Collision: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World)

by Karen Frances

She nods but her eyes are frowning at me. I promise her I won’t be long.

  I hate the walk toward the unit. It’s eerie and cold and I’m sure people judge you as you walk past them. I’m buzzed in straight away and I sign myself in before going to room four. I open the door and the room is empty, as in nothing and no one in it. I rush out to the nurses’ station. “Excuse me, where is Bethany?”

  “Oh, yes. We’ve been trying to call her parents. She left this morning.”

  “She what? But she’s just had a baby.”

  “I’m sorry, we can’t keep anyone here against their will. We’re lucky she stayed as long as she did. They don’t usually stay.”

  “Her mum is with the baby just now. I’ll let her know,” I say.

  Bethany doesn’t even have a phone for me to contact her. Why would she just leave without so much as a goodbye? Or at least a visit to see her daughter? I don’t get it, and now I’m the one to pass on the information.

  My phone starts ringing as I’m walking back to the special baby unit. I hesitate, seeing Ryan’s name on the screen, but I don’t answer. Again, it rings. He’s persistent, I’ll give him that. I ignore it and switch my phone to silent because I don’t want to deal with him right now.

  “That was quick,” Grace says when I walk toward her. “What’s wrong?” Concern is etched on her face, worry-lines visible. “Ellie, tell me what Bethany has done.”

  I take a deep breath. “She’s gone.”

  “What do you mean gone?”

  “She’s left.”

  Grace slumps in the chair, her body giving up. “I had hoped…”

  “Of course you did. We all did.”

  “What will we do now about this one?”

  “Be here for her. Get her well enough to come home.”

  “But that won’t be with me, not now.”

  “Look, let’s just focus on now. Small steps.”

  “You’re right, of course. Come and sit down.”

  I sigh heavily seeing his car parked outside the house as I exit the taxi. Why is he here? All I wanted was a quiet night with Dani to talk about everything that’s going on. I’ve not even told her about Bethany and the baby yet.

  He’s leaning against his car in that sexy way, but he eyes me cautiously, and so he should. I was hoping not to see him or speak to him tonight. “I’ve been calling you.”

  “Yes, and I’ve been at the hospital all day.”

  “What, and you couldn’t reply?”

  “No, I’ve been a bit pre-occupied. Why are you here?”

  He opens the car door. “I was bringing you this.” He takes my case from the car.

  “Are Dylan and the others back then?”

  “Yes. We should have a meeting with Les tomorrow to see what we should do next.”

  “About what?”

  “About today’s stories of us, about the possibility of a story breaking that I might be a dad to the child of a drug addict.”

  “Thanks for my case, but I can’t stand here and listen to whatever crap you happen to be spouting. You do what you want about the stories.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I tilt my head to the side and study him for a moment. He really doesn’t get it. “You really are a self-centred bastard.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve spent most of the day with a mother whose daughter has disappeared, and she has no idea what is going to happen to her granddaughter. At this moment in time, that tiny perfect baby might end up in care. And you’re worried about stories that may or may not get leaked in the newspapers. That is the least of my concerns. My concern is for a woman who has been like a mother to me, and a little girl who is fighting against the addiction that she’s been born with. But even all that aside,” I shout. “Do you really have so little regard to me or even the kids that you claim you support with all your charity work?”

  His mouth falls open as though finally realising what I’ve said but I don’t care now, all I see is red. “I spent all my life trying to protect myself because my own drug-addict of a mother couldn’t give a fuck about me. You claim you care about the kids within the charity, but you can’t possibly care. You only care about your fucking self.”

  There I’ve said it.

  “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “No, you just opened your mouth and said what you thought. Maybe you should think about others instead of just yourself, because all I see is an arrogant man who is only thinking about himself when maybe he should be preparing himself for fatherhood instead of wondering what the press are going to say.”

  “Well, fuck me. Say it like it is.”

  “Ryan, it’s been a long day and my plan is to catch up with Dani over some wine.”

  “Is that your polite way of saying you don’t want to see me tonight?” Hurt washes across his face, but not having him around at the moment is for the best.

  “Yes. I’ll speak to you tomorrow at some point, or am I needed at the track?” I ask, knowing I’m supposed to be working.

  He reaches out and hesitates for a moment before placing his hands on my shoulders. “No. Take tomorrow, hell, take the whole week if you need it. But please don’t shut me out.”

  “Thank you.” I turn my back to him and walking into the house, leaving him standing beside his car.

  Chapter 31

  I lean against the closed front door and sigh, waiting to hear the revving of his engine and then I’ll know he’s gone. The dejected look on his face hurts me. Hurts me so damn much. The pain in his voice was so raw, but I need to put some distance between us. I need space from him to think clearly and I can’t do that with him around me regardless of how I feel about him. Can I be with someone who thinks so little of Bethany and his own baby? His baby.

  An innocent baby in a totally blameless situation.

  “I’ve just opened a bottle of wine and it looks as though you need it,” Dani says, surprising me from the kitchen.

  “I do, but most importantly, I need him to leave.” I can’t face him.

  “I’ll lock the door and then we don’t even need to answer it. Come on,” she says, tugging my arm. “I was going to say go for a bath and relax, but to hell with that. I need to know what’s going on, so get your arse in that living room and sit down. Relaxed or not, I don’t care.”

  I watch her as she locks the front door and then I hear Ryan’s car speeding away. Dani pulls me into the living room. “You sit there.” She pushes me down on the couch. I shake my head at her. “I’ll grab the wine and glasses.”

  I remove my shoes, curling my legs on the couch. My body sags into the cushions behind me and I close my eyes. But all I see is him. All I feel is his touch. Then I see Bethany and the beautiful baby. Tears leak from my eyes even though I’m pinching them tight together.

  My breathing is ragged and fast. I’m cursing my life. Cursing the fact that I’m being denied a chance of a relationship with Ryan. Cursing that he’s not taking the fact that he’s that baby’s father seriously.

  “I hate this,” I cry.

  Dani sits down beside me. “Ellie, I want to help you.” Opening my tear-filled eyes, I accept the large glass of wine and she wraps her free arm around my shoulders. I lean into the crook of her neck and cry. “I’m here. I’ve got you. Whatever it is you’ll overcome it with me by your side.”

  This time, I’m not so sure. Dani has been by my side through thick and thin, all my grief, but this…this feels so different.

  She holds me, rocking both of us slightly and silently waits for my tears to stop. Waits for the moment when I can find the voice to tell her what is going on inside my crazy head.

  Time passes and my cries slowly subside into sobs. “Ellie Cooper, you need to talk to me. I’ll fucking kill him for hurting you.”

  “He hasn’t…well he has, he just doesn’t realise it.”

  I look up at her through my teary eyes to see disbelief written all over her face. “Ellie, you’re not maki
ng sense. You’ll need to start at the beginning because, right now, I don’t know what to think. You’ve never looked so fucking distraught, not even when she…”

  She stops but we both know what she was going to say when my mother died.

  I take a drink and straighten up, sitting so I face her. She keeps her hand on my shoulder as though sensing I need her comfort.

  “Sunday was just so full of emotions. I was nervous about Ryan’s race, but Colton and Rylee helped me through it, especially when…well, I’m sure you’ve seen what unfolded on the track.” She nods, her eyes wide, and I know it’s at the mention of Colton, but I’ll get to that later. “But I took a call from Frank earlier that day about me and Ryan, a story was about to break. He was disappointed; I could hear it in his voice. Then there was a text message and I think it was from Felicity.”

  “Go on.”

  “After the race I got another call, to say Bethany was in hospital.”

  “So that’s the reason you were back.”

  “Yes. By the time I got to the hospital she was in labour. Ryan saw her. The puzzled look on his face. The painful look in her eyes as she looked past me.” I take a deep breath and bite my lips, trying to stop them from trembling. “I knew. I just knew. Bethany wanted me to stay with her and I’ve never been so torn about anything in my life. My heart was ripped in two, but I stayed because I had promised her I’d always be there. Staying there and watching her give birth broke me. Why Ryan?”

  “Are you telling me that Ryan is the baby’s dad?” I nod and then take another large gulp of wine. “Shit! Ellie, I’m sorry.”

  “Not as sorry as me. She’s perfect.”

  “A girl?” she questions with a smile that lights up her entire face. She wraps her arm around me, comforting me.

  “Yes. I’m being selfish.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Because I want him to myself. Because I love him. Because I don’t want him to be the father of Bethany’s baby.”

  “Love at first sight, huh? There’s lots going on, babe, but I’m sure it will all work out.”

  “It won’t. I’m keeping my distance. Whatever was going on with us is over.”

  “No. You have to try. I’ve seen you together. He feels the exact same way. It’s early days. You can’t just give up.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because the Ellie Cooper I know has never been a quitter, and I don’t think she really intends to start now. I think she just needs a few days to get her head around the whole situation before moving forward.”

  “Well, this Ellie Cooper thinks quitting sounds about right. I can’t stay with him. The way he spoke about Bethany and the tone in his voice questioning if he was the baby’s dad. You didn’t hear him… The work he does for Raising Hope, children of addicts, and yet he can’t even acknowledge his own daughter. That’s a fucking story in itself right there.”

  “Oh, Ellie I had no idea. Me and my big mouth, jumping in with advice. I don’t like seeing you hurt but I get it. You know I’m here for you and I will support anything you decide to do. Now, how is Bethany and the baby?”

  “Bethany has disappeared today, no one knows where she is, but the baby is doing well. I’m not sure how long she’ll have to stay in the hospital for.”

  “And what about Ryan?”

  “What about him? What part of I don’t care do you not get? He’s not doing anything until he gets the results of the paternity test,” I shout at her.

  “Ouch. Okay, for tonight, there is nothing you can do.”

  She’s right. “Well, I hope there is more wine. I’m going to need it.” I’m hoping it helps dull the pain sweeping through my body as I think about Ryan. The warm and compassionate man I’ve come to know has shown me his true colours and taken me right back to our first meeting, when I thought he was an arrogant, self-centred man. Now I’m struggling with my own judgement. Was I really so wrong about him? Or was my first impression the right one?

  I stretch out, hearing my phone ringing, but I sigh, not ready to speak to whoever is calling me. Oh my God, I drank so much last night. Why? Why the hell would I do that on a Monday night? I open my eyes to a brightly lit bedroom and shudder. I bolt upright in my bed, rubbing my head as I hear banging on the front door.

  Whoever it is can go away. It’s too early. The banging persists. I pick up my phone and stare at the numerous missed calls from Frank, Ryan, and the last name surprises me: Rylee.

  Shit. What’s going on?

  “Hold on! Stop that fucking banging!” Dani calls from the hallway. She should be at work. I swing my legs out of bed, running my fingers through my messy hair. “What the fuck! You can’t just barge in here like that.”

  “Where the hell is she?” Ryan’s voice bellows from the hallway, full of venom and anger. I don’t know what’s going on, but I need to pee and sort myself to face him. I rush into my bathroom, hearing Dani shout at him.

  I exit my bathroom to find him pacing my bedroom floor. Dani is standing in the doorway looking way rougher than I feel. “Babe, sorry. I couldn’t stop him.”

  Ryan spins around, his face red and angry. “It’s fine.”

  “I’m putting the kettle on,” she says before leaving me alone with him. As my eyes take him in, I’m suddenly scared.

  “Why the fuck would you do that?” he questions me. “Why?”

  I rub my eyes. “I don’t know what I’m meant to have done. Enlighten me.”

  “The fucking story!”

  “What story? And stop fucking shouting at me in my own house.”

  “What fucking story, huh?” He turns his back to me, frustration seeping from his body as he walks toward the window. “I thought you and me had something,” he says, his voice quieter. “And now you’ve betrayed me. Why? Just tell me why you would sell me out?”

  I walk toward him, placing my hand on his shoulder. He shrugs me away and spins around to face me, disappointment clear on his tired face.

  “Honestly, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You are the only one who knows about me and Bethany and now the whole fucking country and probably the world are all waking up to the news that I’ve slept with a fucking junkie and that she’s given birth to my baby. Really, Ellie?”

  “I’ve not leaked anything about you and Bethany. Is that really what you think of me?”

  “Who else would do it?”

  “Ryan, what the hell have I to gain from this? My head is bursting and all over the place with your little outburst.”

  “Little? Fucking hell! I don’t want my private life splattered all over the front pages of every newspaper in the country.”

  “Well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before now!” I spit back at him, anger flowing through me. I don’t have to stand here and listen to him mouthing off about something I haven’t done.

  I turn away from him and walk across my bedroom, grabbing my phone and walking out the door.

  “Where the hell are you going?” he shouts after me.

  “For a cup of tea and some painkillers for my head.”

  I stare at the names on my phone. Well, at least I know why Ryan was calling me and I suppose that’s what Frank was phoning for too, but Rylee? I’ll call her after I’ve had tea.

  “Well, holy shit!” Dani hands me a cup as soon as I enter the kitchen.

  “I presume you heard all that?” I ask.

  “I think the whole town heard that. I know you haven’t done that, so who would?”

  I sit down at the table. “There’s only one person I can think of, but I have no idea where she’d get the information from.” I stare at Dani.

  “Felicity?” We turn hearing his voice. His glazed eyes stay firmly on me.

  “That’s the name I would’ve said,” says Dani.

  I turn away from Ryan’s gaze, hurt at what he thought about me, and lift the cup of tea to my mouth in an attempt to remain calm and in control.

  �
�Ellie, I’m sorry.”

  “Ryan, please leave. I have nothing more to say to you.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Leave. You’ve come here at a ridiculous time of the morning, shouting the odds at me. I was the first person you blamed when you were told about this story. Well, thanks. That speaks volumes to me. Just go.”

  “Please, Ellie.”

  “Don’t please Ellie me,” I spit through gritted teeth. “Get the fuck out of my house!” I throw the cup in my hand, just missing hitting him. It smashes on the floor. “Go on, get out.” My tears fall and I rest my head in my hands.

  Dani stands and she walks toward him. “Come on. It’s time you were leaving.”

  “But…” His footsteps cross the floor. My body stiffens when I feel him kiss the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”

  I close my eyes, hearing them leave the kitchen and then their hushed voices in the hallway, but I don’t care what’s been said.

  All I know is that the man I’ve fallen in love with was quick to think I’d betrayed him. At least now I know there will never be a future for us. I don’t even flinch when I hear the banging of the front door.

  “What’s for breakfast?” I ask Dani.

  “Chocolate cake?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Babe, are you okay?”

  “Nope, but the cake will help.” I look up at her. She nods and grabs the full chocolate cake and two spoons. I hope she has someone else working because I don’t think either of us are moving from this kitchen any time soon.

  Cake and tears.

  What a combination.

  Chapter 32

  “Shit, I had a missed call from Rylee,” I say to Dani, suddenly remembering. I grab my phone and call her back. After stuffing our faces with cake, it hasn’t made me feel any better even though it was delicious. We haven’t moved from the sofa, choosing to watch some action movies.

  “Rylee, it’s Ellie. Sorry I missed your call,” I say when she answers.

  “Don’t worry about that. I guess you’ve had a busy day.”