by Belle Aurora
Okay. So, Anika was trying to tell me something.
Alone in the hall, all of which I had practiced was set aside, and it made room for a single, hushed question.
“What the hell is going on here?”
7
Vik
I was on fire.
My arms burned. My muscles burned. Hell, even my lungs burned. But it was good. A welcome distraction.
It was better than ninety percent of the feelings I got, thinking about her.
Sasha held the bag as I laid into it, gritting my teeth and punching it in a way I knew I could never punch a person, not unless I wanted to end their life. When I lifted my leg and let out a grunt, throwing it into the bag so hard that Sasha lurched. He then quickly regained his balance before admonishing, “Easy.”
No, it wasn’t. Nothing was easy. Life was harder than the devil’s prick, and if taking out my mood on this fucking punching bag was all I could do to ease the pain for a while, then I would.
I kicked it again and again, harder each time, until suddenly, I turned my back and tried in vain to get my raging emotions under control.
Fuck.
Panting, I placed my hands on my hips and lowered my head, allowing droplets of sweat to bead and meet at the tip of my nose before falling to the floor. Breathless, I let out a rough, “Sorry.”
I mean, I wasn’t, but it was only polite to say it.
My eyes closed, and all I saw was Nastasia. That little body-hugging dress with the long sleeves. Wavy brown hair that smelled like vanilla and peaches. Her expressive eyes that always betrayed her true feelings. The way her full mouth pouted, even when she smiled.
Tight body, curvy ass, petite tits. Mouthwatering.
Her uncertain statement echoed through my head. “Come home with me.”
It was official. I had lost my mind. There was no other reasoning to have refused her.
It wasn’t often that Nas put herself out there like that, but for me, she did. And she did it often, had done it often, starting from the time she was a teenager. I loved that about her. Nas didn’t just wear her heart on her sleeve; she wore her mind and mouth on it too.
Jesus. Regret sloshed through me, heavy and thick. Maybe I should have done it, even just to have her for one more night. The thing was, I wasn’t down for being a plaything. I wasn’t a game she could take off the shelf whenever she was bored, no matter how fun playing was.
And playing with Nastasia was always fun.
She was mine, and I was hers. Forever and always. And until she got that through her pretty little head, I would try to give her what she asked for, but I was only human.
Space.
My lip curled at the word.
When in the history of broken relationships had space ever done any good?
No. When a person asked for space, it was the beginning of the end. A death sentence.
If Nastasia thought I was about to let what we have die out, she was crazy. So, I did what I could to stay in her line of sight. I began to work closer to her, come around more often in the chance of seeing her, and yeah, I got in her face when she allowed it. Not because I was actually angry at her, but because when we argued, the sexual tension was through the roof. And what better way to make her miss me than to remind her of how nicely I hate fucked her when she begged me for it.
It had been a couple of weeks, and I couldn’t get that desperate kiss out of my head. Sure, we were both frustrated, and our irritation got the better of us, but that only made it hotter. Her hand cupping my cheek as she punished me, biting my lip. My fingers digging into her ass as we slammed back into the wall.
Holy fuck.
I fought a groan, and Sasha asked, “You good?”
Nope. How could I be?
The woman I planned my life around had suddenly decided I wasn’t her forever man.
It was the second time she’d done it too. The first time almost broke me. I wasn’t going to let myself be fractured by her uncertainty. I would make her certain. Undeniably so.
I knew she loved me. You didn’t look at someone that way Nas looked at me without loving them. She wore sunshine in her eyes that shone just for me. Her light bled into me, keeping me whole, keeping me sane.
She had to love me. Because when Nastasia loved, she gave it all, and if she didn’t love me any longer, that was it. Any chance of happiness was gone.
They said bad things came in threes, and I never believed that until Nas sent me on my way. Talk about a kick in the ass. The hits just kept coming. Blow after blow, I took them, but I didn’t know how much more I could take.
I was already bloody and broken. Another knock would turn me to dust. But if I was going down, I would fall with my fists swinging.
From the time we were a band of unruly kids, pledging ourselves to the firm, we had each other’s backs. There was an unwritten rule about such things. You had your brother’s back, no matter what. This was the first time I refused to have anyone at my six. Sasha and Lev were my brothers, but this wasn’t something I could go to them for. Not because they couldn’t help, but because they would insist on helping, and I couldn’t allow it.
My pride wouldn’t let me. This was something I needed to do on my own.
While I acknowledged that my ego was a dangerous thing, the need to prove myself to them, to her, was larger than anything. Maybe then, Nastasia would see the potential I really had. Right now, I wasn’t husband material. I knew that, and yeah, it stung.
She deserved more than I had to offer. But that didn’t mean I was willing to let her go.
This family, they had already done so much for Anika and me. Their father was more than a family friend. He was a patriarch to all us kids, finding the time to talk to us about our problems and trying to find a solution to them. They gave us jobs, their friendship, and made us part of their family. I owed it to them to sort this shit out without their assistance. I owed it to Anton Leokov, who sat me down at eighteen and gave me his blessing to date his daughter, knowing I would have regardless.
It was a hard pill to swallow to recognize you never solved a single problem on your own without the aid of your friends.
Our problems were stacking up. So much so that I didn’t even notice the toll it was taking on Anika, not until yesterday. It was my time to step up and take responsibility. I would not let the women in my life suffer in silence because I couldn’t get shit done.
Doubt plagued me, but I remained standing tall in the face of uncertainty. It would take more than money problems to bring me to my knees, no matter how large they were.
I didn’t have a choice; I had to succeed. I was not the type to allow failure. Not just for my family’s sake but for my own. If I failed, I didn’t know what I was going to do, because being in her presence and not being able to have her was torture. Pure agony.
She was light in the darkness. A white dove guiding me out of the shadows.
I couldn’t lose her.
I had nothing left.
“Yeah.” I paused to catch my breath, pulling back the Velcro on one glove. “I’m good.”
I picked up the water bottle, unscrewed the top, and put it to my mouth, drinking half the bottle in one go. The cool liquid passed over my dry yet grateful tongue.
A heavy clang shook throughout the space. I glanced over and saw Lev slide out from the weight bench before stalking over to us. His chest heaving, he said something I did not expect. Although, to be fair, you never really knew what to expect from Lev.
“Mina and I are trying for a baby.”
Sasha and I both stilled in surprise.
Lev worked on removing the strap from his elbow and went on. “I spoke with Pox about how long the process might take. He isn’t sure, being that Mina’s body has undergone the stress it has, but I find I’m becoming increasingly anxious about becoming a father again.”
Holy shit.
I blinked, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it. “I—”
But Sasha bro
ke in, a deep frown marring his brow. “Are you sure you even want another child?” He crossed his arms over his chest and all but accused, “Was this Mina’s idea?”
Ah, hell. Here we go again.
Sasha had a hard time trusting people, and although Mina inherited more than enough money to support herself and was now married to Lev, I didn’t think he ever really saw past the homeless girl who stole his wallet when his back was turned.
Lev paused in thought, then replied, “She did bring it up, yes. After much talk about our circumstances, I agree that we’re rather fortunate to have the time and money to be able to afford another mouth to feed. With Mina no longer working at the club, photography allows her a freedom most women don’t have. Not to mention, the thought of Mina carrying my child gives me a warmth I don’t believe I’ve ever felt before.”
Whoa. This was huge.
I didn’t think I’d ever heard Lev talk about his feelings. Mouth agape, I twisted to look at Sasha, and while he basically glared at me, I made a face that exclaimed, Dude!
Meeting Mina changed him. I wasn’t sure what she’d done to the big guy, but whatever it was wasn’t bad.
A grin pulled at my lips. “That’s great, man. I’m really happy for you guys.”
Sasha’s glare decreased, but only by a small amount. His defensive pose loosened, and his arms fell to his sides as he asked a careful, “Why are you anxious?”
You could say a lot about Sasha Leokov, but he cared for his siblings. He cared for them equally, but both he and Nastasia had a special kind of patience for Lev. Without the two of them to protect and guide him, Lev would not have been the person he was today. They were his voice when he couldn’t speak, his reason when he fell to darkness. And they loved him unconditionally.
Lev removed the small towel from around his neck and dabbed at his sweaty face. “I suppose because the only experience I have with pregnancy is guarding the little life growing inside of Irina’s body while she threatened to terminate it at every turn.” He stilled, solemn. “It wasn’t what everyone told me it would be. I felt exposed and compromised. Irina was not the doting mother she should have been.”
If that ain’t the truth. Irina was a crank-ass, junkie bitch.
“Mina isn’t Irina, brother.” My brows pulled down at his frank admission. Lev told you how it was, no matter how dark or macabre. “You know Mina isn’t like that. Right? She couldn’t hurt a fly.”
Sasha spoke under his breath. “No. She’d just steal from it.”
I blinked at him in disbelief. What an ass. “Jesus. Would you let that go?” I threw an arm out to Lev. “Your brother’s askin’ for help here.”
Lev agreed passively, “I know Mina isn’t at all like Irina. But”—for a man who exuded confidence, he seemed awfully unsure—“it seems the experience left a mark.”
I looked over at Sasha. He looked right back at me. I shrugged lightly, expecting him to say something. His brow did that lazy, unbothered thing it always did when Sasha was in a foul mood. I mouthed, “Say something.” And the fucker rolled his eyes.
Oof. Sometimes, it was hard not to beat his ass.
But the moment I opened my mouth to offer words of encouragement, Sasha let out a deep sigh, reluctantly offering, “It’ll be different this time around.”
Lev peered at his brother, desperate for reassurance. “How so?”
“Well, firstly,” Sasha fought another eye roll but said, “Mina loves you.” There ya go. I could’ve kissed the asshole. “She isn’t obsessed with you like Irina was. So, when Mina thinks about her life and the choices she makes, she wonders of the outcomes and how they’ll affect you both. Unlike Irina, who acted brashly and without fear of consequence.”
“I see,” Lev murmured.
God love him, he didn’t see. This was one of those things with Lev. You had to spell it out for him. He didn’t take cues well. If you wanted to tell him something, you had to be direct.
“Have a baby,” I told him. “Hell, have twenty. With Mina at your back, every minute will be a pleasure.”
Lev smiled then. It was small but there. “It already is.”
I was glad he had that. I really was. But, in some underhanded way, all this talk of wives, love, and growing families made me feel the loss of my woman even more.
My mood fell. “It’ll be great, Lev. You’ll see.”
“And if it isn’t,” surly-ass Sasha added with a sly smile, “you can always divorce her.”
“Easy,” growled Lev, while “Are you fucking kidding me?” shot out of my mouth like bullets out of a gun.
His face sober, Sasha uttered a bored, “It was a joke.”
Yeah. Sure, it was, buddy.
“I have a meeting with a distributor in an hour.” Sasha threw me a set of keys. I caught them midair. “Lock up when you’re done.” He threw his towel around his neck and made to exit the home gym. Before he reached the door, he paused, turned, and said to us both, “I may need your assistance with a John.”
Nice. I was out of practice. It had been a while since someone did a runner.
“Anyone we know?” I asked.
It was always good to know before the fact, because friend or foe, I’d have to beat the shit out of him, and I didn’t like surprises.
Sasha seemed to hesitate. “He’s one of Laredo’s.”
Well, shit. Sasha’s uncle was in the biz. Why the hell would this guy risk his wrath by coming to Sasha for a loan? More importantly, why would Sasha lend him the money?
Curiosity had me asking, “Does he know?”
“This has nothing to do with him. But—” Sasha merely looked at me. “—he will if this prick fails to make a second payment.”
Fair enough.
Not that it mattered. If this idiot was stupid enough to borrow money from Sasha and think he’d show leniency when the dough wasn’t returned, he had another think coming. Sasha would take payment where he could. A finger. A kneecap. An arm. An eye. It didn’t matter. Compensation was always met—in one way or another.
“No problem,” I said with a light nod because it wasn’t. This is what I did. I was muscle for hire. And it was one of the rare things I was good at.
His returning nod was almost regal.
With Sasha gone, I went to the bench Lev vacated and sat down, adjusting the straps on my gloves, when Lev uttered a fairly straightforward, “It is not often I’m surprised, but I am surprised by you.”
The hell was he talking about?
I looked up from my hands to find him peering down at me. “Is there a reason you aren’t fighting for my sister?”
My first reaction was to tell him to back the fuck off, but this was Lev, and I knew he didn’t mean for it to sound like an allegation. “It’s complicated, Lev.”
“Yes,” he said. “Things are often complicated until we find someone who uncomplicates them.”
My brow lowered. What in the Mr. Miyagi bullshit was this?
What he said next smarted. And even for Lev, I believed he meant for it to. “I never took you for a coward, Viktor.”
I stood slowly, resting a glare on him, my tone a perfect calm I did not feel. Anger rolled off me in waves. “There are things you don’t know. Watch your mouth, brother.”
But Lev did not feel the danger I put out. “The definition of cowardice is a lack of bravery.” He tilted his head a moment in thought before straightening. “I believe the description fits.”
“Lev,” I warned, my resolve cracking, “don’t push me.”
And because Lev’s mind did not work the same way as most people’s, his response was cool and to the point. “Mina tells me that sometimes people need a push. Not even in the right direction. In any direction. To keep them moving. Because life is motion, and when we stop moving, we never get the time back we lost.” A brief pause. “You haven’t moved in a while. Neither has Nastasia.” His tone was void, but his brow furrowed a touch. “You need a push. You both do.”
Goddammit.
This was how Lev was. One second, you wanted to kick his ass, and the next, you wanted to hug him.
When I took my time responding, he advised, “May I offer you some advice?”
No. I didn’t want advice. I didn’t want to talk. I was hurt and dismal, and I wanted to be left the fuck alone.
A sigh left me, but I said, “Sure.”
Lev looked past me, as though I wasn’t even there. He thought a while, and when he began to speak, he looked me in the eye. “Life begins with love.”
With that odd but endearing statement from a man who didn’t always feel, he clapped me on the shoulder and left me to my thoughts.
And what a fucking mess they were.
“Ma.”
The annoyed statement shot out of my mouth as my mother stealthily scooped more rice onto my plate.
“You need to eat,” she said without a hint of remorse. “You’re a growing boy.”
I blinked at her, then my nose bunched. “I stopped growing like ten years ago.” She kept scooping, and I put a hand out to guard my plate. “Would you stop?”
And because she was a Russian mom, her face transformed into that of a sad puppy, but thankfully, she backed off. “One day, you’ll be sorry that I’m gone.” Taking the pot back to the stove, she kept on with the guilt trip. “One day, you will have a wife, and she will make you this same dish, and it will be fine.” Her lips turned down. “But it won’t be mine, and you will notice.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her dramatics. “And when that day happens—” I stood, taking my almost full plate to the sink. “—I’ll cry a river, cursing the gods for ever having taken you from me. I’ll sit in the rain and weep my fucking heart out. Sob until I vomit.” I kissed her cheek, and she waved me off, fighting a smile. “I promise, Mama.”
I walked down the hall to wash up and crossed the entrance to my sister’s room, then stopped, backing up until I stood in the open doorway.
Anika sat on the bed, staring out into nothing. When she noticed me, she pasted on a smile that was a mechanical stretch of her lips and nothing more. “Hi.”