by D. E. Morris
Every warrior surrounding her faded to nothing and Ashlynn was alone in a field of death. Upturned faces of her people, friends, loved ones, all stared up at her with empty expressions, no breath on their lips. Her blood pulsed in her ears, beating louder and louder until she felt her head would explode.
She bolted upright in bed, panting in the dark as though she'd been running. In a panic she clawed at her face to rid her vision of matted hair. Instinctively she reached for her baby but found him gone. Jaryn was missing as well. Fear gripped her throat and she clutched the blanket tightly under her neck.
“Jaryn?”
Her voice was soft and tremulous, her breathing ragged. Where was he? Where was the baby? Had they been taken? Was this even real?
“Jaryn!”
This time her fearful call was heard and the door opened. One of her guards came in, his hand on the hilt of the sword and his expression expectant. “Is everything all right, Your Majesty?”
Something in his voice acted as an anchor and tugged Ashlynn down from the height of her terror. She swallowed and cleared her throat, focusing on the bearded face starting at her in concern. Attempting to preserve some of her dignity, Ashlynn raised a hand and gently swept her hair behind her ear. “The king is not here.”
“No, Your Majesty. The young prince was unhappy so the king took the baby to find someone able to calm him. He said you were not to be disturbed.”
“Unhappy?” She looked at the guard in confusion. If Lochlainn had been fussing, why hadn't she been woken by the noise? Why hadn't Jaryn roused her?
“Ashlynn?” Jaryn entered the room and looked first at the guard, then to his wife. He did not have the baby. “What's going on?”
“Where is Lochlainn?” Ashlynn demanded.
With pursed lips, Jaryn looked to the guard and gave him a nod of dismissal. The man mirrored the motion and left, closing the door behind himself.
Once they were alone Jaryn let go of a tired sigh and walked slowly over to the bed. “Lochlainn is fine. He's asleep with the only nanny you haven't yet dismissed.”
“Why didn't you wake me?”
“Because you need your rest, love. I need rest. Neither of us can do that with a baby sleeping between us.”
Her brows came together. “He is my child. You have no right to take him away from me like that.”
Jaryn looked stung. “I didn't take him away from you.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, close to Ashlynn. “He's just down the hall in another room with a woman who would give up her life to prevent anything from happening to him, just like you. The only difference is that she has been getting sleep and she doesn't have a husband who hasn't had any time alone with her since he was born.”
“He needs me.”
“Aye, he does.” Leaning closer to her, Jaryn cupped the side of her face. “But so do I. I miss you.”
She looked down, giving her head a small shake. “What are you talking about? I'm right here. I have always been here.”
“You haven't been here since we've been home.” He dropped his hand but inclined his head to try to get her to meet his eyes. “You're not sleeping well, you're not eating enough, you're not as involved with daily duties as you've always been. Even your girls have voiced their concerns.”
Ashlynn's gaze flickered to his face. “You've spoken to my girls?”
“My eye has not wandered, my love. They came to me because they love you and they worry for you.” He pushed the rest of her hair from her face. “So do I. You're restless and detached. You look thinner now than you were before you were pregnant. You're not well, Ashlynn. It frightens me.”
Tears prickled her eyes and Ashlynn looked down once more, drawing the blanket up closer under her neck as though it could protect her from his pleading gaze. She wanted to tell him everything: about coming face to face with Tadhg's vengeful spirit, about the way demons haunted her dreams every night, about how afraid she was Tadhg would make good on his word and take her child from her. Yet even stringing her thoughts together like that sounded crazy. How would it sound if she said it all out loud?
“You'll think I've gone mad.” She sniffled and attempted a laugh, knowing Jaryn would retort with levity as usual, if only to make her feel better, but when she met his eyes there was nothing of amusement or teasing there, only genuine concern. It was the very thing that made her brimming tears spill over.
Jaryn moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight as she cried. It took a great deal to bring forth this sort of emotion from Ashlynn; crying had never been something she did much. In fact she prided herself on being able to keep her emotions in check. For this reason alone, Jaryn knew whatever troubled her was not a small thing. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, whispering words of comfort every so often but never letting her go even when her weeping began to subside. She clung to him with her fingers wrapped in his nightshirt, trying to even out her breathing so her words would come out as something more than choked sobs.
At length she pulled away from him and ran her hands through her messy hair. Words would not come, at least not the right words. All she could whisper was, “I'm scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
A single tear ran down her cheek. “That you will think there's something wrong with me and you will leave.”
“Hey...” Jaryn took both of her hands in his. “Listen to me. There's nothing to be scared about. I'm here. I'll always be here. Remember what I said to you on the beach when I married you? I said I wasn't going anywhere and that's still the truth.” He squeezed her hands in reassurance. “I'm here, Ashlynn. I'm not going anywhere.”
She looked at him, searching, and then it all came tumbling out. She told him what happened the night of the wedding, every detail that was still painfully etched in her memory. As she told her story she watched Jaryn's face for any sign of disbelief, but he simply sat and listened with brows drawn. She confessed the dreams she'd been having almost every night, lately sometimes more than once a night. It would always begin with a familiar memory and then be tainted with events she knew did not happen. There was a darkness that lurked in the recesses of her every slumbering moment and it waited to prey on her when she was most vulnerable. It twisted her thoughts during the day and turned her stomach sour so that food was not appetizing.
“I have tried praying before I sleep, but I can't. My thoughts become paralyzed by fear and so I lie there, exhausted but too afraid to sleep. And when I can stay awake no longer the darkness is there.”
For once in his life it appeared as though Jaryn had nothing to say. He scrubbed a hand over his face as Ashlynn watched him carefully, but still offered nothing of his thoughts.
“You don't believe me.”
He hesitated, but only briefly. “It's not that I don't believe you...”
“That is exactly what it is.”
“Ashlynn, Tadhg is dead.” He lifted his shoulder in confusion. “You know that. You're the one who took his life.”
“I know he is dead. It was his spirit that came to me.”
“Spirits can't come to people like that.” She looked at Jaryn sharply and he shook his head. “I'm sorry, I just don't believe they can.”
“You believe angels can come to people.”
“Of course.”
Ashlynn's eyes narrowed. “Then why not demons?”
“All right.” Jaryn lifted his hands defensively. “I believe you're having nightmares. I've seen the way you move in your sleep, cry out, reach for the baby. But they're just dreams, love. They can't hurt you.”
“Yes they can. Jaryn. You do not know what I have seen; what I've felt.”
“You have to learn how to wake yourself up, that's all.” He offered a small smile. “Once you realize you're in a dream, that's all you have to do to get out of it. Just wake yourself up.”
She looked down, visibly working on controlling her breathing. Jaryn was placating and while it would be enough for some wome
n, Ashlynn was only further angered by it. A frown settled deep into her expression. Choosing to shift the subject, she returned her attention to her husband. “How do you explain what happened on Mirasean then, since you seem to have all the answers?”
“I don't have all the answers, and I don't know how to explain it. You clearly think you saw Tadhg.”
“I did see Tadhg!” She hit the mattress in frustration. “He reached into my body and tried to murder our son, Jaryn! He burned my face with his touch! You saw the marks!”
“Yes, I did. But that...” He paused with an exasperated sigh, watching as Ashlynn threw back the covers and stalked away from him. “But that doesn't mean I understand it.” He stood, clearly at a loss. “Try to put yourself in my place. How would you react if I told you all of this?”
She rounded on him, livid. “I would listen and understand! I would accept it because you are my husband and I know your mind! If you told me something happened I would take it as truth!”
“Would you?”
It was irritating how calm he was, how he always remained so calm. Yet it had the desired effect and took some of her own temper away as it usually did.
“I would try to.” She walked back across the room, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Whatever is happening to me is real, Jaryn. I could not be making this up. It's not in my imagination.” She took his hand and touched his fingers to the place the burns had been. Though the elves were able to heal the damage there was still evidence in the feel of her skin. “I need you to try to understand.”
He stroked her cheek, then took her face in both of his hands and bent to kiss her lips. Resting his forehead against hers, he then kissed her nose. “What I understand is that you are distressed. Therefore my new mission in life has become to make you less distressed. If I can find a way to take this fear away, these nightmares, I promise you that I will.”
She smiled wanly. “My hero.”
“Now that you've finished verbally abusing me, will you come to bed? Can I hold my wife while she sleeps and not have to worry about a baby between us?” She looked a bit hesitant and he smirked. “I promise you he is fine.” He didn't give her a chance to argue and instead simply took her hand and led her back to the bed. Jaryn laid down on top of the covers and pulled Ashlynn down beside him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. “I love you, Ashlynn the ill-tempered.”
She chuckled against his chest. “Be quiet.”
“If that means we sleep, gladly.” The silence only lasted a brief moment, however, before he quietly prayed, “Great Dragon...please hold my wife close to You as she sleeps. Keep the bad dreams at bay and let her rest. It is written in scripture that we shall not fear the terror in the night. Let her sleep without fear.”
Ashlynn muttered a sleepy, “Amen,” before drifting off to sleep.
It was the first block of sleep since being back on Siness that she had no dreams at all. When she awoke the next morning she felt as refreshed as though she'd slept through the night with no disruption. Jaryn teasingly said it was because there was no baby to worry about, but Ashlynn said she believed it was probably the prayer.
They got into the habit of praying together before laying Lochlainn down to sleep and before they went to bed themselves. Ashlynn slept peacefully, with no dreams either good or bad. Slowly her fears ebbed and she released some control over the baby. She still refused to let another woman nurse him, but there was more time she spent holding audiences with those who sought her attention than there was hovering over her child.
The peace lasted for almost a week before it was shattered.
Ashlynn had gone to bed before Jaryn, leaving her husband to hold a private council with some of the men of the court. She settled in with a book, thinking she would read until Jaryn came in, but soon found it hard to keep her eyes open. Eventually she fell asleep, her book sliding to the floor and a candle still lit on the bedside table.
This time the memory she slipped into was startlingly recent. It seemed they'd begun with some of her earliest and moved forward along the timeline of her life. This memory took her back to Mirasean, the night of Tasarin and Luella's wedding. The feasting tent was still set up and all her loved ones were within. Warmth and affection flooded her when she looked upon their joyous faces; her little sister, not so little anymore, dancing and laughing; Cavalon merrily raising a goblet to the happy couple; Luella and Tasarin so very much in love.
Ashlynn turned from the tent to walk down moonlit paths that wove through the tall thick trees. There was a general sense of weightlessness in the air. Even though it felt as though something was missing there was no worry or fear. The snap of a twig in the forest prompted her from the path, her curiosity leading her to two elven children. They all shared a laugh over something trivial, but just as Ashlynn was about to tell them how darling they were, they froze.
Fear replaced happiness on their faces and their breathing became rapid. Blood began to trickle from their noses, the corners of their mouths, their ears, and even their eyes. They tried to scream but could only make thick choking sounds that splattered Ashlynn's face with blood. It burned like acid and she backed away, clawing at her skin. Then he was there, standing before her as he had that night, laughing at her pain and confusion.
“Did you think you were safe?” Tadhg asked, taking a step toward her for every step she took away from him. “Did you think you could be free so easily?”
“Stop!” Ashlynn screamed. “Leave me alone! You're not real!”
“What will it take to convince you, boy, that I am more real than anything in your pretty little world?” He reached for her and wrapped fingers around her neck. It was then that she realized what left her feeling like something was missing. While Tadhg lifted her mercilessly from the ground she touched her stomach as though she could protect her baby. Except there was no baby.
She wasn't pregnant. She'd already had Lochlainn. This had all happened before; it wasn't real.
Ashlynn gripped Tadhg's wrist and dug her nails into his decayed skin, tearing and pulling. Tadhg only laughed.
“What now? I won last time and I will win this time. You are mine.”
Fyre.
The word blazed into her mind unbidden, the voice soft, sweet, and entirely unfamiliar.
You are not his. Fyre!
She felt the pressure in her palms, boiling under her skin for a split second before blue and gold flames burst from her hands and wrapped Tadhg's arm in vengeful flames. He immediately dropped her and stumbled back, cries of terror on his lips. Ashlynn hit the ground with a thud and reached up to rub her neck. She watched Tadhg wave his arm around in a terrible effort to put out the flames she controlled.
“Ashlynn!”
Her head jerked toward the direction of the feasting tent. Jaryn was calling for her. He was looking for her. She quickly returned her attention to Tadhg. If Jaryn found her there was no telling what Tadhg would try to do. She had to destroy him now, once and for all.
Getting to her feet, her lips pulled back in a feral sneer. All of her focus was put into the fyre as she willed it to grow. It snapped and burned mercilessly, Tadhg's screams coming louder and louder while Jaryn's voice grew closer and closer.
“Ashlynn, stop!”
“No!” She reached out as though she could feel the destruction of her enemy through the fyre, a wild look in her eyes. “He must be destroyed.”
“Ashlynn!”
Something hard smacked across her face and she recoiled. All at once the forest was gone. Tadhg was gone. She was back in her room, on the floor as men in armor rushed past her with buckets of water. Her bed was ablaze and the water appeared to be doing nothing to help put it out.
“Ashlynn, you've got to stop it!”
Jaryn was beside her, kneeling on the stone floor. Had he hit her to wake her? She looked up at him in complete confusion and noticed the black scorches on his nightshirt. He was holding his arm and she could see skin that was red, bubbly and burned
where his clothing no longer covered. “Jaryn?”
“Put the fyre out!”
She gasped, a sudden understanding jarring her. A thought had the flames gone in an instant. The men who had been trying to put the blaze out all stood there, uncertain as to what they should do now. One of them bent down to help Ashlynn up, but she shied away and commanded, “Don't touch me!”
“Get the healer,” said Jaryn, sending one of the guards rushing from the room. He winced as he reached out for his wife, but she avoided his touch as well. “It's all right now.”
“I hurt you.” She knew she had simply by the look of it, but saying it out loud was almost painful. “Oh, Jaryn...Jaryn, I am so sorry.”
“I know.” He reached for her again and this time she fell into his arms. “I know you didn't mean to. It's all right.” He looked up at the men watching them. “Make sure Lochlainn is safe and keep everyone out of this wing of the castle. No one is to hear of this. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“He was there,” Ashlynn told Jaryn as the guards left the room. “Tadhg was there. He was trying to kill me.”
“You're safe now.”
“No, I'm not.” She sat up and looked at Jaryn's arm. “Neither are you. Jaryn...”
“It's all right.”
“Stop saying that! It is far from all right. I could have killed you!”
“But you didn't.” He looked at his arm, brows drawn in pain. “It's just a small burn.”
Anger bubbled inside of her and Ashlynn bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming. She was dangerous, that was much was obvious. What would have happened if Lochlainn had been sleeping beside her and not in his nursery? Would he have been able to withstand the flames? He was too young for anyone to know the extent of his abilities. She could have killed her own child and the idea of it made her shake in fear.
“Ashlynn...” Jaryn gripped her shoulder to pull her from her racing thoughts. “Whether this is real or not, and I'm not saying it is or it isn't, I think you need to talk to someone about your dreams.” She nodded mutely, already ten steps ahead of him. “Tasarin and Luella should be back from their wedding tour. I will send him a summons request and-”