Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  "Nope. We can put it in my bag," I said.

  I patted the beach bag beside me and smiled.

  "Okay," she nodded, overwhelmed.

  "If we need to we can Uber back to campus. I wasn't sure if you wanted to go by the grocery store on the way back," I said.

  "That's genius actually," Laura commented. "No pressure though if you wanna meet up with your friends."

  "No, I'd rather hang out with you," I replied.

  "Why's that?"

  "Because I like you and I'm getting addicted," I explained.

  I played with my fork and watched her.

  "Addicted to me?" She laughed, surprised.

  "Yeah. I like being around you. It makes me want to see you all the time, which sounds crazy probably," I admitted, looking down and counting the crumbs there. I couldn't think about what I'd just said.

  "No, that doesn't sound crazy at all," Laura comforted. "It might, if I didn't like you, but. I do, so…" Her voice trailed off.

  "I'm glad you don't think I'm a crazy stalker then," I laughed.

  "I literally follow you everywhere," Laura teased. "What are you talking about?"

  "I've just never made a friend like this,” I told her. “I think about you and hope you're doing well when we aren't together.”

  "What do you mean?" She smiled, uncomfortable. "You have tons of friends Charli and I can tell you worry about them too. Are you feeling okay," she teased. "Cause I can get you some aspirin or something."

  "I have some good friends and a lot of acquaintances, which is great. I love my friends. I know I'm being weird. It's totally cool. I'm sorry," I babbled.

  "You're not being weird," Laura laughed sweetly. "You're just not making sense."

  "Oh, I don't even know," I said.

  "It's okay. We don't have to make sense," she comforted.

  "Good because apparently I can't find sense. It's gone," I said.

  I hummed low and cleared my throat and then drank the rest of my coffee. Alma came back over to look in on us and give me the check.

  I gave her the money and told her to keep the change. We still had the beach ahead of us. That would clear my head and get me out of this confusing headspace.

  "You ready?" I asked.

  I took the box full of her leftover food and put it in my bag.

  "Mhmm," she nodded. As we got up, a couple walked toward her. To dodge them, she scooted closer to me and clung in against my shoulder.

  We walked outside and I pointed us in the direction of the beach. I didn't say anything. I was already too scared to say what was going on in my mind.

  "I think about you too," Laura said randomly. A lot of time had gone by but she was still thinking about what I’d said.

  "Oh… Really? That's cool. I mean nice," I said.

  I wanted to sink into the ground. There were so many feelings going on. Happy that she told me that. Afraid that it wasn't the same way I thought about her. Wondering what my thoughts about her even meant.

  "Yeah well, I don't do it to be nice," Laura said.

  I nodded and tried to find words.

  "Why then?"

  Were the only two that came to me.

  "You make me feel safe," Laura said. "I hardly know that feeling…"

  It wasn't what I expected.

  "That's awesome. I know that's hard," I said.

  We made it to the steps that led down to the beach and I bent down, setting my bag on the floor. I untied my shoes and took them off before standing up again.

  I was getting excited. I could hear the waves and smell the water.

  "Harder than you might think," Laura dazed.

  "Hey," I said, taking her hand. "You've got me."

  Laura searched me and eventually lost her seriousness. She leaned into me and half hugged me. "Come on," she said. "Let's touch the water."

  We walked out and stood near the water’s edge. I pulled her along, playing with our chemistry. When the water hit my feet, I grinned and looked over at her.

  "Ooooo," she shivered, gripping my arm protectively.

  "You want to go in further?" I asked.

  "What do you think?" She wondered.

  "I think we'll dry out before we go back," I said.

  "Okay," she laughed. "Wait, gimme a second."

  She hurried back to the sand and stripped out of her clothes so she'd just be in her bathing suit. Running back over to me, the wind blowing her hair away from her skin, she looked so happy.

  "Sorry," she said, taking my hand again and holding it with hers.

  "Ah, don't be," I said.

  I stared for a second and then shook my head and looked back to the water.

  She was beautiful.

  I watched the dark waves crest and roll in. This was my safe space.

  "Come on," she laughed. "Before I have a chance to change my mind."

  I reached down to roll my jeans up. I walked in with her and felt the water come up my legs.

  When the waves splashed we jumped and Laura clung onto my body to try and handle the impact from the cold. She clung to my body and screamed a little before laughing. Her fingers clung to the fabric of my t-shirt.

  "Holy crap!" My adrenaline roared and I turned, hugging her and laughing with pure joy. "You okay?"

  "Uhhh, yeah," she chuckled and stared at my lips. Her teeth chattered from the cold but she was smiling and watching me close.

  Another wave crashed into us and I laughed, putting my hands on her shoulders and reading her emotions. She smiled back at me and I hugged her again, overwhelmed.

  "Sealegs," she smiled and bit her bottom lip. "Thanks for bringing me here."

  "I'm glad you like it," I said. My eyes stared down at hers, a magnetic feeling kept me glued.

  I pointed down the way.

  "Do you see that big rock arch down the beach?"

  It was barely visible but I knew it was pretty clear in the distance.

  "Yeah," she said, smiling. "What about it," she asked, pulling on my shirt to get me to move a little in the water to be closer to her.

  "That's where I go to read and hang out," I said.

  "Your spot?" She asked, eyes lighting up.

  A strong wave came and knocked into us. Laura clutched onto me and we both ended up falling completely into the rushing wave. Like rapids, the frothing force bowled us over and rolled us together towards the shore. We clung to each other to even survive.

  “Shit,” I laughed. The wave was so strong it knocked us all the way back to the shore before pulling away. Laura had her body preseed close to mine, her arms around my waist, fingers clutching the transparent white of my t-shirt. I stared down at her, more packed with feelings than I’d probably ever been. She was practically naked and all glued to me. We both sat now, alone in the sand. My lips touched her forehead and I let a huff of a breath out against her skin, a small laugh, like: how did I even get here?

  “Sorry,” she laughed. “Didn’t mean to attack you.”

  “No. No. I uh, I like it,” I stuttered out. My heart beat was so intense that I could feel it pounding inside me: beat, beat, BEATing against my skin.

  "Oh, um, yeah," I laughed to get myself back on that previous thought. "I've got towels in the beach bag and a blanket. We can go sit on the rocks or the sand and dry out."

  "Sounds good," Laura laughed. She stared at me for a while, I stared too. Eventually she peeled herself off of me and started to stand.

  I walked toward my stuff and squeezed the water out of my hair. My shirt stuck to my torso like a second skin and my jeans felt heavy. Jogging to my bag, I took a towel out to hand it to Laura.

  "There are more in there. I loaded up on beach towels.”

  She took the oversized teal cloth and wrapped it around perfect body, covering up. My gaze couldn’t stop now. She’d given me so much permission to stare simply by the way she’d been staring at me, openly liking me.

  "What did you think was going to happen?” Laura laughed.

  "I
'm over-prepared but I figured we could make a big bed of towels and the blanket.”

  "Let's do it," she said.

  "Yes ma’am,” I stared back.

  Grabbing my bag by the handles and my shoes in my other hand, I walked us both toward the rock arch. It wasn't a long way but the deep sand made it take a little while. When we got there, I put down the bag on a rock. The arch rose high above us, with a big open area where solid rock used to be. The result was an overhang like a shelter with a wall of rock on one side.

  I took out the blanket, some of the towels, and my phone from the bag. I spread the blanket and put a few towels on top close together for us to lay on.

  My wet shirt was tricky. I wrestled it off and pulled my soaking jeans off. Then I walked over to one of the big rocks surrounding the area. I spread my wet clothes out so that the sun would dry them out.

  Laura crawled up on the blanket and watched me a little. She put her sweater in a ball and laid her head down on it, taking her hair down from its wet messy bun.

  I lay beside her and covered most of myself with another towel, shivering.

  "I wish we had that fireplace now," I said.

  "I know," she laughed.

  "Oh well, we can lay in the sun if we need to get warm. I just love the overhang and how sheltered you are," I said, looking up at the rock above us.

  "You are one brave girl," Laura said. "I dunno if I'd be bold enough to come out here alone. And I love it here so... That makes me really sad."

  "I just like exploring,” I panted. “Now, you can come out here whenever you want, with or without me.”

  "I don't think I can," Laura said. "I'd only want to come here with you."

  She seemed sleepy and a little serious.

  "Then we'll come whenever you want," I said.

  Laura softly smiled at me before looking away.

  "No one can find us here," I said.

  "I love that," Laura dazed.

  "Mmm," I hummed. I closed my eyes and stretched my arms out above my head. Though it wasn’t the season, the sun was warm enough to be felt. I fell asleep eventually but woke up when Laura got up and walked out into the sun.

  I watched her from where I was, gazing through slitted eyes. I knew I could sleep here for the whole day but I was tuned into her.

  "I've got sunblock in the bag," I said.

  "Oh shit," she laughed. "Guess I should've been wearing that."

  "Sun burns are shitty. I got one last year and regretted my life choices for two weeks.”

  "You and all your regret," she teased. "You trying to mother me?"

  "Not unless that's your thing," I joked.

  "Uhhhh," she pretended to think about that. "Verdict's still out but I don't think it is."

  "Then no, I'm just trying to selfishly keep you from getting burnt so I can hug you when I want to.”

  "Aww, stop," Laura smiled, all embarrassed by me. "You can always hug me. I'd suffer through the pain."

  "Come here, I'll help you. There's no way you can get your back.”

  I rolled over and stood up. Laura came back to me and stood patiently. I opened the tube and squeezed some sunblock into my hand.

  I slipped the end of the small tube into my bra strap where it met the cup to keep it safe while I started to apply the sunblock to Laura's back.

  She stood so still while I rubbed it in, all over. Her pale skin would have burned so quickly if she’d stayed outside her towel for too long.

  "You're done," I said, stepping back and taking the tube out to give it to her. "Here's the rest."

  When she took the tube I went back to my towel and sat down. I did have a need to protect her. Maybe I was being a mom.

  I watched her until her eyes found mine and then I redirected my gaze to the ocean.

  Chapter 12

  It was strange. Altering my entire life at the drop of a hat had really done something to me. There was the day-to-day of it, all the terrible minute changes. And then there was this feeling inside, this heaviness: A loss.

  Charli was fantastic, the kind of friend you see other people having and you wonder: how did they get so lucky? Or: Is that even real?

  I couldn't tell her that though. Like I couldn't tell her that we'd never have talked if we met any other way. She wouldn't hear it. Even if it was true.

  She talked to me because she was stuck with me. It was simple as that.

  And maybe we are closer now and she really cares about me but I can't change the first part- and, I'll always have to know it- like I have to know everything else.

  The storm of yesterday had come and gone. Sun shone bright for most of the day and only now did it become obscured again by a blanket of clouds quickly intruding. I stared off them, they were rolling in thick and steady. My mind was slow to move on and I felt bad for not being great company for her.

  I walked back to Charli and sat down by her side. "I'm surprised you don't have a game or something. Guess it's too early for that."

  I just wanted to talk to her. Hear her voice. For whatever reason, she was the only person I actually wanted to be around.

  "Yeah, we have a game in two weeks. It's on a Friday. I'm so ready to get the season started. That one is here so you should come.”

  "You want me to?"

  "It would be nice to have you there but if it's not your thing that's cool," she was sweet.

  She lay back and shifted her head so she could watch me.

  "I'll plan on it," I promised. I reached down and ran my thumb over her bottom lip. Something about it had begged me to do it. The specks of sand or perhaps how plump and pouty it was. I don’t know. I rubbed my thumb across it and stared openly into the tan rings of her eyes. She was so easily sexy, so, obviously beautiful.

  It was no luck though. Not even this perfect trip could cure my sudden depression. I sunk back down to lay beside her on my side. "Sorry I'm no fun."

  "I think you're pretty fun. I also just like hanging out with you.”

  She was watching me carefully, her eyes focusing on everything.

  "Your face is nice," I smiled.

  She laughed and raised one eyebrow.

  "Your face is nicer," she said.

  "Nah, not like yours," I confessed. "I just fix it with stuff."

  "I've seen you without makeup already. You're beautiful," Charli said.

  "Now that's crazy talk," I said, feeling soft. I could never be this touchy with Vic, she always called me out or got upset with me. She didn't like it when I stared too long or fussed. But then sometimes it was like this. All perfect. I dunno.

  "No, it's not. You've been looking in the broken mirrors apparently," she said.

  Charli took my wrist and rolled onto her side, playing with my fingers and then placing my hand on her own cheek.

  "You're cold. It feels good," she said.

  I smiled and hummed. "The ocean is cold," I reminded.

  It made me happy that she liked when I touched her.

  "True but this is nicer than the ocean," she said.

  "It is," I agreed. I relaxed and breathed deeply. For some reason I couldn’t sleep while she did.

  "I like being here when it storms. It makes me feel alive," she said.

  "Should we stay," I wondered. This was our own little bubble.

  The storm was quickly creeping in and Charli was right, that prospect was addicting. Vic wanted to come out here last night to watch the lightning but I stayed in where it was safe. She was mad at me anyway. It probably wouldn't have been fun. It would've stressed me out, depressed me, and scared the shit out of me. My life was a mess.

  If we didn't get back to the school before curfew I'm not sure what would happen. How did Hanover handle escapees? It had to be a common thing. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to my parents again. We could cut ties completely. I'd be good with that.

  Charli lay beside me completely oblivious to how terrible I am.

  "If you want to, we can. I'm ready for anything," she said.
<
br />   "What do they do," I wondered. My hand was still on her cheek. She hadn't moved and neither had I. It made me smile. I brushed my hand toward her ear and held her neck, brushing her skin with my thumb. She was sweet and patient, like Logan, only, I instinctively liked her more and I wasn't being pushed into touching her by my very confusing best friend.

  "What do you mean?"

  "At Hanover," I said. "If we don't go back tonight. Or if we're late? What do they do?"

  "If we're late and we get caught it would probably be a verbal warning, depending on who caught us. If we didn't go back it would be a week detention and they'd call our parents," she replied.

  She hummed and took my hand from her neck and pressed it to her chest, curling up and letting out a sigh.

  "Shit," I sighed too. "Guess we shouldn't stay much longer than. I'd really have liked that though."

  "It sucks to not be free," she bemoaned.

  She released my hand and straightened out, sitting up and fixing her hair.

  "I do want to get some things at the store," she said.

  She got up and walked to where she had left her clothes, picking them up and turning back to me.

  "Half dry," she said as she started to put her shirt back on.

  I sat up and stared out at the water. Every time I hung out with her it was like the rest of the world didn't matter, it was just us two.

  I got up and found my jeans, tugging them on over my sandy legs. It'd take forever to try and clean myself here anyway. I found my hoodie and pulled it on, undoing my bikini top and taking it off beneath the fabric.

  "The bus comes in thirty minutes but I'm just going to call an Uber. I don't want to wait," Charli said.

  Quickly as we'd come, we were now going back.

  "Sounds good," I breathed. I lifted my towel and shook it out. The rain was going to start, I could feel it in every bone.

  I folded my towel and started in on Charli's, going through the motions like I'd been doing here every single day.

  She joined me, folding up the blanket and then bringing over her bag so we could put everything away.

  She went back to the rock where the bag had been and put on her shoes.

  "I figure we can walk back to the restaurant and get picked up.”

  "Okay," I said, pushing my hair back behind my ear. It was windy and the more I moved the more my hair wanted to blow into my face. We gathered the rest of our things and headed out. It was hard to imagine what Charli saw in me so I tried not to think about that. What I saw in her was a very kind and talented person. The kind of girl that I wished I could be.