Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  I got up and made myself get ready to do some of the homework I was missing. When she came back to give me the breakfast she’d taken for me I didn’t say anything about the kiss, nor did I say anything when she came back from class that afternoon.

  I wanted to keep it for myself. Unblemished by the off chance she hadn’t meant it - or worse, hadn’t remembered kissing me. In my mind I could remember last night as the perfect moment, even if I never got to kiss her again.

  Chapter 18

  The days were tumbling by now like stray rocks on a steep hill. Nothing could stop the force of nature. I endured the monotony and tried not to feel the itch to self combust.

  At Green Valley I always had this option to run away. I thought I had a friend then, a best friend. But I was starting to realize that things with Vic had never been normal.

  I held a flame or something. A stupid flame that was shiny but fake.

  She kept putting me in situations where I'd have to do things she wouldn't like. Why did she do that?

  "Hey Laura."

  "Oh, Cassie. Hey," I said, trying to act normal.

  "This is exciting, huh? First real game of the season."

  "Yeah," I smiled. This was also the first sports related event I didn't feel forced to attend. All this kind of stuff usually reminded me of Roger but I'd brave it for Charli.

  "Can we sit here?"

  "Of course," I said. The bleachers were for everyone.

  It was going to start soon.

  My phone buzzed and I looked down on it.

  Vic: Okay, I get it. You're mad at me. Can we talk now?

  My chest hurt. Everything I did for Vic came back to haunt me.

  The people around me started to clap. I looked up to the field and saw the girls all walking out onto the track in their matching spirit gear.

  Soon as I saw Charli come close enough to see me from the field I started to cheer. She was so cute. She looked over at me and blushed.

  Something was up with us lately. Or maybe I just never had a real friend before and this was what it was supposed to feel like.

  "You came for Charli?"

  "Hm?"

  I'd somehow forgotten there were other people around. Cassie was super sweet. Her family was always visiting her and I'd seen them around.

  "Yeah," I smiled.

  "Oh that's great," Cassie said. "She's really good. Has she told you that?"

  "Uh, not really," I laughed. "I've seen her practice though…" Which didn't explain anything.

  "Okay good, so you know," Cassie said.

  "Yeah," I pretended.

  It didn't matter if Charli was bad or good. I'd always be proud of her.

  I opened my reading app and got lost in a book until the game looked like it was going to start.

  Looking around, there were so many people here to watch. A lot of the girls had families come out. I stared around and wondered. Charli talked about her family a lot but she didn't say they were going to be here.

  On the field, I recognized about half of the girls. All of Charli's friends were on the team.

  They wandered onto the field all tense and got in position. My eyes were glued on Charli. As soon as the ball started to move I could feel the concentration and energy.

  Around me, people would clap when a good pass was made and they'd react when the ball was stolen away.

  It wasn't too hard to understand.

  I watched and waited, getting more nervous as the game moved on.

  Charli had the ball a lot. Everyone knew her name and shouted out to the field with praise and encouragement.

  I wrapped my arms around my stomach and watched nervously. Charli and Abby were like this unbreakable wonder team.

  The ball kept pinging from one side of the field to the next and then one of them would attempt a shot.

  When Charli first scored my body shot up involuntarily and I felt myself clapping and cheering for her. My feet even left the ground.

  The breeze blew and I remembered I was wearing her hoodie. A small sense of pride glowed within me but it was a secret pride I never felt before. The kind of pride I always knew I was supposed to feel about Roger.

  I sat back down on the cold metal seat and pulled the sleeves up over my hands to remember how it felt when Charli was closer to me. I'd developed this habit of sniffing her sleeves when I felt nervous, or sad, or alone.

  Charli had run to Abby and jumped into her arms with the whole of her body.

  They were cute, so excited. Even now they still held each other.

  The rest of the team had hugged them too and been patting their backs.

  They looked good together, the two of them.

  The girls on the other team were already gearing up for their payback.

  Charli and Abby smiled at each other, sharing something I'd never know about.

  Then they were split up again and waiting, setting things up so they could do that all over again.

  Was that it then? Why people played sports? I looked around and wondered. Everyone was either happy or gloomy here, winners or losers.

  I did find one or two other kids my age who had their phones in their hands or looked like they were being dragged here like I was when I’d have to go and support Roger at his football games.

  I felt a little foreign up here.

  Watching alone was okay but I was still alone.

  Other than the couple of girls to the right who looked like they were like Vic and I, escaping together from their war of being from two different schools, my attention was wrapped-up in Charli. How good she was, how happy she was. This was her game and she was owning it. It didn’t take me long to realize that scoring a goal was very run of the mill for her. I also noticed how into this other people were. So many girls were watching her and talking about her.

  I watched them and wondered. There really was no way possible that none of these girls had crushes on her. Even that jerk girl who kept harassing me seemed to have a crush for Charli she’d been pretending to squash.

  They watched and they talked and they blushed, all together.

  When the halftime hit a lot of people got up and left the stands, probably to go to the bathroom or find some food. There was a concession building I’d never seen open, it now had a line of people growing out from the start of it’s open window.

  Cassie and her family had brought homemade food to snack on. They’d been polite enough to offer me some fruit, which I ate.

  But it was cold now and when Cassie left with one of her little sisters I felt the breeze blow harder and it whipped my hair around.

  I’d been distracted by all the commotion. I didn’t even see that Charli had come up from the field to find me, she’d run up to the stands and taken the stairs, weaved her way through the crowd and the long distance that separated us.

  "Hey!" She bowled me over with a hug. "Thanks for coming."

  “Oh my god, hey superstar,” I laughed, smiling suddenly. I caught her with my body and almost lost my balance but she made sure to keep me from that. A flush of warmth traveled through me. Her hug made withstanding the cold entirely worth it. “Enjoying your fame?”

  “Psh, whatever I'm not famous.” She squeezed me hard and then let up. “Sorry, I'm kinda sweaty,” she said.

  “Yeah, I wonder why,” I teased and leaned into her a little. Her sweat smelled good. “You’ve got a lot of fans out here. It’s making me a little jealous.”

  “Jealous, huh…” She narrowed her eyes and considered me. “I guess you should make sure to keep my attention then,” she teased.

  I felt that empty flurry in the pit of my stomach. I was no match for any of these other people. “Yeah,” I said, trying to laugh it off. “Anyway. You look great.” I sniffed the air and tried not to feel self-conscious. Even now, people were staring over and watching us. Not because they thought anything especially exciting was going to happen but because it was Charli and they all knew Charli. “Are your parents here?”

 
“Thanks.” She frowned and shrugged. “They couldn't make it. Dad had a full day of surgery and Mom just got back from being out of town but you're here and that's fucking amazing,” she said.

  “Aww,” I hugged her tighter and rest my chin on her shoulder. “Thanks, that makes me feel really good.”

  I wondered if her parents missed a lot of games. From what it sounded like when she spoke about them, Charli was obsessed with her family.

  "Are you going to stay till the end?" She asked.

  “Of course,” I said. “Seems like you’ve got it in the bag but I still wanna see.” I pulled my face back a little to try and catch a glimpse of her expression.

  "They can always come back," she said.

  Her hands rested on my shoulders and she smiled at me.

  "You look cute in this hoodie," she said, flipping the hood with her hand.

  “Why,” I laughed, looking down at it. I wore it all the time and it wasn’t to look cute. I felt safer in her hoodie. Like there was at least one person in this world who didn’t hate me.

  A flash of unexpected fear struck inside me. If Charli ever decided to hate me I’d be so sad. Not because I was alone here but because things with her were so different than they were with anyone else.

  "I don't know. I just like you in it. It's nice, like you're close even though you're all the way up here," she said, blushing and shrugging. "I'm not sure how to say it."

  When she smiled like this I felt it everywhere. It was an infectious thing. I couldn’t see her and not feel good. “I know the feeling,” I said, taking her hand and holding it. Pretty soon she’d have to get back. I didn’t want her to go.

  That was dumb though, yeah?

  At this point we’d been spending so much time together. It was the only time in the day I didn’t feel 100% uncomfortable.

  "Will you come with us to the clearing after the game? We're gonna have a fire and s'mores but also real food," she said.

  “Real food, huh,” I teased. I knew how much Charli disliked the cafeteria food. “Sure,” I said. I’d been caving more lately, deciding to eat with her and her friends. It was a new way to be.

  "Awesome, I'll come find you after the game." She kissed my cheek and took off back down the bleachers.

  I felt the burn in my cheek. A pleasant feeling that didn’t bother me or make my skin crawl. What it did was quite the opposite. With the cold and the care, my skin burned in a good way and I watched as Charli ran back into her world, this thing I never really felt a part of.

  You couldn’t force a fit that wasn’t there and the more I tried to fit the more I knew I was trying. I hated that and knew I had to give in to it, know it for what it was.

  The rest of the game passed by in a similar way. It grew dark and Charli came and found me after she had her shower.

  It was weird how sensory humans were. I was noticing it more and more lately how I wanted to be touching her and breathing her. How I’d miss her when she wasn’t there.

  We weren’t really anything but I felt like we were. I dunno, maybe I was being weird and she was being nice about it. Charli was a really nice person and I really hadn’t had a friendship like this before.

  "Ready?" She asked.

  “Of course,” I said, standing and taking her arm in mine. I got close and held her hand. It was cold out and dark. Her warmth surrounded me.

  We walked down to the field and got closer to the other players who were just coming out from the locker room to join up and find the fancy looking bus in the parking lot. It was really clear that they were all especially happy. They kept patting Charli on the back and hugging each other.

  A couple of times Charli had to split from me to have words with friends who brought friends and family members who hadn’t seen her in a little while.

  I tried not to feel othered but I was.

  You would think by now I’d be used to the alien feeling. Instead, having it so often was making it worse.

  She took my hand and led me up onto the bus to sit next to her. A lot of the girls were staring at me as I walked passed them. Most of them were taking up two seats on purpose to stretch their muscles out and relax after the game. The bus was expensive and new, a charter bus instead of something they’d have at Green Valley.

  "Come on." Charli pulled me down by the hand. I sat next to her on the seat and she leaned over close. "I know it's probably awkward for you but I'm really glad you're coming," she whispered.

  “No, it’s great,” I said. No matter where I went these days I felt awkward so that wasn’t new.

  The smell of her shampoo and perfume she wore was so strong right now, in a good way. I snuggled into her and kept a hold of her hand, which was no sweaty in mine since I refused to let go.

  "Charli! Check your phone!"

  It was some other teammate of hers. Charli pulled her phone out of her hoodie and checked it.

  "You're such an asshole!" Charli shouted back. She leaned even closer and showed me her phone. You and your "roommate" are super cute. It read.

  “Oh god,” I flushed. I reached down and pressed the screen dark on her phone, laying my face on her shoulder. “I hope I’m not embarrassing you by coming,” I whispered.

  There weren’t really other people on the bus, people not part of the team. And I wasn’t sure if people’s family members were going to join us when we got where we were going.

  "Why would I be embarrassed?! You're super hot and sweet. I'd be an idiot not to be proud of having you here," Charli answered.

  “Hot?” I asked, leaning back so I could see her. “Oh, is that why I’m here,” I teased.

  She rolled her eyes and sighed. "More like, I wanted you here with me. You're my favorite person," she said.

  “Yeah, because I’m hot,” I teased, squeezing her hand with mine and moving her hair back so I could touch at her neck.

  "Really hot actually," she replied, leaning into the touch.

  “Mhmm,” I teased, messaging her neck since she seemed to like it. “You seem super distracted.” Charli didn’t seem too preoccupied with me unless I was right in front of her. And even now, her eyes were closed. It was sweet of her to say that though. A nice thing to say.

  "Gotta distract myself or I'll do bad things," Charli mused.

  “That so?” I challenged, amused by her.

  I’m not sure when we started to flirt like this but it kinda felt like it’d been happening the whole time.

  "Yep, I've been trying not to give myself away, ya know," she said.

  “Right, right, right,” I teased. “Sure, sure.”

  "You don't believe me?" She asked.

  “Yeah, no,” I said, teasing. “You’re really sweet though. Thanks for that.”

  "I'm not sweet. I'm kind of an asshole," Charli said.

  I started to laugh and then nudged her a little. “Totally,” I nodded and pretended to agree.

  "All I can think about sometimes is that time you kissed me," she pressed, opening her eyes to watch my face.

  I looked at her and made a face. “Ah, wait, we kissed?” I asked, confused. She was always playing games with me but I didn’t know where she was going with this one.

  A loud scream came from the front of the bus and we both stopped our conversation and stared.

  “Ooookay,” I whispered, looking to Charli and laughing. The scream seemed to be for no apparent reason. Some of the girls were fighting to deflect who had actually made the sound.

  The bus was moving now and they’d turned the night lights on which was like mood lighting that barely gave you anything to work with at all if you wanted to actually do something or see.

  This was the kind of situation Logan would completely take advantage of.

  "They're all weird, ignore them," Charli said.

  “Noted,” I smiled. “What were you saying?”

  "Ah, nothing I was just trying to convince you that I'd rather hang out with you than anyone else and you were unwisely doubting me," she said.
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br />   "You're right. You're obviously very dangerous," I teased, tugging on the drawstrings of the hoodie she wore. "I should be more careful," I flirted.

  "Yes, be careful or I'll pounce on you," Charli teased.

  "You're actually very good at that," I laughed. "I'm not so sure I hate it though."

  "I hope you don't hate it. Otherwise, I'd have to stop and that would make me sad."

  "Yeah, don't stop," I asked. "I'd be sad too."

  The bus wound its way down into the town. It'd only felt like a few seconds and the bus was already parking which meant we'd have to get out now which made me sad.

  We parked near a wooden staircase in an empty lot near the shore. And when the lights came on it kind of shocked me and I hated it.

  "Yikes, that's bright," Charli complained.

  All the girls stood up and started walking towards the front. Charli held my hand and we didn't move until everyone else was exiting.

  I was quiet and awkward. It didn't feel like I could breathe until we were finally off the bus.

  "Do you guys always do this," I wondered.

  It seemed pretty cool. Like a ceremonial treat.

  Lindsey kept looking back at us and then talking to Abby.

  "God what is with her," I muttered.

  Since Lindsey was looking and talking, everybody else kept looking and talking. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be here or something. I did notice that no one else had followed the bus in their cars like I had thought they might.

  "She's just being dumb. She’s been pissed off since she let allowed that goal. Ignore her. We're going to have fun. I can feel it," Charli said.

  “Okay,” I said, still a little bit bothered.

  It was way colder here and a lot more windy. As the wind tried to knock us from the steps I clung onto Charli and used her as a human shield.

  "Charli, come here."

  It was a girl I didn't know. One of the other players. She had someone else with her, another girl that looked a little older than us.

  Charli held my hand and pulled me along with her over to where the girls were.