by Belle Aurora
One look at her forlorn appearance, and my heart hurt for her. I awkwardly uttered, “I’m sorry.”
She looked confused. “For what?”
“For winning, I guess.”
Anika took in a deep breath and walked over to me, shaking her head. “You didn’t win him.” Just as my back arched, she added faintly, “You saved him. From me.”
My brow puckered. “What do you mean?”
And just like that, Anika attempted to flee, walking backward toward the door. “I should go.”
But I could see more than she wanted me to. I got the distinct feeling Anika needed this purge. That she needed to have it with me.
“Ani,” I said, and she stalled, peering down at the floor in an attempt to avoid my gaze and the true feelings lurking in her own. “You can talk to me,” I offered. It surprised the hell out of me when I realized I meant what I was about to say to her. “I’d really like to be friends with you.”
Anika looked torn. Her pretty face crumpled, and the response she gave was quiet and full of regret. “You won’t understand. You couldn’t possibly.”
Maybe not, but I was happy to lend an ear. “Try me.”
A long silence settled between us, and just when I was sure she was done with this conversation, Anika picked at her thumbnail, an absentminded look swept over her features, and she began to speak. “We’ve been together a long time, the five of us. We grew up together. We spent holidays together. We were always… together. I guess you could say it was only a matter of time before someone went and fell in love.” Her eyes turned sad as she explained, “I only ever saw myself marrying one man.” As though she revealed too much, she shook her head and uttered, “Well, that’s beside the point. I’m getting off topic.” She then looked up into my eyes and started anew. “When I found out that Lev had impregnated Irina—” She paused a second, and then her voice shook. “—I found hope.”
Lev knocking up Irina gave her hope?
My brow lowered in confusion. That made zero sense.
Anika hands began to tremble as she clarified, “I found hope, because…” a rough exhale left her as she struggled with the words. She blinked rapidly. “Because…” Tears welled in her eyes, and she put on a watery smile that reeked of shame. “Because if he could love a piece of shit like her, then there was hope for me too.”
My chest ached at the unexpected statement. It had stunned me into silence.
Her lips trembled as the first of her tears streamed down her face, and I couldn’t help but notice the way her hands shook. She breathed unsteadily, croaking out, “There are worse things in life than marrying your dearest friend. One of those things being loneliness. I could never have the person I truly wanted, so I decided on one who was kind, and sweet, and dependable.” She took a moment, swiping at the stray tears that lingered on her cheeks. And then she scoffed, rolling her eyes lightly, as if she couldn’t believe she was telling me this. “If I could just get him to love me, I would never be alone, because Lev is nothing if not loyal.”
What she said ran through my mind, and when she was done, her chin dipped, and she lowered her face, covering her mouth with a delicate hand, appearing so utterly humiliated at what she had just admitted to.
And, for a second, my heart seized.
She couldn’t be hinting at what I thought she was.
“What are you saying?” When she braved a glance at me, the frightened look on her face broke my heart. I hated to pry when she was already so down, but I needed clarification. “Are you telling me that you never really loved Lev?”
She sniffled, shaking her head adamantly. “No. I love him very much.” But her expression turned rueful, and her voice became little over a whisper as she confessed, “Just not in the way you think.”
What the hell?
My mind imploded. My brain turned to mush.
One look at the woman and anyone could tell she was being genuine. You just couldn’t fake that kind of emotion.
First things first. “Does anyone else know?”
Anika let out a short, dark laugh. “Yeah, right. Tell Nas so she can kick my ass for trying to acquire her precious Lev? No thanks.”
Silence consumed us.
Anika watched me a moment before she turned and began to wipe away her tears, attempting to fix her makeup, and when my perplexed gaze met hers in the mirror, she offered a hushed, “For what it’s worth, I’ve been sick to death over this. I’m really sorry, Mina.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I meant what I said,” she muttered as she straightened. “You saved him. If I’d worn him down enough to commit, he would have been miserable with me.”
She attempted a smile, but it came off dismal. As she left, I had the strangest feeling that there was more to Anika than met the eye. And I couldn’t understand how such a beautiful woman could be filled with so much self-loathing.
25
Nastasia
Much like grief, there were five stages to losing a child you were minding.
First came denial, and as I glanced up from my phone to the little guy who should have been sitting beside me to find his chair empty, I stilled in confusion. My brows lowered as I rose off my seat and muttered, “The hell?”
I swear, he was here a second ago.
Looking around Sasha’s office, like the space around me had magically moved and shifted, allowing for the little boy to hide away, I stood in the open area and, well, did nothing, because where the heck could he have gone?
“He’s not missing,” I muttered to myself as I began to look for him. “He can’t be gone. Where would he go?”
Almost immediately, my eyes snapped to the open door of the office, and my feet moved effortlessly in the heels I wore. I peeked outside the door and called, “Trey?”
No answer.
And so, I began to search. At first, I moved at a normal pace, opening doors as I went with a slight frown pulling at my mouth. A few minutes passed, and I found my anxiety growing. My irritation with it.
Second stage. Anger.
“Where are you, you little maggot?” I snapped, rounding the corner at an almost skid as my nervous gaze flew all over the open floor of the club, but he was nowhere to be seen.
And my temples pulsed.
Who thought it would be a good idea to leave me in charge of another small human?
I had one that I was entrusted to, my niece, but I’d never looked after another. And never a boy.
Why didn’t anyone warn me about little boys?
Now, normally, I loved kids. But this little hurricane on two feet had me wanting to snort a big, fat line of birth control immediately as a preemptive measure.
“Trey,” I called out in a singsong way, leaning far over the front of the bar to see behind the counter. “Where are you?”
As suspected, there was no response.
I stood there. I just stood there as dread settled itself on my shoulders.
You lost her kid.
My eyes widened in alarm.
Birdie was going to be pissed.
I glanced at my phone. We still had two hours before we opened. I had time.
Next, bargaining.
“Trey,” I called out sweetly. “If you come out of wherever you’re hiding, I’ll give you a cookie.”
But my offer fell on deaf ears.
That caused my trepidation to skyrocket.
“Oh shit,” I whispered, getting down on my hands and knees to look under each and every table. No matter which way I turned, the absence of little feet in tiny white sneakers had my breathing turn heavy. “This is not good, Nas. Not good.”
“Uh…”
The sound startled me, and when I looked up to find Vik staring down at me with an undeniable look of confusion on his face, I balked.
“I should ask you what you’re doing down there, but—” His eyes swept over my silver-sequined costume, watching the long, beaded tassels sway about. “—I find I’m easily distrac
ted when it comes to you.”
God. That was sweet.
But I didn’t have time for flirtation. A five-year-old was on the loose in the club.
As I knelt on the hard, cold floor, I held out my hand, and his fingers curled around my own, helping me up. I bent to brush off my knees, then started walking, my eyes darting all over, searching as I went.
Achievement unlocked: Depression.
“Oh my God, I lost him. He’s gone.”
From behind me came Vik’s quietly confused, “What are you talking about?”
Oh, he was following me?
Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.
“Um,” I began, strolling back down the hall. “You wouldn’t happen to have seen Birdie’s son, Trey? Little dude. About this high.” I held my hand up to my upper thigh. “Dressed in blue jeans and a black tee. Spiffy white sneakers. Sweetest face you ever saw.”
“No,” he drawled. “Why?”
“I—” I whimpered softly, wringing my hands together. “—may have misplaced him.”
Vik remained quiet for a little while. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”
I spun on him, damn near hyperventilating, and tapped my chest lightly as I whispered desperately, “Help.”
He sobered. “You’re not joking.”
I shook my head frantically, and he came forward, instantly going into adult mode. “Where did you see him last?”
“Sasha’s office. He was there one second, and the next, he wasn’t.”
“And where have you looked?”
What a question.
“Everywhere,” I ground out.
Vik put his hands to my shoulders. “He can’t have gone far. It’s okay. We’ll find him. There’s only so many places he could be.” He lifted his head in thought. “Did you check the janitor’s closet?”
“Yeah.”
“The storage room.”
What did he think I was, an amateur? “Yesss.”
“The bathroom.”
“Ye—” I stopped. No, I hadn’t.
Vik must have seen the light in my eyes return, because he ordered, “You check the ladies’; I’ll get the men’s.” And then we were rushing off in opposite directions.
I collided with the door, causing it to swing open with a bang. My eyes shot all over. I opened every stall, one by one, until there were none left to check. And my heart sank. So, when I rushed out to find Vik standing just outside the men’s room wearing a frown, I reached it.
The final stage. Acceptance.
With a solemn nod, I uttered, “Well, he’s gone. She’s just going to have to love her other children harder and never, ever trust them to another person so long as she lives.”
But then Vik reached out, pushing the door open a sliver. And I heard it.
Singing. The little voice went, “He’s got the whole world in his hands,’ only stopping to strain loudly, causing my face to bunch in revulsion.
Vik grinned. “He’s taking a dump, crooning his little heart out.”
Sure. Of course, he was.
My heartbeat slowed.
Another strain. That couldn’t be good. Somewhat concerned, I whispered, “He needs more fiber in his diet,” and Vik chuckled up until the moment he spotted my shaking hands.
He quickly lost his laughter, and when his pensive eyes met mine, he opened his arms to me. “Come here, baby.”
I went without hesitation, moving in close and pressing my nose to his collarbone. He folded his muscly arms around me and held me tight as I, without shame, inhaled deeply, taking in his spicy male cologne.
“He’s okay,” Vik murmured.
Yes, he was. But was I?
“Thanks for helping” was all I could think to say, because everything else I felt right then was not something I could put into words lightly.
A comforting squeeze. “Yeah, well, we make a good team.”
The way he said it had me pulling back slightly to peer up at him. What I found was a tired man with a worn soul, and it shattered me. Particularly when he lifted one rough hand to push a loose hair behind my ear and spoke directly to my weakened spirit, “I meant what I said. You take all the time you need.” His bent his head to speak closer to my lips. “It’s killing me, but I’ll be right here, waiting.”
Right at that moment, my stomach lurched, and it wasn’t from the sweetly spoken words.
I frowned, placing a gentle hand to my belly.
It pitched again.
Lifting a hand, I covered my mouth just in time to smother a gag.
“You serious?” Vik’s brow pulled down. “I’m pouring my heart out over here.”
I pushed away from him as the feeling returned and mumbled a panicked, “Oh my God.”
“Oh shit. You’re not faking,” he uttered in surprise, straightening as I rushed away, slipping on my heels, very nearly rolling my ankle.
Heaving, I made it to the bathroom with barely a second to spare. The moment I hit the first stall, I followed through on the gag, losing the contents of my stomach in one go. I knelt over the bowl, salivating endlessly, spitting into the porcelain bowl. It smelled heavily of cleaning supplies, and that was not helping.
The door shot open, and I heard him ask, “Nas? You okay in there?”
“No,” I grumbled, spitting again and again. The door of the stall wobbled, and even though he couldn’t see me, I lifted my hand and warned, “Do not come in here.”
Another gag had my eyes watering, but this time, nothing came out.
The sound of the bathroom door swinging open sounded.
Great. Just great. More people.
“Is she okay?” This was Mina. She then called out, “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
But my head was swimming.
Vik responded for me. “She’s okay. Just watch the kid for me, will ya? His dad will be here soon.”
“Okay,” she said sadly as the door closed lightly behind her.
The cool floor looked so inviting to my overheating body that I wanted to lie flat on the tiles, but I refrained, because… germs.
“I’m just gonna sit right here until you feel better.” I heard the stall next to me open, the lid of the toilet close, and then his black Diesel boots could be seen from under the door. I had the odd compulsion to reach out and touch them. “Then I’m taking you home.”
I couldn’t very well argue. I mean, I tried, but it came out in the form of a long groan and many little splutters.
A few minutes passed, and Vik asked gently, “Feeling better?”
A loud burp escaped me, and I let out a weak sounding, “Yep.”
With a heavy sigh, Vik stood, left his stall, and approached mine. “Yeah, no.” The door opened slowly, and when I blinked up at him, woozy and perspiring, his eyes gentled. “Come on, tiger. Let’s get you home.”
I nodded but made no move to stand.
Vik’s eyes washed over my reddened face. His nose bunched, and he uttered, “You got a little—” He tapped on his chin. “—right there.”
Vomit on my chin? Cool. Because why not?
Well, this day was perfect. Just perfect.
I took some tissue and wiped my mouth. Without daring to look at him, I held up one heavy arm, and Vik helped me stand. He kept his hold on me, around me, as he walked me out of the bathroom and onto the main floor.
The moment Anika saw me, she dashed out from behind the bar, took a long look at me, and spoke softly, “Oh, Nas. You poor thing. You look awful.”
Nice.
But relief rushed through me at her apparent concern. I guess we were still friends.
Mina sat at a booth with Trey, and when the little boy saw me, he looked at my sparkly, revealing costume and said brusquely, “I like your pajamas.”
My Lord.
It was so cute that I swallowed past the thickness in my throat and muttered, “Thanks. I like 'em too.”
Sasha and Lev walked into the room together, and with a single glance my way, Sas
ha peered at my cold, sweaty self and exhaled a slightly irritated, “Well, you’re useless to me now.”
God. He could be a real jerk sometimes.
“Go eat a di—” And then I remembered the little boy only a few feet away. “A banana.”
“Funnily enough,” Lev began, “you should eat a banana.”
Excuse me, sir?
He did not stop at my glower. “Bananas contain potassium. Potassium increases mucus production—”
“Jesus. Don’t say mucus, Lev,” I shuddered, holding my tender stomach.
“—which protects your stomach lining. They’re a natural antacid and can help relieve symptoms of indigestion,” my brother finished helpfully, looking rather pleased with himself.
Ugh.
These people.
“Whatever. I’m going home,” I grated out through the soreness in my throat and leaned into Vik for support.
Anika handed me my purse, and the man beside me walked me out back, to his sensible silver sedan. My cheeks flushed a delicate pink. I was feeling super sorry for myself as we made the short ride home. Relief washed over me when Vik turned off the car and began to walk me inside. I didn’t want to be alone.
Vik did everything right. He brought me upstairs, washed my face, helped me change, then put me to bed, tucking me in and making sure I had both water and a bucket by my bedside. I was beginning to feel the twinging pain in my stomach lessen when he said words that made my gut sink.
“Rest up. I’ll come check on you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” My heart clenched. I lifted my head off my pillow to look at him and let out a small, sad-sounding, “You’re leaving?”
“I…” He hesitated. The bed depressed as he sat down beside me, and he pulled the sheets up to my shoulders, refusing to meet me eyes. “Got a job tonight.”
It came out regretful. Apologetic. Even mildly embarrassed.
Of course he did.
My chest felt tight. “Sure.” I nodded, loathing the way it made my head spin.
He seemed to hesitate a moment. “If I could stay with you, I would.”
“Yeah,” I murmured, not really feeling it.