by Ana Ashley
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. The guy wasn’t there anymore. What the fuck? I scanned the beach to see where he was, wondering if maybe I’d imagined it.
The disappointment hit me like a punch to the gut. I hadn’t imagined the slim, curly-haired guy. He was now walking with purpose toward the house next door. He also wasn’t Isaac.
“Fuck!” I shouted as I ran my hands through my hair and rubbed my eyes.
“Hey, what’s up?” Joel said, sitting down on the chair next to mine, placing two cups of hot sweet tea on the small table.
“Nothing, is dinner nearly done?”
“Not quite. David kicked me out of the kitchen. Apparently, I was too distracting,” he said with a huff.
“You guys together and this tea are enough to put me in a diabetic coma.” I took a sip and immediately, the warmth of the tea seeped through my bones.
“How are you feeling?”
“Chilled. Physically and figuratively.”
“Max.”
“Fine.” I sighed. “I miss Isaac, okay? I miss the Isaac I met last Christmas. The Isaac who brought me to my knees with one look of those beautiful blue-green eyes.”
My chest felt tight, but now the dam had burst I couldn’t contain it any longer.
“I wish I’d never bumped into him this summer. I wish I had a chance to still fly out there and be his romance-novel-worthy New Year’s kiss like I’d planned. But I’m afraid too many misunderstandings have already come between us, and I don’t think I can live through watching him walk away from me one more time.”
I got up and went to the edge of the terrace.
“Why don’t you do something about it?”
I turned around to face Joel. “What am I meant to do? Fly out there and kiss the life out of him until he walks away again?”
“Do you know why he left that night?”
“No. You know I don’t. We were talking about your parents and then the other guy turned up, whispered in his ear, and they left.”
“So you didn’t tell him you had planned to go to Portugal to see him?”
Why did he have to be so damned sensible?
“I didn’t have a chance.” And I still didn’t know why he hadn’t even sent me an email.
We’d promised we’d get in touch.
“Max, come walk with me.” Joel grabbed a blanket and went down the steps that led to the beach. I followed him until he stopped only a few steps from the water and then wrapped the blanket around both of us.
“Do you remember what you asked when we stood on the beach and I told you about David?”
Looking out onto the water, I was transported to the day I’d arrived in Portugal for the first time. It had been a beautiful, warm day. I’d heard in Joel’s voice how much he was already in love with David and how hopeless he was feeling.
“I asked you if you had to choose between New York and Portugal,” I said.
“You did, and you also made me consider for the first time that what was really important for me was my family and David.”
I looked back toward the house. The lights were on now. I hadn’t even realized how dark it had become. Joel’s words were weighing on me. Would I regret not reaching out to Isaac one more time? Was I strong enough to handle the rejection?
“Come on, Joebug; let’s check in on the sexy chef.”
“Hey!” He punched me playfully in my stomach.
“Yes, yes, he’s all yours.” I laughed. “I love you, Joebug.”
“Love you, too, Maxy.”
The scent coming from the kitchen was amazing as usual.
“Joel, if you don’t marry this man, I will.”
Joel blushed, which was very telling, and I could have hugged him right there if it wasn’t for the fact I was hungry and didn’t want David to deny me my dinner because I touched his boyfriend.
Joel wrapped his arms around David who turned to kiss him while he stirred something in the pot.
“What have you got there, David?”
“Joel’s favorite. Beef and chorizo casserole.”
“That’s not your favorite,” I said to Joel, knowing his all-time favorite was his mom’s chicken, chorizo, and bean soup.
“That’s my favorite today,” Joel said, looking at me with murderous eyes. David chuckled.
“I’ve been trying to figure out what his favorite food is, but every time I cook something, he says that one’s the one.”
“That’s because you surprise me every time.” Joel cradled David’s neck and took him in for a slow kiss.
I decided to take a quick shower before dinner. Thinking about the guy on the beach and Isaac and then talking about him with Joel had left me feeling discombobulated.
I noticed a missed call from Jean-Paul on my phone. I immediately thought about Diogo, the kid we’d been trying to help. Now this was something my brain could happily focus on.
Jean-Paul answered within two rings.
“Hello, Max.”
“That was quick,” I said. “I see your husband isn’t doing a good job of keeping you busy.”
I heard a chuckle in the background followed by a light moan from Jean-Paul.
“You’re on loudspeaker, jackass, and I’m keeping my husband very busy,” Dorian replied.
“Not you two, as well. Jesus, can’t you all keep it in your pants for a day?”
A collective no was the reply I got from the other side of the call before I heard Dorian and Jean-Paul sharing a brief kiss, and then I was no longer on the loudspeaker.
“Max,” Jean-Paul said, “thanks for calling back.”
“No problem, what’s up? All okay with Diogo? I took a few days off and Shelly is refusing to give me updates saying I’m meant to be relaxing. I’m in the Hamptons with Joel and David.”
“That’s what I needed to talk to you about. He‘s okay. I spoke to Shelly this morning, and she said he’s ready to be discharged.”
“He can’t be on his own. He has no one else.” My breath caught in my chest. I couldn’t stand the thought that Diogo would now be alone in the world.
“Technically, he’s an adult. He can be on his own.”
From my short visits while I was at work, I’d found out that while his mom hadn’t left him lots of money, the house they lived in was paid for, and he had a full-ride scholarship to NYU to study business.
He also had a part-time job.
For someone who was barely an adult, the kid had it together more than a lot of adults I knew.
“I know he can be on his own, but I don’t want him to be lonely. He had this determination in his eyes. I don’t want him to be lonely.” That last part was said more in a whisper, but I knew Jean-Paul had heard it.
“I agree with you, that’s why we will make sure he has a family in the center. And also why I’m calling.”
“Okay, what can I do?”
“The kid hasn’t seen his family for three years. I want the center to give him that experience, but since we’re doing it with center funding, he will need a chaperone.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The center will pay for Diogo to visit his family in Portugal. We’re doing it like a student exchange with Fundação Arco-Iris. Isaac is sending one of his kids to do work experience, and we’re sending Diogo to visit his family.”
My breath caught when I heard Isaac’s name for the second time today.
“Max?” Jean-Paul called out.
“I’m here.” I struggled to get the words out. “You want me to take him to Portugal so he can see his family?”
“Yes, it’s only for a week. All expenses will be paid by the center. Diogo is staying with his family. I could send someone else, but I wondered if you’d like the chance to go back.”
Jean-Paul knew I‘d been to Portugal in June to join Joel, but he didn’t know about my relationship, if I could even call it that, with Isaac.
I hadn’t told Jean-Paul or Dorian about what happened last Christmas
. I could see from their point of view it made sense to send me to Portugal. Not only was I an approved chaperone for the center, but I could also look after him medically. But adding Isaac to the mix was throwing my head in a spin, and I needed to figure out how to handle it.
“Can I think about it?”
“Sure, call me when you’ve decided. Are you all still up for brunch next weekend?”
“Absolutely.”
I lay down on the bed and looked up. Suddenly, I felt like my life was as complicated as the vines that wrapped around the floral motifs of the lampshade above me.
Diogo needed help. I didn’t know when I had become so attached to him. Unlike my parents, it wasn’t his mom’s choice to leave him on his own, so hell if I would let him be lonely. Even if his family was all the way on the other side of the ocean, he would have the opportunity to see them and celebrate his mom’s life with them. And then, when he returned, I would make sure he had a family here, too.
I wished I was as certain about potentially seeing Isaac again.
Maybe this was the opportunity I needed to set the record straight. After all, our best friends were together. Joel had always come first, and always would, so I needed to do this for him, too.
Sitting up, I made my decision to go to Portugal. I would put my feelings aside for Joel’s benefit and make sure Isaac and I were friends. I didn’t know when it was that I started lying to myself, but as Joel called me down for dinner, I decided to also put that thought away.
21
Isaac
Lisbon
When I got the call from Dorian to help with Diogo’s trip and reconnection with his family, I couldn’t have been more excited. I wanted to work with the LGBT Liberty Center in New York, and this was a good opportunity for one of our kids to go abroad and experience a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
We did a contest, but in the end, it was one girl who wanted to teach languages that got the opportunity.
Marcia had barely stopped talking about it since I told her she was the one to go to New York. Unlike a lot of the kids, Marcia had a good, supportive family, but she struggled financially. It was the opportunity of a lifetime for her.
I’d been so busy with work and travel arrangements over the last week, I had given no thought to the fact that Max was the one who was chaperoning Diogo.
At first, I’d been in shock when Dorian told me. I couldn’t believe Max wanted to come anywhere near me and my center, but then again, I knew how committed he was to the Liberty Center, so it didn‘t surprise me that he’d put his feelings aside to help someone out.
What he didn’t know was that I had a plan to get him alone so we could talk things through. I just hoped he accepted my olive branch.
The arrivals area at Lisbon airport was busy as usual. I was early, thanks to my nervous energy, so I’d sat in one of the cafés near the arrivals walkway with a bottle of water. I was pretty sure a coffee wouldn’t help my already-racing heart or quiet the butterflies in my stomach.
When my hands were free again, I started fidgeting. The flight had just landed, but since they still had to go through customs and collect their luggage, I knew they wouldn’t be out for a while.
I was playing with my phone absentmindedly when it buzzed in my hands, causing me to nearly drop it on the floor.
“Hey, bro, guess what?” Alex said, so excited I could only guess Sofia had reached another milestone in her development.
“Let me think...Sofia asked if she could spend the weekend with her favorite uncle?” I tried.
“Not quite. Her only words are Ma and Mama. I’ve even tried bribing her, but it looks like the girls are sticking together on this one.”
“Maybe because she knows you’ll give her a snack anyway.” At nine months old, my niece already had both her dad and me wrapped around her little finger. Not that I’d have it any other way.
“Yeah, she’s fickle that way. What I rang for is that we have a date for her christening in February, and we’d like you to be Sofia’s godfather.”
“Oh, Alex,” I choked. “It would be an honor, you know that.”
“I know.” he said, “Anyway, are you at the airport yet?”
“Yeah.”
“How do you feel?”
“Nervous,” I confessed. “I know what I want to say to Max, but I’m not sure how he’s going to be when he sees me.”
“You’ll be fine. If he’s anything like what you’ve told me, he’ll want to hear you out. Plus, no one can ever say no to you.” He laughed.
“Not true. You say no to me all the time.”
“Not for the things that matter, big brother.”
I decided to change the topic since Alex was making too much sense for my liking.
“Can I see her?” He knew exactly what I meant, and in seconds, my screen changed to a video call and I could see the beautiful chubby face of my niece, her cheeks rosy from teething.
“Hello, Popcorn.” She opened her eyes wide and smiled at the sound of my voice. She stretched her arms to hold the phone.
“Sofia,” Alex said, “tell Uncle Isaac how much you love it when he changes your diapers.”
Sofia obliged with a bunch of baby sounds.
“If that’s your way to get me to babysit, I’d say you’re out of luck this week.”
“Why don’t you come over for dinner on Friday? Joana is making her mom’s Portuguese stew recipe. I promise it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever tasted.”
I chuckled but then stopped in my tracks when I looked at the crowd of people waiting. I couldn’t have missed him. The confident, tall, blond, amazing guy I’d met at Christmas was here.
“Max,” I said to myself. “Alex, I have to go.”
I heard him say, “Bring Max on Friday,” before I ended the call and waved to catch Max’s attention.
My breath caught when his eyes locked on mine, and he stopped for a moment before lifting his arm in acknowledgment and spoke to the young guy that was following him.
I checked him out as he made his way toward me, navigating the groups of people hugging and reuniting.
He’d lost weight, and the hair I’d loved to run my fingers through was now too short. It looked like a practical cut, and it didn’t suit him in the least. Not that it made him look any less perfect in my eyes.
Diogo was walking two steps behind Max. His face was pale, and he looked like he was struggling with his suitcase.
As soon as they were close enough, Max spoke with urgency. “Isaac, Diogo needs to eat. Is there a café here?”
I didn’t know much about Diogo, other than the relevant details of what he was coming to Portugal for, but Dorian had told me he was diabetic and had recently been in hospital, which was the reason Max had wanted to accompany him.
Well, I hoped it wasn’t the only reason.
“This way.” I grabbed hold of Diogo’s suitcase and walked back toward the café I’d sat in earlier.
“What does he need?” I asked Max.
“Just a sandwich and some orange juice.”
I ordered the food, two espressos, and two custard tarts for us while they picked a table. Fortunately, the service was fast.
Diogo’s hands were shaking on his lap, and Max’s reassuring hand on Diogo’s arm did nothing to mask his worry.
When Diogo had finished his sandwich and half of his juice, color slowly returned to his face, and he was no longer shaking. He looked at me and smiled shyly.
“Hi, I’m Diogo.” He held his hand out.
I could swear that was the moment Max realized where he was and the change in Diogo was like a cloud of relief lifting.
“Hi, Diogo, I’m Isaac. How do you feel now?”
“Much better, thanks. I’m sorry I was a little out of it earlier.”
“We fell asleep and missed breakfast,” Max explained. “The air hostess refused to make something for Diogo even though we had all the medical paperwork that showed he needs to eat at regular intervals. She sai
d we were too close to landing.” He sounded frustrated.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad you’re both here now, and that you’re feeling better, Diogo.”
Max looked at me and the corners of his mouth rose slightly, then he looked at the custard tart in front of him and chuckled.
“I won’t tell if you don’t,” I said.
He knew I meant I wouldn’t tell David that he’d eaten a custard tart someone else had made.
This time, his smile reached all the way to his eyes, and it was like the sun rising after a long dark night.
I noticed Diogo looking at us. How long had we had our eyes locked on each other?
“When you’re ready,” I coughed, “I’ll take you to the center. Diogo, your grandparents and your uncle will meet us this afternoon. In the meantime, you can rest in one of our rooms and catch up with some sleep, or you can meet the other young guys and girls that socialize in the center.”
We made our way through Lisbon traffic toward Fundação Arco-Iris. Magically, we also found a parking space. I would have to thank the parking gods later.
When we arrived at the center, Tiago was so focused on his computer that he jumped as we approached.
I made the introductions, noticing how Tiago’s eyebrows shot up at the sight of Max and then he discreetly gave me a look. I knew exactly what he was thinking.
“He‘s stunning. Remind me again why you didn’t get in touch with him?” Tiago asked under his breath while Max examined the contents of my desk and picked up the Christmas decoration he’d given me.
If only the answer to that question wasn’t that I’d been too afraid of being rejected.
Diogo asked if he could sleep, so we took him to the newly renovated floor where we had the emergency accommodation units. Each unit had a phone that connected directly to our desks so he could call us if he needed anything. Once he was settled, I offered to give Max a tour of the center.
I showed him the other units first. I was proud of the work we’d done. To save money, we’d done the decorating ourselves over the summer.
Each unit had a different style of decoration, but they were all very modern. All had en-suite bathrooms, and three had a small kitchen unit. We hadn’t planned on having anyone there long-term, but we knew all too well how long the system took, so we’d included cooking facilities to make the units more independent for those unfortunate enough to stay with us longer than a few nights.