Finding You: The Complete Box Set (a contemporary MM romance series)

by Ana Ashley

“Here,” I said, giving him the small bag I’d been carrying since yesterday. “I bought you a Christmas present.”

  “Really? You didn’t have to,” he said, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree. “Can I open it now?”

  “Of course you can. At least if you don’t like it, you can throw it at me.” I laughed.

  I watched as Isaac opened the bag to uncover the carefully wrapped present. It looked like such an old-fashioned gift with the brown wrapping paper, string, and a label where I wrote, “Merry Christmas Isaac! Love, Max.” A simple message that conveyed so much of what I was feeling.

  Isaac undid the string carefully but then tore the paper quickly as though he couldn’t wait to find out what was inside. In the box was a glass ornament, similar to the one he bought for Sofia but with the inscription “My First Christmas in New York.”

  “It’s beautiful, Max, thank you.” He hugged me again and kissed me, this time longer and with such passion. His lips were plump from crying and tasted salty from his tears. They still were perfect.

  “You know,” he said holding the gift bag up. “This would assume there would be a second Christmas.”

  I put my hands on his face, pushing his beautiful curls away from his eyes. “You know, Isaac, I’ve never wished for something so badly in my life as I wish for that.”

  We’d used as much time as we could get away with, so we said our last goodbyes with promises to keep in touch by email.

  I watched him scan his boarding pass and go through toward security with one last look back at me, a sad, teary smile, and a blown kiss.

  The moment Isaac was out of my sight, I collapsed on the nearest chair and broke down in tears.

  A few minutes later, I called Joel.

  “Joel.” My voice was so tight I couldn’t speak straight away.

  “Max, what’s up? Are you okay? Where are you?” He sounded worried, so I relayed what had happened in the last two days.

  “Max, I’ve known you since we were twelve. I have never seen you like this over anything. If this guy makes you feel this way, then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to chase it. Don’t let it go easily,” he said. “Besides, you know the nicest, sexiest men around are Portuguese. It’s a no brainer.”

  “What do you think I should do?” I tried to clean the tears from my face using the sleeve of my sweater.

  “Come home. Stay here with me for a few days. Then buy a plane ticket and go be his New Year’s kiss.”

  “This is life, Joel, not a romance novel.” I laughed, wishing that for once in my life it could be real.

  “Where do you think authors get their ideas from? Go give them something to write about.”

  He let me know his freezer was stocked up and then hung up.

  Could I do that? Could I do what Joel suggested? I looked around at the other people in the airport. So many sad faces, and so many happy faces. I wanted to be one of those happy ones, and I knew there was only one way to achieve that.

  With that thought, my heart soared, and I had a plan. Isaac’s heart might be breaking a bit on the other side of that gate, but I would fix it. I would make it better because I was going to fly to Portugal to be Isaac’s New Year’s romance-novel-worthy kiss. And I’d be damned if I wasn't going to be everything else he’d want me to be, too. Because yesterday was the beginning, but today was certainly not the end.

  15

  Isaac

  I clutched the gift bag in my hand as I walked through the doors, but it may as well have been my heart because one thing was certain, it wasn’t in my chest anymore.

  No, my heart was on the other side of the doors in Max’s hands, and it had all been my fault because I’d given it away so easily and far too quickly. Never for one moment had I considered this moment would come and that I would be this affected.

  After all, we’d had less than two days together, and what did I know about Max?

  Okay, so he was a nurse, he loved caring for people, and he helped LGBT kids in the center, but for all I knew, in real life, he was also an ass. Maybe he mistreated the checkout lady at the supermarket, or he shouted at the other nurses, or he left his dirty socks under the bed.

  Once I was through all the security checks, I found my gate and sat down. On the flight to New York, I’d ended up chatting with a woman who was visiting her family, and we hadn’t stopped until we separated at the gate when she ran toward her son, daughter-in-law, and newborn grandson.

  It was a shame she was staying in New York until after Christmas because she would have been a pleasant distraction now. Instead, here I was, staring at the tarmac outside and coming up with stupid reasons to think badly of Max—and failing miserably.

  Even though we’d only had a short time together, there was no denying how good Max was. Yes, there was a lot I didn’t know about him, but I’d also felt more with Max than I’d ever felt with anyone else I'd been with.

  In another life, I would have loved to explore our chemistry more, find what else we had in common, or if there were things that annoyed us about each other. As it was, the best I could hope for was that we’d keep in touch, although if I was finding it hard separating from Max now, how would it be having contact but not being able to touch him?

  As I was about to turn my phone into airplane mode, I saw a message from my brother. It was a photo of Sofia with the caption Can’t wait to meet you, Uncle Isaac.

  I replied that I couldn’t wait to meet her, too, and that I was about to board the plane.

  The only thing that worked to keep Max off my mind during the flight was work. As soon as it was safe to use the tray in front of me, I got my notebook out and made copious notes about everything I learned from Dorian and Jean-Paul.

  I already had a few ideas I could implement at the Rainbow Foundation pretty quickly, both to raise some money and also fun stuff for the kids to do. It would take some time to make it all happen, but if there was one thing I'd learned from this trip, it was that I'm not on my own. Both Jean-Paul and Dorian had insisted that I kept in touch with them and had even promised to stop in Portugal the next time they were in Europe to visit Jean-Paul's mom in Paris.

  I knew that my first stop after landing at the Lisbon airport would be my brother's house because I couldn't wait another day to meet my niece, but I didn't expect to see him waiting for me at the airport.

  “Olá, jet setter,” Alex said as I ran into his arms for a hug.

  “Hey yourself, daddy,” I greeted back and saw my brother beaming at the nickname.

  “Come on,” he said, grabbing the handle of my suitcase. “Joana is cooking us dinner, and if you're lucky, Sofia might be awake for you.”

  “Lead the way.”

  We were about halfway to my brother's place when my phone buzzed with a text.

  David: Are you back yet? I'll exchange your gossip for custard tarts.

  I chuckled and hit the reply button.

  Me: You know that's why you're my best friend, right?

  David: Because I'm insanely gorgeous?

  Me: And you can bake. I'll give you the down low if I can crash at yours tonight. On my way to meet Sofia now.

  David: Give my congratulations to Alex and Joana. Can't wait to meet your niece. See you later then.

  I put the phone back in my pocket and turned to my brother.

  “So, what's it like being a dad?”

  “Best feeling in the world. God, Isaac, she's so small and precious. I'm scared shitless I'll break her, but at the same time…” Alex trailed off, so I looked at him. Even in the darkness of the car, I saw the difference in my brother. I was going to point it out when he spoke again. “My whole world has changed, Isaac. I thought my life was complete when I met Joana, but this one person, so small and helpless, makes my life whole.”

  My throat tightened and tears threatened in the back of my eyes, and I had to look away so Alex wouldn't notice and ask questions. I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about Max yet.

  “Are you read
y?” he asked, and it was only then I realized we'd arrived.

  “Hell yeah,” I said, getting out of the car and ignoring the suitcase in the back.

  We found Joana pacing the length of the living room. In her arms was the tiny bundle of joy that I just knew was going to steal the rest of my heart forever.

  I kissed Joana on the cheek and then looked at my niece. Sofia was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. She had the same eyes Alex and I had and even a similar nose, but there was no denying she was a mini version of Joana.

  “Hello, Princesa. I'm your Uncle Isaac,” I cooed, running my hand over her soft head.

  Sofia looked up at me, her little arms moving as though she was trying to communicate with us.

  “She's only three days old, but I swear she knew you were coming because she refused to sleep earlier. Let's hope this means a slightly longer night for us,” Joana said.

  I couldn't take my eyes off Sofia.

  “Would you mind holding her for a moment? The night light in her room went out already and I need to show Alex,” Joana said.

  “Are you…are you sure?”

  She laughed. “Sofia won't break. Plus, you can tell her all about New York.”

  I held out my arms, hoping I wasn't shaking so much that it would upset my niece.

  “Hi, baby girl. You want to know about New York?” Sofia's eyes were locked on my face, and she was making the most adorable baby sounds. “Well, New York was amazing. I learned lots of things that I will tell you all about when you're a little older. I met some friends and made a special new one.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I looked up from Sofia to see my brother standing by the door staring at me with concern.

  “Let me take her to Joana. It's time for her milk,” Alex said.

  I placed a kiss on Sofia's head and said, “Love you, Princesa,” before my brother took her away. My instinct was to leave so I could avoid the questions, but I already knew running would never keep my brother away.

  He came back into the living room not long after. I was rooted to the spot where I'd been cradling my niece minutes ago, unable to move even though all I wanted to do was leave.

  “Come, sit down,” he said. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  I shook my head. “I met someone…he's amazing, Alex. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think I've fallen in love.” The tears that I'd been holding back since seeing my brother waiting for me at the airport were finally streaming down my face.

  My brother put his arms around me, pulling me in to hold me tight. He didn't say anything.

  “I'm sorry,” I said, wiping the tears with my hands.

  “What are you sorry for? You can't help who you fall in love with.”

  “This is a special time for you. I shouldn't be here crying my guts out because of a guy I met five minutes ago,” I said.

  I took a deep breath and stretched my lips into a smile I didn't feel.

  “Let me tell you all the stuff I learned from Liberty Center.”

  Alex looked at me like he wanted to press the issue, but instead, he got up and asked me to tell him all about New York while we set the table for dinner.

  By the time I got to David's, I was exhausted from talking, from keeping my emotions to myself, but mostly from missing Max.

  I apologized to David for being such bad company, but I really needed to sleep.

  Like many times in the past, just like Alex, David was there for me. No questions asked.

  Little did I know I was about to miss Max in more ways than I thought possible.

  16

  Max

  Lisbon — June, six months later

  “I missed you so much,” I said, but what I really wanted to do was pull him into my arms.

  Isaac pushed me away, his eyes tight and piercing.

  “What do you mean, you missed me so much? If you’d missed me so much, then why didn’t you—”

  “Isaac.” I put my hands on either side of his face so he would have no choice but to hear me out. “Can we talk, please?”

  Fate really was a bitch.

  I didn’t dare break eye contact for fear this was all a dream.

  The club was packed, so when someone elbowed me as they were trying to get past, the motion jolted me into action, and with one step forward, I wrapped Isaac in my arms, my face burrowing in the space between his neck and shoulder, his mass of dark curls soft against my skin.

  He froze for a moment, but then his arms came around me. As his body relaxed into the embrace, I swear a sob came from his chest.

  He smelled of fresh pine; manly, woody, and so familiar it was making me dizzy.

  I wanted to stay with Isaac like this for as long as I possibly could, which turned out to be not long at all because I had to ruin the moment with those five words.

  He let out a long breath as if he was reminding himself we were in a club surrounded by people and sat down at the table. I wanted to sit next to him, but it would be easier to keep eye contact if we were facing each other.

  It had taken two days last Christmas for Isaac to do what many had tried and failed. He’d unpeeled the many layers of protection I’d built around my heart before hopping on a plane to return to his home in Portugal.

  Six months later and three thousand miles away from my home in New York, I found myself right back where I’d been on the night I’d saved him from a fire, feeling like I’d been punched in the gut.

  Except this time, it was worse because I already knew what those eyes looked like when he smiled, what those lips looked like when they were all plump from kissing, and what his mere presence could do to my heart.

  I should have known this would happen. There hadn’t been a day since I’d booked my flight to Portugal that I hadn’t thought of him. If I was honest, there hadn’t been a single day since I last saw him that he hadn’t teased my thoughts.

  The first time I’d looked into his eyes after I’d saved him from the fire, he’d been barely conscious, sitting against me on the pavement outside the LGBT Youth Center. All I’d seen was his wild, curly hair, but when I’d pushed it away from his face and seen him open his eyes, he’d literally taken my breath away.

  The second time I’d had the chance to look into his eyes from a close distance, I’d seen it all, and it had been just before he’d pulled me into a kiss on top of the Empire State Building.

  My best friend, Joel, was on the dance floor and had his arms wrapped around his boyfriend, David, and was whispering something in his ear. I hadn’t even noticed them stepping away from us. David’s slow smile, the way he leaned his head back into Joel and looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world told me how much he cared for him.

  Then it hit me. Isaac had been sitting at the table with David. Did they know each other?

  “Max!” Isaac shouted. “You wanted to talk? Talk. You know what, maybe this is a bad idea. I should go.” He shifted in his chair to leave, but I covered his hand with mine.

  “How do you know David?”

  “We’ve been friends since school, if you must know. Is that it? Can I go now?”

  “No, please, Isaac. I just don’t know where to start. I wasn’t expecting to see you here, or at all.” I took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly.

  “Meeting you last Christmas was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time,” I said. “I can’t explain how hard it was to see you go through the departure doors at the airport. The only thing that kept me from chasing after you and begging you to stay was that we’d promised to keep in touch, and we’d only just met.”

  I ran a hand through my hair, remembering how my heart had shattered when we’d said goodbye, even though I couldn’t understand why. We’d spent less than two days together, but we’d had this amazing chemistry, and once we’d given in to it, there was no going back—at least for me.

  “But that’s it. We exchanged email addresses. We agreed to keep in touch
.” He looked to where our hands were still touching. I didn’t realize I’d been rubbing circles around his knuckles.

  I really wished we could have this conversation elsewhere, but I didn’t dare suggest it in case it broke the moment.

  “Joel’s parents died that day,” I said. The memory alone was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

  “What day? When I left New York?”

  I nodded. “When I was at the airport, I called Joel. I was upset that you had to leave and didn’t know what to do, so he told me to come over to his place. Shortly after I arrived at his apartment, he had a visit from the police. His parents had been in a car accident and didn’t make it. It was two days before Christmas.”

  Isaac stared at me, and I wished I could read his mind because his face was giving nothing away. He didn’t know losing Joel’s parents was akin to losing my own. Hell, losing my own parents wouldn’t have been as hard on me. He didn’t know I had planned to come to Portugal to see him, either, but that didn’t matter since I’d been unable to do much in the aftermath of Gary and Sílvia’s deaths than be with Joel.

  I hoped at least Isaac understood why I had made no contact initially.

  Isaac looked at the dance floor toward Joel and David like he was trying to find answers.

  I was about to ask why he hadn’t used the email address I’d given him when a tall, blond-haired guy approached us and sat next to Isaac.

  He looked me up and down as if he was assessing me. A small smile teased his lips. His eyes were probably a regular shade of brown, but in the dark light of the club, they looked too dark, assessing, and most definitely defiant.

  I tried to say something to let him know Isaac and I were talking, but he turned to Isaac, putting even less space between them.

  My hackles rose, but Isaac didn’t flinch. It was a sign of familiarity I wasn’t comfortable with but also didn’t have the right to question.

  Maybe the guy was a friend who was looking out for Isaac, or maybe he had other intentions. Either way, I didn’t like my train of thought.