by Zoe Blake
“Vashti, you have been here with us for many years now, but your exams are almost over and it is time to discuss your future.” She is being so nice. I look up at her now, and beneath the pleasant voice, I can see the hard woman who raised me. “You indicated that you may want to stay on, take your vows and serve with us, yes?”
“Yes, Mother Superior.” I nod and swallow the bullfrog in my throat.
“There is another choice, another option. As you don’t have any worldly belongings, money or family, you know your choices were limited.”
“Yes, I am aware.” I brace for a scolding. A chance for her to tell me again what a burden I am, how I must be some sort of devil child because no one ever wanted me.
“Well, you met a young man at the charity fundraiser.” Sherbet, I knew I was in trouble. I try to look shocked, like I have no idea what she’s talking about. “Don’t act like you didn’t. I know, I also know you conducted yourself like a proper lady. You aren’t in trouble, Child. I am trying to help you.”
“Yes, I met a man. He was nice to me, he said hello. I was afraid, so I left and went to help Sister Hilda.”
“It seems you have made quite an impression on the young gentleman, and Bishop Gideon is here with a proposal for you.” She gives him a look, passing the buck. Making him tell me why I am here in the middle of the night.
“Sister Ruth has explained your circumstance to me briefly, so I hope you will think carefully about Ezra’s offer.” Ezra, his name is Ezra. “Have you heard of the Church of The Two Divines, Vashti?”
“No, Father, I have not,” I answer respectfully.
“Many of our virtues and rules are the same as those here, however, we do have some that differ. Do you think you would be able to convert your beliefs?” I pause for a moment, wondering if this is a test of faith.
“Do you believe in God, Jesus and Mother Mary?” I ask him, making sure I don’t say the wrong thing.
“We do.” He nods. “Ezra has asked me to come here and propose a marriage between the two of you.” Okay, is he insane? I never even spoke to the man. I ran away and hid from him. “You two would be married as soon as you have finished your exams and you would come to live within our community. He is a good man, I can vouch for him and his family.” I am too shell-shocked to make any sort of response. Mother Superior clears her throat and glares at me as if I am being rude.
“Well, Vashti?” she says like this is a normal discussion, that there’s nothing odd about it at all.
“Um.” I hesitate looking between them for a clue as to what the right answer is. The man looks soft and kind, and I wonder if staying here with the cruelty and rules is better or worse than the unknown. “Do I have to decide right away? Am I allowed to meet Ezra first?” I have so many questions.
“You would need to give me an answer tonight. If you say yes, we will arrange a meeting for you and Ezra before you move,” he answers with a reassuring smile. “If you say no, you go on with your chosen path to marry our Lord and serve here with Sister Ruth.” I look from one to the other, her eyes tell me I better not choose her, she’s done with me and this is a way to get rid of me quickly.
“Yes. I will accept his proposal,” I say softly, looking her in the eyes.
She smiles, a vicious, villainous grin and says, “Well, we have an arrangement. Vashti is finished with her exams in a week. She can meet with Ezra after that. We don’t want to distract her with temptations, now do we?” Bishop Gideon stands up and pulls a box from his pocket, the small back leather case is flipped open.
“This is yours to show you are promised to Ezra.” He takes my left hand and slips a gold ring onto my finger. The ring has an infinity loop on it, and one side is empty, while the other is filled with a black diamond. It seems like an odd choice for an engagement ring, but the man has never met me, maybe he liked it.
Chapter 3
Ezra
The floor polish has worn away where I have been pacing up and down since the Bishop called to say he would meet with her guardians and see if she would consider being mine. The clock seems to tick slower and slower as I wait for his return. I keep looking out the window, every set of headlights that passes by getting my hopes up. I prayed, I have prayed so hard for this. Please, God, let her be the one, let her say yes. I know that it doesn’t matter what she says, but I want her to come to me — willingly.
My father sits on the edge of his seat, tapping his foot on the floor. His cigar in the ashtray beside him makes a small plume of smoke that dances in the light from the reading lamp beside him.
“Sit, Ezra,” he says calmly. My mothers have already gone upstairs for the night, it’s late and the witching hours are fast approaching. Outside I hear the irrigation system turning on, the hiss of the water as the sprayers pop up to keep the lawn lush and green. I pull the curtain aside and look out again. The street is deathly quiet and nothing but the wind moves. Almost all the houses are in darkness, and a dog is barking in the distance.
“I can’t sit,” I say to him, turning away from the window to face him. I put my hands in my pockets. I feel fidgety, nervous and sick to my stomach. No matter what she says, her fate is sealed.
For Jesus said: I will make you fishers of men.
It is my job to bring others to follow him, to join us as we live this divine life. The Lord chose us, and slowly others will see the light. I believe it, more than many others do. “Son, sit. Let’s pray. The Bishop will be back; you need to be patient.” I sit down on the wingback chair beside my father and close my eyes as he prays that God will bring me a good and willing wife. I bare my soul to God, repent for failing him once, and beg his mercy. I ask him to guide me through this, to make myself right with him as I go on to becoming a man in his eyes.
The sound of the car engine and tires crunching up the driveway doesn’t stop us, because talking to God is more important than the news the Bishop brings. My father ends our prayer and we both stand as the knock on the front door bangs loudly through the house. Following two steps behind my father, I walk to the front door, ready for whatever news is to come.
The Bishop greets my father with a handshake and a manly hug, like that of brothers embracing.
“The girl has agreed, the Prophet has given his blessing, and a meeting is set for two weeks’ time.” The old man talks to us both in the small entrance hall. “You have two weeks to get your house right in the eyes of God, Ezra. Your father will guide you in what to do. Remember this young lady is an outsider and won’t have been taught. You will be responsible for guiding her through the next few weeks.”
“Yes, Bishop, I understand. She was happy to do this?”
“You picked a girl in dire circumstances, Ezra, I think she was more than happy to accept. Living in that convent isn’t a life anyone would choose.”
“I am indeed blessed then.”
“You are.” His voice is laced with threats and shadows from the past. “Let us pray that this is an easy transition for her.”
Two weeks dragged on for a hundred years as my family helped me prepare for my wife. I moved out of the house and into the guest cottage, which will be our home for a while. Going to bed at night not under my parents’ roof challenged me. It made it difficult to keep myself from straying, from having impure thoughts. I am a man; I have been coached in the customs that will follow after the meeting with Vashti tonight. I am prepared. I am ready.
She will live in my father’s house until our ceremony begins. I don’t think it will be long, but it is important that she learns the ways of a good home. From tonight she will be a part of my family, never to separate in this life or the next. There’s something reassuring about being joined to another for eternity. The Bishop has arranged for us to meet at the temple, meetings like this have to be supervised by an elder of the church. I don’t know who has been chosen, I only hope it’s someone I know and trust. I don’t know how this will go, and I am afraid of what might be reported back to those in charge.
“Ezra.” He greets me with a handshake and a friendly smile. We have a common pain, an ache that not many others will ever understand. He knows why this is so important.
“Joseph.” I nod. “I am very glad to see you.” He shakes his head.
“My father is inside with the Bishop and the girl, but I will be the facilitator at your meeting.”
“Thank you.” I appreciate that more than anyone would understand.
“Ready to go in?” he asks, swinging the ornate wooden door open. The solemn quiet of the temple calms my racing heart and frayed nerves. God has led me here. “Before we see them, I need to tell you something Ezra.” I turn to my friend and look at his face. It’s heavy with a burden he doesn’t wish to carry. “They have found Naomi and Noelle; there are already plans to return them to the compound.” I don’t know if I should rejoice or cry, this makes everything better and worse all in one. I didn’t want to have to explain this to my new wife right away.
“When?” I ask him.
“Soon, that’s all I know.” He shakes his head and looks up at the altar. “My father wouldn’t let it rest. I’m sorry, Ezra.”
“Don’t be sorry, we need them to come home.” I know what he means, but it is right that they return. Joseph doesn’t say a word; I know he had a hand in Noelle’s escape. He never wanted her — or any other for that matter. My friend doesn’t believe the way I do, he has doubt in his heart.
We walk through the building and out of the side door, in the open garden waits my bride, and the men who have delivered her to me. I bow my head and greet the two men. They both shake my hand and leave us there with Joseph.
Chapter 4
Vashti
I think I might have failed most of my exams. I was distracted; my mind was only on meeting the man with the handsome face and friendly smile. I used my two hours of internet time to research what I could about his church. There wasn’t much online. Some called it a cult, but they called Catholicism a cult too. These days any religion is seen as a cult. I believe God placed this opportunity in my lap for a reason. That God has a bigger purpose for me, and that being a good and loyal wife to Ezra may be a bigger calling than staying. I am nervous; the Bishop and a man he called Prophet collected me this morning. I was told to pack my belongings. I don’t think I am ever going back to the convent. There wasn’t time to say goodbye to anyone. Mother Superior wished me well and shut the car door, as if she was happy to see the back of me at last. I tried to be a good child, I really did, but it never seemed to be good enough for her. I will be a good wife.
Now standing beneath the enormous olive trees in the courtyard of the temple, they were very specific that it isn’t a church. That I would go to church another time, but that this meeting would happen at their temple which is sacred. God is God, isn’t he? It doesn’t matter where or how we worship him, he is still the same. I am told to sit at a small wrought iron table beneath the trees, the two men remain standing. Whispering to one another, something about Naomi. I watch the leaves swaying in the breeze, and the dappled shadows where the sun shines through them. It’s so tranquil here, the church at the convent never felt peaceful, it was a place of doom and damnation.
I look up to see Ezra and another young man arrive, the older men greet them and leave quickly. Suddenly being alone with Ezra and his companion makes me nervous, makes me doubt my decision. His smile and soft eyes comfort me slightly, but my heart still bangs against my ribs. I have never spoken to a man before. Once I talked to a boy at Sunday school and got six lashes for it, my bottom burned for days. Good girls didn’t talk to boys, boys were dirty and bad.
“Hello, Vashti. I am Joseph.” His friend greets me. I am not extended the handshake that the men shared. “This is Ezra; shall we all sit?” Ezra’s cheeks are flushed when he looks at me. “I have been appointed by the Prophet to oversee your union. I am your Elder and will be the one guiding you both,” he says, sitting between us. A buffer, absorbing all the nervous energy that pours from us both. “You accepted Ezra’s proposal. In doing so, you accepted his faith, and that you will be married in the tradition and ritual of The Church of The Two Divines.” I nod, not entirely sure what I had agreed to, but the butterflies swarming in my belly didn’t care. I couldn’t take my eyes off Ezra, his eyes were the color of stone. Grey, but blue when turned just the right way, and his sandy brown hair was cut short in the back and sides. He is a handsome man, I think. I wouldn’t know what handsome was, but I liked him more than Joseph. “You need to answer my questions please, Vashti, it is important.”
“Yes, yes. I accepted his proposal, and his church.” I answer, without looking at the man asking the questions.
“At this time would you like to know more about those traditions or rituals?” he asks me.
“No, I think I understand.” He frowns and looks at Ezra for confirmation.
“Are you certain? Things might be different from what you are expecting.”
“I’m certain. I agreed to be his wife.”
I was allowed ten minutes to speak with Ezra, while Joseph waited at the temple door. I wasn’t permitted to touch him, nor him me. I couldn’t hide my smile every time he looked at me. I could feel myself blushing. There were other feelings I didn’t know how to identify, but they felt both good and bad wrapped into one. Afterward, I was taken to his father’s house where I was to stay while preparations were made for our wedding. It all seemed surreal, exciting and overwhelmingly right.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Ezekiel, my father-in-law to be is a cold man. I haven’t seen him smile once since I arrived. Miriam and Dinah keep looking at me with suspicion, and I can understand it. I am an outsider, they don’t know me and they feel as if I am here to take their son from them. I like Dinah, she’s the nicest. At first I was shocked that the man had two wives... it’s not normal. When Dinah explained it to me that this was their way, and she and Miriam were happy, I felt sorry for her. I was concerned that Ezra would want two wives, but she told me that I shouldn’t worry. His chosen one was gone. I don’t quite understand what she meant, but I felt better about it. Every night at prayers she sits beside me. It’s the one time in the day that the family is all together. I thought my time here would be spent getting to know Ezra, but we aren’t allowed to be alone together at all, and only see one another when one or more of the others are around. Instead, I am taught about looking after a home, and what God says about being a good wife.
Tonight Ezekiel has asked us to join him in his study after prayers and it has put me on edge. I keep opening my eyes to peek at Ezra, but his eyes remain closed as he talks with God. I like the way he believes so deeply, and follows the word in every part of his life. When Ezekiel says Amen, I jump with a fright and battle to hide my fear of the man at the head of this home.
Ezra follows his father in silence and I walk behind him, to the study. I haven’t been in this part of the house, it’s off limits unless you’re invited in. Ezra holds the door and closes it behind me. Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I look around, taking in the room. The bookcases reach the ceiling, and it smells of cigar smoke.
“Sit, let’s begin,” Ezekiel says and takes a seat in one of the leather chairs around a small wooden chess table. We sit opposite on separate chairs. “The Prophet has set a date,” he says, and I notice Ezra sit up straighter. “It doesn’t leave much time, so we will begin preparations tonight.” It’s hard to breathe, and I want to run from the room screaming. I thought there would be more time.
“Are you ready, son?” He never speaks to me, only ever to Ezra, who nods.
Chapter 5
Ezra
I was ready, I have been ready for a long time now, but I don’t think Vashti is ready. She has no idea what is about to begin, and that she has no way of stopping any of it once it does.
“I will give you ten minutes alone with Vashti to explain what is expected of her, then I will come and get her so we can begin with the celebrations.” I see the panic in her eyes when she looks at me, her mouth opens but no words come out. My father stands and leaves us, the study door remains open, I know he won’t be far away. Turning to face her I ask, “Are you okay?” It doesn’t matter if she says no, but I want her to be. She nods her head, but the tear in the corner of her eye makes my heart ache. “I have to tell you what will happen. There are seven days until our wedding and certain things that have to be done.” I take her hand in mine, wanting to comfort her through this, because what is to come isn’t going to be easy. “Every night my father will call us after prayers and I will explain to you what we have to do that night. Some will be easier than others, but know that I will feel what you feel and I will be there at the end of this to hold you forever as my wife.” Her hand shakes in mine, her eyes wide with fear and for the first time, I wonder if I made the right choice. “It’s essential that we follow the teachings and do this right, we will be bonded for eternity. If one of us does this wrong, we will both be condemned to the pits of hell.” I want her to know that this is important to me.
“Okay.” Her voice is soft and shaky. I can tell she is terrified, not of me, but of the unknown.
“You’re still a virgin, Vashti?” I ask her, I know they said she was pure but I need her to tell me. She nods her head and wipes a stray tear. “Tonight the Prophet will confirm that. Your virginity is something you can only give to God. The Prophet is God’s chosen one among us.” I swallow down the bile in my own throat as she pulls her hand from mine. “You understand what I’m saying?” A quick shake of her head, and I know she doesn’t want this. No one ever wants this. A girl who was raised with me would understand that this is a sacrifice, a higher calling, a wife’s duty. Vashti doesn’t know that yet. “My father will drive us to the temple now, and the first step toward our wedding will begin. I want to be with you, Vashti, I want to be a good husband, but I also need us to be right in the eyes of God.” I know I shouldn’t do it but I wipe away her silent tears and press a chaste kiss to her cheek. She needs to know that I have already fallen in love with her. Love isn’t a requirement for marriage, but it makes it easier if it’s there. “Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay,” I whisper in her ear. She is silent, mute, everything she feels is locked away behind the terror in her eyes. “Come, let’s go before my father has to call for us.” I stand and hold out a hand for her. Gingerly she takes it, trusting me to keep her safe. I wish she had said something, anything, but I understand why she didn’t. At the door she stops, and looks up at me.