by Ivy Blake
“Oh I understand them alright,” he said flatly. I folded my hands across my chest, concealing the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra.
“So what do you want now? Were you not the one who stormed out at Nate’s?” I asked, my voice and my face hard. I wanted to yell at him, to scream at the top of my lungs until he understood just how shit he’d made me feel. I wanted him to understand even though it was all his fault. Austin rubbed his temple and clenched his jaw, the muscles working overtime.
“Can we sit down?” he asked, gesturing to my messy bed.
“Since when do you ask for permission?” I shot back indignantly. Austin growled, about to snap back with something else but I watched him stop himself and clear his throat before responding.
“It’s polite,” he said through gritted teeth.
“So you do know what manners are,” I said in a patronising voice as I made my bed, sitting down on it once it was in an acceptable condition. Austin sat down beside me, leaving a gap between us. I wasn’t sure if I was offended or relieved that he wasn’t closer, but I did know that I was much more concerned about what he had to say that was so urgent.
Austin stared at my wall, his knee jumping up and down as he prepared his words. I couldn’t help but stare at him, having never seen him in this state, a state that I could only describe as nervous. I knew that he was human, but ever since the day I’d met him, Austin had shown a very limited range of emotions, so this was new to me. He cleared his throat again, and turned to me.
“You realise I still need a tutor right?”
My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. So he risked his life climbing up a tree to ask me this? There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to cuss him out. Heat boiled up in my chest, threatening to bubble over. It was like he was testing me, to see how far he could push me before I murdered him. If that was the case, then Austin was doing a phenomenal job.
“Why the hell would I want to still do that?” I shot at him. “You’re fucking delusional if you think I still want anything to do with you!”
“You seem to be the delusional one here,” he fired back, “have you forgotten these?”
Austin brought the pictures up on his phone once again, swiping through the incriminating evidence. My cheeks were hot and I was starting to see red, my hands shaking with anger as I looked at the pictures. It was a lose-lose situation for me regardless. Even if I did tutor him, there was no way I could guarantee that he’d actually delete those photos or that he didn’t have them backed up somewhere else in his house. Hell, who was to say that he hadn’t already shown them to his friends?
“They’re just pictures,” I said as calmly as I could through gritted teeth. “If that’s what it’s going to take to get you to finally leave me alone, then fine. Send them.” My last sentence came out more wobbly than I intended, but clearly the message still reached Austin who seemed taken aback by my words.
In one sense, it could be seen as giving up, but both of us really knew what this meant. The pictures lost power if I didn’t give a shit about them (or at least I didn’t seem to), therefore making Austin’s bargaining chip obsolete.
“If these get out, you’ll be ruined,” he said, his eyes flashing. I could tell he was desperate to get on my nerves, to make me bend to his will.
“I doubt it’ll be anything I haven’t experienced already, thanks to you,” I spat, and I meant very single word. Austin growled and shoved his phone in his pocket, I was clearly getting underneath his skin.
“I need to get this scholarship!” he yelled, so loudly I was glad that Lola and Mom were both out or they definitely would have heard him.
“Well then you need to find someone else.” I pointed to the door. “I’d prefer if you left that way.” We were done, there was nothing else to say. All he cared about was himself and I had no time for a self-involved jerk who only wanted to use me and toss me aside when it suited him. It didn’t matter how attractive he was.
Austin slammed his fist on my bed which only bounced underneath the weight of his hand. I watched as he breathed heavily and stared at the ceiling before he finally brought himself to look at me.
“Do you want me to show you out?” I asked as I stood up.
“Sit down,” he ordered.
“Fuck off,” I shot back, “you don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“Megan-”
“Stop, I just want you to go!” I cried, my lip quivering threatening tears. I hated how my name sounded in Austin’s mouth, each syllable came out soft and gentle like he cared about me. I’d much rather he call me Virgin again than say my name like that. There was a pause as the gravity of my words permeated the air between us.
“I’m… I’m sorry okay,” he muttered, so quietly I almost missed it. My breath caught in my throat. There was no way this was happening. There was no way that Austin was in my bedroom apologising to me of his own accord. There was no way that this could be anything but a dream.
“You’re sorry?” I said slowly, not even putting any effort in to conceal the disbelief in my voice.
“That’s what I said,” Austin shot back quickly before reverting to his calm voice again.
“I’m sorry about Nate’s and all the shit that happened at school.” He looked up at me, searching my eyes with his own as he tried to gauge my reaction. I kept my face as empty as possible, my tone as flat as possible as I tried to digest his words.
“If you’re so sorry, why did you do it in the first place? Why did you take me upstairs? Why did you spread those rumours, Austin?” His eyes were begging me to stop but now I’d started, the questions kept rolling off my tongue. “Why do you insist on treating me like shit but you won’t leave me alone?” The ice queen gig was up as tears began to fall down my face.
“I- I don’t know,” said Austin, and I could tell from his voice that while he was frustrated, he was actually being honest. “I can’t explain it, I’m just really sorry about all that shit, okay?”
“That’s not good enough!” I sobbed, I could barely see him through my tears. If only he knew what it was like to be on the other side of his torment, to constantly be looked at with both desire and scorn, the emotional whiplash that he caused me. “You just don’t get it,” I said quietly as I wiped my tears with my hands.
Austin stood up from my bed and walked towards me a light blue handkerchief in his outstretched hand. I looked down at it then back at him, refusing to accept any kindness from him.
“I’m not tutoring you,” I said defiantly.
“Take the damn handkerchief,” Austin growled, pressing it into my hand. I frowned at him so that he knew I was only accepting the gesture begrudgingly before I used it to wipe away the rest of my tears.
“Are you actually sorry or are you just trying to guilt me into tutoring you?” I asked after a moment. Austin closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
“I’m being serious. I’m sorry for being a dick to you.” I blinked up at him unsure of what to say. “You don’t deserve it,” he added quietly, his eyes open again, this time looking more sincere. Up close, I could see how long and delicate his eyelashes were- someone really was God’s favourite.
“Megan?” Austin raised his hand to my cheek, disarming me with his touch once more, like he’d done that night at Nate’s.
“Yeah?” I breathed, my heart beating faster than it had ever beaten before as I melted against his touch. My eyes searched his face for a sign of danger, any sign that he was lying or was going to hurt me again.
“If you do still want to tutor me, I won’t be mad,” whispered Austin playfully, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His eyes were still serious however.
“I’ll have to think about that one,” I said, knowing that there was no way I could make a rational decision while he was touching me like this.
“Anything I can do to convince you?”
“Nothing at all,” I said coyly, my eyes drawn to his soft pink lips.
“You mi
ght be good at English, but you’re a terrible liar,” Austin purred before he pushed himself against me trapping me between the door and his body.
“Takes one to know one.” The words had barely left mouth before we pounced on each other. Our hungry lips searched with ravenous passion as we kissed each other deeply. My hand was in Austin’s hair as he bit my bottom lip, forcing a moan to escape from my mouth. His hand dropped to my thigh which involuntarily wrapped around his back as he grinded into my body generating that familiar heat within me that only he had been able to conjure up.
“Fuck,” he hissed as he trailed kisses down my neck, making me throw my head back in pleasure. All sense and logic had gone out of the window, all I knew was that this felt so fucking amazing and I didn’t want it to stop. He picked me up and threw me on the bed, barely giving me any time to catch my breath before he tore off my pants and began kissing up my thighs. As I lay back, all I could see were stars. Austin played with my clit through my underwear, and by the way he chuckled to himself, I could tell that he felt smug about the fact that I was already dripping wet. He lowered himself on top of me and started kissing me again, running his fingers through my hair and over my body, leaving little fires everywhere his hands touched me. I helped him take off his shirt and pants, almost breathless as I sensed what was going to happen next. It was dangerous territory again.
I peeled off my shirt and sat back on my bed, waiting for Austin to find a condom. Unfortunately for us, we were interrupted by the incessant buzzing of a phone. Austin dropped the condom and reached for his phone, bringing it to his ear just as it cut off.
“Shit!” he cursed as he started gathering up his clothes.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, suddenly thrown off-guard by the change in atmosphere.
“I need to go,” Austin said as he finished buttoning up his shirt. I watched as he tried to call whoever had called him, but when they didn’t answer he swore again.
“Right,” I said, even though I didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t believe he was doing this again. I couldn’t believe I was letting him. What could be so important? Austin gave me a lazy wave as he stormed out my bedroom. I heard his feet running down my stairs, going quiet after he’d left the house, slamming the front door behind him. Great. Another day with Austin, another sudden exit and frustrated Megan.
Chapter Fourteen
Austin
I ran home, paranoid about my mom’s missed call. We barely got to have any time alone because she was either out avoiding Steven or hiding after Steven had had his way with her. It sucked to leave Megan behind like that again but my mother needed me, I seemed to be the only person she had.
I practically kicked down the door to my house because I was so impatient. I felt tense as I walked in, and like a hound, I was on a high alert just in case Steven jumped out of the shadows. He was meant to be out, but he was the type to show up unexpectedly just to throw you off-guard and ruin your day.
“Mom!” I called as I walked around the kitchen and living room with no sight of her. “Mom?’ I was getting increasingly more worried, a bad feeling was stirring in my stomach as I climbed the stairs. My mind flashed back to a couple of years ago when I had found her passed out in her bed, a bunch of empty pill bottles and an empty bottle of wine on her bedside table. The image of her lying there unconscious had scarred me for life, but I was glad that I’d been there to call the ambulance in time or I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t been able to save her.
As I reached the landing I prayed silently to whoever was up above, even though I wasn’t religious, that Mom would be okay.
“Austin, is that you?” I breathed a massive sigh of relief as I heard her voice coming from the guest bedroom. I pushed open the door to see her crouched down by the bed packing a couple bags and suitcases.
“What’s going on?” Anyone with eyes could tell exactly what was going on. Mom was trying to run away, for real this time.
“I’ve already got some of your things in here,” she said in a hurried tone, her eyes wide and alert. “Add anything that you think you might need, but not too much because we need to be quick.”
“Are you sure about this?’ I asked as I crouched down to her level. Her eyes were red and puffy- clearly she’d been crying for a while.
“I don’t know what else to do,” she sobbed, “my friend said we can come and stay at her house. The taxi’s coming in a few minutes.” I nodded my head at her but felt stuck in a trance. I’d dreamt of this day for so long, and I’m pretty sure she had too, but now that it was here I didn’t know how to feel.
When I was younger, I’d assumed that she loved Steven more than me and that’s why she made us stay, but as I grew older I quickly realised that it was fear keeping her in place. Not only fear of what other people would think, but fear for her life and mine.
As instructed, I rushed to my room and grabbed a few things, tossing them in the suitcase without stopping to organize them. There was simply no time and we were both panicking as time ticked by. I didn’t know which friend Mom was referring to, who our knight or lady in shing armour was going to be. I also didn’t know how far away we had to go to be truly away from Steven.
Once we’d packed up our belongings and organised the house so it looked like normal, I stopped to consider all the things and people I’d have to leave behind. My mind drifted to Megan, the girl sitting in her room only a few houses away. I knew it was selfish but I wanted to say goodbye to her properly. Nate and Ross too. It probably meant goodbye to Valley High, goodbye to football, everything I’d worked so hard for. Running away from Steven meant that we had to go as far away as possible, somewhere that he couldn’t find us or it would be death on sight, I was sure of it.
“Are you done, Mom?” I hissed, worried that we were cutting it too fine.
“All good,” she said. As she zipped up her suitcase and carried it downstairs, I heard the sound of a car outside. Paranoid, I looked out the window and was glad to see that it was a taxi and not Steven.
“Car’s here,” I called down the stairs as I also made sure my suitcase was properly shut before running down the stairs to meet Mom at the door.
“Here we go,” she said in a small voice, turning around to give the house one last look. Her eyes were filled with overwhelming sadness and she looked so frail and small that I felt like I barely recognised her anymore. I pushed away guilty thoughts that clouded my mind about all the ways I could have gotten her out of this situation earlier and helped her carry her belongings to the car.
“You okay?” I asked.
“We’re gonna be okay soon-,” she said quietly. Her voice was cut off by the sound of another car nearby. We both looked up and our worst nightmares were confirmed.
Steven.
Everything happened as quick as a flash and my body kicked in to autopilot. The only thought I had in my mind was to save my mom.
“Go!” I hissed to the driver as I shut the door on my mom’s tear stricken and shocked face.
“Austin, no!” she cried, but it was too late. Steven had already parked up and witnessed his wife leaving in a taxi, her son left standing outside the house.
“What the hell is going on here?” Steven bellowed as he walked up to join me. I swallowed hard and tried to make my face and tone as calm and neutral as possible, as if I hadn’t just missed out on my opportunity to leave this godforsaken place.
“She’s going to that conference, remember?” I said, forcing myself to meet Steven’s eyes.
“What conference?” he snarled.
“The ladies one that they do like once a month. About feminine energy and shit,” my tongue tripped over my teeth as a rambled like an idiot in an attempt to cover for Mom.
“That’s the fucking shit that’s getting into her head- got her acting like a crazy woman,” Steven growled as he pulled out his smartphone before furiously tapping and swiping the screen.