Veil of Stars: A Wild Hunt Novel, Book 17

by Galenorn, Yasmine

  “I don’t know. Maybe fear drove me here.”

  What do you think you’ll find at the top of the mountain?

  I let out a slow, shaky breath. “Maybe a road to Arianrhod’s castle because…maybe she has the answers.”

  The answers to what question?

  I wanted to tell the voice to shut up, but I forced myself to listen, to consider what it was saying to me. And it dawned on me that I didn’t have a question. I was running from fear, but maybe I was also running because I believed that answers had to come from outside of myself. Maybe what I needed was to just sit quietly and listen.

  I took a shaky breath, folding my legs cross-legged and resting my hands on my knees, curling my thumbs and middle fingers to touch one another. Inhaling deeply, I winced as the cold night air bit into my lungs. Then, as I slowly streamed it out, I focused on my thoughts.

  Was there any question I needed answered? And if there was, was the answer already inside me? What was I searching for here? What did I need to know? As the moments ticked by, it occurred to me that what I really wanted was approval.

  I’m searching for proof of my own authority.

  Ever since I had gone to work for the Wild Hunt, I had deferred to the will of Morgana, Cernunnos, and Herne. I had accepted them as my authorities, and by doing so, had sublimated my trust in myself.

  “I can’t do that anymore,” I whispered. “When I’m a goddess, I’m going to have to make the rules, not always follow them. Yes, there are things I need to learn but I will be one of the rule-makers rather than the petitioners.”

  And in that moment, I realized that I had been headed toward Caer Arianrhod in hope of finding approval—the approval that I was worthy of becoming a goddess.

  If you aren’t confident in your choice, you’ll never make it through the Gadawnoin. You must trust yourself. You must trust that this opportunity would never be offered to you if the gods didn’t believe you worthy. You must believe you’re capable in order for the ritual to take.

  I stared into the night. Could I do it? Could I become a goddess and wield the power accordingly? Could I keep it from rushing to my head? Could I become a goddess and remain Ember? Could I remain someone I respected? Could I be true to my values and still walk among the Immortals?

  Herne does, the voice whispered. And Morgana and Cernunnos and Brighid. Some of the gods don’t set a good example, and some are corrupt, like Pandora. But do you really think you have the nature within you to be that destructive?

  I thought about it. Even though both sides of my heritage were predators, I could never do what Pandora had done to Raven. I would always stand for the underdog, I would always choose to protect those weaker than myself. I would always choose ethics over inhumanity. And that meant that I could handle the responsibility. As long as I kept my true nature in sight, I could choose goddesshood with a clear conscience.

  The next moment, I opened my eyes and I was lying in the field, staring up at the sky, and Morgana was there, waiting for me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “You have learned what you needed to learn?” Morgana asked.

  I nodded. “Yes, I believe I did.” I yawned. “How long was I out?”

  “Less than an hour.” She settled down on the log beside me. “I can feel the difference.”

  I rolled up, blinking. “Less than an hour? It feels like days.”

  “Some experiences leave a long-lasting mark. You’re ready for tonight. For the ritual. Go, spend some time with Angel and Herne. Take a bath, take a nap. Eat a light dinner. I’ll come for you when it’s time.”

  I thought about what she had told me about the Gadawnoin. “So this wasn’t facing my fears…”

  “Let us say it was the beginning.” She paused, then bent over and plucked a blade of grass from the ground, playing with it. “I was around your age when I met Cernunnos and went through the ritual.”

  “Were you scared?” I asked, leaning back against the tree trunk.

  “Oh, I was terrified. My father was angry that I wasn’t following in his footsteps. He wanted me to eventually join the Force Majeure. Though now, I’m not so sure if he was angry or just…didn’t like the gods. He blamed them for setting up Arthur, who had been a protégé of his until he was claimed for kingship.”

  “Then you’ve been a goddess for a thousand years or so?”

  “Longer than that. Arthur was king during the fourth century CE. So…oh, not quite two thousand years.” She dropped the blade of grass and leaned back, resting her hands on the log. “I remember so often he would leave home—my father—and not return for years at a time. My mother and I grew used to his absence. Then I met Cernunnos and my world changed. In my eyes, he was all there was. And I went through the ritual so that I could be with him.”

  “Do you ever regret it?” I asked. “Do you still love him?” I needed to know that love could last through time.

  “Do I still love him?” she said, musing. “Cernunnos and I will always love each other. We live apart now so that our love continues. There are weeks and months where we don’t see one another, but when we come together, it’s always with passion and joy. But for a long time, we were inseparable. Then I realized…I couldn’t die. There wasn’t the need to be together all the time. So we live apart, and we rekindle romance whenever we feel the need for companionship. I believe we’ll always be in love, but it’s different now. Our love is the foundation for our connection, but we no longer need to wear it on our sleeves, so to speak.”

  I wondered if Herne and I would become that way, and would it be bittersweet? “Do you regret how it’s changed?”

  “No, our love’s much deeper now than it was in the beginning. We belong together, as a couple, but we don’t need to cling.” She motioned for me to stand. “Let’s return to the palace.”

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  She grinned at me. “I thought you’d pick that up. We’re in your mind, and I don’t mind saying, it’s rather interesting in here.” She led me toward a door that magically appeared.

  I wasn’t sure what to say, so I kept quiet and followed her.

  * * *

  That afternoon we were all hanging out in a common room except for Viktor and Sheila, who were still on their honeymoon. Raven and Kipa were curled up in an overstuffed armchair. Herne and I were eating cookies and petting Mr. Rumblebutt, who was on a leash so we could keep track of him. Angel was playing chess with Talia, and Yutani was looking glum.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked him, handing him the cookie platter.

  “I miss my tech. I miss my computer. And I miss the city,” he said. “I’m not cut out for life over here.”

  I wanted to tell him he’d adapt, but the truth was, I wasn’t so sure. Yutani truly wasn’t cut out for a non-technological world. I glanced at Herne, who cleared his throat.

  “I’ve been discussing matters with my father,” Herne said. “He received a note from Saílle and Névé. Like we thought, they’ve started evacuations. They’re moving their cities to the realm of Wildemoone. They can’t come back to Annwn, unless they choose to yield their rule to the ancient Fae Court queens. And they certainly have no desire to move to the Forgotten Kingdom. Wildemoone has plenty of space and they can establish a life there for their subjects who choose to follow them. So we won’t be responsible for watching over them anymore.”

  “How does that apply to us?” Yutani asked.

  “If you want to move back home, you are free to do so. We won’t force you to stay somewhere you’re unhappy. You’ll always have the freedom to journey here to Annwn if you like, but if you want to chance the dragons…that’s your decision.”

  My breath caught in my throat. The thought of the team breaking up made me heartsore, but I knew that there was nothing I could do about it. We couldn’t drive the Luminous Warriors back to their realm, and if Saílle and Névé were gone, then the original reason the Wild Hunt was formed was null and void.

  “Can�
�t you introduce something here for Yutani to work on? Annwn has a connection with our world, so why not bring technology over?” But even as I said it, I realized that remaking the realm of the Celtic gods in the image of Earth wasn’t a good idea. For one thing, while magic and technology could coexist, usually one was dominant and the juggling of the two systems required a lot of focus and work.

  “No, if it spontaneously develops here, that’s different. While we use some items—and very gratefully—from Earth, production usually introduces a vast amount of pollution and raping of the land. And we will not do that. We could not. Y’Bain would strike back at us, for it’s the predominant life form in this realm.”

  The great forest of Y’Bain was, indeed, a sentient creature, a hive mind of all of its components. The gods weren’t allowed through the borders of it, either. And the forest covered a great deal of Annwn from what I had seen.

  “I understand, and it’s all right. But I might return to my home after Ember has passed through the Gadawnoin,” Yutani said. “Or perhaps, to my father’s realm. I want to convince my aunt to leave Earth.”

  “Viktor said he and Sheila are considering moving here,” Herne said. “They’re mountain people rather than city folk, and Viktor knows how to live up in the shadows of the mountains. They’re going to decide while they’re on their honeymoon.”

  “Speaking of home,” Raven said. “As soon as you make it through the ritual, we’ll be going home until your wedding. Home as in Kalevala, of course. Raj will be waiting for us, and my father—we did send word that we’re all right, so he won’t worry.”

  I turned to Talia. “What about you? Where are you going?”

  She sighed, leaning back against the sofa cushion. “I think… I think I would prefer life in Morgana’s castle. My dogs are already here, and my most important possessions. I might see if I can cadge a job with her—maybe work in the treasury or with human resources in her castle. I’m not sure. She mentioned she might have a position opening soon.”

  And so we were ready to scatter to the winds. I turned to Angel, searching her face. “And you? Have you made a decision yet?”

  She scanned my expression, letting out a slow smile. “DJ is here, now. I don’t want to live a world away from him. And I’ve been thinking about Morgana’s offer. I think…” she paused. After a moment, she said, “I think that I’ll be taking her up on her idea, so I may be joining you if everything goes right.”

  I clapped my hands. “It will. It has to. You won’t be sorry—”

  “I already am. Listen, don’t mention this to DJ yet. I don’t want him to find out from anybody else but me, and I sent a note to Cooper so that we can meet and discuss it.” Angel held my gaze. “I’m not making this decision lightly. It’s been hard, in fact, for me to accept that I want this. You’re going into this world with Herne. I’m going into it alone.”

  “No, you’re not,” I said. “You’ll have me, and you’ll have Herne. You won’t be alone.”

  After that, we relaxed and made small talk until the dinner hour, when Herne and I retired to our chamber as I thought about what was coming my way, and whether I’d make it through.

  * * *

  I stood at the window and looked out over the frozen landscape. The snow had let up, and the moon was shining down on the brilliant white blanket that muffled the world. Everything seemed like a still life—a Yuletide postcard, even though Yule and Imbolc had come and gone.

  “We’re all splitting up,” I said, my voice catching. “Raven and Kipa will be in Kalevala, Yutani’s going home.”

  “But Talia and mostly likely Viktor and Sheila will be here,” Herne said, wrapping his arms around me. “And Angel will walk with the gods. She’ll be here.”

  “I guess…maybe it’s the Wild Hunt splitting up that seems so abrupt and painful. Everything was moving along and then boom, one fell swoop of the dragons and we’re no longer necessary.”

  “Oh, love, the Wild Hunt will continue, but not in the same form. Did you expect us to go on as usual after you became a goddess and we married?”

  I nodded, dashing away a tear that had managed to squeeze out from my eye. “I think I did.”

  “Well, maybe it would have, if it weren’t for the dragons. But everything is shifting and changing, and we have to adapt.” He paused, rocking me gently, then whispered, “I love you more than you can ever know.”

  Turning to him, I threaded my arms through his, holding him around the waist as I rested my head on his shoulder. “I never expected to find love. I never expected much of anything out of life. I guess we have to remain open to change, because if I hadn’t been, I never would have met you, or been part of this whole wild ride. I wouldn’t be standing in Annwn, preparing to become a goddess. I wouldn’t be…anywhere.”

  He leaned down and kissed me, wholly and fully. “Let me make love to you,” he whispered. “I want to feel your body against mine, I want to run my fingers over your skin and touch you in those secret places that make you cry out.”

  We went to bed, then, and I rode my wild lord until near midnight.

  Herne watched silently as I slipped out from the bed to dress in the tunic and trousers, wrapping the sash around my waist and fitting Brighid’s Flame in the sheath. I slung a quiver over one shoulder, and rigged Serafina on her strap and slid her over my other shoulder. I braided my hair back, and finally, I slid on my boots and waited, petting Mr. Rumblebutt.

  Not five minutes later, Morgana tapped on the door and I gently slid my cat from my lap and answered her.

  “We’re ready,” she said. “Follow me.”

  I turned back to Herne, who was standing behind me. He caught my face between his hands and dipped down for another kiss.

  “Come back to me,” he said, his eyes glistening. “You come back to me, you hear?”

  I nodded. “I’ll try. I will do my best to survive.” Feeling teary-eyed, I straightened and followed Morgana down the almost-empty hallway. “It’s quiet here at midnight.”

  The palace was silent, and there was barely any foot traffic in the hallways.

  “Yes, early bed and early morn—that’s the timetable for most of the people here.” She glanced back at me. “Afraid?”

  I nodded. “Yes, but less so than earlier. The meditation helped.” I paused. “Can you make sure that everyone’s okay if I don’t make it through?”

  “Of course. But focus on facing the challenges and working through them.” She paused. “Remember, not all challenges are to be overcome or conquered.”

  I glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t explain. Just remember my words.”

  We continued along, winding through the labyrinthine hallways until we stood at a locked door. It was unassuming—there was nothing to mark it as anything special, but Morgana took out a long key and held it up to her lips, blowing on it after whispering an incantation to it. She fitted it into the lock and slowly began to turn it. Instead of turning smoothly, it clicked into position, and she turned the key six times, each a fraction of a turn, until she had gone half circle with the key. Each time it clicked into place, and I thought I could hear a chamber in the lock shifting with each movement. Finally, 180 degrees later, she turned the handle of the door and it opened.

  “Once you enter, the only way out is to follow the path. Do not stray from it, or you’ll end up lost forever. You have your sword and bow?”

  I held up Serafina and patted the sheath containing Brighid’s Flame. “Yes.”

  “Good. You may need them during the ritual.” She paused, then added, “Do you have any more questions?”

  I stared at the open door. Beyond it was a swirl of colors that snapped and crackled. I couldn’t see what lay beyond them, but I knew a portal when I saw it. “Do I have a time limit?”

  “The Gadawnoin will take as long as it takes, but no more than twenty-four hours. I can’t tell you how long—there is no set pace. You’ll know you’ve
reached the end, however. That much will be apparent.” She let out a breath. “Don’t let doubt cloud your mind. Doubt and fear will fail you. Sometimes, even a wrong decision is better than making no decision.” Then, kissing me on the forehead, she motioned for me to enter the chamber.

  I didn’t want to go—a sudden wash of insecurity rippled through me, but I didn’t have a choice. I was set on this path, and I wanted to marry Herne, and to marry Herne I had to pass this ritual. Taking a deep breath, I gave Morgana a final look and plunged into the vortex.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I wasn’t sure what I expected, but I ended up on the slope of a mountain, with fog rolling past below me. It was dark of the night, and I should be cold given the mountain was covered with snow, but I felt neither cold nor heat nor breeze nor icy air. I glanced over my shoulder, but everything behind and below me was hidden by the swirling mists. The night sky was clear, filled with stars that reeled overhead in a dizzying array. Once again, I was reminded that I was a long ways from home.

  Looking around, I tried to figure out which way I should go, but finally, when I examined the ground beneath my feet, I realized that I was already standing on a path. It, too, was blanketed with snow, but I assumed that I should continue in the direction I was facing, given that I could see clearly up the mountain but behind me was a haze of mist and faintly shifting colors.

  “It would be much easier if I had a walking stick,” I muttered. The next moment, one appeared in my hand. Startled, I looked around but there was nobody else near me, and I had no clue if there was anybody else but me on this mountain. But, to cover all bases, I muttered, “Thank you,” and began the climb up the path.

  One of my favorite books when I was young had been Heidi—I loved reading how she ran up and down the mountain with Peter the goatherd and the goats, and I had wanted to experience that, but this mountain wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. It was snow covered, yes—like Heidi’s mountains had been during winter—but it was steep and, I suspected, incredibly treacherous if you stepped off the path. Here and there, glacial patches shimmered beneath the moonlight.