by Zoe Blake
“I am an orphan. I don’t have a family.” The more I say it, the sadder it makes me feel. This time it’s Miriam who talks right past me.
“Tomorrow we will make arrangements with the ladies.” Then turning to me she says, “You have a family, you’ll see.” The two women leave me alone with instructions to bathe and get some rest. The next few days would be very busy.
They weren’t lying about it being busy, from the time I am woken up to help with breakfast until we sit for prayers after dinner the day is filled with preparations and errands. My feet ache and I can’t wait to rest my head on my pillow tonight. Everyone was quiet at dinner after Ezekiel said we should go to his study after prayers. The mood in the house shifted and I could tell that whatever awaited me tonight would be unpleasant. My food tasted like ash as my mind raced, nothing could be as awful as last night.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong — again.
Ezekiel left us again in his study while he waited outside the door. Ezra is fidgeting with his shirt sleeve and won’t make eye contact with me. Eventually he sits up and looks at me.
“We have rules, and when rules are broken there are fitting consequences.” There is a long pause. “God tells us that the one who withholds the rod, hates his son.”
“Have I done something wrong?” I ask, because I am now truly afraid.
“No. No. Vashti, you have been so good. But, every man in our church has two wives, one chosen by the church when we turn eighteen and one we choose when the time is right with God. I think Miriam and Dinah explained it to you.” I nod, they explained to me when I arrived that Dinah was Ezekiel’s first wife, she was joined to him when she was just seven. A first wife is to be the man’s best friend, the person who guides him through life. She is the foundation of his family and home. I paid careful attention, because they told me that Ezra’s first wife was gone. “My first wife, Naomi ran away. She broke the rules, and since the only way the union between man and wife can be broken in the eyes of God is through death, I cannot go on to heaven unless she comes back.”
“Do you think she will come back?” I ask, not really wanting to share him, but understanding his sadness. Hell is a place I have been threatened with since the day I arrived on the church steps.
“My father has fetched her.” I look up at him now with wide eyes. “Tonight two things will happen, and neither are going to be pleasant for you. I need you to know that I am a good man and no matter what happens, I am not just my actions. There is a heart in this ribcage.” His words make my mouth go dry and it’s impossible to swallow. “Last night I didn’t tell you what would be done, because I didn’t want to scare you. Tonight if you want to know before we leave I will tell you.”
Do I want to know? Will I be able to go if I do? Will I make him proud if I know what is to happen? No. I don’t want to know. “No. I don’t want to know. I will go and I will do what you ask me to.”
Chapter 9
Ezra
I have thought of nothing else since my father told me they had brought Naomi home. I didn’t have much time to decide what I would do. Runaways are always punished, but as she is my wife, it is me who will decide which of the punishments she will get. But, first because I have chosen and will be joined to another, I must take her as mine. I cannot damn my soul to hell, and now it would be not just mine but Vashti’s too.
Vashti didn’t want to know what would happen tonight; she is afraid. I can see it. I decided this morning as we drove to the compound that I wouldn’t have Naomi bringing sin into my home, that she should be rightly punished for her actions and because of that, we will be joined and then separated in the same night. Guilt plagues me, Joseph was angry when I told him what I had decided. He told me I was wrong and that she didn’t deserve this, but he should know that there were only a few options open to me and the others would hurt the woman I want to be with. All three women are with us tonight, my mothers know how difficult this will be. It’s difficult even when the first wife isn’t facing punishment. Dinah is silent, she is a first, she knows exactly what tonight will be like for both of them. It’s a long drive and a few times I catch Vashti nodding off. The ladies kept her busy today. My mother said she did well and fit in with the women; having the support of the community will be important for her as an outsider.
We turn off the main road and drive down a dark dirt track, it’s a few miles before we come to a stop. The Bishop, Joseph and her family are already there, their cars parked outside the big barn. I don’t see the Prophet’s car; he may be running late or he might have come with Joseph. He didn’t say this afternoon whether or not Noelle had returned as well. He was in a foul mood, and let his anger rain down on me. I steady my shaking hand before I open the door for Vashti to get out. Under the cover of darkness, we walk to the building that houses untold horrors, I have only been here once in my life. The smell is still burned into my memory. As we walk the path, I can feel it coating the inside of my mouth. This isn’t the proper place for a joining, but it is the place for punishment. This isn’t a happy joining, this is punishment.
Fear buzzes and snaps between us as I take her hand. After last night, I am allowed to hold her hand and talk openly to her in front of others. Naomi’s father greets me at the door with a soft, weak handshake and begging eyes. Inside her mother is holding her; they’re both crying. Miriam puts a hand on my shoulder, reminding me I’m human. I’m a man, but I’m a man of God and I must follow his laws.
“Are you ready?” the Bishop asks me. When I look around, I see Joseph arguing quietly with his father in the far corner. The Prophet’s face is red with heated anger and his son is making it worse.
“Yes.”
“You are sure that this is your choice?” Naomi looks up from her mother’s embrace and our eyes meet. I have never been more sure of anything. She will only drag me down to the fiery depths with her.
“Yes.” I walk further into the giant open space.
“Then let us begin.” He motions for Joseph and his father to join us, and I squeeze Vashti’s hand in mine. Everyone present begins taking their seats on the wooden benches around the room. There are servers from the temple here tonight, they are wiping down the large table in the middle of the room. Naomi’s father goes over to where she and her mother stand, while the Prophet moves to the middle of the room.
“Family, we are celebrating the Union of Ezra and Vashti. Their union has been blessed by God and they seek to make it most holy. We all know that Naomi chose to forsake her husband and her God. For this union to be truly complete, she is still to be joined to Ezra.” There are whispers and uneasy shifting around the room. “Ezra, is the man of his home and the head of his family. Thus it was left to him to seek council with God when deciding how Naomi should be punished for her sins against both God and him.” He turns to where I stand with Vashti and Joseph. “Joseph, can you remind those present what the punishments for such sins are?” Joseph glares at his father but steps forward.
“Any who are found to forsake our Lord God by breaking an eternal bond shall be burned, hanged or bled with a knife. Any who choose to forsake our Lord God by leaving the sanctuary of his church and living a life in sin shall face death by stoning or hanging.” He looks over his shoulder to me. “But should our Prophet, her husband and God so choose, she can be forgiven and live a life in servitude of our Lord. Her days to be filled with hard labor and her nights with no comfort.” He stops talking and comes back to stand with us.
“Ezra,” the Prophet calls my name. “What has the Lord told you to do with your wife?” It’s my turn to step forward. I stand beside my leader, the man God anointed to guide us. And answer him and my family. “The Lord has told me that my unrepentant wife should be stoned for her sins. Her heart is no longer pure and she is not worthy of his or our forgiveness.” I hear Vashti gasp behind me. I know she may not forgive me for this choice, but I made it for her. Naomi is poison and our family tree will not blossom with her in it.
“The
Lord has spoken. But, first you are to be joined to Naomi, so that your union will be blessed.” My sin-infected wife cries and begs for my mercy, but she showed me no mercy when she left. When I was brought here and whipped for her sin, when I was shamed because I had been unable to keep her safe in God’s fold. Two temple servers pull her away from her parents who are told to sit; they know she has brought this upon herself and them. Her father is a good God-fearing man. She is tied to the table, her clothing ripped open, baring her to everyone in the room. Evidence of her sinful life etched in the black ink of tattoos on her skin. A white sheet is placed over her body, covering all of her. I go and get Vashti, taking her small hand in mine and lead her to the head of the table.
“Stand here. Don’t look at anyone except me.” She bites her lip and looks into my eyes. “Look into my eyes, don’t let your eyes stray.” When she gives me a small nod, I move to the side of the table and start to remove my clothing. This should be done in the temple, but the Prophet didn’t want a whore in God’s house.
Chapter 10
Vashti
He told me to look at him. She was screaming under the white sheet; it has the same hole in it that my dress from last night had. The same embroidery around the opening. The Prophet speaks again, but I look at Ezra.
“To save Ezra from whatever diseases this sinner has brought with her, we have allowed special dispensation for him to use a condom during this joining. We wouldn’t want him to bring her plague into a good home.” He hands Ezra a small silver packet and I watch as he struggles to put the condom on his flaccid penis. He doesn’t want to do this, but he needs to make sure we are right with God. He locks his eyes on mine and climbs up onto the table, kneeling between her forcibly spread legs. He closes his eyes and prays. When he opens them again, I can see the anguish. I feel his pain and I know that he is doing this for our eternal lives. He looks into my soul as he pushes himself through the hole in the fabric. I don’t look away; I dare not disobey him in such a public way. Naomi’s cries get louder as he thrusts in and out of her. The muscles in his neck pull tight like ropes and his skin shines with sweat, the carnal grunting sound that comes from him as he finishes what needs to be done makes my thighs clench and my stomach tighten. When he kneels back, his eyes are still on me. Joseph helps him off the table. And the Prophet talks to those who are here to witness.
“Let that which God has joined together never be parted in this life or the next.” Joseph helps him dress again, and then Ezra comes to me where I am still rooted to floor at the head of the table. He takes my hand in his and gives it a soft squeeze, a gesture no one else can see, but I feel through my whole body.
“The Bishop has called for the congregation. We will wait for them to join us before we continue.” Joseph speaks as his father goes to a small bowl of water at the back and washes his hands.
“You will have to cast the first stone, no hesitation, no tears. I need you to do this please, Vashti,” Ezra whispers to me as we sit down with his family. “Please, the worst is over after this, I promise you.” Murder, he is asking me to commit murder. And yet that small squeeze of my hand has me finding reasons why I should commit murder for him.
“Okay,” I mouth to him as people begin coming in through the open doors. Naomi is still tied down under the white sheet, her screams have quieted to soft cries and her body has stilled. I imagine how she must feel, knowing that she is going to die here tonight. But maybe she will be forgiven, God can still forgive her and let her into Heaven. I’m sure he can; this is just punishment for her sin. The entire place is filled up with people, some of the ladies I met today are here, they greet me with warm smiles and sorrowful eyes. Two wheelbarrows filled with rocks are brought in, the wheel of one squeaks as it is moved to the middle of the room beside the table. When everyone is inside, the doors are closed and bolted shut. Four men flip the table up on its end so that Naomi is hanging from her bindings. The sheet falls away and her body is exposed to the crowd. Ezra takes me by the hand again and leads me to the barrow full of rocks.
“Pick one,” he says as he grabs one. I look at them and wonder what the right stone looks like, but before I can think anymore, Ezra hands me one.
“Let you who is without sin cast the first stone.” The Prophet speaks directly to me, and I wonder why he thinks I am without sin. The things I thought when I saw Ezra naked were sinful I’m certain. I do not want to disappoint him and I certainly don’t want to have to be punished — for anything. As I’m led to the middle of the room, the congregation surrounds me, each one picking up a stone on their way. When they are almost all on the floor, Ezra says, “Now, Vashti.” And I throw the heavy rock as hard as I can at the naked girl in front of me, her shame and her pain cutting into me. Ezra throws his stone then guides me off to the side where we stand and watch as they all throw stones at her, pelting her petite body with lumps of solid earth. Blood splatters and streams from her broken flesh, her beautiful face smashed until she is no longer recognized not even by her weeping mother. What have I done? When the last stone is cast, the Prophet calls Ezra and together they go and feel if she has a pulse. When my fiancé bows his head, I know that she is gone. I wipe a stray tear before anyone can see it. They cut her down. Her beaten broken body crumples to the floor, and everyone in the room turns their backs as her family goes to her corpse. Nothing more is said, everyone leaves in silence through the doors, leaving them to wrap her and mourn alone. Ezra doesn’t take my hand, his face is white and his brow furrowed with worry lines. His soul is heavy with the choice he made, he must still grieve for what he has lost.
The next night we were not called after prayers, instead we were both sent to bed. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Ezra or anyone about last night. When I tried to talk to Dinah, she stared up and stopped me. It was three nights like that before we were called to Ezekiel’s study after prayers. It was only two days until our wedding. Ezra was no longer allowed in the main house other than for meals and prayers, so I was eager to have a few moments with him tonight.
The reading lamp makes the whole room glow with a golden light, Ezra looks like an angel the way it makes a halo around him from behind.
“I have missed you,” I boldly say to him as soon as his father leaves us.
“I have missed you too, Vashti. Are you okay? After? We aren’t supposed to talk about it, but I need to know that you’re alright?”
“I’m okay, I didn’t know we shouldn’t speak of it. I will be more careful about following the rules.”
“You are doing fine, don’t worry. Everyone knows you are an outsider, they will understand.”
“I don’t want to be an outsider, Ezra,” I say to him. It makes him smile and he takes my hands in his.
“Tonight is the last thing we have to do to prepare for our wedding. You don’t have to worry; you will only have to watch tonight.” He looks at me, moving a stray hair out of my face. “Watch and learn, tonight that is the only thing you need to do. Okay?”
“Okay.” I am not sure if I should be afraid, so far nothing has been easy, or simple.
Chapter 11
Ezra
My father waits for us in the hallway. When we come out, he smiles at Vashti. She has surprised him. In a good way. He doesn’t smile often my father, but I think his faith in me is restored and with it my place above Joseph as an Elder. We follow him outside to the guest house, my home, and what will be our home. Miriam and Dinah are already inside waiting for us; this part of the preparation is something we don’t get told in detail. It’s wrong for a man to think of such things. Miriam kisses my father on the cheek and leaves back toward the main house. My father leads us all to my bedroom where the bed is covered with a red sheet and the lights are dimmed. Two chairs sit at the foot of the bed. He tells Vashti to sit beside him. She looks at me first before she obeys.
Dinah stands with me between them and the bed, this woman who has been a mother to me, changed my diapers and kissed my scrapes better. Naomi
was different, it was revenge and anger which I had kept in for so long. It didn’t even occur to me in the moment or even after that I was giving her my virginity, and now — now I am here to learn. A man must be able to please his wife and a woman must in turn be able to take care of his needs. Anyone can cook the dinner or do the laundry, most women can keep a home, but only one will lay with me in my bed. Well, now it’s only one.
My father clears his throat and looks at his wife with harsh eyes, discomfort radiates off her as she looks between him and me. He won’t tolerate disobedience and we both know it. This is where I am to learn how to worship my wife, the way God intended it to be. Vashti has wide eyes. She doesn’t know where to look as both Dinah and I begin to disrobe. Our clothes falling to the floor silently. Nothing can be heard over our deep breaths and unspoken fear. I haven’t been naked in front of either of my parents since I was maybe seven. Suddenly self-conscious about my body being on display, I cover myself with my hands. I look at Vashti, her face is red and she won’t make eye contact with me, her shyness and youth evident in the way she’s covering her mouth to hide her reactions. Turning back to face Dinah, I cannot help my reaction to her soft curves and feminine beauty. Her heavy breasts and smooth skin on display the way a woman shouldn’t be seen, not by anyone who isn’t her husband. This is wrong, it should be Naomi in here, but I chose. I made that choice and placed a burden on Dinah, one she didn’t deserve. One that has angered my father, but still he will not bend the rules.
I feel shame wash over me at my reaction to the woman who raised me, but also I can’t deny the way our naked bodies are drawn together. I don’t want to look at Dinah, I don’t want my body to ache for her. Every nerve in my body is tingling, but my heart is like a lead weight in my chest. This is wrong, touching her is wrong. I swallow hard as Dinah places her palms flat on my chest, they are warm and damp with nervous sweat. Gentle, just like she was as my mother, that’s what her touch felt like.