Home to Cedarwood

by Megan Slayer

  Chapter Seven

  Colin resisted the urge to brush his fingers against his mouth. The electricity between him and Jordan sizzled and snapped. He’d always known once he and Jordan got together, there would be magic, but he hadn’t planned on that much of a spark. Still, he liked the way Jordan’s eyes widened and his lips parted. But he shouldn’t have kissed him.

  “Colin.” Jordan gripped the baseball glove and backed away from Colin.

  “What? I don’t regret what I just did. I liked it and would like to do it again.” He turned his attention to Gage. “Why don’t you get the ball so we can head home? The ’skeeters will be out soon.” Colin turned his attention back to Jordan. “I’m not lying about who I am, but I’m not parading anything in front of my son.”

  The crush hadn’t died when Colin had gone to college. The rejection had stung, but the attraction remained. It might have hidden down deep in his soul and hibernated, but now that he had the chance to act on his feelings, the pull came back stronger than ever. Maybe he was crazy, but he wanted Jordan Hargrove.

  “Colin. Wait.” Jordan hurried up to where Colin stood and kicked at the weed growing in the dirt leading to the pitcher’s mound. “I shouldn’t be asking this, but I have to. Are—are you free sometime to talk?”

  “I have a son and a business to run here in town. I’m never free.” Colin bit back a chuckle. “Why?” No one ever seemed to get that joke. For some reason, people seemed to think he had tons of time to do whatever he wanted.

  “I wanted to have a beer or something with you soon.” Jordan kept his voice low. “Not here or right now, but you know. Relive our baseball days and stuff. Or not.”

  “What do you mean, I know?” Screw the town. He wasn’t going to hide his sexuality because a few people in Cedarwood hated gay people. They could change the town, even if it only happened one possible couple at a time.

  “Shit. This is harder than I thought.”

  “I haven’t talked to anyone about our baseball days in a long time. I almost forgot about them other than helping Gage learn how to catch.” Colin nodded to the gate. “I’ve got time later. I can ask Farin if he wants to hang with Gage for a few hours if you want to come over, but just for beers.”

  Jordan’s eyes brightened. “You’re sure? Just talking over a beer.”

  “Sure. You know where I live?” He laughed at himself and started toward the gate. “Of course you do. You wrote me up yesterday morning.”

  “I didn’t memorize the address.” Jordan toyed with a thick ring on his right hand.

  “For a guy who has to command the landscape as a cop and who used to bring the stadium to its knees when you stepped up to the plate, you’ve got a very interesting meek side.” Colin stepped in close to Jordan again. He didn’t give a shit who saw them, but he respected Jordan’s need for privacy. “I can’t help being drawn to you, but I’m not ready for a relationship. That doesn’t mean you haven’t aged well. You’re still sexy.”

  A shiver skated up Colin’s spine. He’d longed to say those words to Jordan for the last fifteen years. The time on the baseball team together and the brotherhood they’d shared hadn’t dissipated over the years.

  Jordan stared at him and didn’t say anything for a long time.

  “Look, you don’t have to be afraid to be yourself. So, the town has a problem with gay people. You can find that everywhere. It’s what you do about it that’s the deal. Don’t let the minority who shouts the loudest dictate how you live your life.” Colin smoothed the wrinkles in Jordan’s shirt. “Meet me at the house in half an hour. We’re in the Bridgewood development. Five-seventeen. Can’t miss the duplex. We’re just two buddies getting together for a beer.”

  Truth be told, he didn’t want to hide his sexuality or attraction to Jordan, but he knew better than to keep pushing Jordan to do something he wasn’t ready to do.

  “Okay.” Jordan nodded, then wandered away from Colin. He kept shaking his head as he disappeared around the corner.

  Colin sighed. He’d gone out of his comfort zone when he’d kissed Jordan, but he had to know if the attraction was real. Was he ready to make a commitment? Hell no, but having a friend was better than being alone. Would he and Jordan become a couple? He had no idea and wouldn’t force fate to tell him. Being civil was enough—for now.

  * * * *

  Later, at home, Colin forced himself to stay calm and not pace in front of the bay window. Jordan was supposed to be coming over. He blew out a ragged breath. He hadn’t been this nervous when he’d waited for the adoption to come through on Gage.

  “Dad?” Gage stood between Colin and the window. “What are you looking for?”

  “A friend.”

  “You don’t have friends,” Gage said. “Duh, Dad .”

  Out of the lips of babes… Jesus. Gage didn’t have to be right. He stared at his son. They’d been cooped up in the house ever since Colin had heard about the latest spray painting incident. He shouldn’t have to hide and his son should be able to play in the yard. “Want to go outside? We could swing.”

  “Please?” Gage darted to the door and yanked on the knob. “You’ll push me?”

  “Sure will.” Within seconds, he was tugging the swing backward, then let go. Gage whooped and the breeze ruffled his hair. Colin chuckled. Even with the oddities, Cedarwood was a nice place to live. Most everything a person could want was within a short drive or walking distance. Many of the neighbors looked out for one another. Coming back to his home town to raise his son had been a stroke of genius. Still, he kept an eye on Gage and the cars passing along on the street. Better to be vigilant than not.

  Farin zipped into the driveway, then into his garage. The big door shut and within seconds, Farin strode out onto the porch. “Hey, guys. It’s a great day for a swing, isn’t it?”

  “Hi, Uncle Farin.” Gage waved, wobbled then grasped the rope. “Dad said we could swing. He never says that.”

  Colin groaned. He’d spent too much time locked up in the house and store.

  “Did you?” Farin strode over to them and folded his arms. He widened his stance. “Smart choice, swinging.”

  “We thought so.” Colin pushed Gage again. Farin nodded. “Were you expecting company?”

  “Maybe.” Why’d he have to be so shy about it?

  A truck pulled up in front of the house, then parked at the end of the driveway. Colin tensed until he recognized the man behind the wheel—Jordan. He waved, but continued pushing Gage on the swing.

  Jordan climbed out of the vehicle. “I love seeing a family hanging out together. Makes this town seem so much nicer. It’s like a postcard, but real life.”

  “You always were eloquent.” Colin pushed Gage again. “You made it.”

  Gage hopped off the swing and wobbled toward Farin. “I need to sit down.”

  “Why don’t you and I hang out over there?” Farin asked. He pointed to the tree. “Yeah?”

  “Why can’t we hang out with Dad?” Gage didn’t budge. “It’s always us and Dad.”

  Colin half-smiled at Jordan, then faced Gage. “You said you wanted to play that new video game Uncle Farin bought. You know, the one I said you shouldn’t play? If you go to your uncle’s for a couple hours, you could probably talk him into a few levels on that game.”

  Gage stared at his father, then glanced over at Farin. “Really?”

  “Why not?” Farin shrugged. “I want to see how the two-player mode is anyway.” Come on, goof.” He met his brother’s gaze. “Colin, we’ll be next door if you two need supervision.” He laughed and escorted his nephew to the other half of the duplex.

  Colin waited until the door closed, and sighed. He gritted his teeth, and revulsion washed over him. He’d done the thing he’d claimed he didn’t want to do—palm his kid off on his brother. He’d never expected to be raising a kid on his own. His worthless ex had given up his parental rights shortly after he’d hooked up with the new boyfriend, and that had pissed Colin off more than a
nything else. He didn’t want to be a single parent, gay or straight, but life happened.

  Jordan hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans. “I wanted to tell you, since Gage isn’t around, I have information about the incident with the excrement on your porch. I talked to the principal at the school. I guess there have been bullying incidents where the children used the same speech. I can’t get into details, but I’d keep an eye on Gage and your ears open. If it’s the person I believe it is, she’s the parent of one of the bully children.”

  “Gage got very quiet after school today, then there was an incident at the store. I haven’t discussed with him what happened. It’s easier to wait until he’s ready to talk.” A dull ache grew behind his eyes. He’d taught his son to stand up for himself, but also to get his emotions out. He wanted Gage to be proud of who he was, not go along with the mainstream just to fit in. How was he supposed to help his son when being himself was enough to cause Gage trouble?

  “Incident?” Jordan questioned.

  “There was a woman at the store…I’d just rather forget about the whole thing.”

  “What’d she look like? Tall? Blonde? Grimacing?” Jordan asked. He rocked on his heels. “Like she might bite you in half if given the chance? Because you’re gay?”

  “You sound like you know her. Do you?” Colin nodded to the house. “Why don’t we go inside? I’ve got a six-pack and a nice deck.”

  “Sounds good.” Jordan followed Colin into the house. “The woman is Marcy Rundgren. President of the elementary school Parent Teacher Association and general thorn in my side. She’s probably the poop person. If she confronted you, then she knows you’re gay. She’ll make it her life’s work to run you out of town. We went to school with her. Marcy Davis. She never used to be this bad. She’s happy to go rounds with the principal, superintendent and whoever else wants to challenge her.”

  “Do I want to know what made her so angry? Or should I stick with my plan of not leaving and making her put up with me?” Colin waved Jordan through the house. “There’s beer in the fridge. If you want, head out to the deck and I’ll bring the bottles.”

  “Sure.” Jordan continued to the back deck. He stood by the steps leading to the yard.

  Colin raked his fingers through his hair. He’d invited Jordan over and they were about to have drinks. How life changed. Colin grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge, then popped both tops. When Jordan came back into the house, Colin handed him one of the beers. “Don’t like the deck?”

  “No.” Jordan accepted the bottle and traced his thumb through the condensation. “The bugs are bad and I didn’t feel like being eaten alive.”

  “Probably smart we stay in the house, then.” He stood by the bar. “So.”

  “So.” Jordan flattened his palm on the counter. “Look, I can’t do this any longer without getting a few things on the table. I’ve said it a hundred times in my mind, but I’m sorry.”

  “It’s cool. We all make mistakes.” Colin tipped the bottle back and drank the chilly beer. Drinking the brew gave him an extra moment to think through what he wanted to say. “If you’d asked me a few days ago if I thought we’d ever get along…I’d have told you to go fuck yourself. But I’ve had time to consider what happened. We’ve grown up.”

  “We have.”

  Colin held up his bottle. “To growing up.”

  “Cheers.” Jordan laughed. “That’s what I always admired about you. No matter what, you made people feel better.”

  “It comes from having a baby brother. We were tight, so I kept an eye on him. That’s probably why he feels the need to protect me now. I make him laugh, and he provides the muscle.” This time, Colin chuckled. “We’re so fucked-up.”

  “You’re brothers. That’s nothing to sniff at.” Jordan downed some of his beer. “More confession. I was always jealous of your batting ability. You could read the pitches so well. Better than me.”

  “Body language. Back then, the pitchers weren’t as good at hiding the body language. They’d telegraph the pitches. I watched when I wasn’t hitting to learn the different quirks.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure.” He hated to give away his secrets, but his baseball days were long behind him. He watched Jordan. The longer they sat together, the more he realized he liked Jordan—far beyond platonic ways. “I have a question for you.”

  “Shoot.” Jordan turned in his seat and faced Colin. “I’m willing to answer.”

  His heart pounded. “That kiss at the ball field. You didn’t pull away, but you were tense as hell. If I’d asked you if you wanted another kiss—would you?” There. He’d been honest. Blunt. Blew the lid off the whole situation. He hardly believed his shift in attitude, but what the hell. Why not? Maybe they were right for each other. Maybe.

  “Colin.” Jordan teetered on his seat. “I—I thought I was willing to answer.” He turned his attention to Colin. “When you kissed me…I loved it. I’ve dreamed of that.”

  “But?”

  “There isn’t one. I don’t have a but ,” Jordan said.

  “No, you have a butt and it’s a very nice one.” Colin leaned back in his seat and appraised Jordan’s ass. “I bet it’s nice during sex. You like it swatted, don’t you?”

  “How—how’d you know?” Jordan’s eyes widened. He smoothed his hand across his mouth, muffling a laugh. “Okay, I don’t get how you figured that out, but yeah. I do.”

  “I wasn’t the team leader in steals for nothing. Always observe and play to your advantages.” Colin reached for Jordan and laced their fingers together. He’d learned a long time ago to watch and listen to figure out the situation. He got a rush from knowing how to handle tricky situations, like the one with Jordan. “The thing is…I hated you for a long time. Hated you because you got that scholarship I wanted. You made the all-star team. Everyone in the school wanted to be with you, including me. I didn’t show up on your radar that way. Then you left me standing there like an idiot. I let that embarrassment and frustration get to me.”

  “I understand.” Jordan scooted closer to Colin. He rubbed Colin’s knuckles. “The thing for me is that I want to keep this quiet. Let Farin know. I want Gage’s approval. But I don’t want anyone else to know. Not that I’m not proud to be with you. It’s this town. I’m not ready to come out—not fully.”

  Ah, now a lot more made sense. The man was still in the closet. Colin had pushed him. “I know. This place is hard on anyone who doesn’t think like the others.” Colin rested his forehead against Jordan’s. “So would you want to watch an old baseball game with me? I’m sure there’s at least one on the zillion cable channels we have.”

  “And have the chance to hang out with you?” Jordan nodded. “I would.”

  Chapter Eight

  “I’ve got a channel that’s all baseball, all the time.” Colin gestured to the couch. “Have a seat. It’s channel two-sixteen. I’ll grab two more beers.”

  “Sounds good,” Jordan said. “Isn’t your brother coming back with Gage? Think either of them would like to watch an old baseball game?” He wanted very much to strip naked and offer himself up to Colin, but there was another factor to consider. The kid.

  “Nope. Farin would rather be strung up by his thumbs and Gage only likes to go to the real games for the candy apples and cotton candy.” Colin left his bar stool and rounded the counter. He turned the knob on the dead bolt, then grinned. “Far and I have an agreement. I don’t date. Haven’t in almost a year. But if he wasn’t busy and I found someone…he’d take Gage. I can’t unload my kid, as it’s been so eloquently said, but that doesn’t mean I want him exposed to something I think might be bad for him.”

  “I’m bad?” He could see Colin’s point. Keep the kid insulated in case the shit hits the fan. Nothing wrong with preventing, as best he could, what might be a bad situation.

  “I wouldn’t say bad.” Colin grasped Jordan’s hand. “You’re dangerous. I had my life all planned out. I’d raise Gage, keep
to myself and run the store. No deviation. Then I crossed paths with you.” He led Jordan through the house to the living room. “My life changed. For the better? Not sure yet, but I want to find out. Until I know where you fit in my life, Gage doesn’t need to know how close we get.”

  “I understand.” Jordan sank onto the sofa. “Do you remember when we were juniors, the game against Ridgeville?”

  Colin brought two fresh bottles of beer over to the couch and handed one to Jordan. “I do. I needed one more stolen base to break the stolen base record. In the bottom of the seventh inning and I had the chance to smash that record.”

  “Then I came along and jacked everything up.” Jordan laughed, then sipped the beer. “I had to hit that home run.”

  “You did.” Colin sat shoulder to shoulder with him. “I hated you.”

  “But yet you sat with me on the bus ride home.” He took another sip from the bottle. “I wondered why. You should’ve ignored me.”

  “I couldn’t hate you for scoring that run. You were the reason we won the game. The point was to win.” He shrugged. “Plus, we were friends and teammates. I was happy for you. It took me until the next year to smash that record, but it made me work harder and was worth the extra effort.”

  “You didn’t speak to me the entire way back to the school.” He’d hated the silence. Back then, he’d lived for conversations with Colin.

  “I was still pissed you kept me from getting that record broken.” Colin leaned back in his seat. “But I ended up doing it our senior year, so all wasn’t lost. I remember we blew that last game after Ridgeville. Everyone wanted so much to get to the state championship. We didn’t.”

  “We didn’t. I missed catching a pop fly and created an error when I finally threw it to first and Decker didn’t make the catch. According to Decker, I kept us from going all the way.” He glanced over at Colin. “I guess I did.”

  “Decker was full of shit.” Colin shook his head. “We didn’t have our collective shit together that year. The drive wasn’t there to win and go all the way. Our headspace was all over the place.” He sat up. “Did you see that?”