The Guilt Trip

by Sandie Jones

  ‘Don’t push me,’ spits Jack.

  ‘No, come on, tell me,’ presses Ali.

  ‘I mean it. If you threaten to expose what’s going on one more time . . .’

  ‘I’d like to see it,’ says Ali, her voice unwavering. ‘If you want me to stop, you know what you’ve got to do.’

  ‘Do you have any idea what it will do to Rachel?’ says Jack. ‘This will destroy her. Do you really want to be responsible for that?’

  ‘I think you’ll find Rachel is far stronger than you think. Either that, or she refuses to acknowledge what’s going on right under her nose, because I’ve certainly left enough clues.’

  There are two breaths of silence before Ali screams and Rachel turns to run, unable to comprehend what might be happening. But she’s only put one foot in front of the other when she stops stock-still. No matter what Ali’s done, she cannot, will not, stand by and let a man hurt a woman, for any reason.

  She heads back to the cave, rushing in, shouting Jack’s name. As her eyes take a couple of seconds to adjust to the darkness, she can just make out his arm in the air, about to bear down.

  ‘Rachel?’ he says, as if in disbelief.

  Ali’s eyes are wide and scared as she looks from Jack to Rachel and back again, as if unable to weigh up whether she’s come to help him or her.

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ Rachel screams at Jack, needing to hear his excuse for lashing out at Ali, far more than why he’s sleeping with her.

  ‘I . . .’ he stutters, letting his arm drop.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Rachel asks, not knowing who she wants to answer.

  ‘It isn’t . . . it isn’t what it looks like,’ says Jack, stumbling back, as if in shock. Though Rachel can’t tell if it’s because she’s made an unexpected appearance or the realization of what he was about to do.

  ‘Tell her, for fuck’s sake,’ screams Ali, her voice echoing around the cave.

  Jack’s jaw spasms involuntarily as he looks at Ali with such intensity that a sob catches in Rachel’s throat. She’s never seen him look at anyone the way he’s looking at her and she can feel her marriage being washed away with the tide that is lapping at her feet.

  ‘Not like this,’ he says, his voice breaking.

  ‘How many more chances do you want me to give you?’ says Ali, her voice, in contrast, strong and steady. ‘Either you do it, or I will.’

  ‘I . . . just . . .’ stutters Jack. ‘Please . . . I just . . .’

  How could Ali, who Rachel had written off as being nothing more than a silly young girl, have so much hold over Jack that she has turned him into a crumbling wreck? How has she worked her way under his skin to such an extent that he’s unable to string two words together? This isn’t her Jack; this is a different man entirely.

  Despite feeling hollowed out inside, Rachel forces herself to stand tall; to be more like Ali. ‘Is somebody going to tell me what’s going on?’ she says, sounding far more authoritative than she feels. She looks from Jack to Ali and back again.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ says Ali, looking at Rachel with tears in her eyes; the first time that she’s shown any regret or remorse. ‘I tried to stop it, honestly I did.’

  It takes all of Rachel’s restraint not to launch herself at her, to tear the hair from out of her stupid head and to rip the tacky dress she’s just worn to proclaim her love for someone else, off her back. But that would make her no better than Jack and despite everything, she has to be a better person than he is.

  ‘How long’s it been going on?’ she asks, her mouth feeling as if it’s full of cotton wool.

  Ali looks to Jack, but he’s turning around in circles, agitatedly raking at his hair. ‘At least eighteen months,’ she says. ‘That’s why I left the company. I had to.’

  Rachel’s mouth drops open. She thinks of all the things they’ve done in the past eighteen months: the words they’d exchanged, the dreams they’d shared, the love they’d made, and it all suddenly seems sullied. Like she’s been living a lie, or worse, been unknowingly immersed in someone else’s.

  ‘Please!’ shouts Jack, as if he knows he’s fast losing the chance to claw Rachel back from the precipice she finds herself clinging to. ‘I need to do this my way.’ He looks at Ali. ‘Without you here.’

  Ali laughs acerbically. ‘I don’t trust you to do it your way,’ she says, lifting her dress up to avoid the lap of water that is easing its way towards her with every break of a wave. The tide is coming into the cave so rapidly that it won’t be long before they’ll have no choice but to swim out.

  ‘Why don’t you think of Rachel in all this?’ he snaps, finding his voice again. ‘What might be best for her?’

  ‘Don’t you think that’s what I’ve been doing?’ says Ali.

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ says Rachel sarcastically. ‘You’ve gone all out to do right by me.’

  Holding her dress at her knees, Ali walks to Rachel. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she says tearfully. ‘You have to believe me when I say I tried everything in my power to put a stop to it.’

  ‘If you don’t get away from me,’ sneers Rachel. ‘I swear to God . . .’

  She watches Ali wade out of the cave and turns to Jack, whose face is sallow, devoid of colour. She imagines slapping his cheek hard and the red blush it would create.

  ‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’ she asks, once Ali’s gone.

  Jack’s manically rubbing at his head, back and forth. He goes to speak, but seems to think better of it.

  ‘I’ll ask again,’ she says firmly.

  ‘She . . .’ he starts.

  Rachel waits, with her hands on her hips, refusing to make this any easier for him.

  ‘When she first started working for me, she made an advance . . .’ He leaves it there, as if waiting to gauge Rachel’s reaction.

  She can’t help but laugh. ‘And let me guess . . . you were powerless to resist?’ It’s a question she expects to be answered.

  ‘I . . . I tried, but you know what she’s like, she’s so full-on.’

  ‘Poor you,’ says Rachel, without a modicum of sympathy.

  ‘Anyway, I kept refusing her and one night, when I’d had too much to drink – I think you and I had had a row . . .’

  Rachel scoffs. She knew it was somehow going to be her fault.

  ‘And that night, I kissed her,’ says Jack.

  Rachel raises her eyebrows expectantly, wanting him to go on, but not wanting to hear it.

  ‘And ever since then, she’s been pushing for more. Blackmailing me by threatening to tell you if I don’t give her what she wants.’

  Rachel shakes her head, trying to make sense of what he’s saying. ‘So, have you given it to her or not?’

  ‘No!’ he exclaims, his voice so loud that it reverberates around them. ‘Of course not. You know I’d never do that.’

  Rachel looks up at the cavernous ceiling, waiting for the patience she so desperately needs to be bestowed upon her.

  ‘So you’re saying that all you’ve done is kiss her?’ she asks incredulously. ‘Once?’

  ‘Exactly!’ he says. ‘And ever since, she’s been making out that there’s something going on, when I swear to you, there isn’t.’

  Rachel can’t believe what she’s hearing. ‘But that doesn’t even make sense,’ she says. ‘Why would she do that?’

  ‘Because she’s stark raving mad,’ he says, throwing his hands in the air. ‘You know what she’s like. You’ve seen how she behaves. This is what I’ve had to deal with.’

  If he thinks she’s about to feel sorry for him, he’s got another thing coming. ‘So, you’re saying she’s deluded? That everything she’s just said is bollocks?’

  ‘Yes!’ says Jack. ‘Yes, she’s got it in her head that something’s going on, but you know what she’s like, Rach. She’s mad.’

  She wonders if he thinks repeating himself will make her believe him more. It doesn’t. It just makes him sound as if he’s clutching at straws.


  ‘So this is why you didn’t want Will to marry her?’ says Rachel.

  Jack nods.

  ‘So, what about Rick?’ she asks.

  He looks at her with a perplexed expression.

  ‘The man you said she’d had an affair with,’ says Rachel, having to jog his memory yet again. ‘Does he even exist?’

  Jack shakes his head. ‘No, I just needed to give you a reason for why I hated her so much, but without having to admit that I’d been stupid enough to kiss her.’

  ‘You said I’d be destroyed,’ says Rachel. ‘I heard you.’

  ‘Yes, because that’s the kind of thing I have to say, to keep her from losing her mind and going on the rampage. I really don’t know what she’s capable of, and right now it’s a balancing act, at least until we get through this and are back at home. I don’t want Will to know that I kissed her, even though it was before they even met.’

  It’s a long shot, but Rachel wonders if there’s any way he could be telling the truth. Every single seed of doubt that has been sown into her mind, has been planted by Ali. From having to retrace her steps to find her passport, to her being in their room, to inviting herself on Jack’s run, to finding his watch in her drawer. It’s all been one-way, with Jack having played no part in any of it.

  And she does know what Ali’s like; she’s a liar and a fantasist who will stop at nothing to get what she wants, even if it means taking down the people she supposedly loves in the process. Look what she did to her own mother. God knows what led to the horrific events of that night, but Rachel can bet her bottom dollar that it was Ali’s selfishness that has resulted in Maria being bound to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

  Nothing is as it seems in Ali’s world, so why would Rachel think her and Jack could escape the storm that seems to prevail wherever she is?

  ‘You have to believe me,’ Jack pleads, as if reading her mind. ‘You know what she’s like. You’ve seen it with your own eyes. She can’t stop herself. The woman is a pathological liar.’

  Rachel laughs at herself for wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. She knows that if any of her friends were in this position, she’d scream at them to ‘wake up!’ But somehow, when it’s your own marriage on the line, it’s not so clear cut.

  ‘That’s what I’ve been dealing with,’ he says. ‘Haven’t you ever asked yourself why she’s no longer working for me?’

  ‘She just said that she had to leave because it all got too much,’ says Rachel, reading between the lines.

  ‘I got her sacked,’ says Jack bitterly.

  ‘You sacked her?’ says Rachel, shocked at the admission. ‘You said she gave her notice in when she was offered the new job.’

  Jack shakes his head.

  ‘What grounds did you sack her on?’ asks Rachel.

  Jack sighs heavily. ‘She just wouldn’t leave me alone, but I could hardly go to the boss and complain that I was being sexually harassed by a woman, could I? He’d laugh me out of his office.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ asks Rachel.

  Jack looks down as the advancing tide fills his footsteps as quickly as he leaves them. ‘Because you’d probably do the same,’ he says.

  Rachel likes to think she wouldn’t, but without knowing what she now knows, she has to admit that she might have.

  ‘So . . . so what did you do?’ she asks.

  ‘I had to do some digging,’ he says. ‘To see if I could find something, anything, that meant I could fast-track her out of the door, and out of my life.’

  ‘So, what did you find that proved conclusive enough to sack her?’ asks Rachel.

  ‘She lied,’ says Jack, bluntly.

  Rachel tuts and shakes her head. ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’

  ‘She put down a fictitious job on her CV,’ Jack goes on. ‘I was determined to get something on her that would stick, and I did.’

  ‘How did you find out it was fake?’

  ‘I just called all the employers she said she’d worked for and they all stacked up, except one, who said they’d never heard of her.’

  ‘So, there’s a gap in her career that’s unaccounted for?’ asks Rachel.

  ‘Two years,’ says Jack.

  ‘What could she have been doing that meant she had to make something up?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ says Jack. ‘It gave me enough to dismiss her on the grounds of obtaining employment fraudulently.’

  ‘But don’t you want to know why?’ muses Rachel, feeling that they might be on to something; something big that could be the death knell for Ali’s hours-old marriage. ‘Aren’t you intrigued to find out what she’s hiding? Because she’s definitely hiding something.’

  ‘I honestly don’t care,’ says Jack tightly. ‘I just wanted rid of her and that gave me the chance.’

  ‘But what if . . .?’ starts Rachel, her mouth working faster than her brain. She pauses, waiting for it to catch up. ‘What if she was inside?’ Her eyes widen as the possibility dawns on her.

  Jack laughs. ‘What . . . prison?’ he asks, his voice high-pitched.

  Rachel nods. ‘It’s not too far beyond the realms of possibility, is it? Knowing what we now know about her – the lengths she’ll go to, to get what she wants.’

  Jack’s eyes flit rapidly from side to side as he contemplates what Rachel’s saying.

  ‘She might be a professional fraudster – a con woman who got caught out. Or she might have been convicted of stalking,’ offers Rachel, warming to the theme. ‘They take that pretty seriously these days.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ says Jack.

  ‘She was driving the car when Maria was injured. If she’d been drinking, they’d have put her in jail and thrown away the key.’

  ‘If she’d been in prison, we’d know,’ says Jack.

  ‘How?’ asks Rachel. ‘You only checked her references when you wanted her out. Most people would do it when they were considering hiring someone in.’

  ‘Nobody does that anymore,’ says Jack, by way of defence. ‘You glean more from someone’s social media accounts than from talking to an employer who can barely remember them working there. The job she went to never bothered to ask me for a reference either.’

  ‘So, it’s the blind leading the blind,’ says Rachel. ‘No wonder she’s got away with it for so long. You’ve all allowed her to – and now she’s got her feet under the table of our family.’ Her voice wavers as she thinks of Josh and what Ali might have seen or heard. ‘She could be capable of anything.’

  Jack goes to her and takes hold of her shoulders. ‘I think she’s already done her worst as far as we’re concerned.’

  Rachel wishes she felt as confident.

  ‘Why haven’t you told Will any of this?’ she asks. ‘Why wouldn’t you warn him who he was marrying before it was too late?’

  ‘I tried!’ he exclaims. ‘But he just wouldn’t listen. She’s done the same to him as she’s tried to do to me. But Will’s weaker than I am and he’s let her win. He’s desperate to have kids, and doesn’t want to leave it too late.’

  ‘She doesn’t want children yet,’ says Rachel, as if to herself.

  ‘What?’ says Jack. ‘But the other night . . .’

  ‘I know what she said to us the other night, in front of Will, but I heard her telling her cousin that she’s not ready.’

  ‘The fucking bitch,’ seethes Jack. ‘How can she do that to him?’

  Rachel thinks about it for a moment.

  ‘See, this is what I’m talking about,’ says Jack, jumping in on her thoughts. ‘This is what we’re dealing with.’

  ‘You had your chance to put a stop to this,’ says Rachel, feeling the ice-cold water lapping at her feet. ‘If you’d been honest – with me, with Will – you could have stopped him marrying her.’

  ‘It’s not too late,’ says Jack.

  ‘Of course it’s too late!’ cries Rachel, ashamed of the part she’s played in this. How had she let her st
upid insecurities come between her and her husband? If she’d confronted Jack when she should have, all this would have come out sooner, and together they would have had a chance to let Will know the mistake he was about to make.

  Jack takes her hand. ‘We should get back before we’re missed,’ he says, attempting to laugh. ‘And before this place fills with water.’

  21

  ‘What’s going on?’ asks Paige, when Rachel approaches her and Noah.

  ‘You’re not going to believe it,’ says Rachel, giddy with relief. She finishes the gin she’d left on the table and picks up her handbag from the back of a chair. ‘Let me just go and sort myself out and I’ll bring you up to speed.’

  She takes herself off to the ladies’ toilets where she finds Chrissy standing outside a closed cubicle door.

  ‘Are you . . .?’ starts Rachel, pointing to the open cubicle beside her.

  ‘Oh, no,’ says Chrissy. ‘Go ahead.’

  Rachel doesn’t really need to go, she just wants access to the mirror to make sure she’s not got mascara running down her cheeks, but with Chrissy in the way, there’s not enough room, so she locks herself into the cubicle and checks her phone whilst she waits.

  ‘Come on, Ali,’ she hears Chrissy plead. ‘Whatever it is, you can’t let it upset you on your wedding day.’

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ sniffs Ali. ‘I just need a minute.’

  ‘Okay,’ says Chrissy. ‘I’m right here.’

  ‘Actually, could you leave me?’ says Ali. ‘I just need to be on my own.’

  ‘Well . . .’ starts Chrissy, clearly not sure if it’s wise to leave Ali alone.

  ‘Honestly,’ says Ali, sensing her hesitation. ‘I’m fine. I’ll be out in a second.’

  ‘Okay,’ says Chrissy reluctantly. ‘I’ll just be outside by the bar.’

  Rachel hears the door open and close and a few more sniffs coming from next door. She doesn’t know whether to bolt it out of there to avoid Ali – after all, she has nothing left to say to her – or let her go first.