"Not suddenly. I've wanted you for a while," she replied.
“How,” I wondered.
It hurt to think about. I’d been so annoying the whole time I’d been living with her. Not able to try for her. In a lot of ways, it hurt my heart.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Nothing," I said. "Nevermind."
It was too hard to talk about it. I just wanted to be with her right now. I slid my hand down toward her body on her thigh and rubbed her leg.
"It's something. You don't know how amazing you are, that's the problem," she said.
I felt the flurries pick up again, all the energy inside that tried to come up and do things to me like make me happy. “Maybe,” I said. “There hasn’t been much to be proud of lately.”
And that was an understatement. There hadn’t been much to be proud of my entire life.
Everyone who even looked at me wanted more.
"It's not like that,” she argued. “You've been doing the best you can with the situation you were put in. You're way too hard on yourself.”
“Well,” I breathed. “It makes me sad to talk about. You deserve a lot better. Even in a friend, if that’s all I was.” I knew I’d randomly cry or something if I kept trying to explain. I didn’t want that.
The car pulled into the movie theater parking lot. I saw how busy it was and wished it was a Tuesday night or something, not a busy weekend in the middle of the day.
"That's not true," Charli said.
She got out of the car and waited on me.
"Thank you," I said to the driver.
"Be safe," he said.
"We will," I lied. Safe was rarely my concern. I couldn’t control anyone.
When I got out onto the street I rushed to take Charli's arm and hold it. "It is true," I said, annoyed that she would think differently.
"No, it's not. Why do you even think that?" She asked, moving her hand down to take mine.
"Because it's true," I said, too preoccupied with the fact she was touching me to even think about anything else.
What happened last night released the floodgates. I'd been holding off acknowledging the truth for some time. How I felt about Charli, the way I loved to touch her. It was Vic all over again, though, I never told her that.
"You're not giving me a real reason. Unless you're secretly a murderer or something, I don't see why you aren't good for me.”
“I’m not good for anyone,” I reminded. “Start there. Move back.”
We walked to the line and stood behind a couple of people. I recognized a group of girls from our school and tried to ignore them, look the other way. Up ahead on the walls behind the ticket people were giant posters for animated kids movies.
I wondered if Charli came here a lot. Did her parents like movies? Was this even something she liked?
"You're going to have to elaborate on why if you're expecting to convince me," she replied.
“I’m not trying to convince you of anything,” I muttered. The couple behind us was middle-aged and I noticed the man looking at me. It made me annoyed. It was always so apparently when someone was seeing you as a sexual toy or a piece of meat.
“That guy’s a creep,” I whispered, leaning in.
It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t just hold hands with someone and be left alone. What the hell did he want. He was with someone and even older than my dad.
My blood boiled. It made me so angry when people would look at me like that.
Charli glanced back where I was looking and then moved me in front of her, shielding me from his gaze and draping me in her arms.
“Asshole,” she muttered.
“Thank you,” I said, grateful for her.
Charli bought our tickets and I let go of her hand as we walked in and got in line for the snacks.
A loud cackle made me look behind me at the person who laughed. I recognized a couple people from my old school. “Shit,” I muttered. This is why I kept hiding inside instead of going out. “I wish we had beer.”
"They have butterbeer but I'm guessing that's not what you meant," Charli said.
She ordered a popcorn and a water and turned to me.
"What do you want?" She asked.
“Um. A latte sounds good.”
I slipped my hand back into hers and rest my chin on her shoulder as she ordered for me.
Even now, it was hard not to touch her. I was so used to how we were before the kissing that I was hyper aware now of how much we touched and flirted before without my really noticing what it was.
Every piece of my body wanted to be touching hers.
And maybe it wasn’t all unconscious, I don’t know.
Like right now, I wanted to slip my arms in, around her stomach, and hold her close against my form. I used to do that and I never thought about how couplish it was. I don’t know why.
Maybe, I just wanted her so much I didn’t care?
Either way, now I was hyper aware. Especially with old creepy men watching me in a crowded movie theater lobby like I’m some sex object put on this Earth just for them.
"Do you want a flavor for your coffee?" She asked.
She smiled and moved some stray hair behind my ear with her free hand. Before I answered she kissed me cheek.
“Mmmm,” I hummed. “Vanilla,” I bossed.
"Vanilla," Charli said to the girl behind the counter. She paid and we moved to the side to wait for our order. Charli was closer than ever, touching me with every opportunity but in a sweet way.
“You know you don't have to pay for everything,” I teased.
"Oh! Oops," she laughed and tugged on my hand. "But, if it's a date I can."
“You can,” I teased. “Regardless,” I laughed and fluttered my eyelids.
I hugged myself into her back and pushed against her generously.
"Ah, true. You can always pay me back, but I'd rather you didn't. I like taking care of you and doing things for you.”
“Does this make you the man,” I teased her.
"Okay, eww. Boys are gross," Charli joked.
“So nasty,” I pretended to agree.
"It makes me a girl that likes you a lot even though you keep trying to shake me off," she teased.
“Um okay. We literally live together,” I reminded. “Shaking you off would be impossible. Plus, I don’t want to. Without you I’m a mess.”
"Untrue," she said.
One of the workers behind the counter put our order down in front of us and Charli released my hand so she could give me my coffee and take her water and popcorn.
"I think our theatre is that way," Charli said, pointing to the left.
“Kay,” I said, taking my drink and staring at her. I took a sip, it was really good.
Charli wanted me to lead so I relented and stared back at her.
"Here," she said, balancing her popcorn in one arm and taking one of the tickets to give to me.
I took the ticket and smirked at her. Whatever she thought would happen from the concessions to the other ticket person definitely made me amused.
We waited in yet another line and had no problem getting through the non-barrier of a very apathetic older woman.
It wasn’t like we broke into a well-fortified castle.
They were so busy they probably felt good when people walked by without wanting their tickets split.
We walked past the dark red walls and intermittent entrances to theatres until Charli stopped and shifted her popcorn to the other arm so she could open the door.
She was killing me.
The lights were dim inside the theatre and there weren't that many people seated. Charli had chosen a comedy that had been out for a while.
She led me up the stairs that reached to the back of the theatre and chose two seats that were tucked into the corner where two walls met.
I sat down by the wall and held the popcorn while she sat down. She put her water in the cup holder on the arm of her seat and then sat down, settling i
nto the recliner. This wasn't the dollar theater like she had talked about visiting. I was grateful for that. There was no sticky floor here and pretty much everything was brand new. One thing I did regret was the closer quarters an older theater would provide.
"Thanks," she said.
I gave her the popcorn and she held the cardboard container in one hand, taking popcorn to eat with the other.
"No problem," I said.
I kinda hated that she was so far away.
I slipped my shoes off and reclined the seat just to test it. More people were filing into the theater but this one wasn't super popular with the younger crowd. Charli probably chose it for that, less distractions.
At this point, I saw no one I knew from either of my schools and that was great.
"These seats are huge."
"Yeah, they are. They're big enough for two people," she said.
“I was just thinking that,” I laughed to myself. “Normally I wouldn’t mind.” Okay, wow. Might as well say: why aren’t you on top of me? Great job, Lo. Real subtle.
"You're welcome to share my seat," she said while she touched my arm.
"Yeah?" I asked.
What if she was just being nice?
"Yeah, I don't like that you're so far away. I'm kinda used to being able to touch you.”
She was giving me the shy smile that only came out when she was nervous.
I got up and crawled up onto her chair by her side. "Too close?" I wondered.
I could kiss her now but I wouldn't.
The darkness helped but I loved to see her so I undividedly stared.
"Not close enough," she replied.
She put her arm around my back and urged me closer.
I twisted a little to sneak my arm in around her stomach. And I rested my lips against her shoulder. "I'm glad we're here," I whispered.
"Me too. I really like this. I don't go to the movies a lot but that's mostly because I don't like going with some of my friends. I love them but they make it hard to relax.”
"Hmmm," I teased. I breathed her in and moved my lips back to her shoulder again. "I don't come 'cause I'm poor," I teased. “Asking my parents for money used to be a lot harder for me. I even had a job to avoid it.”
It wasn't the truth. My family would want to go with me if I asked for money and Vic always brought Pete, so, it wasn't the same.
I preferred intimate things. Even being alone with Logan was better than being at a movie with Vic and Pete.
Charli was better than everything.
"That's why Netflix is awesome but it's nice to go out sometimes. If it's like this anyway. Maybe I won't ever go see movies with anyone but you now," Charli said.
"Movie hasn't even started yet," I reminded. "I can still mess this up."
My mind was wandering back to the night that we shared. Charli and me wrapped up in the boathouse. The confusion of it and then the heated attraction.
It hurt to not talk about it. I really wanted her.
Not sure where it came from but I knew it was true.
"No you can't," she said.
"I might," I reminded. My voice was a near whisper now.
I hugged her tighter and forgot all about the popcorn or anything else.
"You won't. Just be you and everything will be okay.”
"I don't even care about the movie," I confessed. "I just wanted to be close to you."
She laughed and leaned closer.
"Me too actually," she swallowed and stared at my lips.
Attraction bit at me and played with my insides.
"It feels like we're the only ones here," she said.
Her hands were on my arm and my thigh.
The previews started up but I didn't want to watch them. I just wanted to stay. She stroked my arm absently and sighed.
"Is this okay?" I asked, a little worried. I didn't really deserve her affection.
“If anything isn’t okay, I’ll tell you. Don’t worry about that. This is awesome, I swear.”
“Okay,” I breathed, scared of being wrong for some reason. Screwing things up without knowing why.
My relationships were never normal so this was weird, feeling so right and respectful and all.
That hand at my thigh was addicting. I wanted to touch it and get her to feel me more but I held back.
Charli was respectful, so much different than boys I’d gone on movie dates with. Truth was, Logan was the best one. Even he wanted to touch me more as soon as the lights went out.
I started to understand that now. I always wanted to be close to Vic but this with Charli, it was so clear as day. What I wanted from her wasn’t just protection. I stared at her skin instead of watching the movie. And when her fingertips brushed my arms I closed my eyes and concentrated on how absolutely lovely it felt.
Her fingers on my thigh started to move in little circles. She nudged the side of my face with her nose and kissed my cheek.
“You smell so good,” she whispered.
“You have no idea,” I laughed anxiously. My chest was on fire with it now, the wanting.
I was getting hot but not because of the theater or anything else. It was Charli’s breathing, the way she touched.
“I’ve never felt this much,” I whispered.
I always got lost in things, especially the physical, but this was somehow crazy intense.
“Me either,” Charli said. “It’s why I’m addicted. Everything's better with you.”
I felt the fingertips that had been on my thigh roam up to my hoodie and slip under, grazing the thin fabric over my skin for a moment before they slipped away back to my thigh.
“You have to tell me if I do anything too much,” Charli whispered.
I swallowed. “I like it all,” I barely made out.
That touch at my stomach had me shaken and I wanted it. It was like a thrill, when Charli touched me. I never knew when she’d go too far or push me over the edge and I liked that feeling, I really liked it.
“When did we get this way?”
“I don’t know. I think it just happened,” Charli answered.
My breath was hot and sweet. I pushed my hand up the side of Charli’s neck and down her chest just to touch her more.
She groaned softly in approval and smiled.
“See, I get lost when you do little things like that. I just want you to touch me everywhere,” She whispered close to my ear.
My body was so alive that when she whispered I felt her inside of me. It was like a fast train rumbling by.
Her hand made its way up under my cropped hoodie again and smoothed over my stomach, passing over my lower ribcage and lightly scratching my side.
My body jumped. I breathed in quickly right after.
I was so responsive to her.
“You’re always wearing too many clothes,” I teased. Her hoodie was thick but she looked so cute in it. I didn’t want it off, not really.
Her popcorn was resting on her leg and I knew I’d probably spill it if I tried to touch her much. My own body was alive and wanting just by proximity. I reached up on her body and found her lips with mine, kissing them.
Kissing Charli wasn’t like kissing anyone else. It was like igniting a flame. I pushed my tongue inside her and felt it in my sex, needing that feeling to not stop.
I felt her move while kissing me back and the kiss broke for a second while she put the popcorn somewhere. When she kissed me again her hand cupped my cheek and she pulled me a little closer.
I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be even closer than that. I crawled around so that I could straddle her and really kiss her how I wanted to with both my hands on her face and in her hair. This way, we weren’t playing around.
I felt her inside me and I absolutely wanted her to be there.
Charli’s hands traveled up my sides beneath my hoodie. I felt them there like I wasn’t wearing any clothes. In reality, I had a thin dress on so, for now, I’d have to put up with the actual distance.
&nb
sp; The kissing turned me on way too much. As I sat atop her lap I felt my sex rub into her. It was an instinct that sent shocks all through my body.
Her hand found my thigh and gripped.
My own hand flew down on top of it and squeezed.
I gasped in her mouth, so loud that I remembered where we were and then hugged her tight and started to laugh.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“That is the last thing you should apologize for but I really just wish we were back in our room right now,” Charli said.
She was a little breathless and looked up at me with adoring eyes.
I was too embarrassed to look back and see if anyone was watching us. Hopefully the movie was loud enough and no one cared.
I huffed another laugh and smiled. “We can’t spend our whole lives in the room.”
“No, we can’t. However, one more day wouldn’t be bad.” She pulled me down a little and whispered. “Because not I want your clothes off too.”
“Charli,” I huffed a laugh. It was so hard not to want her. And it was crazy that it took me so long to realize that’s what this feeling was.
Her hands slid up my thighs beneath the hem of my dress and my skin crawled with wanting for her.
“Laura?” She responded.
Just her voice saying my name was explosive.
I took a deep breath in and knew my skin was way too alive right now for this. I wouldn’t be watching this stupid movie.
“Do you want to go?” Charli asked.
I looked down at her and nodded quickly. This was in public and I obviously could not control myself with her.
“Come on, let’s go somewhere,” Charli said, still holding me. “If I can make myself let go, that is,” she finished.
I laughed and got up off of her. I didn’t want to let go but I needed to put my shoes back on and grab my drink.
“We didn’t make it real far,” I whispered.
She hugged my side and collected her stuff.
“Who needs a movie when there’s you?” She teased.
“Oh wow, that’s so gay,” I teased and laughed.
It was dark and we scrambled down the steps all quick and sloppy. Charli went to throw the popcorn away but I wouldn’t let her.
I walked us back into the lobby and made up some lie about needing to leave and catching a raincheck.
Love Like Crazy Page 30