis . . . that’d be great.”

  “So the deposition . . . how did it go?”

  “Flynn’s a’ best. With him and God, we’ll win this thing yet, you know?”

  “Good . . . but Josh, I still don’t like how you sound. Maybe you should go to the hospital and make sure you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine. I tol’ you, Linds. Jus’ need a lil’ sleep.”

  “Okay. I’m staying on the phone until you get home.”

  “I love you, Linds, you know? You’re my best friend.” She closed her eyes. What if he’d been killed in the accident? She couldn’t imagine losing him—especially not now when he’d finally found his way back to the Lord. The years ahead would be their best yet. “I love you, too, Josh. Now we need to get you better.”

  “I can always count on you, Linds.”

  They talked about his faith and he told her about praying for God to get him through his time on the witness stand. Flynn had doubled the amount he was asking for, but Josh didn’t seem overly excited about the fact. “You know what?” He sounded a little better than he had earlier in the conversation. “I don’t wanna get rich. I wanna get better.”

  “I know, and you will.” She wished she could blink herself there, so she could take over at the wheel and get him home safely. “God has great plans for you, Josh. It’s all just beginning for you.”

  “I’m gonna meet Savannah. That’s the best part.”

  “Yes. You’ll be able to afford a wonderful attorney.”

  “I already have him. Flynn can handle the custody case. It’s next on his list as soon as the settlement comes through.”

  She stretched the call, talking about Ben’s coach naming him the starting running back for tomorrow’s game, and how Bella had designated herself as her brother’s personal cheerleader. “She’s three years older than him—just like you and me.”

  “I know. They’re both lucky. Savannah will like having them as cousins.”

  Lindsay wasn’t sure why, but tears filled her eyes. Her brother wanted so little from life, but somehow things had never quite fallen into place. Until now, anyway. If he could just get past his injury, get the surgery he needed, and be finished with the lawsuit. The best years for Josh really might be right around the corner. She was midway through telling him about a feature story on a local hiker whose hundredth birthday was next week when she heard him exhale loudly.

  “I did it.” He sounded relieved. “I’m home. Jus’ pulled into the parking lot.”

  She breathed a silent prayer of thanks. “Okay, now go in and get some rest. Saturday’s going to be a big day and you need to be feeling good.”

  “I will. Tell Ben and Bella I can’t wait to see them.” His voice broke, and she realized he was more emotional than he’d let on. “Thanks for talking me through that drive, Linds. I was a little scared.”

  “I love you. If you need anything, call. I’ll be right there.”

  “Okay. Love you, too.”

  The call ended and Lindsay dabbed at her eyes. Why was she so sad now? Her brother was home safely, and after a good night’s sleep he’d be the same cheerful guy he’d been a few days ago when MercyMe was blaring through his house. But she’d been looking forward to seeing him tonight, and without him her dinner plans suddenly seemed flat.

  Lindsay sniffed and ordered her heart to change directions. She had no reason to be sad, nothing to be discouraged about. Josh was making his turnaround. Everything was going to be fine for him. Besides, they had Saturday to look forward to. Lindsay found her smile again as she finished dinner and called her family in to eat. That night at the table, six-year-old Ben said the blessing. He thanked God for the food and for family and for the football game tomorrow. And he asked God for a special favor.

  “Please, God, be with Uncle Josh tonight. He’s too tired to be here, so help him feel better. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  And as the meal began and the conversation shifted to Bella’s fourth-grade reading assignment, Lindsay felt a peace she hadn’t known since Josh’s phone call. Because God had certainly heard the prayers of her little Ben and that could only mean one thing.

  Josh would feel better in the morning.

  Annie called her daughter’s house to find out how Josh’s deposition went.

  “He’s not here.” Lindsay was helping Larry with the dishes. “He was too tired. But he said it went well. I told him we’ll do dinner Saturday night.”

  Too tired? Annie had talked to Josh that morning and he’d been full of energy, ready to face the attorney for the insurance company. “He was looking forward to having dinner with you.” Immediately, Annie’s concern turned to worry. Josh’s medication was bound to have an effect on him. “Did he talk about the pain pills?”

  “He said he took one before he drove home.” Lindsay’s voice fell. “Honestly, Mom, I was worried about him. He didn’t sound right, like he was half asleep or drunk or something. I’ve never heard him like that.”

  “I have. It’s not good. He has to be so careful with those drugs.” Annie wrapped up the conversation quickly and immediately dialed Josh. It was just after eight o’clock, so even on a day when he was tired, he would normally still be awake. Annie stepped out onto their covered front porch and paced the length of it. The phone rang once . . . twice. . . . “Come on, Josh,” she whispered. It was still in the seventies outside but a chill ran down her bare arms. “Pick up the phone, son.”

  He answered just after the fourth ring. “Hello?” Annie pressed her hand to her chest. “Thank God.” She dropped to the glider swing and sank back in the cushion. “Your sister said you were too tired for dinner.”

  “I was. But I’m feeling better now.” He sounded tired, but sharp. None of his words were slurred as far as she could tell. “The deposition was terrible. The worst ever.”

  On days like this, when some hotshot lawyer had dragged her son through a day of emotional torture, when he’d been forced to drive an hour each way to give yet another round of answers in a game designed by a big insurance corporation to avoid paying Josh his settlement, Annie could only picture one thing: a trip they’d taken to Yellowstone National Park the summer b
efore Josh started middle school.

  They were about to leave their tent when they heard a barking dog. Annie was closest to the tent flap and she peered out in time to see the drama unfolding in a field across from the campground. A baby black bear had wandered away from his mother and now the barking terrier had backed him up against a tree. The baby bear looked one way and then the next, searching for an escape route, but the dog quickly closed off his options.

  In a blur of motion, and with a bellow that rang through the campground, the mother bear tore into the clearing, picking up speed. The dog never knew what hit him. He was still barking at the bear cub when the mother reached him from behind and sent him ten feet in the air with one swipe of her massive paw. The dog flipped three times and landed on his back, but injured or not, he had the sense to run for his life.

  The danger to her baby behind them, the mother went to her cub and licked his face, nuzzling him and hovering over him until the two of them returned to the forest.

  That’s how Annie felt now, like the mother bear ready to tear into any attorney who would put her son through the rigors of demeaning questions, hearing after hearing after hearing. She thought about going to see Josh now, so she could hold him and will away his suffering.

  “Mom?”

  “I’m sorry.” She leaned against the porch railing. “You shouldn’t have to go through that.” She breathed in slowly. Positive, she told herself. You have to stay positive for him. She pulled herself up a little straighter. “So tell me about it. Are they any closer to settling?”

  “I think so.” Josh was clear-minded and deliberate as he told her about the questions. “The insurance company wants the judge to think I was on the verge of a medical disability anyway, because of my weight.”

  “That’s ridiculous. Besides, you’re almost back to your normal size already.” Annie pictured her son on the stand, the insurance company’s attorney embarrassing him, humiliating him. “Is it worth it, son? I mean, what does Mr. Flynn say?”

  “He thinks we’ll have the judge’s decision in a few weeks. The insurance company is running out of reasons to delay.” Josh explained how his attorney had done a brilliant job at the end of the deposition, and how Flynn was asking for twice the settlement. He was still talking when Nate stepped out onto the porch and gave her a curious look.

  “Josh,” she mouthed.

  Her husband nodded and hesitated. He must’ve seen her concern because he came and stood beside her. He kept his voice low. “Is he okay?”

  Annie nodded, but tempered that with a worried shrug. “So, I’m almost finished with these hearings. Maybe one more, and Flynn says we’ll be finished.”

  The news landed in Annie’s gut like a bucket of rocks. One more deposition was like knowing her son would be exposed to one more beating. “Maybe I’ll go with you next time.”

  “That’s okay.” He laughed lightly. “I’ll get through it. Then I can pay you and Dad back, and move on with my life.”

  “And you’re feeling better? Now that you’ve been home for a while?”

  “Yes.” Josh rarely complained about his pain, and tonight was no exception. “Hey”—his voice grew tender— “I talked to Flynn about helping me find Savannah. Once we have the settlement, you know?”

  Annie opened her mouth to shoot down the idea. There were a hundred more important things Josh should take care of once he got his settlement—including his back surgery and figuring out whether he should go to college now or, if not, what line of work he was going to get into since driving a tow truck was no longer an option. Chasing after the child of a woman he’d spent a week with in Las Vegas couldn’t possibly be good for him. Just another dead-end road.

  But whether it was the concern in her husband’s eyes or the whisper of God, she felt suddenly compelled to agree with him. “I’m sure Mr. Flynn would be a big help in whatever you need after the settlement comes.”

  “Yes.” Josh seemed like he wanted to push the issue, talk more about Savannah, but he exhaled instead and he sounded more tired than he had before. “You still don’t believe she’s mine, do you?”

  Of course not, she wanted to say. “There’s no proof. The woman—she wasn’t reputable, Josh. The photo could’ve been of someone else’s child for all you know.”

  Another slow sigh filtered across the lines. “I understand that. But when I look at her eyes I see my own. I have to find out the truth. At least pray for me about that.”

  “I will.” She was grateful to have something they could agree on. She nodded at her husband. “Your father and I will both pray that when the time is right, you’ll find your answers, okay?”

  “Good enough.” He must’ve been at his computer because she could hear the rapid click of his fingers on a keyboard. “Listen, I’m online but I’m going to turn in early. I’ll see you tomorrow at Ben’s game.”

  “All right.” Annie couldn’t explain it but she was almost desperate to keep the conversation going, to reassure Josh that she cared about him more than he could ever know.

  Nate tapped Annie’s hand. “Tell him I love him,” he mouthed.

  “Your father loves you. And I love you. You’ll get through this.”

  “I know. I love you both.”

  She could hear the smile in his voice and it made her feel better. “Good night.”

  “ ’Night.”

  Annie clicked the off button and set the receiver on the porch railing. What was the ache in her heart, the longing to drive across town and hold her son the way she’d done when he was a little boy? She went to Nate, leaned into him, and listened to the steady thud of his heartbeat. “I just want the whole court thing to be over.”

  “Long day?” Nate led her to the glider and they sat down together.

  “I guess the deposition was very difficult. Intense questions from the insurance company’s attorney. More harassment.” She lifted her eyes to his. “I’d like to drive down to that man’s office and tell him a thing or two.”

  “It won’t be long now, right? A few more weeks?”

  “I hope so. After three years it’s hard to believe the case will ever be settled.”

  “It will.” He kissed the top of her head and set the swing into a soft, subtle motion. “Josh will land on his feet and he’ll find his way. I believe in him.”

  “I do, too.” Her answer was quick, and she remembered her thoughts from last week, how she could do nothing but admit her disappointment where their son was concerned. She leaned her head on Nate’s shoulder. “It was so much easier when he was little, when his bike was stolen from school or he didn’t get a part in the middle school musical. I could hug him and pray with him and make him a plate of cookies.” She blinked back the beginning of tears. “The world would always look brighter in the morning.”

  “He’s still young, Annie. The accident was a big setback.” Nate’s voice was calm, full of the confidence Annie only wished she had when it came to their son. “Tell you what.” He angled himself so he could see her better. “Let’s pray for him right now. While he’s so heavy on your heart.”

  Nate started and Annie finished, and after ten minutes of talking to God about her son, Annie felt better. Enough that she went inside and found the flour and sugar and chocolate chips and made Josh a plate of cookies. As she took them out of the oven, she smiled thinking about how happy he would be when she gave him the gift at Ben’s game, and how good it would feel to hug him, to remind him he was loved, no matter what his circumstances. As she cleaned the kitchen that night she wanted to believe that hugging him, and praying for him, and baking him a plate of chocolate chip cookies could only mean one thing.

  Tomorrow, the world would look brighter.

  EIGHT

  Josh had only been online with Cara for ten minutes and already he felt himself rebounding from the ugliness of the deposition. He was still exhausted and a little dizzy, but his pain was tolerable, at least. He leaned against the desktop and waited for Cara’s next messa
ge. As he did, he remembered the strange way he’d felt in the car earlier. The trip home from Denver had been a little hairy, and Lindsay was right. He should’ve pulled over. But if he fell asleep in his car in some parking lot or on the side of the road, then what? The OxyContin could knock him out for eight hours or more and he would have been a target for anyone who happened by. Instead, he prayed constantly and took Lindsay up on her offer. Their conversation helped him stay focused and alert.

  So . . . didn’t you have a court thing today? Cara’s message flashed in the box at the bottom of his screen.

  Cara didn’t know how much he stood to win in the settlement. Money had no place in their friendship, which was good. Especially after the mistakes he’d made with Savannah’s mother. He clicked open his iTunes library and pulled up his list with the MercyMe songs. His fingers flew across the keyboard. Yes.It’s not worth talking about. . . . I came home, had dinner, and went back out to the grocery store. He didn’t tell her the part about picking up a bag of groceries for Ethel, the old widow in the apartment above his. It wasn’t something he talked about, just a regular part of his week. Ethel was ninety-two and her hips hurt. No surgery would ever help at her age, so Josh saved her the trip to the market. It was the least he could do. He added to his last message, Did I tell you my latest plan?

  Cara’s answer was immediate. Tell me.

  With all this healthy eating I’ve been doing, next summer I want to play football again.

  Uh . . . on a real team, you mean?

  No. LOL. At the park with my sister’s son. The boy loves to play catch and since the accident I haven’t touched a ball. All that’s gonna change. And you know what else?

  What?

  I’m gonna play with my shirt off. I’ll have my surgery and hit the gym the way I used to do, you know?

  There was a slight pause before her next message. If anyone can make that happen it’s you, J. I mean, come on . . . you’ve lost almost sixty pounds. What’s your secret, by the way? You never talk about it.