Out of Alignment (Hearts & Horsepower #5)

by A. K. Evans

  “Yep. And because she loved her little sister as much as I loved mine, Parker would step in the line of fire just to protect her,” I told him.

  “Fuck,” he hissed. “Is she okay?”

  “She was,” I answered honestly. “Now, I don’t know.”

  The silence stretched between us for a few moments before Knox said, “You know she’s going to hate her birthday every year now, right?”

  I looked at him again and gave him a questioning look.

  He saw it and clarified, “She’ll live every day knowing that the man who loved her and treated her with the respect she deserved gave her up because of something she had no control over. It’d be like me walking away from Avery because she has no family left. Or Kieran giving up Elise because her brother screwed her over. Shit. I know she could have done something about it by calling him, but can you imagine Ryker with anybody else but Scarlet? And Logan. Can you—”

  I held my hand up. “Knox, please, I don’t—”

  “No, Nash. You need to listen to me,” he cut me off. “You’re going to make the biggest mistake of your life. I can only imagine what you must be feeling about your sister, but if what you said about her is true, I can’t stand here and believe she wouldn’t want you to be happy.”

  “You’re right,” I told him. “I was going to tell you I didn’t need any more examples. I’ve been struggling for weeks now without her. Seeing her tonight, it’s like you said. I’m not going to be okay when everyone goes out together. I’m not going to be able to handle it if she moves on to another man. So, if you’re done lecturing me, I think I need to go ask her for a dance.”

  Knox grinned at me. He put a hand on my shoulder, squeezed, and said, “Good luck. I think I’m going to do the same with my girl.”

  At that, Knox’s hand fell away, and he took off. I gave myself another minute to just watch Parker. Then I took in a deep breath and moved toward her. And with every step I took toward her, I felt the weight of my sorrow lessening.

  “May I have this dance?”

  My entire frame locked at the sound of the voice I’d been anxious to hear all night. I didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Nash. I’d recognize his voice and his presence anywhere.

  Even before the ceremony started, I felt him there. Unable to stop myself from wanting to see him, I had searched for him and found him sitting on the opposite side of the aisle from me. He looked as handsome as ever wearing his suit, and I wanted nothing more than to run across the aisle, crawl into his lap, and bury my face in his neck. I wanted to feel his warm embrace.

  But that was no longer an option.

  Who we were now meant that I had to control my emotions and respect the decision he made. It was the most difficult thing I’d ever done, and it disappointed me only to be able to offer him a friendly smile.

  Over the course of the last several hours, I did my best to stay focused on what was happening in front of me. Seeing Ryker and Scarlet exchange their vows was something extraordinary, especially now that I knew their story. To think that two people had so much love between them from the time they were just kids was heartwarming. And I loved that Scarlet had that in her life.

  On top of that, there were the looks between Ryker’s best man and Scarlet’s maid of honor—Kieran and Elise—that told me the two of them might only be dating still but that it wouldn’t be long before they were reciting their own vows.

  It made me a bit melancholy. While I was happy for all of them, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness creeping in. I had wanted that. And I wanted it with Nash. Nobody before him had ever made me believe in the happily ever after ending. Moving forward, I was certain nobody else would again.

  Following the ceremony, I was more than ready to get to the reception. I needed the distraction of music and food to turn my mood around. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. I’d been having a wonderful time laughing and dancing and eating. And I started to think that maybe things weren’t going to be so bad, that maybe I’d be able to get through the nightmare I’d been battling in my head and heart a little easier than I thought.

  But now I wasn’t so sure.

  Because hearing Nash’s husky voice at my ear while I was acutely aware of his body behind mine, I could already feel my resolve dwindling. If he didn’t want to be with me, why would he ask me for a dance? I didn’t think Nash was a cruel man, so it really struck me as odd that he’d make a situation that was already difficult for me—for us—even more difficult.

  Slowly, I turned around and looked up at him. There was something in his eyes, a softness I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen before tonight. Seeing it, I couldn’t say no. Not only because I didn’t want to but also because I really couldn’t be angry with him.

  Nash didn’t let me go for no good reason. The pain he must have felt over his sister’s death was something I never wanted to say I understood. I didn’t think I could have survived something similar. And if my birthday being on the same day his sister died was too much for him to handle, I couldn’t begrudge him doing what he needed to do to cope with that.

  “I’d love that,” I finally answered his question.

  Instantly, Nash slipped an arm around my waist to pull me close. Then he took my hand in his free one and slowly moved his body in time with mine.

  For a few moments, neither of us said anything as we danced to the music. At that time, I found myself not only gazing into his eyes but also memorizing the feel of his solid body against mine.

  Weeks ago, when I last saw him, I hadn’t taken the opportunity to do this. I had been too caught up in what I was feeling to think clearly. So, now that I’d come to terms with the situation, I decided I would get what I needed out of this dance.

  Eventually, I said, “The wedding was wonderful.”

  Nash nodded. “Yeah, I’m really happy for the both of them,” he shared. “After all the years they spent apart, they deserved this.”

  “I agree,” I remarked. After a beat of silence, I said, “I almost didn’t recognize you at the ceremony with your suit on. You look really nice.”

  He smiled at me and replied, “Thanks. I guess I should tell you that I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off you all day. You look absolutely stunning tonight.”

  “Thank you, but I have to be honest. This is Elise’s dress,” I told him.

  His arm tightened a bit around my waist as he corrected me, “I wasn’t referring to the dress, Parker. I was talking about you. You look beautiful.”

  I didn’t respond. As much as I appreciated his compliment, it was doing little to help me cope with our current relationship status. The dance might have been one thing. Even saying that I looked nice was okay. But not accepting my means of brushing it off by mentioning the dress belonged to Elise was something else entirely.

  It was confusing me.

  Though Nash had told me before he walked away from me that he’d always love me, I still couldn’t handle this. It was too much. Too fresh. Too sad.

  The silence stretched between us for a bit before Nash called, “Parker?”

  “Yeah?” I rasped.

  “Baby, I think I made a mistake,” he said gently.

  Baby.

  Why was he calling me baby?

  “A mistake?” I repeated, wanting to feel hope at what he’d said but not wanting to end up feeling more disappointed.

  He nodded and explained, “I have missed you so much. More than I thought was possible. And I had already expected it was going to be a lot.”

  “What are you saying, Nash?” I asked, the trepidation in my tone unmistakable.

  “I’m saying I made a mistake, Parker,” he started. “I should never have ended things with you, and I’d like to give us another shot.”

  He wanted to give us another shot.

  I wanted that. I wanted it so much, but I had to be realistic. I needed to think about keeping my heart safe because I couldn’t get in deeper with Nash only to have him walk away again.
/>   “Nash, I don’t know if that’s a smart idea,” I murmured.

  “Why not?” he wondered.

  My eyes searched his face. I was trying to find something, anything, to tell me that this was the right thing to do. I couldn’t find anything. Then again, I couldn’t find anything that told me this was the wrong thing either.

  “How do I know we won’t end up here again?” I asked. “How do I know that you’re not just saying this because this is the first time we’ve seen each other since our split? Maybe you’re confused about how you feel right now.”

  “Please, Parker,” he pleaded. “I can promise you that I’m not confused about how I feel about you. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that I know how much I love you.”

  “But you told me you loved me two weeks ago, too,” I reminded him. “That didn’t matter then.”

  His shoulders fell.

  “I’m sorry,” he lamented. “I’m so sorry for putting you through this the last few weeks. When I realized everything, it was just unexpected and too much to handle all at once.”

  “What happens next year?” I wondered.

  His brows pulled together. “Next year?” he repeated.

  I dipped my chin. “I don’t need some extravagant celebration for my birthday, Nash, but I don’t want to have to spend it the way I did this year. Alone.”

  He winced. “I’m sorry about that, too. If I could go back and change it, I would,” he insisted.

  My eyes left his face. As I stared off into the distance, I tried to figure out if this was something I was willing to risk doing again. On the surface, I had no reservations about Nash. If I did, I wouldn’t have been dancing in his arms. But deep down, there was that small part of me that worried whether next year would roll around, and he’d find it too painful to be around me on my birthday. I could give up lavish parties and celebrations—it wasn’t like I’d been accustomed to them—but I wouldn’t want to give up being with the person I loved.

  I must have taken too long to figure out what to do because Nash’s voice broke into my thoughts.

  “I don’t want to give you false hope about how I’ll be when next May rolls around,” he started. “And I really am sorry for how things went down this year. But what I do know is that I can’t be without you. I’ve been feeling that way for the last couple of weeks, and tonight, a good friend made me realize that Wren wouldn’t want me to be alone either.”

  That made me feel marginally better. The idea that he saw this from a different perspective was good, especially if he realized that his sister would have only wanted the best for him.

  Hope surged inside me. Maybe all wasn’t lost just yet. Maybe we still had a chance. I didn’t want Nash to give me false hope and empty promises, but I did want his reassurance that this wasn’t something he was doing on a whim.

  Before I could answer, Nash added, “I want to be your man, Parker. I want to be the one who is there to love you and protect you. I want to make you laugh again. And I want to find out if I was right that day in the laundromat.”

  “You want to find out if you were right about what?”

  “I told myself that you were the woman I was going to marry,” he shared.

  My heart exploded in my chest. So many emotions consumed me; my throat felt like it had closed up as the tip of my nose began to sting. Knowing it would be impossible to say anything, I lifted my chin, closed the distance between our faces, and touched my mouth to his. Nash didn’t hesitate to claim my mouth and kiss me senseless right in the middle of the dance floor. It was everything I had been craving for weeks.

  When he tore his mouth from mine, he looked down at me and smiled. I smiled back before I buried my face in his neck. And when his arms closed around me, it felt a lot like coming home.

  “Babe, please,” I begged.

  “What do you want?” Nash asked.

  “I need you now.”

  Without making me wait another moment, Nash surged forward and slid inside.

  Relief.

  Sweet relief.

  It had been a couple of hours since Nash asked me to dance with him, and we decided to leave together. As we walked out, there was no missing the knowing looks and nods of approval that came from Logan, Knox, Kieran, and Ryker, along with the excited and hopeful looks that came from Kendall, Avery, Elise, and Scarlet.

  They all knew where we were going and what we were going to do. It didn’t bother me in the least. I loved this man, and I couldn’t wait to be with him again.

  Nash and I got back to my place, and it was everything we could do to get ourselves up the stairs and out of our clothes.

  Part of me wished that we hadn’t been so desperate for one another because the idea of slowly stripping Nash out of his suit was something I had been thinking about from the moment I first saw him at the wedding. Unfortunately, having spent so much time apart, we couldn’t control the need to hurry up and get naked.

  He stripped.

  I stripped.

  We kissed. We touched.

  And within minutes, I was begging for him.

  I did not care. I felt absolutely no shame about how badly I wanted him.

  Following his initial thrust into me, Nash held himself there. He did not pull back as he stared down into my eyes.

  “I love you, Parker,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

  My heart swelling in my chest, I rasped, “I love you, too.”

  Nash’s mouth found mine. His tongue plundered my mouth. The steady strokes of his tongue matched those of his hips.

  But the slow, steady pace didn’t last long.

  Too much time had passed. We had both been starved of this. We needed what we’d both been missing for weeks. He held my hips in his hands as he drove into me. I surrendered to it for a bit because it felt so damn good.

  At some point, though, I wanted more. I wanted to give him more.

  So, I lifted myself on my elbows, and Nash dropped my hips. Pressing a hand into his shoulder, I urged him backward. I climbed over him and sank onto him.

  Once I’d gotten my rhythm going, I declared, “I missed your cock.”

  Nash’s fingers at my thigh and my breast pressed in as he returned, “I missed all of you.”

  At his declaration, I leaned forward, my breasts brushing up against his chest. My hips rose and fell fast over him as my mouth sought out every inch of his skin.

  God, I’d missed him.

  I couldn’t get enough.

  “Baby,” he growled, clearly affected by this as much as I was.

  “Missed you, Nash,” I rasped, still seeking any space I hadn’t had my mouth on.

  Nash allowed me to do my thing for a bit but eventually clamped an arm around my waist as the other snaked up the middle of my back and held on to my shoulder. Then he powered his cock into me. And he did it relentlessly.

  All of the touching, the kissing, and the words had done me in. And with his persistent, forceful thrusts, there was no stopping the tidal wave that was coming.

  It was all I could do to brace for it.

  “Nash,” I called a warning.

  “Come for me,” he demanded.

  Though I didn’t need the command, I did as he asked. My eyes squeezed shut tight as my limbs tensed. Nash didn’t stop. He worked me through it, one wave of pleasure after another. And just as I was coming down, he slowed his pace for three more jerks until he planted himself to the root inside of me and buried his face in my neck.

  For a long time, neither of us moved. We stayed like that until our breathing returned to normal, and the lingering bits of pleasure left us. Then we somehow managed to get ourselves up and to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

  A few minutes later, when my naked body was curled up against Nash’s, I decided to tell him something I’d thought about before we left the wedding.

  “Babe?” I called.

  “Right here,” he replied.

  “There’s something I’d like to talk t
o you about,” I said softly.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  I hesitated briefly. Then I shared, “It’s about your sister and my birthday.”

  I felt his body tense, and I immediately stopped speaking. As I lifted my head from his chest, he promised, “Parker, I swear you don’t have to worry about it. I’m at peace with it now. Without you, I realized I would be spending that day always thinking about losing her and losing you. I’d rather have you there with me.”

  It seemed Nash was all about making my heart explode in my chest. He was so incredibly sweet and forthcoming with his feelings. I loved it.

  “I’m thrilled to hear that, Nash,” I started. “But I wasn’t going to say that I had any worries about how you’d handle it moving forward. I would never even try to make you predict how you’ll feel about it next year. I was going to say that I think I’d like to plan something special, something we can even do this year since we missed it, to honor your sister.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  I smiled at him, hoping he’d like my idea, and answered, “I was thinking that since Wren liked animals so much, we could spend a weekend volunteering at an animal shelter together.”

  Nash’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you serious?”

  I bit my lip and nodded.

  For a long time, Nash didn’t say anything. He simply stared at me in amazement and continued to press his fingers firmly into the skin on my back.

  “I love you,” he rasped. “I love you so fucking much.”

  I grinned. “There’s one more thing,” I advised him.

  “What else could there possibly be?” he wondered.

  “Can we stay at your place tomorrow?” I asked.

  My question seemed to have confused him because his brows furrowed.

  Wanting to put an end to the confusion, I explained, “Since you were planning to see if I’m the woman you’re going to marry, I think I should start to get acquainted with Claudia a little better.”

  Nash remained motionless for a few seconds before he beamed at me and flipped me to my back. With his body hovering over mine, he whispered, “I knew you were going to change your mind about her.”