Finding You: The Complete Box Set (a contemporary MM romance series)

by Ana Ashley

  The problem was that I had failed someone once before, and every time I remembered the consequences, I felt like Lucy would be better off with someone else.

  “Who did you fail?” Isaac had asked.

  “My friend Ryan.” Telling Ryan’s story would bring back so many memories; it had made my heart beat faster, and my palms clammy.

  Isaac had guided me back to our room and sat on the bed with his back to the headboard. I’d sat between his legs, my back to his front, because I didn’t think I could tell Ryan’s story if I was looking directly at Isaac.

  “I met Ryan on that first night. When my parents kicked me out, they didn’t give me long to take some belongings and leave the house. Joel and his parents were on vacation, so I didn’t have anywhere to go. I went to the subway because it was open all night.

  “Ryan sat next to me and asked me if I was homeless, too. At first, I said no. I was in shock and didn’t want to believe what had happened. He apologized and left.”

  “He didn’t really leave, did he?”

  “No. He kept an eye out for me, and hours later when I’d fallen asleep in a corner, he came to wake me and said it was dangerous for me to sleep like that out in the open. He took me to this abandoned building nearby. There were loads of old mattresses on the floor and people sleeping all together.”

  “Oh, Max, baby.” Isaac had tightened his arms around me, and I’d steeled myself to carry on.

  “We ended up being great friends. He ran away from home because his stepdad had raped him, and when he told his mom, she said it was wrong to be gay and she was going to send him to one of those conversion camps. She didn’t believe what he said about his stepdad.

  “I was naïve. Ryan used to bring us food. He said he had a job that paid him some money, so I didn’t question it. He said he didn’t mind sharing his food with me because I would watch over his stuff while he was working.

  “When he wasn’t working, I used to stay with Joel. He and his parents didn’t know I wasn’t at home anymore. I became great at pretending. I always had a shower when I stayed with them and asked Sílvia to wash my clothes, making up excuses. Sometimes it was that our washing machine had broken down, other times I’d spill something on me on purpose.

  “There were nights when I’d bring a bigger bag with Ryan’s clothes, and I’d wash everything while they were asleep. By the time they got up, all the clothes were clean and back in my bag.

  “This went on for about a year until Ryan got sick.

  “He kept getting these bruises, but he said he was just clumsy at work. Then he got a cold that wouldn’t go away. He refused to go to the hospital. He said it was too expensive. I told him that Sílvia was a nurse and would help him, but he insisted he didn’t need help and the cold would go away.

  “I had no clue, so I kept our routine as it was, spending nights at Joel’s, going to school, and using all my energy pretending. I was selfish and proud. I didn’t want everybody at school to make fun of me, and I was embarrassed to admit to Joel that my parents hadn’t accepted that I was gay.” Tears had started flowing freely now.

  “Hey, it’s okay, you’re here now,” Isaac had whispered in my ear. “Do you want to stop?”

  “No, I need to finish.”

  “Okay, just remember where you are.”

  I’d breathed in deeply and carried on.

  “One night I woke up and Ryan was struggling to breathe. I panicked and shouted at the other people to call an ambulance. They laughed at me and said I’d be better off calling the morgue.

  “I told Ryan I was going to call for help. He reached and grabbed my hand. Even as he struggled to breathe, he thanked me for being his friend, said that I should look after myself and study hard so I had all the good opportunities. Then he closed his eyes and let go of my hand.

  “I ran outside to find help and bumped into a man who was really nice and came with me. When he saw Ryan, he told me he was dead. I—”

  “That’s okay, baby,” Isaac had said as he’d wiped the tears from my face.

  “He saved me,” I’d said between sobs. “God knows what would have happened that night. He didn’t know me and he took me to a safe place. He sold himself to feed us, and I couldn’t do anything for him.”

  “That’s not true. You were a friend, probably the only friend he had. You did what you could do. Max, you were a kid.”

  “I could have told Sílvia about Ryan, made him see her. But I was too ashamed. I thought he’d get better. Everybody gets better from a cold, right?”

  “He had AIDS, didn’t he?”

  “Yes. I don’t know if he knew. I only found out later.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “It turned out that the guy that came with me to see Ryan was a fireman. He called the paramedics, and they took Ryan away. He asked me questions about where I lived and my relationship with Ryan.

  “I was so tired of lying, so I told him the truth. There was something in his eyes and the way he looked at me, his voice. It felt safe, like a kind of dad, you know? He took me in. I went to live with his family until I left for college.”

  Isaac had taken a breath like he was going to speak, but he’d turned my head to face him and had given the most gentle and loving of kisses on my lips, then moved all the way around my face, kissing away the tears until I’d found myself relaxing under his touches.

  “Thank you for sharing your story with me, baby.”

  It was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

  I’d woken a couple of hours later. I’d been lying on my side and Isaac was facing me, still awake, and there was a blanket covering us both.

  “James,” I’d said.

  “What?”

  “James, that was his name. The name of the fireman that took me in. He and his wife couldn’t have children, so they took me in without prejudice. When I was old enough, I changed my name in his honor.”

  “Max James,” Isaac had whispered.

  “I lived with them for almost two years. James died seven years ago from respiratory problems. He was one of the firemen that went into the twin towers and got people out. He lost so many close friends that day and was diagnosed with PTSD shortly after, but he still had time for a throwaway teenager he could have easily left behind. He was a hero in every sense of the word.”

  “I’m glad you had him watching over you, and Ryan, too. Max, you’re an amazing person. Look at the work you do as a nurse. You literally help people for a living. All the work you do at the Center. I’ve seen you with the kids there, and even in Lisbon; you didn’t have to run those sessions but you did because you care and you’re an amazing person.”

  He’d pulled me in for a kiss. “Besides, do you think I fall in love willy nilly for just anyone?”

  I’d let out a chuckle. “I suppose I am quite the catch.”

  “You are and don’t you forget it.”

  “Do you really think I can look after Lucy and not let her down?”

  “Do you want what’s best for her?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then you won’t let her down. All she needs is a big brother that cares about her.”

  I could do that, I’d thought. I would damn well be the best big brother in the world. I just needed to figure out what that particular job entailed.

  There was also the detail of who would have custody of Lucy since she was still a minor, and that meant having to confront my parents.

  “And us?” I’d asked.

  “What about us?”

  “What will happen when Dorian and Jean-Paul are back? Will you have to go back to Portugal?” I hadn’t really wanted to know the answer, but I’d had to ask the question. “We promised there would be no more miscommunication between us. No more telenovela moments, right?”

  “Max, I have never felt more at home than when I’m with you. I came to New York hoping we could give our relationship a try, but I still have my whole life in Portugal, Max is still out there,
too, and I miss him.”

  I’d felt like my heart stopped beating.

  “Wait, I can see you heard that all wrong. What I’m saying is that I may have to go back there to settle things and bring Max here, but that is a problem I want to have to face. Got it?” he’d said.

  “Got it.” I’d kissed him. “Do you think Max will like it here?”

  “He’ll love it.”

  “Max!” I turned to the voice I knew better than my own. The panic I heard brought me back into the present.

  “Isaac, what’s up, baby?” Fernando and Diogo walked in behind him.

  “It’s Lucy. I think she ran away.”

  33

  Isaac

  All color drained from Max’s face. I’d run from the center to the hospital, so I was struggling to get my breath back.

  “Jennifer’s mom… she called… Lucy didn’t stay with them last night—”

  “What? Shit, fuck, fuck.” His eyes were pleading for a solution, and I didn’t have one, but I knew I had to keep my head cool for Max.

  I’d made a career out of keeping kids off the streets, so there was no way I’d let one back out there on my watch, especially after everything we’d talked about last night.

  “Let’s make a plan, okay?”

  “Yes, a plan, okay.” He was looking through me. I was losing him. Fuck.

  “Max, can your friends here call all the Manhattan hospitals in case she turns up at any?”

  He opened and closed his hands like he didn’t know what else to do with them.

  “She’s probably okay, Max. It’s just a precaution. Diogo and Fernando are here to help us search.”

  “Do you have a photo of her?” Fernando asked.

  “Oh, yes, of course.” I’d totally forgotten they’d never met her. I pulled out my phone and sent Diogo and Fernando a photo I had taken of her only a few days ago. We’d been cooking dinner together, and she’d started singing a song in Spanish, so we’d taken a selfie using the wooden spoons as pretend microphones. She looked at ease and carefree in that photo like the teenager she was.

  “I’m going to change,” Max said and disappeared behind the double doors of the emergency rooms.

  With Max gone, I made a plan with Diogo and Fernando of how we should split. We all had each other’s numbers, so we could ring if there was a lead.

  We’d given Lucy money for the subway and some pocket money, but since she’d only been with us a week, she couldn’t have saved enough to take her anywhere far.

  Lucy wasn’t like a typical messy teenager. Her upbringing at her dad’s house and her need to be invisible had made her into the perfect tidy teenager, and the benefit of that was that all her stuff was easily identifiable.

  “Wait,” I said, holding a hand up. “She left all her stuff at the apartment.”

  Max came back then, wearing his coat, ready to go.

  “Max, she didn’t take anything.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I was in her room checking for laundry this morning. The notebook she always carries with her was on the bedside table with her mom’s photograph on top of it.”

  “The photo of her and her mom?”

  “Yes. Max, maybe she didn’t run away.”

  He relaxed a little.

  “If she didn’t run, then where is she?”

  We called Lucy’s phone again. It was switched off, so we left a message for her to call us back.

  “Fernando, Diogo, can you start by searching the train and bus stations?”

  “Of course. We’ll call you if we find her.”

  When they left us, I took Max into my arms.

  “It’s okay. We’ll find her, I promise.”

  “You can’t promise that.”

  “I’ve found kids I didn’t know before, so I damn well am going to find one I do.” I hoped my voice gave him some reassurance. It was time to put my experience into action. “What do we know about her?”

  “She lived in the Bronx with her mom, but she said she wasn’t there often. Her mom worked nights. She mentioned a friend in East Harlem.”

  “Sounds like we have a starting place.”

  We took the subway to 116 Street. On the way, we looked on our phones for places of interest that Lucy may have visited as a child. The area had a strong Latin American influence, so it looked like a strong possibility.

  In my experience, kids ran away from the areas they knew in fear of being recognized, but Lucy had been taken away to a new area when she was ten, so it was likely she was trying to connect with memories of happy times when her mom was alive.

  The first thing we did once we were out of the subway was to try to find a coffee shop or supermarket where we could ask a local resident where the places were that people could visit or hang out.

  The list wasn’t extensive and looking at the map on my phone there was no obvious or efficient route.

  “Should we split?” Max asked.

  “I want to say yes, but I don’t want to not be with you. Let’s just walk fast.”

  “Okay.”

  We walked, paying attention to anyone that looked familiar. We stopped a few people and showed them Lucy’s photograph but no one had seen her.

  The longer we walked the more anxious Max became. We touched base with Fernando, and they’d had no success but were on their way to Grand Central Station. I had a feeling they wouldn’t find Lucy at any station, but it was worth trying.

  “Look,” Max said, “there’s a little park there.”

  I followed Max across the street to a space between two buildings that looked not so much like a park but an allotment.

  “This is Lydia’s Magical Garden. I’ve heard about it but have never been,” Max said.

  In the garden, I looked around. There were loads of potting boxes. Some looked like there was nothing but soil in them, but others had root vegetables. I wondered how they coped with the cold temperatures.

  “Looks like another dead end.” I touched Max’s arm, following it down until my hand wrapped around his. I gave him a little squeeze. “Let’s carry on. We’ll find her.”

  As we walked toward the entrance gate a voice called out.

  “Max? Isaac?” It came from the floor where Lucy was sitting in the gap between two flower boxes.

  Max ran and in three-seconds flat had his arms around Lucy.

  “Lucy, oh my god, sweetheart. We were sick with worry.”

  I sent Fernando a quick text saying we’d found Lucy and to meet us at Grand Central and then joined in the embrace.

  Max put one of his arms around me but kept a tight hold on Lucy.

  “Guys, you’re squishing me.”

  We laughed and gave her some space as we got up off the floor. Her face was tear-stained, and she looked exhausted.

  “Lucy, what are you doing here?” Max said. “Jennifer’s mom said you canceled the sleepover, but you didn’t come home last night. We’ve been looking all over for you.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looked down at her hands. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize my battery died. I was about to go home. I swear it.”

  “Why here?” I asked.

  “My mom used to bring me here when I was little. It looked different then. Looks nicer now. I learned about vegetables and how to plant herbs. I always wanted to try doing it at home. Mom promised we’d get pots one day, but then—”

  She didn’t have to finish. My heart broke for the little girl that had dreamed of having her own herb garden only to be taken to a house where she was left to wilt like a plant with no access to water.

  “You can come here anytime you like, but please tell us when you do. We were worried sick.”

  “You were?” Her voice was uncertain, but it carried a tiny bit of hope.

  “Of course,” Max said, taking her face in his hands and pushing her curls away from her eyes. “You’re m
y little sister.”

  Lucy cried and hugged Max again. He comforted her but kept his eyes on mine. I mouthed “I love you” and he mouthed “I love you more” back.

  I wanted to ask her why she’d felt she had to run here in the first place, but it was cold, and I didn’t know the last time she’d had anything to eat.

  “Guys, Fernando and Diogo are meeting us at Grand Central. Let’s grab something to eat with them and then go home.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Max said, taking my hand in his and keeping Lucy tucked under his arm.

  We met Diogo and Fernando in a café in the food court. They waved at us to come straight to their table. I had to laugh when we got closer because in true Portuguese fashion, there was an assortment of pastries and sandwiches, enough to feed a small army.

  There was also coffee and hot chocolate with a mountain of marshmallows on top.

  “Guys, you must have spent a fortune.”

  Fernando dismissed me with a wave of his hand and told us to take a seat before the drinks got cold.

  “Fernando, Diogo, this is Lucy, my sister.” Lucy looked at Max with adoration as he introduced her, but I didn’t miss her shy smile when she looked at Diogo, and she raised her hand in a small wave.

  Max didn’t miss Diogo’s reaction, either, as he looked at Lucy with wide eyes like a rabbit in headlights.

  “Max, do you want coffee or hot chocolate?” I asked to get his attention.

  “Er, coffee,” he said without looking away. He had his eyes fixed on Diogo who was blushing slightly and picking at a piece of pastry.

  “Baby,” I whispered in his ear as I pulled him closer, “your big brother act is cute, but chill out. Here, have something to eat.” I put a sandwich in front of him, and he seemed to remember he hadn’t eaten all day.

  Now that we had Lucy, everyone seemed to relax and enjoy their food. Fernando talked about how he’d finally figured out the subway system, and Diogo told us about their first trip to the market and then how Fernando had been chatting with all the people and it took them two hours to do their food shopping.