Love Like Crazy

by Emma Chamberlain

  “Your voice,” I replied.

  The tone had been light so far but everything I wanted to tell her was concentrated down into these words. I felt it but I had no idea if it would come across.

  The corner of her lips twitched up into a smile but it quickly retreated again. "Something's going on with you," she said, bummed.

  She sat up and pulled her sweater off before taking the whiskey again and drinking some. My eyes caught the swatch of skin that was revealed when the white tank she was wearing rose after she took her sweater off. I reached out and used my fingernail to run a line along the hem of her tank, not hard, but enough for her to feel it on her skin.

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I said.

  I was feeling really warm and a little turned on by her closeness. I just didn’t know what to do with that feeling so I laughed. Just a little laugh at my own ridiculousness.

  Laura pushed me a little to shake me. "If you don't explain soon I'm gonna start assuming some terrible things."

  "What kind of terrible things?" I dodged.

  "I dunno," Laura sighed with stress. "That, that girl touched you wrong."

  "Oh," I said, shaking my head. "Nope. Not at all. She was nice. She kissed me but it was fine. I should have felt something but nothing. Big fat nothing. I'm ruined," I said.

  She smiled down on me and laid down to snuggle against my side. I felt her hand bunch the fabric of my hoodie over my collar bone. "You were probably too stressed out to let yourself feel. I wouldn't feel too bad about it."

  Her lips were near mine and she was teasing me without knowing it.

  "Nope. That's not true. I'm just screwed… or, not screwed really since we'll never do that," I said and laughed.

  "You and me?" Laura asked, amused.

  "You and me too." I closed one eye since my vision was a little blurry. "I mean. What do I mean?" I asked.

  "Woo," she teased, sitting up a little again and staring down on me. "I think you might be a little drunk."

  "Maybe just a lil," I slurred back.

  "And, of course, you're even cuter when you're drunk," she complained.

  "Am I? Why?" I asked.

  "You're cuter when you care less about what you say. Less stress."

  "Oh right, yeah. So, I should talk more."

  I sat up a little and looked down at her.

  "Truth or Dare," I said.

  "Uuuuhhh. Truth," Laura said.

  "If you were going to die right now what's one thing you would regret not doing?"

  "Jesus Christ," she started to sort of laugh and cough at the same time and then she pushed her hand into my chest and gripped my hoodie fabric again.

  "You'd wanna do Jesus?" I teased and leaned into her space. "Scandalous."

  "No. You creep," she laughed at me, awkwardly. "Not everything's about sex." Her lips pursed and she was certainly amused by me.

  "No, it's not. So, give me your real answer," I said.

  "I'd regret not saying thank you," Laura said. "Aaaand I'd regret leaving you," she relaxed. "I'd regret not calling Vic out. Hurting Logan. There's a lot I regret," Laura said.

  "Good thing you're not dying. You've got time," I told her and then leaned back. "Ok, I pick dare.”

  She smiled down on me. "You sure," she smiled, already amused.

  "Yep! I'm sure," I replied.

  "Take your pants off," she challenged.

  I scrunched my brow and stared at her.

  "Just… take my pants off," I said.

  "Uhhuh," she said. "Why? You want something worse?"

  "Just seems like you could have used this opportunity to get me to do something more daring but ok," I said.

  "Wow," she said, staring at me. "Sorry to disappoint you. Like I keep doing."

  "You know, if you wanted me out of my pants you could have just asked and for the record, you've never disappointed me," I said.

  "What are you looking for Charli," Laura wondered. She straddled my naked legs and sat on my thighs, trapping me. Then she rested her hands against my neck and my chest. "Do you want me to torture you?" She asked.

  "Um, what would that entail?" I asked.

  She was so close now and searching me.

  "You'd have to tell me," she confessed.

  "There's good torture and bad torture," I stalled.

  This was both. This was not a position I'd ever been in with a friend. I wondered if this was what other friendships were like?

  "What do you want from me today," she asked needily. It was a frustrated whisper, so sexy and small, and her lips were so close to mine, I could see her eyes staring at them. "Dare," she chose. "Since my asking you to take your pants off wasn't enough for you."

  “Uh, it’s not like it wasn’t enough. I just expected you to make me do something crazier,” I replied.

  "Like what, Charli? Fuck you?" She whispered. The words broke my brain and I paused for too long which probably sent the wrong message.

  “That didn’t really enter my mind but it would be crazier. Not crazy, I mean. It would be more extreme. Not in a bad way. Fuck. You kill my brain,” I babbled.

  "Dare," Laura said, quicker. She ignored what I'd said, pushed up off my chest and drank some more of the whiskey.

  “I dare you to kiss me,” I said.

  It was all I could think of and it came out in a rush from the pressure. I’d avoided the dare thing the first time she said it.

  "Kiss you?" She repeated.

  “I guess,” I said.

  With her fingers, she motioned for me to sit up. The bottle of whiskey was near my lips and she forced it closer to get me to drink some.

  I choked it down and she moved it away. Her lips covered mine, they stopped me from coughing. Her tongue slid inside and I felt her free hand touching gently on my face being loving.

  My chest tingled and I couldn’t help but put my hands on her back. She tasted like the alcohol. I’d never done anything like this before. No one bothered to kiss me and I’d never wanted to kiss anyone. Until now. And then it was done.

  “I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” I gasped.

  "Sorry to disappoint," she breathed, frazzled. The kiss made her chest heave but I couldn’t tell what she wanted from me.

  “Um, you didn’t. It was… good,” I lied.

  More like, my whole body exploded and she was lucky I hadn’t pushed her down on her back and kissed her more.

  "Truth or Dare," she said, already onto the next one.

  “Dare,” I ventured.

  She pushed me down gently and found my hand, pulling it down toward my underwear and tucking it beneath. Her hand led my fingers to move and touch myself. "Look at me," she said.

  “What? What are you doing?” I flushed red.

  I did as she said. She was watching me with such intensity. I couldn’t catch my breath and I could feel how wet I was from the kiss.

  "Do you ever touch yourself," she asked.

  “Yeah, doesn’t everyone?” I replied.

  "You’d be surprised," Laura blushed and rolled her eyes. "Some people don't."

  “Do you?” I asked, trying to calm my body.

  "I didn't say if I picked Truth," she said. Her fingers pushed mine, and she felt and watched me.

  I sucked in a breath and nearly coughed from the air hitting my throat too fast. My heart was jumping so fast. She had to be able to hear it beating. She was touching me in a way no one had ever touched me before and I didn’t know what to do but let it happen. I couldn’t process. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to touch me like that.

  “You asked me the same question,” I managed to say.

  "I thought you wanted to play games," she said. Her hand pulled out from my underwear. "Are we done," she asked.

  “Why’d you do that?”

  The sudden stop frustrated me. I adjusted myself so I could have more freedom of movement.

  "Which part," she wondered. The whiskey still sat against my side. Laura grabbed it and drank a little
more. "You don't want me to touch you?"

  “I do,” I whispered.

  It just wasn’t the right way. It didn’t feel like she wanted to be doing it. She was showing me not feeling me.

  “Just not like it’s a joke,” I said.

  "Right," Laura laughed. She drank some more and handed the bottle back before getting up. "You're right," she said. "My bad."

  She found her hoodie and put it back on, then she grabbed her phone off the floor and shoved it into her pocket.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  Laura sat on her knees and groaned a little like she didn't know what to say.

  “Are you mad?” I asked.

  "No," she lied. "No. I'm not. But we should go home Charli."

  “Right,” I said. “Fine.”

  We weren’t going to talk about it. It was hard. The wind was always blowing one way and then the other with us. Did she want me like I wanted her or was she just confused and fucked up? She didn’t even know probably. I just… I needed to protect myself.

  Laura got up and paced a little. She pinched her lips with her thumb and her finger, thought about speaking but then decided she better not. The door opened and she walked right out of it.

  “Fuck,” I muttered.

  I gave myself a moment before I got up and went to find her. My head was hurting and spinning a little from the little bit of whiskey or maybe it was the feeling of her touches. Probably both and I had no idea what to say to her now. I grabbed the whiskey and went to the door.

  I found her leaning against the outside of the boathouse. She looked cold and small, so pretty in the little bit of light that shone from above.

  Instead of saying anything I took another drink of the liquor and this time I did cough. It burned and tasted so gross. I needed it though.

  “This stuff sucks,” I said.

  Laura took the bottle from me. She took another sip and then lazily chucked the bottle at the grass.

  “Hey!”

  I went after the bottle and grabbed it before most of the liquid had poured out. “I didn’t say I wasn’t going to drink more.”

  I was careful not to get any of the drips that were going down the side of the bottle on my clothes and went back to where she was standing. There was only about a quarter of the bottle left now.

  "Why are you drinking?"

  “Because I feel like it,” I said.

  Really it was because she was killing me and I wanted her too much.

  "No you don't,” she said, simple.

  “How do you know?” I asked, taking another sip.

  "You're right. I'm wrong," she said, staring at me.

  “Just curious. Maybe you’re reading my mind and I don’t know it,” I laughed.

  "Nope," she said.

  “You wouldn’t want to anyway.”

  I’d been tipsy before but that was mostly in a group setting. I was going past tipsy and into flat out drunk now.

  "You obviously don't know what I want," Laura said.

  “Why don’t you tell me then?” I asked.

  I turned to face her side and watch her even though I was getting floppy and blurry. It wasn’t showing yet. I was keeping it underwraps.

  "'Cause you don't care," she said. "So, why should I?"

  “I do care. What even makes you think that?”

  "Maybe this," Laura said, licking her lips and staring down at the bottle of booze. "This," she said, motioning at the boathouse. "Maybe what just happened in there."

  “What?” I asked.

  I chugged the remaining whiskey and then threw the bottle back where she had tossed it earlier.

  “I’m only going crazy because I care too much,” I blurted.

  "You're drunk," Laura said. "And you're acting like Vic tonight."

  She came close and held me in place by my hoodie, resting her forehead on my shoulder to apologize for even speaking the truth.

  “Don’t you love Vic?” I asked.

  "Not because she's an asshole," Laura said. "But I like when you don't wear pants. I'm sorry I touched you," she whispered. "The last thing I wanted was to make you uncomfortable or hurt your feelings."

  “It’s fine. I practically asked you to do something. So, my fault, like most things,” I said.

  "Can we go home?"

  “Yeah,” I said.

  I reached for my phone and realized that I didn’t have my pants on.

  “Shit,” I cursed. Laura rubbed a finger down my outer thigh and smiled.

  I turned to go back in the boathouse and then tripped, falling over into the wet grass.

  “Fuck my life,” I groaned and rolled over onto my back.

  The cold water hit the backs of my thighs and I shivered.

  “Just leave me here. I’ll live on this patch of grass,” I laughed.

  "Never gonna happen," Laura said. "Come on." She came over and tried to pull me up.

  “Why do you try to take care of me?” I asked.

  She was looking down at me, holding my hand and tugging, but I stayed where I was, mesmerized with her face. She was lit from above with a halo of light so she looked like an angel.

  “You got me all wet,” I mumbled.

  "I got you all wet?" Laura laughed. “God, you’re insufferable.”

  “Yeah.” I swiped the air in front of my face when a bug got close. It flew off and I refocused. “You kissed me and then did other stuff and now I’m all wet.” The bug came back and I smacked it with my hand, forcing my body into her legs. “Just thought you should know.” I laughed.

  "Well, you weren't a fan so it won't happen again," Laura muttered.

  “I was a fan but not if you didn’t want to do it ‘cause you don’t want me like that.”

  "I dunno what you're talking about," Laura said.

  “We’re just friends. You don’t like me more than that.”

  I rolled over on my side and managed to get myself into a standing position. I didn’t know how long that would last so I stumbled toward the door and rested in front of it for a moment, holding on to the door handle.

  Laura didn't say anything. I heard her sigh and then heard her lighter as she struggled to light a cigarette.

  I opened the door and went inside to find my pants. They were sitting where we’d left them, waiting for me to come back. I bent over and used the edge of the boat to steady myself. I picked them up and made a few fumbling attempts to put them back on. I managed to get one leg in before I had to lean back on the counter.

  “Okay, maybe not,” I said.

  I sighed and shook my head, trying to clear it, no luck. I lifted my leg one more time and managed to get it in the other leg, pulling the pants up and feeling the pocket. My phone was still in the pocket. I took it out and focused on the screen, typing in my code. I pulled up the Uber app.

  I still had to find my shoes so I ordered a car and then stumbled back toward the boat. The shoes were easier, except for tying them. I gave up on that and walked back to the door. I opened it and walked out to the grass, turning at last to see her still standing near.

  “Ordered the Uber,” I said.

  I hugged my body and shivered, looking away into the night. I was going to throw up later unless I had some water. Maybe I deserved that. I was being a shit and I couldn’t stop for some reason.

  "Cool," Laura said.

  I walked toward her and stopped close.

  “You sure you’re not mad?” I asked.

  "Nope," she lied. "This was totally normal."

  “Sarcasm,” I said. I leaned close and winked at her. “I like that.”

  It made me sad that she had confirmed my fear. I was out here alone in my feelings.

  “How many times have you kissed Vic?” I asked.

  The question had just occurred to me. Could just be a pattern. Did people just kiss other people? She could have refused earlier if she didn’t want to do it.

  "A few," Laura said. "Why do you keep thinking about her?"

&n
bsp; I shrugged. “You guys were so close and she’s in love with you,” I said.

  "It doesn't matter," Laura said. "I'm not gonna be with her."

  “Why not?” I asked.

  "Because she's hurt me too much and she keeps fucking with me. Just like someone." She dropped her cigarette and stomped it out.

  That was me. Someone was me and the thought hit me hard.

  It was still raining but she walked out into it just to get away from me. That was me, someone was me and the thought hit me hard.

  “Hey,” I said, walking after her. “I’m no- I’m just sorry.”

  I reached out to put my hand on her arm, just below her shoulder.

  She took my hand and carefully pulled it off of her. "You should be," she said. There wasn't anger or malice, just the words. "Whatever you think happened here tonight that's not what happened."

  “I don’t know what happened,” I said.

  "You wanted me to touch you and when I did you didn’t want it anymore."

  “No, that’s not what it was,” I said. Emotion flooded inside me.

  Car lights flashed and I saw our ride pulling in to get us. There wasn’t any more time.

  “That wasn’t what happened. I swear,” I said.

  She got in the car and I was standing there, wishing I never had any of the stupid whiskey. I got in the car after her and we sat there, me glancing over and trying to figure out what to say. The driver was right there and the topic wasn’t one anyone else should hear.

  “Let me explain, okay?” I whispered.

  "I don't want to talk to you until you're sober."

  I leaned back and caught the driver looking at me in the rear view. I shut my mouth and crossed my arms. The whole rest of the drive I just sat there, thinking way too hard. Neither of us said a word until we were back at school and I thanked the driver.

  Then there was silence again until we were back in the room and I had two whole bottles of water. I hadn’t been really drunk since right before we left but she wouldn’t believe me about that. The room had stopped moving of its own accord and my face wasn’t red anymore.

  “Okay, now can I tell you,” I asked.

  By now Laura had changed into her tank and pj pants. She was laying on her bed, turned away from me, reading. "I dunno if I can handle it right now," Laura said.