Unpredictable

by K. A. Berg

  Her voice is congratulatory as she responds. “I can. I’ve known this was going to be great from the moment your eyes twinkled as you asked my thoughts on it all.”

  Dropping her hand, I pull her body against mine. “Thank you. Linda said there’s a lot of interest in the condo. Hopefully the open house this weekend will bring in some offers.”

  “It hasn’t even been listed for two months,” Quinn laughs. “We’ve got time. It doesn’t have to sell tomorrow. Besides, we haven’t found anything we like yet.”

  “You’re right, we have time,” I agree. “There’s no rush.”

  “Alex, what did you really want to talk about? I know it’s not about Legacy or selling the condo…”

  I take a moment and compose my thoughts before answering. “We’re preparing for a family life, but we haven’t talked about the fact the baby part hasn’t happened yet. I feel like we’re both avoiding talking about it, and when we stop communicating it leads to nothing but trouble. I know how I feel, but I don’t know how this makes you feel.”

  “I’m okay.” She nods, her attention shifting to her fingernails.

  She’s not okay. I know because I’m not. I’m a little sad and frustrated, so I know Quinn has to at least be feeling something. “Lying isn’t going to help us. We can’t work through this if we aren’t honest with each other.”

  Quinn and I spent two long, unnecessary, years apart because I didn’t force her to be honest with me. If I had been more persistent and made her talk to me about all the things she kept bottled up inside, we could’ve avoided one of the most painful times of our lives. Nothing hurts more than the genuine possibility of the woman you love more than life itself marrying a man who isn’t you. I’ll never allow that to happen to us ever again. I’ll never let Quinn struggle through something on her own.

  It takes a moment, but she opens up as she whispers, “Honestly, I’m starting to get a little worried, Alex.”

  “About?”

  “Being disappointed,” she admits, peering up at me from under her long lashes. “What if I fail and getting pregnant doesn’t happen? This could all wind up being a big disappointment in the end. It’s been five months.”

  The fact she thinks she can disappoint me breaks my heart, I’ve always wanted kids, but when Quinn told me they were off the table if I wanted to be with her, I was okay with it. If it meant I got her, then I would be okay. But she changed her mind, and I felt like the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the world. Not because I got what I wanted, but because I would get to create a family with Quinn.

  Something that used to terrify her, she was willing to do with me. She has that much faith in us, and it means more to me than anyone could’ve ever imagined.

  I bring my lips down to hers and pour my love into the simple kiss, trying to convey a thousand words into one kiss. “You’ve already given me more than you can ever know, baby or no baby. My love for you will never change. I love you. No. Matter. What.”

  “You say that now,” she says softly, opening her eyes to meet mine, vulnerability swirling in the depths of her sad blue eyes. “But what happens when I can’t give you what you want? How could we ever go back now? Are we strong enough to endure that? What if you want to leave me and find someone who can give you everything you want? Or what if you feel stuck with me and then resent me for the rest of our lives?”

  “Quinn, when we got married I knew how you felt about children. Even then, you thought it was a deal breaker for me. Don’t you understand there is no deal breaker when it comes to us? All I want in life is to spend it with you.”

  She sits up, tucking a piece of her shiny blonde hair behind her ear. “But what if this doesn’t work out the way we want? I opened this door of hope for us. For you.”

  “Everything is going to work out fine,” I reassure her, trying to take away some of the pressure she’s feeling. “This is supposed to be a happy, exciting experience for us. Neither of us should feel overwhelmed and stressed. There’s no need to feel that way. It’s not a race, angel. There’s no pressure. It’ll happen when it happens.”

  She remains quiet, still picking the nail polish on her fingertips.

  I’m in no hurry, so I give her a few minutes before continuing. “If this is getting to be too much for you, we can always take a break. We don’t have to do this now. I’m sad and frustrated with the wait too, but not with you. I never want you to do anything that makes you unhappy. You have my support through this whole thing, no matter what. I want you to have everything you’ve wanted too. I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  A tear slides down her cheek. Using my thumb, I brush it away. “I love you, Quinn. Unconditionally.”

  She lays her head in my lap and sighs. “I love you, too.”

  Lying back, I pull her up with me, wrap my arms around her and drop a kiss on the crown of her head. She heaves a shuddering breath as she curls into my side.

  CHAPTER NINE

  QUINN

  THE FRONT DOOR TO OUR HOME IS BARELY CLOSED BEFORE Alex is on me.

  “I don’t like waking up to an empty bed, angel,” Alex says pinning my body to the door. “I wanted to bury myself inside you and have my way with you, but you weren’t there. Hope you’re up for another workout.”

  He stares at me with hungriness, swirled with desire and need. The steel rod of his erection digs into my hip as he kisses and sucks my neck. “You had me less than twelve hours ago. Having withdrawals, handsome?”

  He growls into the spot where my collarbone meets my neck and nips. “I’ll never get enough of you. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

  What woman doesn’t want to hear those words from her man? “Well, I guess you better get your fix then, huh? I wouldn’t want to neglect your needs.”

  He scoops me up effortlessly, and my legs wrap around his waist as he carries me to our bedroom. When we reach the bed, he stands me at the side of it. “Strip, angel.”

  I’m glad I showered before I left the gym because the moment my yoga pants hit the floor, Alex has his face buried between my thighs. Seeing him on his knees in front of me, enjoying the taste of my body has me ready to come almost instantly. My finger slide into his hair as I hold him to me and come apart on his tongue.

  “My favorite flavor,” he smirks as he stands. His hand slides around to the back of my neck, and he pulls my mouth to him, sharing the essence of my pussy with me.

  My knees bend as I start to sink to the floor to get a little of my own favorite flavor, but Alex stops me. “Nope, I’ve been waiting over an hour to bury myself inside you, and that’s not the hole I’ve been waiting for.”

  Well, fuck me. “Someone is in a greedy mood this morning.”

  He shoves me back onto the bed. “I’m always greedy when it comes to you.”

  All talking ceases at the point, and Alex sheathes himself inside me and doesn’t stop until I’ve come twice.

  By the time all is said and done, my body feels weightless, and my chest heaves up and down as I try to catch my breath.

  Alex turns his head toward me, his face relaxed and content. “I’m going to grab a shower.”

  I nod not being able to do anything more at the moment. “Okay, you do that. I’ll just hang out and wait for the feeling to return to my body.”

  Alex sits up, ties his hair in a knot on the top of his head, and smiles at me, full of happiness. “Don’t get too comfortable. We told Tanner and Ashley we’d pick the kids up by twelve.”

  “If we’re late, it’s not my fault. No one told you to fuck me senseless the moment I walked through the door.”

  He chuckles, and I open my eyes just in time to watch his perfect, sculpted ass walk to the bathroom. If I were in control of my body at the moment, there’d be a high probability of me jumping him again. His ass is fine.

  _____

  KENZIE SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER AS WE WALK INTO THE Garrison house. Ashley loo
ks ready to drop as she mumbles something about the baby having a fever and being up the whole night teething.

  “I didn’t think teething was still this bad after the first year,” I say as we start rounding up the non-crying children.

  She shrugs and shakes her head. “Me either,” she says, nodding toward Michaela and TJ. “Those two never seemed to be this bad. I always thought the other moms were exaggerating.”

  Alex has the kids ready to go, and Tanner hands him the keys to Ashley’s car. “We moved TJ to a booster seat. It uses the seat belt.”

  Alex nods as he grabs the keys and leads the kids outside.

  “Hope Kenzie feels better,” I call over my shoulder as we head out.

  We pull out of the driveway and head toward the ferry; the kids’ favorite way into the city. The four of us spend the ten-minute trip to midtown staring out at the water. TJ’s fascinated by the white caps as our boat zips across the Hudson. “Someone poured all their bubble bath over the side,” he insists as we exit.

  As soon as we’re off the ferry, we make our way to Times Square. Alex is in full tourist mode, going everywhere we knew to steer clear of on a Saturday. Regardless of the time of the year, there are just some parts of New York City that are always attractive to visitors.

  We make a few stops on our walk to the subway including the M&M store because…why not?

  As we arrive at the entrance of the park, Michaela jumps up and down, clapping her little six-year-old hands together. “Aunt Quinn, can we go to the fountain first, and then go see the animals at the zoo?”

  TJ doesn’t hesitate to make his request as well. “Ice cream and balloons!”

  By the time Alex and I sit down on the bench across from the playground, we’ve already watched a sailboat race in the fountain, seen all the animals in the Central Park Zoo, had hot dogs and ice cream, and gotten balloon animals.

  Reaching behind me, Alex slides me over to his side and wraps his arms around me. His lips meet my temple. “I give them five minutes into the ride home before they’re passed out.”

  My attention never leaves the kids as they play among all the other children, but I do rest my head on Alex’s shoulder. “I give me five minutes into the ride home before I’m passed out.”

  We sit quietly watching the two little ones, and my mind drifts to this same situation but with children of our own.

  Michaela runs over with tears in her eyes, distracting me from my moment of wallowing as she turns around and points to some kid on the other side of the playground. “That boy over there said I suck, and girls can’t play football. It’s for boys only because they’re better than girls.”

  “Don’t be sad, sweet girl.” I smile at her, wiping the few tears streaming down her face. “One day that boy will realize just how much better girls are than boys. You’re way ahead of the game because you already know. Don’t let him make you cry.”

  Her eyes dart to Alex as if looking for confirmation. “Aunt Quinn’s right. Plus, he was probably mad because you’re a better QB than he is.”

  Alex holds his hand out, and Michaela takes it. That’s all she needed. A little reassurance and her problems melt away as she and Alex walk back to TJ and toss the ball around. I wish it worked the same way for me.

  “That man’s a keeper,” a scratchy voice says from beside me. Sitting at the other end of the bench is an older woman, who sounds like she has a pack-a-day habit. She knits as she keeps watch on the playground. “I’ve seen many men in my days, and he is special. The way he is with those kids of yours, a man like that doesn’t come around often.”

  What the hell am I supposed to say to that? It’s a pretty odd comment to just blurt out. “Thank you,” I say not to be rude. “They’re our niece and nephew, though.”

  She nods. “Any of your own, yet?”

  Personal much? I don’t know this woman and the last thing I want to do is have a conversation about my life with her, but how do I just ignore her? I kind of opened the door when I said more than thank you. “No, not yet.”

  Again, she just nods. “You should start thinking about children soon. It’d be a crime for him to not be a father. Don’t let it slip through your fingers.”

  Did I ask for your two-cents, lady? Her opinion irritates me. While I understand she is just making small talk, discussing children with someone who doesn’t have any can be insensitive. Just because I don’t have them doesn’t mean I don’t want them or haven’t been trying to have them.

  Ever my knight in shining armor, Alex trots back over with a smiling but obviously sleepy, TJ on his shoulders and a giggling Michaela holding his hand. My attention is drawn away from the lady back to what’s important.

  “These two monkeys are tired.” He smiles at me. “I think it’s time we head back home.”

  Gladly.

  CHAPTER TEN

  QUINN

  ALEX’S FINGERS INTERTWINE WITH MINE AS HE GRABS MY hand and brings it to his lips. “You’ve been quiet since we left the park. What’s going on? Too much sun?”

  I was enjoying it very much right up to the very end.

  It wasn’t until the ferry ride home I realize how much that woman’s comment bugs me. I don’t know why I’m letting it bother me, it just does.

  Shaking my head, I try to throw it from my mind. “It’s nothing,” I say. “Just some lady at the park giving me her opinion on our lives and having kids.”

  His fingers squeeze mine. “Soon, angel, soon. It will happen.”

  My lips move, my brain now wanting to think out loud. “I don’t understand why people feel the need to ask such personal questions? I get having a personal conversation with people you’re close with but why do people think it’s okay to ask strangers? That woman had no idea who I was or that I’ve been trying to get pregnant month after month. What gives people the right?”

  Alex shrugs a shoulder. “It’s human nature, I guess. People see a couple without kids, and their first thought is to ask when kids are coming. You shouldn’t let it bother you, babe.”

  “But it does.” My body turns to his as he drives. “Infertility is an invisible, internal problem. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Asking a woman without kids when she’s going to have them or what she’s waiting for can be insensitive.”

  Alex’s eyes widen in surprise. “I hadn’t realized you felt so strongly about the subject.”

  The car is quiet, TJ’s soft snores the only sound filling the small space.

  “Do you know something I don’t?” he asks. His voice is a strange mixture of unease and trepidation as if this is the first time he’s thought there may be a reason we haven’t gotten pregnant. “Did you go for the bloodwork and not tell me?”

  “No, that’s not until next month. I’m just saying, people need to start thinking about the things they say to people they don’t know. You have no idea about anyone’s struggle.”

  “You’re absolutely right,” Alex agrees.

  My brain continues to allow me to think with my mouth. “Although I can’t say the idea of something being wrong hasn’t crossed my mind. Dr. Andrews instructions to go for the bloodwork loom over my head. It’s been five months. If it doesn’t happen in the next month, I have a reason to start to worry. But I don’t want to think like that.”

  “It’ll happen,” Alex says as we pull into Ashley and Tanner’s driveway. “I don’t want you worrying, angel. Everything’s going to work out just the way it’s supposed to. You watch.”

  From his lips to God’s, or whoever’s, ears. It would be just my luck that I’m ready and excited to start a family only to have fertility issues.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  QUINN

  RESUMES ARE SPREAD ALL ACROSS THE CONFERENCE ROOM table. Jordan and I have been pouring over them for the last three days trying to see if we can find anyone who can replace one of our principals, Paul.

  His wife beat cancer earlier this year, and they decided to re-evaluate their prioriti
es. Paul told us three weeks ago that he was taking a sabbatical from finance to travel the world with his wife. The notion is beautiful, and I couldn’t agree with his decision more, except it leaves Jordan and me to find someone to fill his shoes, which isn’t going to be an easy feat. We have until the middle of July to find his replacement.

  “None of these applicants are remotely close to having the same credentials as Paul,” I sigh, exasperated. We’ve been looking through these all morning. We’ve amassed maybe a total of four possible candidates so far.

  Jordan places down the papers he’s reading and glares at me. “Quinn, no one is going to be as great as Paul. There’s a reason we were talking about making him a partner. Plus, he’s not leaving forever. He’s just taking some time to enjoy his blessings. Stop comparing every resume to his and focus on the person applying and if they fit our needs.”

  Half an hour later I’m still not that thrilled with my pool of choices, but I do find two I’m willing to bring in and meet with.

  Jordan still has his head buried over there combing through papers. “Want to order lunch?” I ask, needing a break and some food.

  He glances at his watch and then to me. “Yeah,” he nods. “Want to order from Corkies? I could really go for a pastrami on rye.”

  “Sure.” I nod and grab my computer to fire off a message to Kendra, my assistant, asking her to order our lunches.

  I cannot look at another resume right now. My brain needs a break. I don’t remember the hiring process being this taxing when we first started hiring.

  My phone dings with a notification, and I grab it, thankful for the minor distraction. It’s from the fertility app I downloaded last week. Ever since I ordered my ovulation kits from Amazon, my Instagram feed is filled with ads for fertility products. This app caught my eye, so I figured what the heck.

  There’s a little firework-looking emoji and the words, “Yay. It’s ovulation day,” on a banner across my home screen.