Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1

by Marie Johnston

  The ringing stopped. “Shit. I should’ve answered.”

  My phone vibrated again, and I hit answer before I froze again. “Hey, Bruce. Sorry I didn’t answer in time earlier.”

  “Kennedy, where are you? Are you okay?”

  A sense of déjà vu hit me, and Liam gave me the same look he’d given me when my mom had called in a panic while I was at the lake. “Everything’s fine. Why?”

  “You’re not answering, and I talked to your neighbor. She said your car’s been parked in the same spot for days. I didn’t want to worry your mom again. Where are you? Are you at home?”

  I stared out the windshield in front of me. “I went out of town.”

  “Without your car?”

  “I’m with a friend.”

  “Who?”

  I bristled and chewed the inside of my cheek. Where was the steel I’d had when speaking to Mr. Gilding? But the principal wasn’t like a father to me, and he hadn’t been terrified like Bruce. “Laney took me to Dickinson.”

  Liam cut a look at me. I couldn’t bring myself to face him. I hated lying, but I wasn’t telling Bruce about the weekend over the phone.

  “Laney?”

  “Yes. Laney Granger. We’re friends.” I chanced a peek at Liam. His jaw was rigid as stone.

  “Oh.” There was a moment of tense silence. I willed myself not to babble and dig myself further into the lie. “When are you getting home?”

  “Actually, we’re on our way back.”

  “Good. Yes, that’s good. Drive safe.”

  I hung up and let out a long sigh. “Sorry. I felt like my sister when she told Mom she was at a friend’s house when she was at a concert. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone.”

  “I understand.” There was a heaviness in his tone that hadn’t been there before when we talked about keeping us a secret from Bruce.

  “Thanks for having my back on this.”

  “It’s what I do.” His profile remained the same, but his tone carried a ring of resignation. I’d hurt his feelings. He’d been so careful with me. Had he been hiding how he really felt about not telling anyone about us?

  The cows in the pastures didn’t deserve my glare, but they got it. Had I upset Liam? He understood. I knew he did. But the thought of hurting him, of letting him down, bothered me more than the idea of worrying Bruce.

  Chapter 20

  Liam

  * * *

  The trees surrounding town came into view. Then the houses on the edge of town. The golf course and the country club. I turned down the street that would take us to Kenny’s house.

  I tried not to let Bruce’s call bother me. I tried, and I failed.

  Bruce wasn’t an idiot. If she had told him she’d been with me for three days, he’d have read between the lines. And no, the phone wasn’t the right time to tell him.

  But it was hard to get Grandma Gin’s words out of my head. We’d spent three sex-filled days together where I’d had to hold back the words I love you a hundred times. I wasn’t telling her when she had no escape. Telling her right after she’d lied about being in Dickinson with Laney didn’t exactly settle right in my heart either.

  As I rounded the turn, she sat up. Another pickup was parked in front of her house.

  Kenny shot forward so fast her seat belt snapped tight. “What’s Bruce doing here?”

  The lawn mower sitting in the middle of the front yard answered the question. He might not have a key to the house, but he could still get into an unlocked garage.

  “Maybe we should—”

  Bruce crossed the lawn to the mower and spotted us. His head cocked and his eyes narrowed.

  Had she been about to tell me to keep driving? Acid burned its way up my throat. Maybe it was the talk with Grandma Gin. Maybe it was spending the weekend days together. Three days. But I could no longer do this. There was the point where it was about Kenny’s healing, and then there was crossing the line into being a shameful secret. We might be on opposite sides of that line.

  I parked behind Bruce’s pickup.

  “I’ll handle him,” she murmured. “You don’t need to deal with it.”

  I wasn’t dumping Kenny and running, leaving her with the mess to explain. Nor did I feel like hearing about how she’d spun a story about how I met Laney and gave her a ride the rest of the way or some shit.

  “I ain’t going nowhere, Kenny.” I got out and lifted her bag out of the back.

  She slid out of the pickup. I didn’t miss the tremble in her voice when she said, “Bruce.”

  She didn’t move toward her house. I set her bag behind her and stood next to her.

  Bruce’s gaze jumped between us. “I thought you were with Laney.”

  “She took me to Dickinson, yes. But I was with Liam in Williston,” she finished quietly.

  Not exactly a grand announcement, but it was further than I thought she’d get. Now, we just had to endure the storm of Bruce’s emotions. Then he’d tell Cameron, and I could probably expect another visit about staying away from Kenny.

  Red infused Bruce’s face. His confusion and upset bloomed into rage as his face flushed deeper. He shook his head, like he was hearing incorrectly, but then his gaze landed on her luggage. He shifted his glare to me.

  “You don’t think about anyone else, do you?” He shoved his hands on his hips, his mouth an angry slash. “I had to deal with you when it came to Derek, and he’s gone. Why the hell am I still dealing with you?”

  “What are you talking about?” I knew what he meant, but the sheer fury directed at me didn’t make sense.

  He shoved a finger in my direction, very much like my father had, only Bruce wasn’t close enough to touch me. “When it came to my son, you were behind all the trouble. Now you want to do that to her?” He stepped closer. “Every time I see you, every time I hear your voice, and every time I worry about Kennedy and what she’s doing, and you’re behind it, it’s like I’m reminded…” Grief rippled over his face. His jaw clenched, and he looked away.

  Dread ghosted across my shoulders. “It’s like being reminded of what, Bruce?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want the answer, but I had to hear it. I had to have him say it. I had to have it laid out there. What I’d felt my entire life.

  “Say it, Bruce. What do you think when you talk to me? That I shouldn’t have been born?”

  His hard hazel gaze swirled back to me, and his upper lip twitched. He was a man destroyed. A man holding on to his pain. It had nowhere to go.

  Until me. Until I pushed him.

  He took another step forward, his voice shaking, loss and pain pouring from his gaze. “I’m reminded that you’re here and my son isn’t and that it doesn’t make a damn lick of sense. It’s unfair on so many levels, I can’t stand it. Just like I can’t stand you.”

  A soft gasp broke the stunned silence. Kenny. “Bruce…”

  He whipped his head toward her, his gaze pleading with her, like he wanted her to confirm that she thought the same thing.

  Her eyes filled with tears, and she pressed her fingers to her lips.

  I couldn’t move. This guy had just said he wished I had died in place of his son. After a lifetime of making it clear he thought I shouldn’t have been born in the first place.

  Tears streaked down Kenny’s cheeks. “You can’t mean that.”

  Bruce shook his head, then he bent and crumpled the rest of the way to the ground, sobs racking his body. Kenny rushed to his side. “Bruce, are you okay?”

  I took a step back. And another. Spinning, I walked numbly around the pickup to the driver’s side.

  “Liam.” Kenny ran up behind me. I didn’t think she’d abandon Bruce. “He didn’t mean that.”

  “Yeah. He did.”

  “No, he just needs to calm down. I need to make sure he’s okay and then I’ll talk to him.”

  I’d be an ass if I told her that I needed her now too. That after hearing a man who had made me feel like shit my entire life tell me that he wish
ed I were dead, I might need a little support too. But I wasn’t collapsed on her front lawn.

  What was it Grandma Gin had said? It’s okay to do what’s best for me too.

  Leaving was best. And if she wasn’t coming with me, so be it. “Take your time. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Liam?” Hurt and confusion scrawled over her features. She glanced back at Bruce. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

  “Look, I don’t mean to add more pressure. Just take some time. Think about what you really want. Because Bruce isn’t going to take this well, and I can’t have another person who’s supposed to be important to me flake on me. I just wanna go be with Eli and Owen. Grandma Gin. Their love is unconditional. They accept me, and I just really need to be surrounded by that right now.”

  A divot formed between her brows. She gave her head a slight shake, like she didn’t understand something that was so clear to me.

  Right.

  I got in my pickup and drove off, and I didn’t bother to look in my rearview mirror.

  Kennedy

  * * *

  Liam drove away. He didn’t spin out. He didn’t speed off and roar around the corner and out of sight. He didn’t hesitate to go, but he hadn’t made a scene.

  Unconditional love.

  I hadn’t even told him I loved him, yet my love had come with so many conditions.

  Shit.

  The last few minutes replayed in my head. What must that have been like for Liam to hear?

  And I’d gone to Bruce first. What he’d said had shocked me, and then he’d collapsed. Liam had stood there, being strong and enduring the abuse like he’d always done. How much less severe would Bruce’s reaction have been if I had told him the truth earlier, sat down and talked to him, and then held Liam’s hand as the fallout happened?

  I had messed up.

  I went to Bruce and squatted in front of him. “Bruce, are you okay?”

  “I can’t believe I said that to him. I can’t believe…” He hung his head. “I just really miss my son.”

  “I know. So do I. But I think it’s past time we had an honest discussion.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You and Willow have cared for me so much, and you have my undying appreciation. But you need to realize that I’m going to have a life that’s different from what I had with Derek, and who I choose to do that with is my business and mine alone. I want you to be in my life, but not at the cost of keeping others out.”

  “I can’t… I just don’t know what to think right now.” He scrubbed his face. “I can’t believe I said that to him.”

  “Quit listening to Cameron when it comes to Liam and decide for yourself. Maybe trust that your son wasn’t wrong when it came to him. And neither am I.”

  He nodded but kept his face buried in his hands.

  I pushed my hair off my face and let out a weary sigh as I rose. “I’m going to go talk to Liam now. I’ll call Willow. Just wait here for her, okay?”

  He nodded without looking at me. I grabbed my luggage, tossed it into the house, and snagged my keys. I sped through town and hit the gravel. The minutes ticked by so damn slow as I flew to his place.

  I didn’t bother to park, just stopped right by the porch. Grandma Gin met me at the door. “Is everything okay?”

  I refrained from barging in. “I need to talk to Liam.”

  She cocked her head, her frown deepening. “He’s not here. He messaged, saying he was grabbing pizza before he came home. Is something wrong?”

  “Only because of me.” I hadn’t even noticed his pickup wasn’t parked by the shop. I spun and raced down the stairs. I gave a confused Grandma Gin a wave and traced my route back to town, straight to Rattler’s.

  This time I looked for Liam’s pickup. It was parked on the edge of the lot, like he had needed the extra walking time to gather himself before he faced people. I didn’t blame him for not wanting to drag himself home and then cook and clean up and go about life like it’d been a normal day.

  I parked next to him and power walked across the lot. I banged through the doors. Several pairs of eyes landed on me, but I ignored them all.

  Liam’s back was to me as he slumped on a stool at the bar, waiting for his pizza to be ready. I wound through the tables until I was behind him.

  “William Robert Barron, I have something to tell you.”

  His head popped up, and he craned his neck to look over his shoulder. “Kenny? What are you doing here?”

  I stepped forward, and he swiveled on his stool to face me. Perfect timing. I wedged myself right between his legs and fisted the front of his shirt. “I’m here to tell you that I love you. Unconditionally. And I’m going to prove it.”

  The people around us went quiet. The whole bar went quiet, the silence spreading to the rest of the restaurant. Liam looked like he thought I was either a hallucination or a mirage in the middle of the desert.

  I planted my mouth on his. He jerked but didn’t pull away. I kept the pressure up, willing him to kiss me back. Finally, his lips went pliant under mine, and his arms snaked around my waist. One second, I was in charge, and the next he was dominating the kiss. His hold tightened until I was plastered against him as he plundered my mouth.

  The sheer force he used to pull away reverberated under my hands. His eyes were hooded as he regarded me. “I love you too, Kenny. But I’ve been waiting for you to say it first, just in case.”

  “I’ve been chicken. About so much and for the wrong reasons.”

  I was still between his legs and the place was quiet, but we were an oasis. He brushed a hand down my face. “How’s Bruce?”

  “He’ll be okay. I didn’t talk to him long. I ran to your house. Grandma Gin is going to want an explanation for why I charged to the door and then sped away.”

  His gaze searched mine, and I saw the moment he realized I hadn’t even gone to Derek’s grave first. And I wasn’t running there now. I needed to be with Liam.

  He glanced around at everyone minding our business. “Are you okay with this?”

  “I’ve never been surer of anything.” I loosened my hold on his shirt and brushed my thumb across his cheek. “Did you get Canadian bacon pizza?”

  His grin was lopsided. “With pineapple.”

  “Oof, my love might have one condition—no pineapple near my pizza.” I pressed another kiss to his lips as he chuckled. I had feared I’d lost him. I never wanted to feel that way again. “Mind if I invite myself over?”

  “Never, baby. Let’s go home.”

  Chapter 21

  I stood next to Liam on the porch and watched Bruce and Willow drive away.

  “That sucked,” Liam muttered.

  “Yeah. But it’s done.”

  It’d been three months since Liam and I had kissed at Rattler’s and the town exploded with speculation and gossip. Some of the talk was hurtful. Had Liam and I been dabbling together while I was with Derek? Just plain ignorant. How could I move on so quickly? And encouraging. We both deserved to be happy, and if it’s together, all the better.

  I was happy. Liam was home every night. His new job was going well, and his pieces had been selling within a week of Hattie stocking them. I had sold my house and put the money toward renovating this one. Liam, the boys, and I had had a bonfire when I’d moved out. We’d burned the couch I had spent so much time on.

  I’d even gotten a teaching position at the school in Center, a town a half hour away. But I’d had to turn it down. Mr. Gilding had learned about the offer and called to beg me back. After many of the staff had heard I was leaving, they’d approached Mr. Gilding. Headed by Aspen, they each outlined several instances when they felt Mrs. Z was doing more harm with the kids than good. They argued that a workplace that drove off good employees while nurturing problematic employees wasn’t where they wanted to work. Then they cited the openings for teachers in Hazen, New Salem, Mandan, and Bismarck. Basically, there was a job opening for each teacher who’d complained. Mr. Gild
ing could listen, or he could try to replace five teachers immediately before the first day of school.

  It was a helluva bluff. Aspen swore it wasn’t, but either way, I was in their debt. When Mrs. Z had found out what had happened, she’d quit on the spot and moved with her mom to Arizona. A little bit of employee shifting before school started, and Aspen was the new kindergarten teacher while I got my fifth-grade classroom back.

  Aspen said I’d earned it, but it was a gift from excellent coworkers who cared about the kids they taught.

  Eli and Owen were going to love Aspen. They called her Miss Whitfield even when she came to the house. She and Laney had helped me move to Liam’s. Laney sometimes rode her horse out for a chat, or Aspen brought Lyric over and Liam grilled.

  After Bruce’s pickup disappeared, Liam swooped me into his arms. I cuddled into him. Since we weren’t hiding anymore, he never quit touching me.

  “Think he’ll live up to what he said?” Liam kicked the door open. Grandma Gin had taken the kids for ice cream while Bruce and Willow had been over. The heaviness of the conversation wasn’t meant for interruptions.

  After Bruce had apologized for what he had said, he and Liam had talked about the land lease and Derek and Liam’s friendship. They’d traded stories about Derek that included the real story behind the four-wheelers in the river, in the water holes, and in every other place the guys had gotten stuck with something that had wheels. Bruce had asked about the barn and Liam told him the truth, but he asked that Bruce keep it to himself. Grandpa Bob was gone, and it didn’t matter.

  Bruce said he’d talk to Cameron about leaving Liam the hell alone, that it was the best way he could show Liam he hadn’t meant what he’d said.

  “He will.” Cameron was already losing power over Liam’s life. Liam’s new boss had already had a phone call from Cameron he’d promptly ignored, muttering something about how good welders don’t grow on goddamn trees.

  I nuzzled his neck as he carried me straight through the house to our bedroom. “Isn’t everyone going to be back soon?”