by Ana Ashley
I laughed at one of the many variations on my name. Years ago, we’d spent a weekend trying to come up with nicknames for each other. I’d settled on Joebug for him, but he couldn’t make up his mind. I thought it was cute.
“It sounded like a question,” I said, stuffing my mouth full of the blueberry muffin David put in front of me.
I got another knowing look, this time from David.
“Look, guys, things are really busy at the hospital at the moment, so I’m not sure I can take time off. Plus, this kid came in today and—”
Joel raised his hand to stop me.
“Maxwell, you forget my mother worked in that hospital. Do you think I wouldn’t check your shifts before making plans?”
Damn, he’d caught me there.
In reality, I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible because I knew this was temporary. They were due to head back to Portugal in November, and there was no guarantee they’d be back anytime soon.
The thought of Joel all the way in Portugal made me want to cry. For someone who was born and bred in Manhattan, how the hell did my heart end up on the other side of the ocean?
I decided to get myself out of this funk since it wouldn’t help anyone.
“Sorry, Joebug, I’d love to go to the Hamptons with you.”
I hugged my friends and left to go home. That laundry wouldn’t do itself.
19
Isaac
Lisbon
“Merda!”
The swear word followed by a cloud of white powder coming from the desk opposite mine took my attention from the spreadsheet I was working on.
I couldn’t help laughing at the sight of Tiago covered in the white stuff that moments ago had been contained inside the stress ball he squeezed more often than not.
He took off his dark-rimmed glasses. His big brown eyes were the only part of his face that wasn’t covered in white.
“I told you that would happen one day,” I said, still laughing.
Tiago was shooting daggers at the remains of the ball as he got up to go toward the staffroom.
“Those fucking bigots, bastards, sons of a…” he carried on as he went through the door.
When he came back, he was wearing a different shirt and his face was now clean even though his nearly black hair still had some white streaks. He was swearing to himself while he cleaned his desk with more force than necessary since the light powder was flying up in the air again.
I went back to my spreadsheet, deciding to wait until he calmed down to ask him what had got him so angry.
That wasn’t until he’d left the center and come back ten minutes later with two custard tarts from a nearby café.
“What’s up, Tiago?”
“Those fuckers at the food bank. I emailed them last month to see if they’d partner up with us by supplying food for our resident kids in exchange for volunteers to help with their soup kitchen for the homeless.”
“I thought they ignored you.”
“They did, until today when they emailed me to say they aren’t able to support our cause because they don’t agree with our lifestyle. When we start supporting the genuine kids in need of help, they will be more than happy to partner up with us.” Tiago held up his hands in quote signs when he said the word genuine.
I sighed. Tiago had been excited about his proposal to the food bank director. I thought it was a genius idea to exchange the one thing they had plenty of—food—for something we had plenty of—hands willing to help.
“I can’t say I’m completely surprised. I thought they had ties to some religious group,” I said.
“I know, but I didn’t think they’d decline to help us.” He ran his hands through his hair. That was when I noticed how tired he looked.
“Tiago, why don’t you go home? You’ve been glued to that computer all day.”
“I can’t. I have a meeting later with an agent who works with Fred. She believes she has a lead but needs more information from me.”
“On your brother?”
“Yeah.”
I saw both the hope and despair in his eyes. Tiago had been searching for his brother for years, and while his hope wavered sometimes, his search never let up for a single moment.
“Besides,” he said. “I thought you were going to David’s café to check on Bruno and see Teresa.”
Tiago was right. I was due a visit to Café Lima, but as much as I wanted to check on the young man I’d helped secure a job in my best friend’s café, I wasn’t looking forward to the possibility of seeing David’s uncle.
When my parents kicked me out at seventeen, David was the only person I could go to for help. Unfortunately, on that day as I was telling David what had happened, Mário came in the apartment and kicked me out in a barrage of homophobic slurs.
Without a place to stay, I’d ended up on the streets for the following three months. Fortunately, David found me and hid me away at his apartment until I could move out on my own.
When David had come out to his aunt and uncle earlier this summer, his uncle revealed that he’d had a long-lost younger brother that was gay. After he’d been seen kissing another man, their father had beaten him up so badly that he’d ended up in the hospital from where he’d subsequently run away.
The events somewhat explained his uncle’s behavior, but even after all these years, it was still hard to face the man that had made me homeless for the second time in one night.
His wife, Teresa, was entirely different. She was a petite but strong woman who’d been a second mom to David, and since we’d met, she’d been nothing short of kind.
It was incredibly generous of Teresa to take in a troubled young man as a trainee in the café she’d managed since her sister died thirteen years ago.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I said. “I could do with checking in on Bruno to see how he’s doing. Call me later if you want to talk, yeah?”
I grabbed my stuff to leave. “Tiago, call me,” I said with my hand on his shoulder. Meeting someone who claimed to have some kind of lead on his brother’s location was always hard on him, especially as none had ever led to his brother.
I’d been coming to see Bruno at the café ever since he’d started his apprenticeship with David this summer, but so far, I had never bumped into Mário. I wasn’t sure if it was by design or coincidence, but I was glad. It still didn’t stop my heart beating a tad bit faster every time I approached Café Lima.
Bruno was behind the counter serving someone when I walked through the door. The smell of coffee and freshly baked pastries made my mouth water.
“Hi, Isaac,” Bruno said as I approached the counter. “Would you like a coffee? Or a pastry?”
“Did you make these?” I asked, pointing at the display of mouth-watering custard tarts.
“Yes, this is a new batch I made this afternoon because we ran out in the morning.”
Bruno was one of my success stories. He’d grown up with his grandparents, and like many kids that came to us, he had been kicked out for being gay.
He attended all David’s cake-making classes and wouldn’t stop asking for more. When David had been looking for extra help for the café, Bruno had been an obvious candidate.
“I will definitely try one of your custard tarts, and I’ll have a coffee, too,” I said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m great. I was super nervous before David went to America. I thought people would stop coming here and wouldn’t buy the custard tarts because David didn’t make them.”
“If you had to make a new batch this afternoon, they must be popular with the customers.”
“I guess,” he said shyly.
“Is Teresa around?”
Just as I asked, Teresa came out from the kitchen with a little boy behind her.
I greeted her with a hug and a kiss on her cheek. She smelled like flowers.
“Boa tarde, my dear. Have you come to check in on Bruno?”
“Looks like I don’t need to. Do
es David know his custard tarts are no longer the most popular?”
She looked at Bruno with adoration. She knew how hard he’d had it and was clearly proud of him.
“And who’s this young man?” I asked.
The little boy couldn’t have been older than five and hid behind Teresa before running behind the counter and holding on to Bruno’s legs.
“Isaac, this is Filipe. He’s my brother,” Bruno said, his voice faltering like he was afraid to give me the news.
When I’d met Bruno, he’d reassured me he was no longer living with his grandparents, but that he was safe. He’d never mentioned a brother, let alone a very young one.
I inwardly cursed the customer that chose that moment to enter the café.
Fortunately, Teresa must have known I needed time with Bruno because she went around the counter to serve the customer and told Bruno she’d see him tomorrow, bright and early.
Bruno nodded in agreement and took Filipe by the hand toward the kitchen. They both returned shortly after. Bruno was no longer wearing his work apron, and Filipe had a small school bag on his back and was holding a Superman doll that looked like it’d seen better days.
“I’m renting out Joel’s apartment,” he said as we approached the building.
I knew Bruno had moved out of the van he’d been living in and into an apartment shortly after starting his job at Café Lima, but I didn’t know he was renting Joel’s old apartment.
I guessed with Joel now living with David, it made sense to keep the apartment occupied. I also knew how much David cared about the kids he met through my center, so I had no doubt Bruno was getting an excellent deal.
Filipe ran into the room I assumed was his as soon as Bruno opened the door.
“He’s been waiting all day to play with his new Legos,” Bruno said as he hung Filipe’s backpack on the hook by the door.
Bruno took me into the open-plan kitchen and living area and pointed to the sofa.
“What’s going on, Bruno? Why didn’t you tell me you had a little brother?”
He waited until we were both sitting before he spoke.
“When I left my grandparents’ place, Filipe was only three. I didn’t see him for a whole year because they didn’t want my bad influence on him.”
Bruno shook his head and laughed, but I could tell being unable to see his little brother had upset him more than he wanted to admit.
“It took nearly a year until they would allow me to see Filipe. I couldn‘t go inside the house, so I used to play with him in the back garden for two hours once a week. My granddad always watched us from behind the patio doors like I was some kind of criminal.”
He looked toward the corridor to check Filipe’s door was closed before he carried on.
“I loved those two hours with my brother. He was always so happy to see me like he’d been waiting all week, just like me.
“He used to cling to me for at least twenty minutes before he realized I wasn’t going anywhere and then we’d play a few games before I had to go again. I never saw my grandmother. Not once.
“About six months ago, I noticed changes in Filipe’s behavior. He stopped hugging me and sometimes didn’t even want to play. I couldn’t ask him what was wrong because I wasn’t sure he could articulate it, and with my granddad always watching over us, I was afraid to do anything that would jeopardize my visits.”
“Did something happen to your grandparents? How come Filipe is now with you?”
“My grandmother slipped on the pavement and broke her leg a month ago. My granddad was struggling to look after her and Filipe, so I offered to look after him so he could focus on her.”
I didn’t know what to say. At nineteen, Bruno should have been hanging out with his friends without a care in the world. Instead, he had a demanding full-time job to support himself and now his little brother.
“He’s not going back. Isaac, he… he had bruises all over his body. While I’ve been living my merry, happy life, my five-year-old brother was being abused.”
I put my hand on his.
“Bruno, you haven’t been living a merry, happy life. You’ve been surviving. Look, we can contact a few lawyers and see what help we can get for you. You’re an adult now, and you have a job and a place to live. There should be no reason you can’t keep Filipe with you.”
“They’ll fight me. They’ll say all kinds of horrible things about me so no judge will let Filipe stay with me.”
“When is Filipe expected to go back to your grandparents?”
“In one month when my grandmother has the cast taken off her leg.”
Filipe came running from the bedroom toward Bruno who picked his little brother up onto his lap. He was still holding on to his Superman doll.
“What’s up, buddy? Are you hungry?”
Filipe looked at me and then put his little hands on either side of Bruno’s face, pulling him down until he could whisper something in his big brother’s ear.
Bruno smiled but put on a more serious face for Filipe as he nodded, apparently agreeing with whatever the little boy had said.
“You can have one carton of chocolate milk and then you’re having a shower.”
Filipe jumped to the floor and ran toward the fridge.
“He’s really cute,” I said.
“He’s the best, and he’s so smart, sometimes I’m not even sure he’s my brother.” Bruno chuckled, but then became more forlorn.
“He’s afraid someone will take him away. He wanted to know if you’re my friend.”
“The center will help you with anything we can, Bruno.” I got up and gave him a reassuring hug. We both knew there were no guarantees, but I’d do my damned best to make sure Filipe would stay with his brother.
As I left the apartment, I couldn’t help reflecting on how brave Bruno was. Willing to go up against his grandparents, even if he only had a small chance of keeping his brother with him, because the thought of Filipe going back to them was unimaginable.
My phone rang as I got in the car.
“Hey, David, how’s it going?”
“Hi, Isaac.”
There was a short silence on the other side.
“David?”
“Er… sorry. Isaac, I’ve been thinking… I need your help.”
“What for?”
“I need you to keep this strictly confidential because I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I was wondering if you’d help me find Uncle Mário’s brother, Vítor. There’s no rush or anything, but… well, it can wait until I’m back in November. I just wanted to ask, that’s all.”
I was left speechless for the second time that afternoon. First Bruno wanting to fight for Filipe, and now my best friend wanting to find his uncle’s long-lost brother.
“Are you sure you want to do this? You know we may not find him.”
“Yes, I want to do it for my uncle. He talks about Vítor all the time now that it’s not a secret anymore. He still feels guilty over him disappearing twenty-seven years ago.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“…No. According to my uncle, Vítor is the only person who might know who my dad is. I know what you’re going to say, but Isaac, if there’s a chance I can find any information at all, then I want to try.”
“Oh, David.” I couldn’t believe how far my best friend had come. “I’ll do anything I can to help.”
20
Max
Hamptons, New York
It felt strange getting out of Manhattan, even just for the weekend, but Joel was right, coming to his grandmother’s house in the Hamptons was a great idea.
I couldn’t remember when I’d last had some real time off with no agenda. Well, at least not since Portugal earlier in the summer.
As I sat outside in the lounger on the back patio, wrapped up in a blanket to protect me from the sudden chill of the early September Atlantic breeze, I couldn’t have felt more relaxed.
Joel and David were in charge of dinner tonight
, so I’d come out to catch the last of the afternoon’s sun.
I was also finding it hard to be near them for long periods of time because, as much as I was happy for my friends, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d been so close to having what they have.
I stared out onto the horizon and tried to think of something else, anything else. There were couples walking along the shore, close enough to the water that it was easy to walk on the sand, but not close enough that they’d get their feet wet.
A little boy chased a small dog that was running in circles around him. His parents were watching closely from their beach chairs.
It had been a long time, but I still remembered what family days out like that felt like. When I was young, even though my parents couldn’t have afforded to come anywhere near the Hamptons, we still had a good time.
Then I remembered the weekends away with a different family. Sílvia, Gary, Joel, and I, here in this very same house, having dinner outside on a warm summer evening.
Those weekends had saved me from taking a wrong turn in my life. Sílvia and Gary hadn’t had a clue that the boy they treated like a son was living on the streets. Those weekends kept me focused on what I wanted as a grown-up. Safety, family, warmth, and love.
I’d been so lucky then, and I knew it. Ryan hadn’t been so lucky. My sudden train of thought brought on pain I didn’t want to revisit, and I wondered if I should head back inside until I noticed a figure in the distance.
The first thing I saw was wild, curly hair that flew out of control in the breeze. I couldn’t see his face because he was facing the other way, but my heart felt like it was beating out of my ribcage.
The man approached a couple walking a dog. There was some discussion and then they pointed in my direction. My ears were ringing and my hands shook, my skin itched like it was full of ants having a party. No, it couldn’t be.
The guy nodded at the couple and then turned. I closed my eyes.
I wasn’t sure what I was more afraid of if I opened them. That the guy might be Isaac or that he might not be.