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2 In the Doodoo with Voodoo

Page 9

by steve higgs


  The door closed as I went back to rescue my tea and the shower came on just as Big Ben came back through the door. I wanted to tell him that he wasn't allowed to shag Kimberly, but I could not see how I could stop him since she seemed likely to throw herself at him at some point. I handed him his tea instead and put the wine he had bought for Kimberly in the fridge. The pizza went on the kitchen counter from where I flipped the lid open and selected two slices. It was a big pizza.

  Presently, Kimberly emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. She was wearing a negligee.

  ‘Do you have a dressing gown or something, Amanda?’ she asked. ‘I just threw things in from my drawers at home and this was the only bedwear I grabbed it would seem.’ I doubted a tiny, black, silk negligee was the only thing she would have found to wear if it had just been me in the apartment with her.

  ‘Back of the bathroom door.' I answered. I was trying to not be critical.

  I had finished my tea and my evening was ruined. I would get rid of Kimberly in the morning. I already had an idea about where to stash her safely. For now, though, I needed to get Big Ben out of my apartment and set up the sofa for Kimberly to sleep on. I was going to take a bath and get to bed.

  ‘Ben, I think we can probably assume that the voodoo lot are not coming to get us now. I am certain Kimberly and I will be safe without you. I am sure you are looking forward to getting home.’

  ‘Oh. Well if you are sure, Amanda. I can hang on if you like. Maybe stay until you are safely asleep.’

  ‘Yes, that sounds like a better plan.’ Said Kimberly, excitement in her voice.

  ‘No need, Benjamin. This is a safe part of town and we are in a safe building. I will lock up after you are gone and be quite safe until tomorrow morning.'

  So, get out, you big lump of over-sexed meat.

  ‘Okay.’ With resignation in his voice, he levered his huge frame off the sofa, wished us both a good evening and went out the door. I locked it behind him. I had been quite worried I would go for a bath and find him shagging Kimberly on my bed when I came out. Knowing Big Ben, he would most likely then encourage me to join them. I felt a lot better now that he was going home.

  If Kimberly felt the need to argue she managed to keep her thoughts to herself.

  ‘I am quite tired, Kim. I am going to get a bath and get to bed. Please help yourself to any food you find and feel free to use the TV and DVD etcetera. I'll get you some bedding to make up the sofa.'

  I went into the bathroom to turn on the taps. There was a spider in it. A big fat one with hairy legs. That was three or more already today which felt like it was more than average. I told myself I was being silly, grabbed the shower attachment and washed it back down the drain hole with cold water. The plug went in and the hot tap began filling the tub. The quick addition of a bath bomb ensured a relaxing experience.

  Thirty minutes later, I was laying in the bath with my eyes closed, wishing I had brought a cold glass of wine with me when I became aware of an odd rhythmic noise coming from my living room. Worried that I already knew what I was hearing, I sat up in the bath and stretched across to open the bathroom door a crack.

  There were four feet hanging off the end of my sofa. The back of the sofa faced the bathroom so that was all I could see, but the feet were not stationary, neither was the sofa for that matter as it appeared to be making its way slowly across my carpet. As I watched, Big Ben's hand gripped the top of the sofa for extra purchase.

  Big Ben and Kim were having sex on my sofa! FFS!

  I almost shouted at them but caught myself and eased the bathroom door closed again. Yelling at them would feel petulant. I might need to clean my sofa though.

  I was all done in the bath but did not now feel that I could leave the room and re-enter the main living area with them both naked on my couch. How long would they keep going for? Was Big Ben the sexual tyrannosaurus he constantly claims to be?

  Snakes Alive! Tuesday, November 1st 0700hrs

  My alarm woke me at 0700hrs. The bleeping noise cutting through the dream I was having and banishing it from my memory. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling while I got my bearings. Then I remembered the reason I had set my alarm. I had hidden in my own bathroom for more than an hour while I had waited for Big Ben and Kimberly to grow tired of their nocturnal activities. Then, finally too impatient and uncomfortable to wait any longer, I had hammered on the inside of the bathroom door and announced that I was coming out. I had a towel wrapped around my head which I pulled across my face to shield me from seeing anything I did not wish to as I speed walked between the bathroom and my bedroom.

  It is not that I am a prude. I just don't want to see Big Ben naked or parts of Big Ben hanging out of the client I was trying to protect.

  My question now was whether Big Ben had finished or was still going or had perhaps also just woken up and was about to get started again. I could hear no noise coming from the other side of my bedroom door, thus my decision was to get out there quickly before anything could start again.

  I threw on some sports gear that I had to hand and opened the door. My eyes were trying to decide whether it was best to take everything in quickly and find out if there was anything I did not want to see or stare at the floor until I could verbally confirm if there was or not.

  I went with cautious.

  ‘Good morning, Hotstuff.' I looked up to find Big Ben doing press ups on my floor by my front door. He had on his underpants only, there was a light sheen of sweat on his skin and the veins on his shoulders and arms were very visible as they pulsed blood to his demanding muscles.

  Kimberly was watching from the couch, as one might watch a chef prepare a meal when you are famished.

  ‘Good morning.’ I offered to them both as I crossed the room to the kitchen area and flipped the coffee maker on. I needed it strong and black this morning. There was going to be toast also, a treat to myself. No, bagels! I had bagels in the freezer that toasted up perfectly every time. They were a little naughty, but I was very much in the mood for it.

  ‘Anyone for breakfast?’ I asked over my shoulder.

  ‘Yeah, I’m starved.’ Kimberly answered.

  ‘Benjamin?'

  ‘Probably best if I feed myself. My typical breakfast is a dozen raw eggs with protein powder and veggies, blended and served in three pint-glasses.'

  That sounded awful. I took four bagels from my freezer, showed them to Kimberly to gauge her opinion and put them in the toaster just as the coffee machine delivered my wake-up juice.

  The toaster popped, the room already filled with the scent of the bagels. I slathered two in butter and handed them to Kimberly. She shuffled across the sofa to make room for me. I eyed it suspiciously. Did it smell? Was it clean? Had anything dripped onto it last night? I went back to the kitchen area and ate my breakfast standing up. I would deal with the sofa later.

  Big Ben put on the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday. Well, it wasn't as if I could offer him anything fresh to wear. He was going home shortly but stayed for coffee and to ask if there was anything he could do for me. ‘I don't think so, Ben.' I said between bites of bagel. ‘I will take Kimberly to work and arrange alternate accommodation for her for the next few days until I can crack this case. Today, I will be liaising with the Police to determine how best we can deal with Bartholomew.'

  ‘You make it sound all so easy.’ Kimberly said.

  I cleared my mouth with a swig of coffee. ‘There is no mystery to solve really. Bartholomew is the guilty party. Knowing that makes it much easier to find out how he is causing the ill-effects you are suffering. I can make no guarantee, but I think I will have this sewn up and Bartholomew behind bars very soon.'

  ‘Talking about ill effects, I noticed this morning that my scalp was not itching the way it had been and my skin is less red than it was yesterday. Even my teeth feel better. Why do you think that is?’ she asked.

  I had a theory forming. I needed to check some things out first th
ough. Rather than tell her something that might prove to be false, I instead assured her I would be working on the answer today.

  Big Ben was ready to go, he would shower and change and feed himself back at his place. He waited for me and Kimberly to organise ourselves though. I went to my bedroom, Kimberly to the bathroom where we both dressed for the day and sorted out hair and makeup. It took me far less time than Kimberly needed, but a little more than twenty minutes later we were going out of my front door and I was locking it behind me.

  I plipped my car open and got in. Then screamed a scream that people in China must have heard. I propelled myself back out of my car, bounced off a bush and landed in a puddle where I immediately began scrambling away, oblivious to the wet and muck that now covered my favourite tan trousers.

  ‘Um, everything okay?' Big Ben asked. He had already said goodbye to Kimberly and was walking away as if he had not just spent the night riding her like a show pony. His penthouse was a quarter mile away across the other side of the river that flowed through the centre of town.

  He was smiling at me in a goofy way. Questioning what could possibly be wrong with me to have elicited such a reaction. I wanted to slap him. Instead, I levered myself off the floor and pointed to my car.

  He could go and look because I sure as heck wasn't going anywhere near it.

  He followed my arm and wandered over to my car. ‘Oh, yes. I see.’

  ‘What is it?’ asked Kimberly as she moved to take a peek. She then screamed just as loud as I had and followed it up with a long string of expletives.

  ‘I’m surprised it bothers you, love.’ Said Big Ben. ‘It’s not much bigger than the snake you had to deal with last night.’ He was laughing to himself, but I was struggling to find the humour in the situation.

  Finding my brave pants finally, I walked back over to my car and peered inside. In the passenger's footwell was the biggest snake I had ever seen. My brain was telling me that it was a Boa Constrictor but was neither sure that I was right nor sure that it mattered. What mattered, was that someone had put an enormous friggin' snake in my car. As I watched, its head came into view, poking up by my gear knob to say hello. Its tongue flicked out sending an involuntary shudder right through my body.

  I curse you with spiders and snakes.

  Kimberly would not have to worry about her stalker case for long because I was going to kill Bartholomew. There would be prints on the car, hair, and fibre in it. With that, we could nail him. As I pulled out my phone to call the station and get a crime scene team out here, I started to question what we could nail him for. Being sloppy with a snake? It certainly didn't fall into any assault categories. It was stalker behaviour but now it was aimed at me instead of Kimberly.

  Nevertheless, I needed to prove his involvement, maybe have another chat with him, but this time do it at his parent’s house. With their calming influence, perhaps he would be willing to discuss the recent events like an adult. Or maybe he would just not be willing to pretend he was a voodoo priest with his mother sat next to him and would thus be forced to answer some of my questions.

  Big Ben looked like he was going to get into the car and pet the snake. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. ‘Crime scene.’ I mouthed as the phone connected at the other end. He got it and gently closed the door of my car using a handkerchief over his fingers to do so.

  ‘So, what now.’ asked Kimberly, looking at her watch. ‘I need to get to work.’

  ‘I can take you.’ Big Ben offered.

  I could see no reason for keeping Kimberly with me. I believed she would be safe enough at work, so I sent her with Big Ben while I waited for the crime scene guys to arrive. They would not take long as they were barely more than a mile away but were not the type that had to react in five seconds ever, so would finish what they were doing before they set off. I went inside to get a cup of coffee and changed my wet clothing while I waited.

  Mrs. Stone from the floor below me came out of the building as I was going in. She had on her usual combination of pinks to match her dyed pink hair. Mrs. Stone was old. Like when she went to school there was no history class kind of old. She was spritely still though despite the years and always gave me the impression she was about to get up to no good.

  She smiled at me conspiratorially as we went by each other. ‘Someone got some last night, eh? Sounded like your couch was working its way across the whole room.’ She cackled at me,

  My face coloured. ‘Oh, ah. That wasn’t me actually.’

  Now she looked confused. ‘Well, what were you doing, keeping an old lady up with all that noise if you weren’t getting some?’

  ‘I had a couple of friends stay.’ I admitted. That’s why it was the couch.

  She nodded, smiled inwardly in a way that made me think she was reminiscing about her past, then hurried on her way, shuffling along the path in her house slippers still.

  Inside, I brewed coffee and waited by the window. To pass the time I called Jane/James to catch her/him up on recent events and to see what he/she had learned.

  ‘Hi, it’s James.’ He answered helpfully. He had selected boy clothing this morning. ‘How did you get on yesterday?’

  I explained about the visit to the Kings house in Bearsted and my run in with Bartholomew and his gang at the house on the Magdalene Estate. I left out the bit about Terrance and Trevor and about Big Ben shagging Kimberly on my couch.

  ‘How did it go with the ghost tours lady?’ he asked.

  I had all but forgotten that I had a second case to explore. Bartholomew was keeping me occupied. ‘I need to do more research and I need to go back there and take part in a tour or something, so I can see what is happening for myself.’

  ‘We have an email from Mrs. Hallett this morning complaining that they had an interruption last night during their Halloween event. She asked what we propose to do about it. She makes it sound like we should have already solved the case by now and she asked when Tempest would be available.'

  This was not an unusual attitude. The bit about expecting us to solve the case instantly, not the bit about needing Tempest. I would need to put some more effort into it today. For now, I was grounded though so explained to James about the rather large snake in my car and the curse Bartholomew had supposedly placed upon me.

  ‘I do not like snakes.’ James concluded. ‘Or spiders for that matter. The little blighters have far too many legs. Hey, I found some information on Bartholomew last night while I was watching Hollyoaks.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘His social profile doesn’t tell me much at all, but I liked a load of his friends using a dummy profile I created using a picture of Thea Huntley.’

  ‘The actress?’

  ‘Yup, an old picture before she started getting old and surgery botched her face. Well, I got liked back by half a dozen of the boys so started asking them questions about this and that. I had seven conversations going at one point, then I dropped in that it was Halloween and what were they up to. Three of them said they were practising voodoo with a local priest. One used the name the Magdalene King – does that mean anything to you?'

  ‘Yes, James. It most certainly does.’

  ‘Well, over about an hour I was able to tease out that all the chaps doing voodoo were also working for the Magdalene King. They are all on Bartholomew's social friends' list. But that's not all.'

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘I was asking one guy one piece of information and getting an answer, then asking the next guy a question using the information to make it seem like I already knew what was going on. Then when I got his answer I would go to the next guy with my next question having gained more detail. What I learned, was that Bartholomew is using Meet Market to pick up girls because he needs one for something. They wouldn’t say what it was, I got the impression they didn’t know, but it is something big or important and he is getting agitated because he is running out of time.’ James finished speaking and fell silent.

  What could he nee
d a girl for? His parents said he had a girlfriend, they might have used the word fiancé in fact. Was he just a player and planned to give it all up when he was married? Was the wedding soon? I would need to find out some more about this.

  Looking out of my window, I saw a police car arrive and the white van of the crime scene team pull up next to it. Patience Woods got out of the passenger's side of the car dressed in civilian clothes.

  ‘I have to go. The team has come to deal with the snake.' I explained.

  ‘Oh, err, I have more stuff to tell you. About the Meet Market website…'

  ‘I’ll have to call you back. Is that okay?’

  ‘Oh. Yes, of course. It might be important. Or might help…’

  I was already out the door, four expectant faces staring at me. ‘Sorry, James. Gotta go.’ I hung up, promising to call back soon to continue our conversation.

  ‘Hi, everyone. There’s a snake in my car.’

  Patience peered in through the glass of the passenger's window before I could warn her not to. The snake reared its head and came right at her. ‘Whoa!' she screamed as she performed what was almost a backflip to get away from my car. ‘That's a snake, girl.' She said. Actually, that wasn't what she said, but I cannot repeat what she did say because I might have a child one day and I don't want those words to have ever left my mouth.

  Brad Hardacre was the other cop in the car with her. He had been driving because no one who valued their life allowed Patience to get behind the wheel. He strolled across to look in the window as well. ‘Hi, Amanda.’ He said as he peered in. ‘That’s a big snake.’ It clearly didn’t bother him.

  ‘Hello, Brad. How’s tricks?’

  ‘Never a dull day.’ He replied blithely.

  Next to him, the crime scene guys I had called were getting their gear out. I knew them. Their names were Steve and Simon, they were both sweet, older married guys that had no hair and too many kids. At least in their opinion, although I am certain neither one meant it when they said it. They were taking plastic cases out of the van and placing them on the floor. It had been Simon that answered the phone when I called the extension for their office. He looked across at me now, peering over the top of his glasses.

 

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