Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  If she hadn't thought about it before, she was probably sure now that I was stupid. The weird idiot who keeps staring at her. I couldn’t help it though, she was my only friend.

  Ms. Rosewell had a beautiful voice. I wanted to record it and listen to it again.

  When class was done I was actually a little upset.

  "Well, what do you think?" Ms. Rosewell asked. "Do you like it?"

  "I love it," I nodded, honestly. I loved the story and the class, but more than that I really loved her.

  "That's good," Ms. Rosewell nodded. "I'd be sad if you didn't stay. We need someone like you."

  She reached out and felt a lock of my hair.

  Taken, I stared.

  All the other girls had mostly filed out but I was still sitting, still glued to my chair.

  "Well, go on now," Ms. Rosewell huffed a laugh. "I'm sure you've got people who want to see you. Beautiful face like that."

  "Thanks," I said, standing and picking my bag up awkwardly. "I don't really but I am hungry so…"

  I was the second to last to leave. Another girl was waiting for Ms. Rosewell near an impressive bookcase.

  "Goodnight Laura. Sweet dreams."

  It was cute. Not even close to five and this wonderful woman was already talking about going to sleep.

  I drifted out of the class and jumped a little when I noticed too late that Charli had hung back for me. "Jesus!" I huffed, placing a hand over my heart.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said.

  She tugged on the straps to her backpack and cleared her throat, looking down.

  “Guess I should have waited further away from the door,” she said, looking up again.

  "Uh, no," I laughed, relieved she wasn't someone else. For a second I thought she might be Logan or Pete, they intentionally scare me all the time and they do mean to do it. Which is terrifying. "You're good. I just.. Wasn't expecting it."

  "I have to get to practice but I wanted to give you this," Charli said.

  She held out her hand and in it there was a small folded piece of paper.

  "Just in case you need something," she shrugged.

  "Oh," I laughed, taking the paper and opening it. It was obviously Charli's cellphone number. Which was funny because I hadn't even seen her look at her phone for more than three seconds yet. "Thanks," I said. I was a little happy she waited around, kinda bummed she had to run but I could relax and call Vic which would be fun.

  "I'm going to dinner after practice if you want to meet me at the dining hall. It's going to be around six. You don't have to, of course, they start serving half an hour earlier but I thought you might want company.”

  "If it was just you I would," I said. "But I skipped lunch and I'm already starving." My stomach hurt because I felt bad about standing her up for a straight invitation. "Plus, your friends are a little too into trying to figure me out and I'm not in the mood to have answers for anyone."

  "Oh…" Charli said. She gave me a weak smile. "You can eat whatever you want in the snack cabinet, anytime. I guess I better go though."

  "Hey wait," I said, worried I'd somehow hurt her feelings. "If you really want me to meet you, I will."

  "No, it's fine. I get it. You have to be really overwhelmed. You should do what makes you comfortable," she said.

  She reached for my hand and squeezed it. "Really," she said.

  "Sorry," I sighed, a little worried.

  "You don't need to apologize. It's not a big deal. You're allowed to do whatever you want.”

  She gave my hand one more squeeze, and then left for practice, waving at me at the end of the hall before she disappeared.

  She's sweet, I thought.

  I wasn't sure why Charli wanted me to eat with her friends so badly but I felt bad about not wanting to. I was the kind of girl Charli wouldn’t be into befriending if she really knew me. She’d said that much, a few hours ago, in the room. She didn’t understand people who went to parties and, in her words: made drama. So yeah, an awkward dinner when I can eat all alone and possibly pocket a few things and take them to snack on in my room? There wasn’t exactly a contest for me.

  Plus, if I went to eat before Charli did I'd have more alone time with Vic to talk about all the people here and how out of place I actually was. Splitting up my day into schooling and free time is insane. Vic and I usually have classes together. We even pass notes between classes or we coordinate a bathroom meeting during a class when the days are the longest and people are being truly terrible.

  Going through things together is our thing. At lunch we eat together or just snack and hang out: sometimes alone with Logan and Pete, sometimes behind the art building completely alone and sometimes with the rest of our entourage on the grass if we get pulled in or feel especially social.

  All I know is, Vic doesn’t even have to go back for another week so I’m in this alone.

  She’d love to hear about Ms. Rosewell though, about gothic literature, about all the girl’s and how crazy or nice they’ve been, and I know she’s itching to know more about Charli so there’s that. Would I trade a new experience for a year with Vic? No way.

  But, I guess, like Charli’s friend said, rude as it was, I might as well make the best of it.

  Chapter 9

  Practice was hard. My head wasn’t in it and I kept messing up. Passes going astray and drifting mentally to the point that Abby had to elbow me when it was my turn in a drill. I was tired but that wasn’t everything that was affecting me. Things were different, my world had been invaded and I’d been scared about that. So far, it wasn’t as big of a disruption as I thought.

  I wanted to be helpful to Laura but I didn’t want her to think I was too much. That would just seem strange. I could tell she felt bad about not wanting to have dinner with us but I understood. I’d want some time to process everything alone if I were her.

  Lindsey asked me about her during dinner, trying to tease me. Abby shut her down with a look and a shake of her head. For that, I was grateful. Why Lindsey picked up on that was beyond me. I was just being nice and it seemed like Laura could use someone like that here. I didn’t want her to think all Hanover girls were snotty and bitchy. There were some great people at the school.

  That thought carried me through dinner and all the way back to my dorm. I had calculus to do and chapters to read. Which occupied my mind as well. That is, until I opened the dorm room to find Laura on her bed in a tank top and leggings, talking on her cellphone.

  I ducked my head and walked across to my bed, waving at her on my way. She smiled and waved back, which made me feel a little better about interrupting her. I tried to tune her conversation out but I couldn’t help but catch part of it.

  "Wow, okay stop," Laura laughed and smiled. When she looked over at me she rolled her eyes and made fun of the person on the phone. Then she groaned loudly and smiled some more. Whatever the person was saying it was making Laura's body squirm. "I don't even want to talk about it," she said, rolling onto her side to distract herself by openly watching me. "Why? Because it's not my responsibility," she chuckled. This permanent blush sat upon her cheeks. "It's not," she smiled softly, more interested in regarding me.

  I tucked my backpack between my bed and desk. I opened the bag and pulled my calculus book and notebook out. She was still talking when I sat down at my desk and started working.

  I looked over and caught her eyes before looking down at my book to open it. She was cute.

  When she saw me check on her she blushed even more and smiled. “Hey look, I gotta go,” she said, to whoever she was speaking to over the phone. “Yeah. I’m, like, really busy,” she teased. “Yeah this isn’t Green Valley,” she chuckled. “Just text me,” she said. “Miss you too. K, bye.”

  I wrote down a practice problem in my notebook and started to mentally work it out.

  "How was your afternoon?" I asked.

  “Uh, pretty good,” she laughed to herself. “How ‘bout you?”

 
"It was okay," I replied.

  I looked down at my notebook and started to work out the problem.

  Laura got up and came over to me. She turned and leaned back against my desk with her arms hugging her own body. "Uhoh. Math," she teased, standing really close. "How was dinner?"

  “Yeah, I don’t mind math in general but this math is my enemy.” I wrote down a number and then looked at her. “Dinner was fine. I had a bad soy burger and Lindsey spent the whole time fighting with Abby so… normal.”

  "Man, I really need to take you out for food this weekend. I don't think there is one meal you haven't complained about."

  “Really?! Oh, now I feel like an asshole.” I laughed and pushed my notebook further up the desk. “I should be more positive but sometimes it gets tired, you know.”

  "Being positive?"

  “If I get down on something I tend to just keep going in that direction so I remind myself of all the positive stuff I’ve got going. It helps me. I get depressed if I just work and work but don’t take a minute to think about stuff like that.”

  "What kind of food would you like to eat?" Laura smiled.

  “Anything that doesn’t come out of a cafeteria but breakfast is my favorite,” I said.

  "Which place in town?" Laura asked. "Or is there a place near your special spot?" She quickly proved she'd been listening to me. Not that I doubted her.

  “I like most of them but Maya’s is my favorite. It’s close to the beach,” I told her .

  "We should go," Laura said. "Unless you'd rather go alone. I'd understand."

  “No, it’ll be fun. We should go. We could go down to the beach and take a walk after. It’s so nice there and you feel more free. I think you’ll like it.”

  She was close to me right now and I could smell her. It was so nice, a mix of all the products she used and something else. I could get hooked on a smell like that.

  "Can you swim there? It's probably too cold," she laughed.

  “It’s so cold but sometimes we do it anyway. I haven’t in a long time. We could though,” I said, quirking an eyebrow.

  "I thought you said you never took anyone there."

  “I go to the beach with other people but I have a special spot I don’t take anyone to see.”

  I looked down at my book again and smiled. My special place always gave me that feeling even when I was just thinking about it.

  “So we wouldn't go there,” Laura said, thinking about it. “You made it sound like it was at the beach. Like a private beach or something.”

  “Oh! No, sorry, it’s just a place I found that no one really goes to or at least I never see anyone else there.”

  “And you don't want anyone to know where it is,” Laura said.

  “Then they might start going there when I want to go but I’ll take you as long as you swear not to tell anyone where it is,” I said.

  If my spot was ruined I’d be pissed but for some reason I trusted her more.

  “Nah,” Laura said. “It's your spot,” she smiled down on me.

  After a second she went back over to the bed and pulled a book out to read, a non-school paperback. "I got you a water," she said. "Some contraband." It was a fruity sounding mineral water, still cold and sweating with condensation. "And I saw you liked Ritter so I had my friend get you some more."

  “That’s really cool of you. Thanks,” I said.

  I blushed and looked away for a second and then found her smiling at me. I couldn’t help but return it. I picked up the drink and opened it, having a sip. It was delicious and just what I needed.

  “What are you reading?” I asked.

  “Oh. Uh,” she looked down at the book and laughed at herself. “Survive the Night,” she said, holding the book up to show me. “So far it's kind of lame but I like anything a little creepy so…”

  “What’s it about?” I asked.

  What people took time to read always fascinated me.

  “Uh, so far? This girl who lets her best friend kind of trick her into going to this underground party in the city. Something dangerous she shouldn't do,” Laura laughed. "Vic took me to Target before I came out here, so,” Laura shrugged. “My options were kind of limited.”

  “Ah, well you can borrow any of my books if you ever want. They’re all up on that shelf.” I pointed above my desk to the book shelf. “Or in the bottom of my closet.” I said.

  Books were my addiction. They were drug enough for me. Why get high when I could just go somewhere else in my mind with the help of well crafted words.

  “Are those ones secret,” Laura teased.

  “Oh yeah, it’s all the erotica,” I joked.

  I waggled my eyebrows and laughed.

  “Gotta hide the porn,” I said.

  “You're kidding right,” she laughed.

  “Maybe,” I teased.

  “Okay, well, I can't tell if you're kidding, so, I'm just gonna assume you're telling the truth. Its more fun that way.”

  “You'll just have to find out for yourself,” I said.

  I liked the banter. It was exciting and on the verge of something mysterious.

  “Something to look forward to,” Laura smiled.

  “I hope so,” I said.

  There were plenty of queer erotic books in that closet and I really wanted to know how she would react.

  Laura laid back down on her bed and started to read. Her water was close and her purse lay beside it on the floor.

  She drew my eyes to her no matter what she was doing. I couldn't help but watch her while she was unaware, looking for something that would unwrap her mystery.

  The story must have been good. Laura hardly noticed me once she dove right into reading it. She'd move every once and a while, adjust her position, get a drink of water, or snack on something. Her phone would buzz and she wouldn't even be aware of it.

  After a while she threw the book down by her side and breathed a little while she held her head.

  “Hey, do you wanna take some snacks out to this spot on campus that I like? I finished this homework and I feel like a break.”

  Laura looked over at me and smiled. “Yes please.”

  “We can restock snacks when we go to town this weekend so don’t worry if we clean it all out.”

  I got up and put my running shoes on and then went to grab the three boxes of different snack cakes and a jar of mixed nuts.

  “We could take my bluetooth speaker and play music but someone might find us if we do that. It’s up to you,” I said.

  “Someone?” Laura asked. She'd gotten up and moved to stand close to me. “Are we hiding,” she asked. Her hands held at my shoulders and she used me for balance playfully as she put on her white sneakers. Then she tugged a black hoodie out from her closet and worked it on over her tank. It said hopeless in red lettering and had a few checkers down the sides of the arms. I knew it was Halsey. I love Halsey too.

  “Very cheerful,” I teased. I took a few Lacroix out of the fridge and grabbed a tote bag that was hanging on my closet door. I put all the snacks and drinks inside of it and waited till she was ready. “I just thought it would be nice if it was just us,” I told her.

  “I'm all for that,” she said, staring at me a little. After a few seconds she fetched her book and her purse and came back over to me.

  “Let’s go.” I went to the door and opened it, letting her go before me. We walked down the hall and turned right down the next. We went out the front door which was not my normal choice but it was early enough that it wouldn’t be an issue.

  It was cold and I regretted not bringing a jacket but I figured it would be fine once we got out of the wind. I let my hair down to help keep my ears warm, shaking my head so it would fall right.

  “We’re going over towards the woods that you can see out there to the west,” I said, pointing in the right direction.

  Laura smiled, always teasing me with it. "To the west," she repeated, raising her eyebrows at me as she walked.

  “There�
��s a little stand of trees with some logs to sit on. We drug them over there forever ago and made a little fire pit. I like going there sometimes to read or study,” I said.

  “Again with the we,” Laura said. “This your friends? Like from breakfast?" She was curious about me. Could be boredom. “Or is this your girlfriend?” She asked, smirking a little as she tilted her head to spy a glance at me.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend,” I said, glancing at her and then back toward the trees. “My friends and I did it. They don’t come out here much anymore though. They’re more interested in sneaking out to town. There’s a club that will let them in.”

  “Why does it upset you,” she asked.

  I almost stopped walking but kept on. “It doesn’t. It’s their lives and they can do whatever they want. It’s just not my thing.”

  We reached the spot and I walked around one of the huge trees to an old log and sat on one of the well worn spaces that were perfectly flat.

  Laura followed my lead and found a space right next to me. “You're kind of cryptic,” she said. “Anyone ever tell you that?”

  “Hmm, no but I have been called diplomatic,” I said, laughing.

  “Huh,” she thought, staring at me. Because I had laughed she smiled. The wind blew past us, affecting us. Laura played with her hair.

  “I always mediate the conflicts and I don’t say much that’s not pretty level and fair.”

  “Why?” Laura asked. At some point she tucked her hands into her hoodie pocket and brought her knee up onto the log so her body could face me.

  “It’s just how I am. My mom liked to do debates at the dinner table when we were all able to do family dinner once a week. We always discussed everything, even if it was a hard subject. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t talk to my mom about something. When I came out she and I had this long talk about how things were for gay people even after so much progress has been made. It made me feel better about it. I’ve never heard them fight much. They just always talk things out or wait till things calm down,” I said.

  “Interesting,” Laura thought while she slowly nodded. “Sounds nice.”