Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

by Brennen Tammons

  “Any of you guys have a lighter? I can’t find mine.”

  Russell while he’s starting at Victor, unintentionally laughs at him, and congruently Brian reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. Brian then walks out of Russell’s car. He hands Victor the lighter, and Victor lights his cigarette. Russell right after this, walks out the car. Jesse immediately follows him, and Russell locks his car. Victor then takes a couple puffs from his cigarette, and he reaches in his pocket to grab his pack of cigarettes. He waves them in the air, hinting if the other men would like to have one. Russell, Brian and Jesse each take a cigarette. All four of the men sit down on the ledges facing the ocean, remaining quiet. The only sounds are coming from tides of the sea. Russell as he’s looking out towards the water, starts to softly speak to Victor.

  “Hey, Victor. I’m sorry about earlier man. I know that you probably don’t want to hear me say that, but I feel bad for what I said to you. I’m so sorry, and I want you to forgive me.”

  Victor takes a puff from his cigarette, and looks down towards the ground and responds.

  “It’s okay. I get used to it. You’re not the first to go off on me like that.”

  Russell shakes his head, and continues to look out towards the distance. Victor continues.

  “I grew up not that far from here. When I was a teenager, I would always come to this beach, and read quite a lot. I would ditch school quite often, because the other guys at my school would always call me ‘Creature Feature’, and be scared of me. Only because I look like a movie monster, I got treated like shit, and was always bullied. It was so tough for me to deal with that.”

  Brian stands up from the ledge, facing behind the rest of the four men. He takes a puff of his cigarette, and then starts to stretch his body. Victor then carries on, talking softly.

  “If you want me to tell the truth, I had intended to go somewhere else to kill myself at first. Where exactly? Well that’s none of your fucking business. I decided to change my mind, and go somewhere I knew was a special peaceful spot to me. I believe I made the right choice.”

  Jesse then with his cigarette in one hand, gets up, and walks over and stands behind where Victor is sitting. Russell notices Jesse walk over, but he keeps his head facing forward. Jesse then starts to massage Victor’s back with his other hand. Victor doesn’t emote or respond at all to Jesse’s actions, but Victor does take a puff of his cigarette. Jesse then talks to him.

  “Victor, I know exactly how you feel. There are times to where I get into this deep level of depression. Usually brought on from feeling excluded from everyone else. We all care about you, and we love you man. We are all dysfunctional rejects, so it’s going to be alright.”

  Victor doesn’t respond to Jesse, but he does mentally agree with him. Jesse continues to massage Victor’s back, and Brian pulls out his phone turning on some smooth electronic music. Brian sets his phone down on the ledge, and takes another puff from his cigarette. Brian then starts to speak to Victor, while looking down towards the ground.

  “Yup. You’re stuck with us man. That shit Russell tried to pull was epic fail. He’s just an asshole, so don’t worry about him. Victor, it’s alright buddy. We’re here for you man. Okay?”

  Russell laughs and shakes his head at what Brian said, and continues to keep his vision out towards the ocean. Victor doesn’t react and keeps stone faced. Like Russell, he looks at the waves of the ocean as well. Victor then takes another puff of his cigarette and carries on talking.

  “But, you guys are at least somewhat normal. I’m this scary freak nobody likes, and there is nothing that’s going to make me think otherwise. That’s very kind of all of you to think of me like that, but the truth is, compared to you guys, I’m on a different category, and you guys simply do not understand how much more difficult it is for me to deal with all the bullshit.”

  Russell laughs to himself for a bit, and while facing ahead, Russell responds to Victor.

  “I’m going to tell you something Victor, and I want you to listen. You don’t have to like me. I know you think I’m an evil wicked man. That’s okay, because it’s somewhat true. Ha-ha. But seriously man, listen up. If everyone was the same, this world would be boring as fuck. You are special Victor; you matter to us. Forget what I said earlier, that should show you that I’m not perfect either. I’m human, and you’re human as well. Cheer up man.”

  Victor shakes his head, and responds to Russell while he’s looking at the ocean.

  “I suppose you’re right Russell. Maybe I am letting myself down a bit too much, and not understanding how much me being unique, makes me a special in that way. I’m sorry for pulling the gun on you man, but I don’t regret doing it. You’re an asshole, and you needed that. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, but I didn’t like the way you were talking to me and the rest of the guys.”

  Russell takes a puff from his cigarette, and shakes his head. He then looks down towards the ground and begins to feel guilty. Under his breath, he speaks to all the men.

  “I am an asshole yes, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry Victor. I’m sorry that I caused you to feel depressed and upset. I’m sorry Brian for disrespecting you, and getting in your grill like that man. I’m sorry for hitting you Jesse, and also saying those harsh horrible things to you.”

  Victor, Brian and Jesse, do not respond to Russell, but they believe that he’s being honest with wanting to apologize for his previous behavior. Victor then responds to him.

  “It just doesn’t feel right at all. I have to accept that Kevin isn’t here with us, and he’s never going to be with us ever again. It’s not fucking fair. Why him? There’s nothing we can do, and that’s the part that’s so fucked up. I know he was your best friend Russell, and that’s one thing we both currently share, is that we are dealing with coming to terms on Kevin. It’s so sad.”

  Russell looking down on the ground, responds to Victor in a quiet tone.

  “I don’t know man; I can’t answer any of that. Of course it’s not fair, life isn’t fucking fair at all man. Kev didn’t deserve that at all, and if I have to deal with it, you have to deal with it as well. We all have to support each other, and stay strong about it. Kev would have wanted us to be happy, and not hold onto feeling depressed and sad. But yeah it’s not fair that Kev is gone.”

  Brian takes a puff from his cigarette and looks at the ocean, responding to Russell.

  “Russell, you didn’t have to go off like you did though. You know that was fucked up, and acting like a jerk and turning your back on us like you did wasn’t right. All of us miss Kevin, every single one of us, but there is nothing we can do about it. I’m sorry Russell.”

  Jesse picks up Brian’s phone, to find out what song is playing. While he’s still looking at the screen of Brian’s phone, Jesse then and responds to all of the guys.

  “I don’t want us to fight, and to act this way. It’s not worth it. We need to stick together.”

  Russell continues to look out at the ocean, and feels guilty. He then speaks to the men.

  “Nothing at all can excuse what I’ve done. I do want for us all to stick together as friends. We’ve gone through so much to distance apart now. With Kev gone, I’m still not accepting he’s not here. I keep thinking about him, and his sense of humor. Ugh… I’m sorry guys. I mean I hope you all understand why I acted that way, and you forgive me for all of it. Please.”

  Victor immediately starts to laugh out loud to himself. Everyone else ignores him, and following that, while he’s facing the ocean, Victor responds to Russell.

  “Russell, I’ll only forgive your apology if you do two things. One, I want you to take us out to eat. Me, Brian and Jesse, I want you to to treat all of us. You don’t have to worry about where to go, because it’s my decision. I want Japanese food. The next thing, I want you to take us all to ‘Knott’s Berry Farm’ tomorrow. I haven’t been since I was young, and I really want to go. We all deserve a day to have fun together, so why not? Is this something you can do?”<
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  Russell stands up from the ledge and takes another puff of his cigarette. He then responds.

  “You want me to take you out for Japanese food, and you want us to go to an amusement park tomorrow in addition to that? Well…alright, I guess it’s the least I can do to make up for what happened earlier. Okay Victor, I’ll grant both of your wishes man. If this is what will make you happy. Only just this one time though, don’t press your luck with me anymore. I’m not normally this nice of a guy, so understand this is uncommon that I’m doing this.”

  Victor then turns his head towards Russell, and stands up from sitting on the ledges. He immediately stands up and walks over to Russell, giving him a tight hug. Russell then smiles at him, and returns the favor but embracing him in the same way. Victor then walks over to Brian and Jesse, and hugs them both also very close, like he did with Russell. Feeling pleased that he was able to make peace with Russell, Victor now no longer feels depressed, and is glad that he is being appreciated. They all remain standing close to each other for a while, then Victor walks towards the ocean; staring out in the distance for a couple minutes, observing the scene. With a wide grin on his face, Victor starts to speak to the other men.

  “Thank you guys for helping me. I was scared that I was going to do something really scary tonight. I was so depressed, and was so low. I wanted to give up that badly. I don’t like being pushed aside, and being neglected and rejected. It’s a terrible feeling to have. But I do feel special, and I know that I belong with all of you, and you guys belong with me. I’m happy.”

  Brian nods his head and walks over to Victor and rubs his shoulder. He then talks to him.

  “Yeah, calm down man. It’s going to be alright. We’re here, and we are always going to be here for you. No more feeling suicidal, okay Victor? Can you promise me man?”

  Brian then kisses Victor on his forehead, and rubs his hair. Victor laughs to himself, then in a flash second, Victor grabs the back of Brian’s head, and kisses him on the lips passionately. They kiss for a few seconds, and Brian pushes himself away from Victor. Russell and Jesse watch the both of them in amusement. Brian then shakes his head, and smiles at Victor.

  “Okay, okay, you feel better now? Did that cheer you up? You’re such a bag of tricks.”

  Victor stares deeply and smirks at Brian, and laughs to himself. He then responds.

  “My god, I never noticed how handsome you are. You’re a very handsome man Brian.”

  Brian rubs the back of his head, and smiles at Victor. Brian then replies to Victor.

  “I don’t want to brag, but yes I’m a good looking guy, and I’m also the best looking guy. But all of us are handsome in our own way. Russell is handsome. Jesse is handsome. Kevin was handsome. Even you Victor, you might not realize, but you are also handsome in some ways. Ha-ha. Let me get that junk you wiped on your face off.”

  Brian takes a clean cloth from his pocket, and starts to wipe the shoe police Victor rubbed on his face, off. Victor smiles at Brian, and then turns his view back towards the ocean. Brian shakes his head, and takes a puff from his cigarette. Jesse watches the other three men, observing their behavior. Russell during this time, takes out his phone and starts to look up nearby Japanese restaurants. He ends up finding a restaurant, and taps Victor on the shoulder to get his attention. Russell asks if the restaurant is okay, and Victor agrees. Immediately following that, Russell makes a reservation at the restaurant for all of them. After placing the reservation, Russell goes back to watching ocean, listening to the roaring sound of the waves, as they flow through the sea. Once all the men have finished their cigarettes, Brian grabs all the butts, and throws them away in a nearby trashcan.

  Victor then stands up, absorbing one final glance at the ocean, and reaches inside his pocket taking out his car keys. He then proceeds towards his car. The rest of the men then take this as a sign for them to leave, and they as well take one last look at the beach. Russell, Brian and Jesse then walk towards Russell’s car. All of the men then drive away from the scene, heading towards the restaurant. Victor follows Russell on their way to the destination. They proceed back towards Pacific Coast Highway, where the restaurant is situated on. As it being Friday night, there are people standing outside various restaurants and clubs, and there is a high profile of activity going around. Russell reaches the restaurant, and he along with Victor, park in the designated area behind the building.

  The men exit out of their vehicles, and walk inside. The restaurant has a space age artistic and futuristic theme, with many vibrant colors and lights being assorted around for decoration. Many modern and contemporary patterns are placed all around. The restaurant has a bar and lounge associated with it, adding a more intimate and personal feel. As the men are escorted to their table by the waitress, they are seated at a booth. Russell and Jesse, and Brian and Victor sit adjacent to each other on both sides of the table. The men give their drink orders to the waitress. Russell and Brian both order a pint of beer, Jesse orders a Tequila Sunrise, and Victor orders himself a Sake to drink. Once the waitress leaves the table, the men all begin to read over the menu. Victor then compliments the makeup of the restaurant.

  “This place is really something. I never seen a restaurant this abstract and innovate such as this before. Very lovely and nice. Had no idea places like this existed. I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but I never eat out really, because I’m by myself all the time. Meh.”

  Russell looks at Victor for a second and raises his eyebrows, and responds to him.

  “Well, I’m happy that you’re getting a chance to experience this new opportunity.”

  The waitress returns to their table, giving the men their drinks. She asks if they are ready to order, and as they are having a difficult time deciding what to get, they ask her to give them a little more time. When she leaves, Victor thinks of an interesting plan, and speaks to the guys.

  “I wonder if we should get the sampler plate. That seems to be a good choice. It’s a little of everything, and we can just share it, and take what we want. Yeah, let’s do that.”

  The men quickly agree towards his idea on ordering that. When the waitress returns once again to their table, they order the sampler plate. It consists of several special dishes, including a large order of different sushi varieties. California Roll, Sashimi Sushi Roll, Tuna Roll, and Spicy Wasabi Roll. It also comes with a large order of pot stickers, shrimp tempura, beef dumplings, and chicken teriyaki and rice. Along with that comes miso soup, and salad. While they are waiting for their order to arrive, Victor starts to speak to all of the guys.

  “You know what’s funny, I’m half Japanese, and don’t really get to eat Japanese food that much. So this is nice that I’m getting to honor my culture and heritage this way. Ha-ha.”

  Brian is on his phone watching a live mixed martial arts fight. Jesse is playing a trivia game on Russell’s phone. Russell who is the only one who has his attention undivided, takes a sip from his beer, and nods his head in agreement with Victor. Victor then continues to have a one sided conversation with Russell, who’s listening to everything Victor says, nodding his head for quite some time.

  When their order finally arrives at the table, the quantity of food is much larger than they anticipated. They men are all in shock, not expecting for the order to be that large. However, they don’t see this as a negative aspect at all. They each enjoy the food, and eat all of the contents. Once they finish their food, Brian returns to watching the fight on his phone, and Jesse goes back to playing the game on Russell’s phone. Victor then continues to ramble on about miscellany topics to Russell; which Russell simply nods his head in return. The waitress soon comes back to the table with the check. Russell takes out both his wallet and credit card, and places the card inside the checkbook. Russell then looks at Victor.

  “Did you want something for dessert? You can have whatever you want, I don’t care.”

  Victor nods his head at Russell, then responds to him. Victor then pulls out his p
hone.

  “I like ‘Cold Stone’ a lot. I haven’t had it in a while. There’s one right around the corner.”

  Russell nods his head, and finishes his beer. The waitress collects Russell’s credit card and leaves the table, and Brian shows the fight on his phone to Russell, commentating on it.

  “That guy got creamed, damn. He got pulverized, he’s bleeding all over the place. Shit.”

  Russell shakes his head and laughs. He looks down at the table and responds to Brian.

  “Conor McGregor is a beast, what can I say? Unfair fight if you ask me. I don’t know.”

  The waitress returns to the table one final time, giving Russell back his credit card, and the receipt of the bill. Russell reaches into his wallet and takes out several cash bills for a tip. The men then walk out of the restaurant, and head towards the ice cream store. Once arriving there, they each order whichever ice cream they care for. After getting their ice cream, all the men sit on a bench directly outside of the store, and eat. Brian then starts to speak to Russell.

  “Russell, you and Jesse can leave together, I’ll ride back with Victor. It will be alright. That way you don’t have to drop me off, then head to your place. It’s easier that way.”

  Russell doesn’t respond to Brian, but Brian can tell that Russell agrees to this. When the men finish their ice cream, they all hug and say goodbye to each other. Victor and Brian drive away towards “Home Base”, with Brian sitting in the passenger seat. Russell and Jesse then drive away together. As Russell is driving, he quickly remembers something he forgot. Russell reaches into his pocket for his phone; dialing Brian’s number. He then hands Jesse his phone.

  “Shit, I forgot. Ask Brian what time Victor wants to meet up at tomorrow, please.”

  Jesse speaks to Brian over the telephone, asking him what Russell instructed him to tell. Brian responds that Victor wants to arrive to the amusement park as early as possible, and they want to meet up at 9 A.M. tomorrow. Jesse hangs up Russell’s phone, and sets it under the center console. While Russell is driving, Jesse turns his head over at him, and speaks.