by A. K. Evans
Anger. That was all I felt. How could a man do that to his daughters?
“You should have told me about your father, Parker,” I stated, my voice low and husky. I was too overwhelmed by my emotions at the thought of what she’d endured.
“You should have told me about your sister,” she countered.
Now we were at an impasse. I didn’t know how we would move on from this in a way that didn’t hurt like hell. I wasn’t even sure that was possible. But I knew that understanding why we needed to separate was the only thing that would make it easier.
“Baby, I need you to understand that the reason I need to end things has nothing to do with who you are or anything that you’ve done,” I begged. “I just… it’s too much. Every year when you should be celebrating your birthday, I’ll be consumed with sadness over Wren’s death.”
Nodding her head, Parker responded, “I understand where you’re coming from, Nash. I really do. But I don’t need to celebrate on my birthday to be happy.”
“That’s not fair to you,” I told her. “I want you to have everything you deserve. I know what you’re trying to do here, but it’s not going to work. Please don’t try to change my mind. It’s only going to make this harder than it needs to be on the both of us.”
Parker stood up from the couch and started to walk away.
“Parker?” I called.
“What?” she rasped, returning her attention to me.
I stood from the couch and moved toward her. Stopping only inches away from her, I lifted my hand to the side of her face. She flinched.
“Why do you do that?” I asked.
“What?”
“Every time I bring my hand to the side of your face or your throat, you flinch,” I said.
She licked her lips, swallowed, and admitted, “It always started with a backhand to my face.”
“Fuck,” I hissed. “Parker, I’d never hurt you like that.”
“I wish you would,” she returned.
“Why would you say something like that?”
She closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into my hand. I stroked my thumb along the skin there before she confessed, “Because then it would be easy to walk away from you.”
My thumb stopped moving. As proud of her as I was to know that she’d never stand for anyone putting their hands on her in anger like that again, she wasn’t going to get her wish.
“I’m not going to beat you so you can move on from me,” I told her. “I’m sorry. I know this hurts. I feel just as horrible as you do. Trust me.”
“I fell in love with you, too,” she whispered as a tear fell down her face. I swiped at it with my thumb, feeling my heartbreak all over again.
Too consumed with guilt, I wrapped my arm around her and tugged her forward into my body. She held on tight to me while her body bucked with the force of her soft sobs. All I could do was hold her, kiss the top of her head, and whisper just how sorry I was.
After some time had passed and she’d gotten a hold on her emotions, she loosened her grip on me and took half a step backward.
“So, that’s it then?” she asked.
I nodded.
“What will you do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
She dipped her chin in understanding.
“What about you?” I asked. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know.”
Right. We had reached the point where neither of us had any answers. It was still too fresh for both of us, but I was sure that time would heal us. If nothing else, I was grateful for the fact that we’d had the opportunity to get things out in the open, and I thought she should know that.
“Thank you for giving me a chance to explain,” I said. “I feel better knowing that you understand my reasons for walking away from this. If the circumstances had been different, you’ve got to know I’d never, ever give you up.”
Sadness washed over her. “I understand. Thank you for giving me some answers.”
“I’ll always love you, Parker Banks.”
“And I’ll never build another Lego set or throw another ax without thinking of you, Nash Stevens.”
Feeling like my heart was in my throat, I offered her a smile and pulled her in for another hug.
Then I walked away, wondering if I was right in believing that time would heal the both of us. Because if the reason I woke up feeling so awful this morning was any indication, there were some types of wounds that would never heal.
“What’s it like being only a week away?”
That question came from Avery, and it was directed at Scarlet.
“It’s a bit surreal,” Scarlet answered. After thinking a moment, she added, “And long overdue.”
There was a round of laughter that filled the air.
It was a week before Scarlet and Ryker’s wedding. It was also two weeks after Nash and I had ended things. To say the last two weeks had been tough would have been an understatement. I didn’t realize until after I’d said it to him how much I would have liked for it to be true. Most physical wounds would have mostly been healed by now. But this pain was lingering, feeling just as bad as it did the day he left me.
Roughly a week after we officially split, I’d received a call from Elise. I had been surprised to hear from her. Obviously, I didn’t know what Nash had shared with his friends at work about the situation between the two of us, but I assumed they all at least were aware that he and I were no longer together.
That was why Elise’s call came as such a shock.
I hadn’t expected to hear from anyone in the group again. Truthfully, the thought of losing these girls had hurt nearly as much as losing Nash did.
So, when Elise told me that, as Scarlet’s maid of honor, she was planning a bachelorette party of sorts for her and wanted me there, I jumped at the chance. I assumed they knew that Nash and I weren’t together anymore, but it thrilled me to know that I wouldn’t lose them due to that separation.
These four women had started to feel like my people. Nobody would ever replace my sister’s position in my life, but with her being so far away, I was happy to be making friends with women who were a lot like me.
While they could all go out to a place like Big Lou’s for a night of drinking and dancing occasionally, it just wasn’t their thing. They all preferred staying in. Or perhaps in the case of their men, it was about doing something fun. Something like the things Nash had done with me. Something like ax throwing.
For tonight, we had taken Scarlet out for a special dinner at Sierra Grillhouse. Afterward, we came back to Elise’s house, where she’d set up the perfect at-home spa night with a bunch of Flynn Beauty products. We had all just applied our charcoal facial masks when Avery brought up the impending wedding.
“I still can’t believe you two have been together since you were sixteen,” I said.
“Well, they did have a bit of a break in there,” Elise reminded me. “Fourteen years to be precise.”
“I still don’t know how you both survived that,” Kendall murmured. “I can remember going for a week without seeing Logan and nearly losing my mind. But you two did fourteen years and still managed to stay true to each other.”
“Love prevails,” Scarlet said. “It always will.”
If this had been any other occasion, I might have told her that I disagreed. But being that it was the week before her wedding, I didn’t think it was right for me to put a damper on the festivities by telling her that she was wrong.
Nash and I loved each other, but that wasn’t enough in our case. Some things required more than just love.
“Isn’t it crazy to think that you’ll be married in a week, though?” Avery asked. “I mean, ever since Knox proposed, all I can think about is becoming his wife.”
“I hear you on that,” Kendall chimed in. “It feels like our wedding is so far away.”
“It’s going to be here before you know it,” Scarlet assured them. “Trust me. I thought Ryker and I had plent
y of time, and it went so fast. I feel like he just proposed.”
“He kind of did,” Elise reasoned. “I mean, he wasn’t wasting any more time.”
“But if I recall correctly, Logan and Knox didn’t really waste much time either, did they?” I asked.
“Not exactly,” Avery answered. “I mean, from a timing standpoint from the beginning of the relationship until the proposal, they were both done in less than a year.”
“So there’s still hope for me?” Elise asked. “Kieran and I aren’t too far behind, right?”
Scarlet giggled, and Kendall promised, “You’re still magnificent. Kieran’s not going anywhere. He loves you too much.”
That’s when four sets of eyes came to me, and Scarlet declared, “Then it’s just up to Nash to make things official with Parker.”
Okay. So, maybe they didn’t know what happened.
“Um, well, I’m guessing you haven’t heard then,” I started. “Nash and I split up two weeks ago.”
“We know,” Avery insisted.
If that was the case, I couldn’t understand why they indicated that Nash was going to make things official with me. We’d officially ended our relationship. That was about it.
My confusion must have been written all over my face because Kendall said, “You two are going through your rough patch right now.”
“Rough patch?” I repeated.
“It happened to all of us,” Elise explained. “After each of us got together with our guy, we experienced bliss before heartbreak. Then we all worked it out in the end. Scarlet and Ryker did it twice.”
There was a round of nods as Avery added, “Yeah. We don’t know all the details of what’s happening between the two of you, but we figured you’d share with us when you’re ready. What you should know is that what the two of you are going through is temporary.”
Offering them a friendly smile—as much as I could with the drying mask—I shared, “It’s a bit complicated, and I hate to admit this, but I think Nash and I are done for good.”
“You have to have a positive attitude about it,” Scarlet urged. “It will work out. You just need to stay positive in the meantime.”
I shook my head. “No. I mean, I’m upset. Really upset about all of it. But I remember what the four of you told me about each of your relationships. When you experienced your rough patch, you were all in the midst of anger or fighting with your partner. Nash and I experienced that briefly, but we ultimately came together and had a rational conversation with one another. It didn’t end badly between us.”
Worry littered their faces.
“He was okay with ending the relationship?” Avery asked.
I nodded. “He was the one who pushed for it,” I replied.
“What?” Kendall gasped. “Why?”
I didn’t want to betray Nash’s confidence. If these women didn’t know why we’d separated, it dawned on me that Nash might not have shared those details with his friends.
“I don’t really want to share all the details of his side of it, but I’ll say that there are things that both of us experienced in our past,” I began. “I was nine years old when I was first physically and verbally abused at the hands of my father. And because I never wanted my sister to be hurt, I would step in to prevent him from beating her. She only ever experienced his wrath on three occasions. I had endured it many more times. Ultimately, it took me a long time to get to a point where I was comfortable being in a relationship. Eight years ago, I ended a relationship that started okay but quickly turned.”
“Oh my God, Parker,” Scarlet worried. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “If there was one thing I quickly learned, it was that I refused to be a victim again. The minute I noticed my boyfriend was trying to manipulate me, I ended it. I knew it would only get worse.”
“Nash knows this happened to you?” Kendall asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
The looks on their faces started to change from concern to something else. Something I wasn’t sure if I was reading right, but something I wasn’t willing to leave up to speculation. “Nash never treated me with anything less than the respect I deserved,” I assured them. “In fact, I was more than ready to let go of everything I’d been through because I believed he was someone I could trust to let it go for. I still believe that he is, but sadly, his past is a little more heartbreaking.”
“More heartbreaking than a nine-year-old girl and her little sister being physically abused by their father?” Avery asked incredulously.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“How is that possible?” Kendall wondered.
I swallowed hard, recalling the memory Nash had shared with me before I answered, “Because I could heal from what happened to me and move on. Nash’s pain will always be there.”
“He seems so carefree all the time,” Scarlet noted.
Nodding, I offered, “I think it’s because he realizes what’s important in life. The things that most of us will get worked up about roll right off his shoulders.”
Following a collective silence filled with such sadness, Elise asked, “Have you spoken to each other since you split?”
I shook my head. “No.”
When nobody immediately responded, my eyes immediately flew to Scarlet’s. “I promise you that we won’t ruin your wedding. When I said we ended on a good note, I meant that.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about the wedding,” Scarlet returned. “And I know neither one of you would do something like that anyway.”
“I’m glad. We haven’t seen or spoken to one another, but I’m sure it’ll be fine when we see each other. There’s no animosity, and we both have a mutual love and respect for each other.”
“Love?” Kendall repeated.
“Yes. We both admitted we fell in love with each other. It’s just… well, it’s just not going to work out for us.”
“How are you holding up?” Elise asked, moving closer to me and reaching her hand out to mine.
I looked down at my lap. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin Scarlet’s special night. All of this talk about Nash was starting to become too much, and I found it more difficult to remain positive. The emptiness I felt in my chest since the day he walked out of my house was ever present now.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this tonight,” I suggested. “Tonight is about Scarlet and Ryker.”
“You’re my friend, Parker,” Scarlet cut in. “And I want to know that you’re okay.”
Yep. These women were definitely my people. They were selfless, willing to ward off the attention they deserved just to make sure their friend wasn’t on the verge of having a breakdown.
Lucky for me, I realized just how lucky that made me. Because the truth was that I hadn’t been doing well at all. I found myself thinking about him constantly. Except for when I was in an exam room with a patient, I frequently felt distracted and unfocused. Beyond that, I felt broken in a way that I didn’t think I’d ever be whole again.
And that’s what frightened me the most.
Because I liked to tell myself that I didn’t understand how I could be so profoundly affected by a man I’d only just met weeks ago. But the truth was that I did.
Nash gave me something that I hadn’t ever gotten from anybody else in my life. Not even Kaia. He made me want to do things I would never have ever considered before him. There was this newfound desire for adventure. I craved the spontaneity he brought into my life. He had made me learn to appreciate when things were out of alignment.
Obviously, none of that meant that I wasn’t still bound to lose my mind over something that interrupted my routine. It’s just that I no longer saw those things as the massive annoyances that I used to. I tried to see what good they were bringing into my life. Because when I experienced a week of inconveniences, one right after the other, they led me to him.
And even now, looking back at all of it and knowing how it would turn out, I’d still want to go back and experience it all
over again.
I knew that I’d never, as long as I lived, find someone who’d bring to my life the same joy that Nash did. I wouldn’t even try to find it because it wouldn’t be the same. What he’d given me was that special, that precious. And I’d be content to preserve those memories for the rest of my life.
“I miss him terribly,” I admitted, feeling the tears form in my eyes. I took a minute to breathe through the emotions I was feeling and fight back the tears. Then I continued, “I miss him so much, I don’t know what to do with myself. Nothing brings me joy anymore, and I feel like I’m just going through the motions.”
Elise’s hand squeezed mine in silent support. Then she shared, “It was the same for me when I ended things with Kieran. Good things that happened in my life just didn’t mean as much as they did when I had him there to celebrate them with me.”
“Do you think you would have moved on if he hadn’t fought for the two of you to be together?” I asked.
A sympathetic look washed over her. Instead of answering me, she suggested, “Maybe we should get these masks off.”
I looked around at the rest of the girls. They were all nodding their agreement and standing.
“What?” I asked. “What are you not telling me?”
Elise’s shoulders fell.
“Tell her,” Kendall urged.
After a moment of hesitation, Elise shared, “Kieran didn’t fight for me like you’re thinking. He respected my decision. It was me who went to him and fought to get him back.”
Elise ended it. Kieran respected it. She was the one who went to him.
That meant there was no hope for Nash and me. Because I was certain he had no intention of fighting to get me back. Truthfully, he wouldn’t have to do much fighting, so it’s not like it’d be a hard-fought battle.
Regardless, I knew he wasn’t coming back. And that’s why the girls had looked at me the way they did.
It was okay. I could do this. I was tough.