by Belle Aurora
“Hey,” I started, but just when I opened my mouth to let him know what I thought about his helicopter parenting, he handed the shot back to Cora, and when I heard what he said, I was very close to throwing myself at him.
“Anything but tequila. It makes her pukey. Fruity drinks or mixers.”
My frozen heart melted a little.
Excuse me, sir.
Cease and desist.
A moment later, another blue kamikaze was handed to me, and as I blinked down at it, I had the insane urge to cry, because it was the little things that made Vik special, that made him irreplaceable. He took care of me in a way that made me believe he loved me. But it was just wishful thinking.
Anika turned to Sasha, gripped the front of his shirt, and jerked him down to speak directly into his ear. I didn’t know what she said, but Sasha’s stoic face turned soft, and a smile threatened to show itself. But as quickly as it came, it went, and his impassive expression returned with a vengeance.
Mina was happy to remain in her husband’s arms. Cora retold the story of how I almost emasculated a man in the middle of the dance floor, and she did so with great enthusiasm, earning me an appreciative onceover from Vik that made my insides flip-flop.
And I just stood there with a warming belly and sadness in my eyes.
So, that was that. I officially lost my girls to the three men whose gravity had always pulled people into the atmosphere surrounding them. I should have been mad, but I wasn’t. All we had was each other. This little group of ours couldn’t afford to get much smaller.
I assumed the night was at an end. I could not have been more wrong.
No. Six shots later, I was caught up with the girls, and a cozy thrum vibrated in and around me. My head felt light, my eyes grew heavy, and the longer I peered at the aloof man in the jeans that did nothing to hide his size, the closer I pushed into him.
His chin dipped, and although his expression came off as hollow, the heat in his gaze gave him away and warmed my anxious stomach.
This thing I was feeling… this sticky, relentless desire… it had to be mutual. It just had to be. I know this, because when his heavy brows lowered at the sight of my cleavage as I leaned over the bar to place another order, he pulled me back slightly into him. I felt the front of him press into my spine. The heat of his body had my nipples budding. The fabric of his shirt against the bare skin of my neck was overwhelmingly stimulating.
His warm breath heated the shell of my ear. “Get any action tonight?”
A muted grin stretched my mouth.
Was he jealous?
He sounded jealous.
There were so many ways I could respond to that. I could lower my eyes and shake my head submissively. I could be cool and aloof, showing him that I didn’t much care for his asking. Or maybe I would tell him I had, just to screw with him. But when I turned leisurely, making sure my body swept against the length of his in a most tantalizing way, I tilted my head to look up at his gorgeous, brooding face and almost choked on my tongue. I found I didn’t have the will to mess with him tonight.
His open palm touched the curve of my hip, kneading and caressing the flesh through the thin fabric of my dress with a tenderness that made my chest ache, and I wanted to rub up against him lazily, in a most feline way.
His bored scrutiny spoke loudly. He wanted an answer; that much was clear.
Of all the things I could have said, that I should have said, I chose the truth.
My eyes dropped to his tight grip on my hip. I returned my gaze to him before slowly searching the dark shadows of his face. He looked drained. “Not from the person I wanted.”
A moment passed between us. Heavy, suffocatingly so.
“Oh yeah?” His glacial inspection of my pouty mouth had my tongue swelling.
It was hard to speak. I breathed out, “Yeah.”
Vik turned to block my body from the others, the large hand at my waist rounding slowly to rest on the curve of my ass, his fingertips burning a trail over my skin.
Damn near breathless, I blamed what I said on the alcohol.
I moved with meaning. Placing a gentle hand on his stomach, I toyed with the buttons there and felt his abs twitch in response. “Come home with me.”
I wasn’t a complete moron. I knew sex wouldn’t solve our problems, but we were both consenting adults, and I was feeling it. Could I have looked for some unnamed Joe and fucked it out? Sure, I could. But I didn’t want sex with anyone but Vik. Being intoxicated made me brave enough to admit that.
A pained look crossed his face, and then he groaned, and it was a sound so familiar—from a time when an identical groan was triggered by my release and how well my body milked him—that I bit my lip and slid a hand down my body to cup myself. His eye flashed, and he gripped my wrist hard, stopping me from reaching my center.
“Baby, don’t.” His words were harsh but his eyes regretful. “If you weren’t drunk, we wouldn’t even make it that far.” Leaning in, he kept his heated look on me, his voice rough. “I’d take you back to my car, sit you down on my cock, and make your ass bounce ’til you cream.”
My full lips parted at the explicit scene that flashed in my mind.
Oh God, I wanted that. I wanted it so bad. Now. Right now. Let’s go.
My expression must have been eager, because Vik’s lips thinned, and when he shook his head, my insides shriveled, then died of mortification. “Not gonna happen. Not tonight.”
Not tonight?
Oh God. This was the first time he’d ever turned me down. Humiliation fell over me like thick black tar.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, his tone severe but his eyes soft. “I’m not gonna take advantage of you, kiska, no matter how badly you want it. This is what you wanted, Nas. Space.”
Was it?
Sure. Only now that I had it, I hated the distance between us. It was cold and lonely in that space I so desired. I felt isolated without him. Deserted. Abandoned.
It felt unnatural. Just… wrong. Like part of my heart left me.
Oh shit. Don’t you dare, Nas. My eyes prickled. Don’t you dare cry.
I stepped back away from him with my arms by my sides and confessed quietly, “I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”
Vik’s face gentled in a way that made my heart sink deep into my gut, and when he opened his mouth to respond, I waited. His mouth closed. It opened once more, but nothing came out.
Yep. That was about the size of it.
My eyes sad, I nodded slowly. My nose tingled, and I forced a smile.
Rejection was an awful feeling, and we both drowned in it, pulling each other under, trying in vain to take in a gasping breath before we expired.
Now, as Vik helped a giggling Anika out of the car, I watched in silence as he carefully walked her into the house. “Take a step,” he uttered patiently. “And another. There you go. Almost there.”
I quickly moved to unlock the front door, allowing him entrance. His body filled the open doorway, and a flash memory of him grinning down at me, blocking access to the house until I stepped on my tiptoes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him down to kiss him, assaulted me. He carefully walked his sister up the stairs, knowing well enough where my room was, seeing as he’d spent a thousand and one nights in there with me, locked away from the world, locked in each other’s embrace.
I didn’t follow. I waited in the hall. He returned and walked right past me.
My soul cried out for him, but my mouth refused to relay the emotion, having given too much tonight with zero return.
He reached the doorway and faltered, pausing midstep. Without looking back, his whisky-smooth voice washed over me like a cooling rain on a summer’s day.
“For what it’s worth, I miss you too.”
It fed me, that little tidbit. A tiny morsel thrown at a starving woman. And as much as it nourished, it poisoned.
He closed the door behind him, and the click of the latch echoed in the ope
n space. It felt so final that I began to cry.
With a heavy heart, I looked down at the tiles in the foyer through blurry eyes and sniffled. “Horseshit.”
It took me a minute to get myself under control, but when I finally did, a sigh of resignation left me as I made my way up the stairs. In my room, I found Anika lying on the bed in her dress with her shoes kicked off. The small, jerky movements let me know she was still awake, so, being the friend I was, I groaned as I pulled her droopy body up in an attempt to undress her. “Up you get.”
Her head flopped from side to side, and she sulked, “I’m tired.”
Unzipping her dress, I worked the sleeves down her arms and laughed under my breath. “I know you are, kukla. Let me get you into something more comfortable, and you can sleep your little heart out.”
“Okay.” She yawned sweetly.
I struggled to work a nightie over her head, and when she threw herself back on the bed, I slid her dress down her legs, leaving the nightie pooling around her stomach. Look, it was as good as it was going to get. With a little swat to her hip, I whispered, “You’re good to go, babe. Get some sleep.”
Another yawn, then she managed to surprise me with a weary-sounding, “Nastasia, why don’t you love Vik anymore?”
A record scratched in my head.
My heart skipped a beat, not only at the bluntness of her question but at how wrong her assumption was. I peered out into the darkness a moment before I moved to switch on the lamp and found her glazed eyes blinking up at me as she pulled the covers up to her neck.
I didn’t know what to say. Anika and I had this unwritten rule since we were teenagers that we simply didn’t talk about my relationship with her brother. But the fact that she asked suddenly had me desperate to talk about it. Or more accurately, to explain myself.
Honesty always came easy for me, but right then, the words grated so hard they hurt. “You aren’t asking the right question, Ani.” I pulled myself back against the headboard, hugging my knees tightly. “You should be asking why Vik is so scared to commit.”
She lifted herself up onto her elbow, her mouth pulled down. Her expression accused me of being crazy. “Scared to commit?” She threw herself back down on the bed, making a sound I can only describe as half laugh, half groan. When she stopped, she let out an incredulous, “Vik has been committed to you since forever, Nas. What are you talking about?”
I knew Ani well enough to know she didn’t mean it to sound mocking, but it did. This was hard for me. Talking about it only made me feel small and inferior. But maybe if she knew, she’d let it go.
Here goes nothing.
My throat thick, I disclosed, “When you commit to someone, you don’t sleep around.”
Anika stilled. She didn’t move or say anything for a long moment. And when she found her voice, it was faint but unwavering. “Vik has never, will never, would never cheat on you.”
Oh, Anika. Poor, naïve Anika.
See? This was why we didn’t talk about Vik.
And maybe it was the alcohol, or the rejection—I don’t know. But my chest tightened, and I felt the cooling trail of a tear escape me.
Anika struggled to sit up, watching my face, blinking slowly as she fought off the pull of sleep. “I’m serious, Nas. I don’t know who told you he had, but I’m telling you right now it never happened. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
My lips trembled as I forced out a bitter laugh. “Listen, I may not be a genius, but it sure as fuck doesn’t take one to know that when a man goes out at 2:00 a.m., doesn’t let you come over to his apartment anymore, and sneaks into your bed at dawn, then something ain’t right. How do you explain that?”
“His apartment,” she whispered, and it was odd, the way she said it. My friend looked down at her hands, hesitating. Next time she spoke, it came out gruff. “Oh God. I’m going to kill him.” She licked her lips, avoiding my narrowed gaze. “You should talk to him.”
That was it? That was her grand advice? Talk to him? Just… I don’t know… ask whether or not he slept with other women?
Ha!
I’d rather run through a field of poison ivy, wearing nothing but a pair of flip-flops.
But I reran what she said, replayed it over and over, listened deeply, and heard something she wasn’t telling. She said it as though she knew something, something I was missing. And a big ball of doubt rested on my shoulders.
“What are you saying, Ani?”
My suspicions were confirmed when she prompted quietly, “It’s not for me to explain, Nastasia. Maybe you should have aired your concerns and spoken to Vik about this. What I will say is that in all the time you’ve known us, in the almost thirteen years you and Vik have been you and Vik, have you ever seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you?”
Had I?
Surely, I had.
I ran through my memories, and… well, no. I guess I hadn’t.
Our problems began when he started keeping things from me. Communication had always been our strong suit. But during the last six weeks of our relationship, he started to act strangely.
Whenever I would text, he would respond hours later and offer no excuse for the delay.
I would call, and he’d quietly tell me he couldn’t talk at the moment, that he’d call me back later. Only, he never would.
He would come over, and it was like he wasn’t even here with me. He wasn’t present. He was often tired and sulky, then fall asleep in my bed while I silently wondered which girl he spent the night with to cause him such exhaustion.
Doubt set it. It set in deep.
It ruined us.
Anika looked me dead in the eye and said, “My brother is a lot of things. Viktor is stubborn. He is proud, and—let me tell you—I think he’s beginning to understand that his pride may have cost him the one thing in life that actually meant something to him. You.”
Oh, balls. Why did I swiftly get the feeling I didn’t have all the facts?
I straightened. “Talk to me, Anika. If you know something—”
But she cut me off. “I’ve already said too much. I promised I wouldn’t get involved.” Her expression apologetic, she admitted, “But it’s hard, Nas. You’re miserable. He’s miserable. Please,” she beseeched, “don’t tell him I said anything. Just—” She thought about it. “—talk to him.”
My heart didn’t race, but I was hyperaware of the steady, heavy thump in my chest.
No. She couldn’t do that. That wasn’t fair. Because if what she was saying was true, it changed things.
And as I lost myself for a while, pondering all she said, I turned to ask her one more question, when I heard her light snuffling and took in her closed eyes.
Damn it.
Anika’s shot found its mark in my heart, and like the hellcat I was, curiosity got the better of me.
I was an idiot. It was the only excuse I had for standing off to the side of Vik’s apartment door, practicing exactly what I would say.
My gut clenched at the possibility of being unwelcome here.
What the hell am I doing?
My eyes snapped shut, and my palm landed against my forehead with a light slap.
I felt stupid and desperate and resentful all at once.
Shaking my head, I began to pace, licked my lips, and let out a barely there, “Okay. You can do this. No pain, no gain.” My anxious stomach turned, and I swallowed hard, then whispered to myself, “Hi. Hello, Vik.”
Ew, what the hell was that?
I cringed, then tried again. “Hey. I was just in the neighborhood, and—” I rolled my eyes. “—thought I’d quiz you on who you’ve been screwing.” A humorless chuckle left me before I gripped my tee and flapped the material in an effort to cool my flaming cheeks and neck.
Why was talking to Vik so difficult?
I could express myself with my body so much better than I could with my mouth. Well, I guess it depended on how. Kissing, licking, and sucking were easy. Words, on the other hand?
Hard.
Once more.
I took a deep breath to calm my nervous stomach and let it out slowly.
“Hey,” I whispered to myself. “Can we talk?”
Yep. That was it. That was the one.
“Okay,” I muttered, taking the few steps over to the door, and lifted my clenched fist, knocking before I lost my nerve. A minute later, the lock clicked over, and my gut clenched in anticipation. I hated myself for how eager I was to see him.
The door opened, and a short, pretty woman in her thirties answered.
My face fell, right to the ground.
Splat.
Goddammit, Anika.
I was going to kill her.
This—this right here—was why you didn’t show up to a guy’s place unannounced. Sometimes, your worst fears were brought to life.
A look of expectation crossed her, and she drew out the sentence, “Can I help you?”
No one could help me.
I threw on a smile I didn’t feel and asked politely, “Hi, is Vik around?”
Her face bunched in thought. “Vik?” She shook her head. “Uh, no.”
I waited for more, but she didn’t offer anything else. Feeling a little raw, I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from lashing out at a woman who did not deserve it. “Do you know when he’ll be home?”
“Doll,” she started, and I wanted to smack her, “I think you’re confused. There is no Vik here.”
What?
My ears rang. “Pardon me?”
“I don’t know what to tell ya.” She shrugged lightly. “Have a nice day.”
As she moved to close the door on me, my hand shot out as a barrier. “Wait.” The woman looked down at the offending limb as though she might just cut it off. Through the gap, I quickly asked, “How long have you lived here? When did you move in?”
The woman sighed as she thought about it. “I don’t know, six months or so.” She glanced down at my hand. “You can let go now.”
My fingers fell, and she shut the door in my speechless face. A thousand different thoughts ran through my head.