A catty voice drifted through the door. “Good Lord, could you take longer? A girl’s gotta piss, but three bathrooms and everyone’s taking a shit?”
I pried my hands off the sink. This was my chance to leave. Facing an irate woman with a bursting bladder would be a good distraction. She’d be upset with me for taking too long. She wouldn’t consider that I’d been fighting off a breakdown. The kind of anonymity I needed right now.
I opened the door. Flashing blue eyes met mine, and recognition flared.
“Oh, it’s you,” Laney said flatly. “I should’ve known.”
Chapter 14
Kennedy
* * *
The past slammed into me, overflowing the emotional well I’d been barely able to keep under control, while Laney looked at me like I’d ruined her night.
Tears sprang into my eyes, and I ducked back into the bathroom. I tried to slam the door, but Laney muscled her way in and kicked the door shut behind her.
“Good Lord, Kennedy.” She grabbed a couple of tissues out of the container on the sink and stuffed them into my hands. “Of course I lose my patience waiting for an open bathroom and it’s you.” Her voice softened. “Have you been crying in here the whole time?”
I shook my head, but I couldn’t answer. I leaned against the sink and sobbed, muffling the sound with my hands. Silent wailing. I’d perfected it in the first few months I’d gone back to work after the funeral before the final breakdown.
“Right.” She didn’t believe me. “Well, I’ve gotta pee. So hang on.”
My tears stalled when she dropped her white shorts and sat on the toilet. I hiccuped and sniffled and tried not to look. Was this really happening?
Still on the toilet, she sighed. “So, I’m not the only one having a shitty night?”
The shock of group bathroom time had shifted my mind from active grief to confusion. Recent events had zoomed out as soon as Laney dropped her drawers. “Why does your night suck?”
“Lots of reasons. You?”
“Everyone knows my reason,” I said bitterly, hoping it was enough of the truth that she wouldn’t question it.
“Gotta love small-town life.” She rose and pulled up her shorts. They showed off miles of tanned legs. Her teal top wasn’t as tight and revealing as Lyric’s, but it gave Laney a sophisticated, sexy vibe. “I could bawl too, and we could walk out together; really confuse everyone.”
This time her tone wasn’t catty. Laney cried? That was like picturing a marble statue having a meltdown. But when I looked into her ice-blue eyes, I didn’t see the frigidness that had been there when we were younger. She was guarded. She was protecting herself. I recognized the look.
Really confuse everyone. It would. That she would cry—in public—and that she would do it around me. And if I looked like I’d been crying? The stares alone would almost make it fun. I couldn’t believe that thought had even entered my mind. I moved in front of the door so she could wash her hands.
“Finally, a place that still kills a few trees.” She whipped out a couple of paper towels and dried off. “Those hand dryers do a number on my nerves. Like having a jet engine blow my entire body instead of drying my fingers.” She tossed her used paper towels. They landed perfectly in the basket. “Seriously, though. What’s going on? Normal grief, or did someone say something?”
“Normal grief,” I mumbled. Laney should be the last one I wanted to talk to about this. She was mean. But she’d also never let me hide away. She’d called out others when they’d done my work for me. Like how Derek had taken my car in for oil changes. How he had carried my backpack and helped me get my coat on after school. How Liam and Derek would stand up for me when she was being a bitch. Your girlfriend should speak for herself.
She hadn’t been wrong.
“Some guys ordered me, Aspen, and Lyric some drinks.” I tensed, waiting for Laney to snort and claim I was whining about men buying me drinks. For her to sarcastically say how awful.
“Not ready to date again?”
Liam was right. Laney wasn’t the same. But then, neither was I.
I stared at my tissues. I couldn’t shake my head. I’d done more than date with Liam. “Not ready to admit deeper feelings for another man.”
She peered at me. I met her intense blue gaze and looked away.
“You and Liam, huh?” She switched her attention to the mirror and adjusted her long ponytail. Not one strand of her glossy blonde hair was out of place. She’d probably been working in the dirt all day, but she shone like a diamond. I’d always been a little envious of her easy beauty. I used to take solace in thinking she was ugly on the inside. Was that true anymore?
Her question sank in. My awkward giggle amplified my nervousness until that was all I heard in the sound. “Why would you think me and Liam?”
She shot me a duh look. “You had each of those boys wrapped around your dainty little finger. Bet the town’s going batshit.”
“No one knows. I mean no one.” I pressed my lips together. I hadn’t meant to admit it, but Laney had never faked cluelessness. She’d only call out the lying. But she could tell everyone. Liam was up against so much, and I was tired of my emotional roller coaster.
“Just me?” She faced me, her gaze direct. I used to dread having her focus on me. Tonight, it was refreshing. It was as easy as being around Liam. There was no sympathy, just blunt acceptance. Was that why I’d spilled everything? I needed a friend, and someone who reminded me of Liam would be a good fit.
“I care for him a lot, but being a widow makes it complicated.” Some other force must have been operating my mouth right then. I couldn’t stop. “Which sucks because he’s usually the one who makes it all crystal clear. He just lets me decide and stays with me for the ride.”
She lifted a pale brow as if she didn’t believe that Liam didn’t do everything for me like Derek had.
“He helps me, but he lets me do it myself. He’s there for me.” I tossed my tissues at the trash. One toppled out. Figured. I stooped to pick it up, threw it away, and rose to my full height. Laney was taller than me by only an inch, and she no longer loomed over me.
We were adults, and, for some weird reason, I trusted her. She’d loved to point out what she’d perceived to be my flaws, but she’d never fueled the gossip mill. “I can’t have people chiming in with their two cents. Not when I’m trying to get a job so I don’t have to move and leave the only town that feels like home.”
If I didn’t get full-time work, I might have to sell the house. I might have to move. Away from Liam. Away from his kids. As he was making his way back to town, I didn’t want to be leaving.
“He shouldn’t be your dirty little secret though.” Plainly stated. No accusation, no sense of menace.
I recoiled. “He’s not. It’s just no one’s business.”
“Would it surprise you that I agree?”
The corner of my mouth lifted. “Yes. It would actually surprise me a lot that you wouldn’t disagree on principle.”
We shared a quick smile. “This town and how it talks and how we listen. I’ve always hated it.”
Her words went deeper than gossip about me and Liam. “I’m sorry about what happened to your brother.”
“You and me both.” She didn’t speak for a few moments, then she reached out and squeezed my hand. “I really am sorry about Derek. I know I didn’t make it to the funeral, but it had nothing to do with us.” She leaned her head back and blew out a breath. “Ugh, men. Fucking us up left and right.”
My gaze dropped to her bare ring finger before I could stop it. She noticed and pointedly dipped her gaze to mine.
I flexed my hand. “I’m still getting used to not wearing it.”
“I’m trying to get as much sun as possible before anyone else notices the tan line.” She crossed her arms. “I swear, Kennedy, if anyone finds out I used to wear a wedding ring, I’m going to tell everyone about you and Liam.”
“O-okay.” A spear of panic hit
my chest before I realized how secret she wanted to keep her marriage. A soft chuckle left me. We possessed each other’s most significant secret. “Who’d have thought… You and me?”
Her smile wavered, and she glanced at her left hand again. “I tried to be like you.”
“What?”
“You had this wounded-little-fawn aura about you. You were the teachers’ favorite. You commanded Derek and even Liam. The good boy and the rebel, falling at your feet, hanging on your every word. Meanwhile, I got called a bitch. The mean girl.” She rolled her eyes. “I get that I was kind of both.”
“Kind of?” It was my turn to lift a brow.
“I wasn’t a saint, but if I had been a guy, would anyone have thought twice?” She had a point. “Anyway, sorry about dumping my Coke on you. It was mostly an accident, but it only made them rally around you harder. So when I met my…well, he was everything I’d thought I wanted.”
Her gaze flickered, those blue depths hiding hurtful memories. “I tried to be you. Then Kane hurt himself, and I had to leave. I told my husband I had to go home and that I was doing it no matter what he said or what his mom had to say. He argued. Thought I should put his and his parents’ wishes first. So I left him. And he let me go. Because it turns out, if I wasn’t meek, he didn’t want to be with me, and I’d been lying to myself.”
When I’d first met Laney, I was struck by how strong she was, inside and out. I was weak, trying to project strength instead of spending a lifetime seeming weak. But I saw her clearer at the moment. We weren’t that much different.
Her fingers stretched out, and she clenched her fist. “I should’ve known better.”
She’d had the guts to act differently and had people treat her the same as before. I knew all about that. “I’ve been trying to be more like you. Confident. Strong. Say what I’m thinking.” Like telling Bruce I absolutely did not want his help. Laney would’ve said it months ago. I seemed to always have reasons not to.
“Good luck with that. People resent it when you tell them what they don’t want to hear.”
“I’m not very good at it. I’m not brave enough.” Some days, I was the gopher, peering out of the hole, afraid of the dangers of the world around me. What would happen if Liam and I went public?
Laney put her hand on the doorknob. “Keep hanging around me, and I might rub off on you. Want a drink?”
Liam
* * *
Most men my age didn’t spend as much time on the phone as I did. Sprawled out on my bed, phone pressed to my ear, like I was some kid in a ’90s sitcom rerun Grandma Gin used to leave on when she was making supper. Only I was a grown man on a twin bed in a rented bedroom.
Calling was necessary when I was gone this long. Eli and Owen couldn’t read more than their names. They could do that thanks to Kenny, but messages weren’t the same as seeing my face on the screen telling them good night, to brush their teeth, and hug their grandma for me.
I talked to them on my second break, and after work I often called Kenny. Reading her words wasn’t as good as hearing them. Her laughter carried over the line, and I could picture her smile. Mostly we talked about our days. She would get a four-day weekend over the Fourth of July. I’d be home by then, and we’d do something fun with the kids. She was painting the second bedroom that she used as an office and would tackle her bedroom next. I’d talked to Hattie; she’d wanted pictures of my other projects. Grandma Gin and the kids had done a photo shoot for me and had sent me all the pictures to choose the best to send.
Kenny and I kept in touch every day, yet found new stuff to talk about. But tonight’s conversation was more than routine.
“She did what?” Had I heard right?
“Stayed over. Slept on my couch. Laney Granger. After we bonded in the bathroom, we had a few drinks. Mine were water, but she drank too much to drive home. So I invited her here.”
“And?”
“It was…fun.” Kenny giggled, a delightful sound that I owed Laney for. An honest, innocent giggle, with no shadows of grief. Only my kids had been able to get that reaction from her. “She apologized. Can you believe it? Laney Granger. Apologized.”
“How did she do it though?” I could see Laney say something like, I’m sorry you were too dense to figure it out yourself. In fact, she’d actually said that to one of the football players our sophomore year. She’d aced the algebra test, but the guy claimed she’d cheated when he’d failed and had to sit out a game until he raised his grade.
“Sincerely, except for what was the truth.” Another giggle. “We’re going out again this weekend.”
“Rattler’s?”
“Maybe, then a movie at my house.”
I snorted. “You’re dating Laney.”
“I kind of am. Weird, right? I think living at home is a hard adjustment for her. Anyway, have you heard back from Hattie?”
“I did today. She wants to work with me. She’d carry the item, include it in her catalog, and then she’d keep a percentage of the sale. I’d need to provide her with a steady supply.” Once I gave myself permission to brainstorm, I’d had a lot of ideas. Firepits, furniture, home decor.
“Will that be hard to do in the time you’re home?”
“About that.” My excitement rose as I thought back to my call. I was as giddy as the boys Christmas morning. “Hattie said her friend is a manager at the mine in Washburn. She offered to put in a good word for me, so I applied.”
“Liam.” My name was a whisper on a cloud of excitement. “That would be awesome!”
I broke into a grin. No one could see, but it didn’t matter. My life was finally turning around. “It would be a commute, but the drive isn’t more than forty-five minutes on a decent highway. I wouldn’t be far from Coal Haven. I’d still need Grandma Gin’s help with the kids, but it wouldn’t be twenty days in a row.”
“I’ll be here too. Oh, Liam. That would be so nice.”
“Mm.” My gaze bored into the off-white ceiling. “Not just nice for me, Grandma Gin, and the kids?”
“No,” she said softly. “Not just for them.”
My grin returned. “Good to hear. Because I took a gamble and put in my notice. I’ll be home for my ten days next week, go back for my last twenty, and then I’m done. I want to make sure I’m around when the kids start school.”
“You have your house and land. A local-ish job, and a second job as an artist.”
“Artist?” She’d said that before, but that was when I’d been playing around as a hobby.
“Your work is beautiful, Liam. That firepit you did would make it hard for me to light a fire inside of it.”
“I’ve been thinking of other designs. Firepits never go out of style.” A lot of good things were happening, but I didn’t want to dwell on them. I’d get excited when I was home for good and I had worked a few shifts at the mine. Good things like this didn’t happen to me. It seemed too easy.
She might’ve tried to smother her yawn, but I heard it.
“I should let you go.”
“I don’t have to get up tomorrow. But you do.”
“Nah, it’s nothing.” It was something. I wasn’t used to pulling a ten- or twelve-hour shift and drinking all night anymore. Staying up late to talk to Kenny wasn’t on the same level as those days so long ago.
I pictured her tucked into bed, only the bed I imagined was mine. Her rich brown hair spread over my gunmetal-gray sheets. Seconds later, blood redirected to the dick that wouldn’t stay down whenever I thought of her. “Whatcha wearing?”
“It probably sounds sexier than it is, but bootie shorts and a tank top.”
“There’s no way that isn’t as sexy as it sounds.” Her laugh was breathy, a little flirty. Encouraging. “You lying down?”
Bedsheets rustled. “Now I am.”
I sensed the hesitancy. She was in her home. In her bed. Getting kinky over the phone in the bed she used to share with her husband would be a new level of intimacy and a new hurdle for her.
“Want me to tell you how I picture you, or do you want me to tell you good night and that I’ll dream of you?” After a cold shower and a quick jack off.
During the silence on the other end, I prepped how I would tell her good night so she didn’t feel one ounce of guilt.
“How…how do you picture me?”
My grin was easy. I flicked open the fly of my jeans. “Your hair’s spread out…”
Chapter 15
Kennedy
* * *
“Any plans for the Fourth, Kennedy?” Anita Zachmeier breezed into the classroom. She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her wide linen shorts and wandered through tables and chairs, her eagle-eye gaze missing nothing.
It was her classroom, but it’d been tasked for summer school. I’d been teaching in it for weeks, cognizant of her who moved my cheese mentality. At the end of the day, I returned every toy, book, and learning aid to its original spot.
I tapped out of the grading reports I was updating. Mrs. Z had stopped in before, and she was so nosy I couldn’t work. I might take the laptop home and update the reports I would send home to parents when summer school wrapped up in a few weeks.
“I don’t have much planned for the holiday.” I had plans, but she was the last person I would tell. Maybe second-to-last after Derek’s parents. Third-from-last after my mother.
Liam and I were going to take the boys to the big Fourth of July parade in Mandan. The thing lasted almost an hour and a half, and we had to get there almost two hours early to nab a decent spot on the road. Then we were going to take them out to eat and soak up some restaurant’s AC. Whether we hit up a lake for some swimming or came home to relax and grill would be determined by how all of us were holding up.
I couldn’t wait. Yet, when anyone asked, I made it sound like I wasn’t straying far from home. Bruce and Willow had invited me over, but I was still stinging from Bruce wanting to take over my expenses. Willow had invited me over for supper once since that night, but I’d had plans with Laney. I didn’t tell them about my burgeoning friendship with her either. Then they might think I was blowing money I couldn’t afford.
Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1 Page 17