Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  “I stood her up,” Laura said. “Multiple times.”

  “Never mind,” I said.

  I checked the app and the little car was getting close so I put my phone away.

  “They’re just about to turn in.”

  “Fine,” Laura offered, she didn't know what to say but she obviously didn't want to be mean to me.

  The Uber pulled up and I stood, grabbing all my bags and walking up to the car. It was a red Toyota Camry that looked new and clean inside. I opened the back door and got in, pulling my bags with me and then putting the beach bag between my feet and stacking the grocery ones in my lap.

  Laura got in beside me and put her bags between us. The tension was still there. She was pissed at me. I could feel it, pissed and just sad. I leaned forward and told the driver to drop us at the school gates. It was closer to get to the dorm that way. If they took us up to the main admin building we would have to walk all the way back down most of the drive.

  We started the drive in silence and I wasn’t going to be the one to break it. Thankfully, the driver wasn’t chatty and I didn’t have to deal with being polite.

  Laura sat still and stared out the window, she hugged her stomach and refused to look my way. I looked over at her a few times and then back out my window. She ignored me. Even when we got to school and got out of the car there was nothing. I sighed and started to trek back to the dorm.

  We were quiet when we got in as well. I dumped my groceries on my bed and then left the room, going to the bathroom. It was quiet there, with only a drip from a faucet to keep me company.

  I checked my phone again and saw that Abby had texted. I told her I was home and made plans to meet up at dinner. Laura probably didn’t want to sit with me. I’d still ask of course. I wasn’t an asshole like Vic.

  I went back to our room and started to put up my snacks and then I came across the charm and the bracelet. They were in a little bag by themselves and had been placed inside the regular sized grocery bag with some other things.

  “Hey, I… um, got this for you… while I was in the store.”

  I walked to her side of the room and held out the bag.

  Laura took the bag and looked up at me, unsure of us. I watched her pull the bracelet out and stare at the charm. She swallowed and nodded. “Thanks,” she said, licking her lips and looking up at me sadly. Her eyes were all gloss. “I’m gonna go shower,” she said, holding the bracelet tightly in her hand and fetching her things.

  “Okay,” I said, as she left.

  I sat down on my side of the combined beds and laid back. I had a little bit before I had to meet Abby. My life had been simple before. Everything was changing just because I’d gotten a roommate. I made myself get up and change my clothes. They were still damp and I was getting so cold.

  Once I had joggers and a hoodie on, I got back in bed and curled into a fetal position. Sadness made me dull and tired. All the anger was gone and I was empty. Maybe I needed a break. Alone time would help me clear my head and feel better. The exhaustion took me and I didn't realize I’d fallen asleep until she came back and the sound of her closing the door made me jump awake. I let out a slow breath and slowly became okay with being awake. My phone showed that I’d only slept for forty-five minutes.

  “I’m going to dinner in awhile. I’m gonna meet up with Abby since she and Lindsey aren’t eating together. Do you want to go?”

  “Well. I have to go,” she said, not looking at me or ignoring me either. “I think I’ll sit alone. That way you guys can talk.” She grabbed some clothes from the closet and started to awkwardly dress.

  “You don’t have to sit alone unless you want to. We’re not going to talk about anything important. It’s too crowded in there to talk about Lindsey.”

  “I think I’d rather give you some time,” Laura said, looking over at me. She tugged her high-waisted jeans up and her hair hung down wet over her shoulders as she stood before me and held her stomach in only her bra.

  “Then, I’ll see you later maybe,” I said.

  I got up and took my keys. I’d just go a little early and tell Abby. Then, we could talk.

  “Bye,” I said, opening the door and leaving her alone.

  The walk felt long and my body felt heavy after all the water and chill. I was glad I’d put on my thickest hoodie, otherwise I’d be shivering.

  Abby texted me to say she’d be outside the dining hall waiting and I laughed out loud. She was reading my mind or something. I texted her that I was on my way and then picked up my pace. When I found her, she was looking through Instagram on her phone but put it away when I approached.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Omg I am so happy to see you. Today has been shitty,” she said.

  “It has for both of us. Well, mine started out fine but ended up shitty.”

  She stood up and I hugged her tight, enjoying the contact and security. Abby hugs were so solid and encompassing. She was the best hugger I knew.

  “Sorry, this day sucks but maybe tonight will be better,” I said.

  “I hope so but I doubt it. She’s going to go to that thing with Lydia. I’m sure she’s trying to make me jealous, which is stupid becuase she’s the one that gets jealous,” Abby said.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked.

  “Get my homework done. I have way too much and I haven’t been able to do any of it with all the fighting.”

  Doing homework chilled Abby out. This was just her way of getting her bearings. I got it. I’d just have to figure out what to do with myself. Laura didn’t seem to want to be around me right now.

  “Why was your day crappy?” Abby asked.

  “We went to the beach and it was great until Laura’s best friend from Green Valley showed up and started stuff. She was mad at Laura for standing her up and she got physical. She actually tried to push her out of the car. I stepped in and told her to stop. I think it made things worse and Laura is upset with me. I don’t know… I think she’s so into Vic that she can’t see how toxic she is. That’s just my observation from today.”

  “Oh, that’s just wrong. Vic sounds like a bitch,” Abby said.

  “You know that I don’t like to just snap judge someone like that but this seems like part of why Laura is here so I’m skeptical of this girl, at best. I don’t know. I just wanted to punch her when I saw her push Laura”

  “We should help if we can, maybe get her away from Vic.” She sighed and reached over to nudge my arm. “All teasing aside, I can tell that Laura has gotten under your skin.”

  “She has. I’m not sure how. I just feel like I should make sure she’s protected here. Sounds silly since I know she can fend for herself, but yeah. She’s different, she makes me so happy when we’re just hanging out.”

  “That’s just you though. You’re always looking out for other people. Maybe not like this but she’s your roommate. It makes sense,” Abby said.

  “You’re right,” I said.

  I didn’t want to think about it or talk about it anymore so I stood up.

  “Let’s go eat,” I said.

  We went into the dining hall and chose a different table than usual. It was one of the few smaller tables. I wished we could just skip it at this point. My tray was sparse. Just a small salad and a water. Abby was the opposite. When she was sad she ate a lot. She had glazed chicken breasts and green beans, applesauce, and a piece of carrot cake. It all looked good but my stomach revolted at the thought of eating all that food.

  I ate a few pieces of lettuce and let my fork drop back down onto the tray.

  “You have to eat more than that,” Abby said.

  “I feel like I’ll be sick if I do.”

  I frowned and pushed my tray to the side.

  “What is life?” I asked, putting my forehead on the table.

  Abby laughed and reached over to squeeze my shoulder.

  “Are you sleeping already, Charlotte?”

  It was Ms. Rosewell. I jerked my head up and pee
red at her, only one eyelid open.

  “I wish. I just don’t feel well,” I replied.

  “Oh, what’s the matter? Do you need to see the nurse?” Ms. Rosewell asked.

  “Nope. I just need to sleep it off but thank you.” I opened my other eye and gave her a sad smile.

  “Abigail, make sure she makes it back to her room okay. She seems like she might not make it,” Ms. Rosewell teased.

  “She’ll be fine. I promise,” Abby said.

  “How’s Laura?” Ms Rosewell asked.

  “Huh? Oh, she’s okay. I think she’s still adjusting and a little sad.”

  “You look after her, okay?” Ms Rosewell requested.

  “Yes ma’am,” I said.

  She left us but not until she patted my back and waved us goodbye. I felt like shit. I was just asked to look after Laura and I’d already messed up.

  “I think I’m done. I’m going back to my room and I’m going to try to sleep.”

  “Do you want me to come with? You don’t look so good,” Abby said.

  “No, no, you finish eating and I’ll see you later. Text me if you need something. I’ll make sure my phone is on loud.”

  “Okay but same because you look really pale.”

  I feel super cold. I’ve got my heating pad though,” I said.

  “I’ll put your tray up but take your water,” Abby said.

  “Okay, thank you.”

  I took the bottle of water and started to walk back toward the exit. I almost ran straight into Laura as she came in the door.

  “Oh!” I stumbled back. "I’m sorry."

  "It's okay," Laura laughed sweetly. "You okay?" She held at my arms and checked on me.

  “Yeah, I’m just going to go back and lay down. I’m cold,” I said. I cleared my throat and looked her in the eyes. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  "What? Oh… Yeah," she nodded and fixed her hair. It was drying in places and becoming wavy again. "It's just," she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not okay but I am okay," she said, crossing her arms.

  “I understand. I hope you’re more okay than not okay soon,” I said.

  I almost reached out to squeeze her hand but I stopped myself. Last time I’d touched her she didn’t want me to and that would mean I’d let her initiate touch next time. It was hard to resist though. Instead, I tucked my hair behind my ear.

  "I'll be fine," she said. "Go get some rest. I'll be in soon."

  “Okay, see you later,” I said.

  I left through the door and walked slowly back to the dorm. The sun was setting. This day felt like several days in one. Maybe I was just tired from everything but that was when I tended to get sick. I hated it. I couldn’t afford to be sick when it was almost time for the season to start.

  I just needed sleep. The cure for everything was always sleep. I trudged into the dorm and past the other girls, barely even waving at them.

  “Charles! You look like shit,” Tasha said.

  “I feel like shit,” I said.

  I had no desire to extend the conversation so I opened our room and went inside.

  I went to the desk and grabbed my heating pad, taking it with me to the bed and climbing in. The beds were still together and I only gave that a passing thought. I got under the covers, turned the heating pad on and settled in to meet oblivion.

  Chapter 14

  Since my talk with Ms. Rosewell I knew I had to spend some time in the dining hall every day, make it known to whomever that I was actually here and I was actually eating.

  I put it off for obvious reasons but I only had a few more minutes to show up and grab something. Going with Charli wasn't really an option. She kept on wanting me to join her for things but I was screwing things up and making her uncomfortable so I hated it right now.

  I dawdled in the cafeteria, taking a few more things than I could eat. Why could other people take their food and go but if I did it, it was cause for concern? It wasn't fair.

  On my way back to my room I thought about how hard it was to handle Charli. She was such a sweet person and I didn’t want to burst her bubble or disappoint her. I never wanted to be good for anyone, if that makes any sense. Charli was a good person, a normal person. Basically, she was the opposite of pretty much everyone I chose to hang out with.

  It's no wonder I was screwing it up.

  But she'd really hurt me back at the store. The way she thought and spoke to me hurt me. Vic could yell at me and push me but she wasn't judging me and she wasn't wrong. She spent hours in a parking lot waiting for me today just to make sure I was okay. She did that. I was an actual piece of shit.

  "Hey Valley girl."

  "Hm?"

  One of the girls who roomed across the hall was having a talk with her friend when she stopped me in my tracks. No one here was really scary but people could surprise me so I had to be aware.

  "Green Valley right? That's where you came from?"

  "Oh. Yeah," I nodded, standing a good foot away to keep distance. They were both pretty and taller than me. Waiting in the hall, suspiciously. Something told me they were about to sneak out. There was energy here and I felt it. It was addicting in a way but I'd been where they were going. The place where no one knows what's really going to happen.

  "People there are crazy right? A lot of drugs and parties?" She looked to her friend.

  "Yeah," I laughed. "Yeah," I nodded. "I guess so."

  "See," the girl said, tapping her friend's arm. "We always hear about Green Valley."

  "Do you have a boyfriend?" The other girl asked.

  "Uh. I dunno," I shrugged. "I mean, I did but…" my voice trailed off.

  "Do you have a picture?" Just the prospect of a boyfriend lit her eyes up.

  "Oh, sure," I said, digging my phone out of my pocket and showing them.

  "Wow," the quiet girl said.

  "They make this place like a convent," the sociable girl said. "We have to sneak out to meet guys and the only time we can do that is on the weekends or late at night. Which isn't safe. What choice do we have?"

  "Do you like it here? Is it better?"

  "Uh," I laughed nervously. "I dunno," I smiled awkwardly.

  "Of course it's not better," the sociable girl chastised. "Come on, let's go. Nice talking to you."

  "Yeah, you too," I said, watching them both leave.

  There was music coming out of some open doors. Laughter in places and loud talking. Plus, I hadn't seen Serena anywhere. Vic and I had fought so there wasn't even temptation to slip out tonight, not when the punishment could be so severe. I'd much rather sleep.

  I was careful to open my door. If Charli was resting I didn't want to disturb her. She didn't look well after dinner and she hadn't been happy with me despite her attempts to pretend things were okay.

  We were different people and I don't think she could be okay with that. She didn't have friends who weren't like her which was a telling sign.

  When I came near the bed I saw her buried under blankets and snuggled up to some kind of stuffed animal. She slowly started moving and turned over after a minute. Her eyes blinked open and she yawned.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  "Hi," I smiled. I hadn't even eaten yet so I wasn't exactly planning on going to sleep. "Who's this," I wondered, walking close and tugging on the animal she was holding.

  I pulled my packaged up pasta bowl out of my bag and set it down on the bed before tugging my hoodie up and off and doing away with my shoes.

  “Sir Winston the Cat,” she replied, holding him up.

  "Stowaway," I said, taking him from her and inspecting him as if he were real. He was grey with soft fur. And since she'd been hugging him he smelled like her and was warm from being close to her body. I pulled him up to my nose and breathed him in.. "Mmm. Okay. He smells like you so I guess he can stay."

  I looked to her and handed him back as I sat down on my side of the bed and opened my pasta bowl.

  The spaghetti was always the same but I loved s
paghetti so that was okay. I stuck it with my fork and ate some. We'd waited too long to eat and I was actually really hungry again.

  "He likes you," Charli said.

  She hugged Winston to her chest and coughed hard.

  "Sorry, I can't get my throat to clear," she told me.

  I looked over at her and touched my hand to her forehead. "That doesn't sound too good." Her forehead was clammy and warm. "Did we stay out too long?"

  It was troubling.

  "Na, I just need to take some NyQuil and sleep it off.”

  "I'll get it," I said. "Where is it?"

  "In the drawer of my desk. The bottom one. It's where I keep all my meds, which you can always use by the way.”

  I got up and went to her things in the dim light. "I take other meds," I teased. Cigarettes and weed were a fine trade for this sleepy juice. I pulled it out and brought it over to her.

  "Oh yeah? Very naughty," she flirted.

  She took the bottle from me and opened it, not bothering to use the measuring cup. She drank a generous amount and then groaned, grabbing her bottle of water and chasing the meds with liquid.

  "Terrible but useful," she said with a sigh.

  "You'll be out cold soon," I realized. "That stuff is like a tranquilizer."

  "I give it fifteen minutes." She pulled her hood up and snuggled into bed. "I'm guessing the forced dinner was as awful as usual?"

  "I don't hate the food here," I said. "It's nice to have options. I didn't eat much at Green Valley. It wasn't enforced."

  "Did the food there suck?" She asked.

  "Not really. I didn't want to spend my only free time in some line waiting for food. Rather starve honestly."

  Hanover was weird. Everyone did what they were supposed to do.

  "A lot of times I'd just ditch school. Go eat somewhere else with Vic. No one cared."

  "Where did you hang out?" Charli asked.

  "Oh, all kinds of places."

  I laid down on my stomach and continued to eat my food. Charli was getting tired but I wouldn't be. Not tonight.

  I'd wonder what they were doing. Where Vic was and how Logan was.

  "Why are you so pretty?" Charli asked.

  Obviously, the medicine was starting to take effect.