Love Me

by Diamond Johnson

  I threw my head back because her hands were so fuckin’ soft. They felt ten times better than the way mine had been feeling for the past months that I’d been jacking my own dick. I didn’t answer her question because I honestly didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I was horny. I knew I could use my dick getting sucked on, so I quickly turned the stove off and turned around. Valentina was beautiful. Her beauty mixed with her somewhat aggressiveness, and her soft, sultry voice had my dick on brick. I’ve never been this rocked up before, not even for my own wife.

  I came all the way out of my pajama bottoms, and I touched the top of her head. She knew what I wanted. In seconds, she was in my kitchen, down on her knees, giving me the best head that I had ever received in my life. I knew this was wrong. I could feel it in every inch of my body that this was some foul ass shit, but the way she was sucking the head of my dick and playing with my balls had this feeling so damn right.

  Prior to this morning, I’d never cheated on Takari. I needed this head, though. It was the only thing that was going to alleviate some of the stress that I had been dealing with.

  12

  Takari Evans

  Two months later

  “You coming out with us tonight to celebrate Brooklyn’s birthday?” Kassidy asked me the moment my ass touched the seat in her car.

  I had obviously been going through it these past two months because I didn’t even remember that it was my best friend’s birthday. Two months ago, I put that ring on the counter, and I swore that I wasn’t stepping foot back into that house, nor that marriage. So far, I’ve made good on two of those things.

  After the night that I spent with Za’Kai, I went and picked my kids up the next day and brought them over to my mom’s house with me. Of course, Jerrod had been blowing my phone up the entire time, questioning my whereabouts and the kids’. It wasn’t like me to keep him away from his children, so although I wouldn’t come to the phone for him, I would give them the phone so they could talk to him.

  I knew my fate the moment I decided that I was going to walk away. Sure enough, he’d frozen all of my accounts, even stopped paying the bill for my cell phone, and the biggest one of them all was when I went into the preschool one day to finish up some paperwork, and I saw a for sale sign on the window. Had I not been tucking money away for a rainy day, I could honestly say that he took just about everything from me, but that wasn’t the case.

  A week after I took my ring off, I took Za’Kai’s advice and went looking for a townhouse for me and my kids. Crazy how I went from living in a big ass mansion where you could get lost if you didn’t know your way around, to living somewhere that didn’t have enough room for you to even think about getting lost. The townhouse wasn’t little at all; it was just a lot smaller than what the kids and I were accustomed to. After the townhome was set in place, I knew that it was time for me to start looking for a job. Like Za’Kai had told me, I had the degree to pretty much get any job I wanted, and that’s what I did.

  I wasn’t working the job that I could see myself retiring from, mainly because it wasn’t the dream that I’d set out to be doing, but the salary was great. I was able to land a job at a very lucrative water company here in Miami as a business advisor. I was hired on the spot, and for the past month, my life has circled around me being a mother, a worker, and just somebody who was trying to get it right.

  I felt like I was failing my children, especially my twins. They questioned me almost every day on when they were going back “home” or if Mommy and Daddy still loved each other. They were too young to understand what was going on between their father and me, but I think Journey got it. Since the abortion, she and I had been so distant from each other, and I didn’t know if the abortion made us that way, or if our current living situation was the cause of it. All I knew was that I couldn’t get through to her and neither could her dad.

  Speaking of Jerrod, the only time that he and I conversed with each other was if it involved our children. Of course, he tried to talk me into moving back home whenever I would either drop the kids off to the house or to his mother’s house, but it just wasn’t happening. His threats of taking the kids away from me had slowed down, but with him, there just wasn’t any guessing. The night he threw me out on my ass and dumped trash on me made me realize that that man was capable of pretty much anything.

  I wasn’t the same person after that. I felt like he took a lot of the life out of me with that one, and if anything, I was carrying that load with me because the only person to know about that incident was Za’kai. I wouldn’t dare tell my mom, my sister, or my best friends about it because I didn’t need them judging me. Not to say that they were judgmental, but I did feel like I would hear a bunch of I told you so’s. I trusted Za’Kai with my business for whatever fucked up reason, which was so odd to me because I didn’t know much about him.

  The night that I fell asleep in his room at his grandmother’s house was actually the last time that I’d seen him, and that was okay because I didn’t need to be trying to pursue anything right now anyway. I just wanted Jerrod to sign the divorce papers that had been sent to him months ago, so I could get my happiness back.

  “Probably not. Jerrod has the kids for the weekend, so I’m probably just going to stay home and relax,” I said, sliding my seat all the way back in her car and lying down.

  I could feel her eyes on me, and out the corner of my eye, I could see that she was shaking her head. I hadn’t had a job in years where I had to clock in, work a certain number of hours, go home and be a full- time mom, where I had to help with homework and everything else. So, when the weekend came, I wanted to take advantage of that.

  “Brooklyn is right. Your ass is boring as fuck. Shrimp, what the fuck is wrong with you? You need to be damn celebrating that you finally walked away from that crazy ass man. I couldn’t stand his ass from the moment you brought him around, and neither could anyone else. Why you letting this man control your life like this? It’s the weekend, you’re free of the kids, and it’s our best bitch’s birthday. You ass is going out. I don’t care what the hell you say,” Kassidy damn near yelled, and I rolled my eyes, hoping that she would shut the hell up already.

  I didn’t feel like I was letting Jerrod control me. Hell, I just didn’t want to go out! The whole ride, Kassidy talked about how we were going to pick up Brooklyn so the three of us could go shopping and find us something for the club tonight, and how she would drag me out of the house tonight if she had to, and everything she said went in one ear and out the other.

  In about twenty more minutes, we finally pulled up to Brooklyn’s home. Along with her jeep in the driveway, there was another car parked alongside hers. I just hoped that it wasn’t one of her little girlfriends in the house because I did not feel like fighting today. All the girls that Brooklyn messed with, they never liked Kassidy and me for whatever reason. I think that they were jealous of our closeness or whatever petty issues they could come up with.

  “That’s her new girlfriend, Breshay’s, car. You’re gonna like Breshay. She’s cool,” Kassidy said, and I nodded.

  I couldn’t care less if I liked her or not because I wasn’t looking for any new friends. She was Brooklyn’s girlfriend, so as long as Brooklyn liked her, then that was all that mattered. The two of us finally got out of the car together, and Kassidy knocked on the door while I stood behind her texting Journey and replying hell no to a text message that she’d just sent me, asking if she could go to a birthday party tonight. I wasn’t even saying no because of the things that she put me through a couple of months ago, it was her disrespect toward me and her brother and sister that had me saying no.

  “Oh, hell no! You can’t come in my house, Shrimp. Your ass didn’t even call a bitch or send out a text message to wish me a happy birthday. Since when we started doing that?” was the first thing that came out of Brooklyn’s mouth when she saw me.

  I laughed because I already knew that this was coming. This girl answered the door in her lin
gerie, with a silk robe that was so short that it might as well have been a shirt, and the tie was undone, so I could see all her goodies. I walked inside her house and playfully grabbed her ass while we hugged, and I sang happy birthday to her. I could feel eyes on me as I sang to Brooklyn, and that’s when I looked around and saw a beautiful, light skinned woman sitting down in the living room with a small smile on her pretty face. She was beautiful as hell and probably the girlfriend of Brooklyn that Kassidy was telling me about.

  “That’s more like it. Come inside. You’re the only one who hasn’t met my girlfriend yet,” Brooklyn said, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the living room where her girlfriend was sitting.

  I was beginning to wonder whether Kassidy and I had interrupted something because both of these bitches were walking around in lingerie with short ass robes on. Not to mention, the glass plate on the ottoman in the living room that only had a few slices of fruit left. Along with that were two empty wine glasses not too far away from Brooklyn’s girlfriend’s foot, and there were about two candles that were lit in the living room as well. Brooklyn was acting all giddy, and her girlfriend was acting like she was high off something, so yes, we might have definitely interrupted something.

  “Baby, this my other best friend that I was telling you about. You can call her Shrimp, that’s what everybody else calls her. Shrimp, this is Breshay, my girlfriend,” Brooklyn said as he made the introductions.

  We waved at each other, and I took a seat on the couch. I couldn’t even remember what number girlfriend this was that Brooklyn was introducing me to. When it came to dating, although Brooklyn was very girly, she was like a man whore when it came to relationships. Her ass was always cheating, plus her mouth was too damn slick, so a lot of her relationships didn’t last. Something about Breshay told me that she wouldn’t be the type of woman to bite her tongue when it came to Brooklyn. The two of them looked like a match made in Heaven. She just didn’t look like the weak type, which is what Brooklyn had been known to date in the past.

  “So, Shrimp, Brooklyn told me that you have kids. How many kids do you have?” Breshay asked me.

  Kassidy and Brooklyn were wrapped up in a conversation about how excited they were to be going to the club tonight, so it left Breshay and I some time to talk amongst each other.

  “I have three kids. A thirteen-year-old daughter and a set of twins who are five years old. What about you? You have kids?” I asked her.

  “Girl, yes, and they are a handful. I have an eight year old daughter and a five year old son. They keep me on my toes, but I love them to death,” she let me know.

  I’m not going to lie, hearing her admit to having children had me looking at her with confused eyes because how the hell did she go from being straight to all of a sudden in a full blown lesbian relationship? I wasn’t one to judge, so I chose not to say anything. Yes, a divorce from Jerrod was something that I wanted more than anything right now, and he’s pretty much turned me off when it came to men, but I didn’t ever see myself switching over to the other side.

  I laughed to myself because I started thinking of all the possible fucked up things that Breshay’s ex-boyfriend or whatever could have possibly done to her that was so much worse than Jerrod to make her switch over. His dick had to have been trash. It just had to have been.

  “No, to your question. I was on and off with my baby daddy for years, but it just didn’t work. We beefed too much. No, his dick wasn’t trash or no crazy shit like that. In fact, my baby daddy’s dick is the fuckin’ devil,” she said, and I laughed out loud because it was almost as if this girl had powers to read my mind or something.

  “That’s the type of dick that you need in your life,” Brooklyn said, breaking her conversation from Kassidy and turning my way.

  I waved her off, paying her no mind, even though I knew it was true. I needed some devil dick. “No, I’m dead ass serious. Your ass is so boring now, and I just want my old friend back. I hope you find you a nigga tonight and you go home with him. A one night stand ain’t never killed nobody,” Brooklyn said, and I looked at her like she was crazy.

  I instantly wondered how much of that wine her and Breshay were in there sipping on because now she was just talking crazy.

  “Have you forgotten that technically I’m still married? When I do decide that I want to go out and get some dick, it’ll be well after both of us has signed those papers and ended our marriage for good. I’m not sure about Jerrod, but I actually take my vows seriously,” I let her know.

  “Answer me something, Shrimp. You’ve been moved out of that house now for a little over two months. You really think Jerrod not out there fuckin’ hoes? I don’t want the answer that your heart is telling you to say. I want the answer that your head is saying. The real one,” Brooklyn said.

  Usually, I had a quick comeback for just about everything, but it took me a few minutes to ponder her question. I wanted to be naïve and say that when he and I were living together, he barely had enough time for me, so there was no way that he was out entertaining any other women, but like Brooklyn said, I had been gone now for a little over two months. Yes, he tried to win me back every time that he and I were near each other, but I didn’t know what he was doing on his free time. I guess I never really thought of it like that.

  “I’m not sure what he’s doing. To be honest with you, I don’t care either. I won’t sit here and act like I’ve been the happiest that I’ve ever been since I’ve left the house, but I will admit that I feel free. I feel independent again. When I was with Jerrod, all the money that I had coming into my bank account pretty much came from him. Nothing financially was coming to me off the strength of me working for it. I hated that feeling because, in the back of my head, I would always tell myself that this shit could stop any day, and I was right. The moment I decided to leave, he froze all my accounts, and he put the daycare up for sale. Now, I’m working, making money of my own, and I feel at peace.

  “I’m thirty-three years old with three damn children, so you damn right I would love to come home to a man after a long day of work. I want my feet rubbed, I want somebody to sit up and watch movies with, but at the same time, I’m not going to settle. Back in the day, a one night stand would have been very enticing, but not now. My toys will just have to do the work for now,” I said.

  Although I could tell that Brooklyn didn’t too much agree with my opinion, she respected it, so she nodded her head in understanding. That’s how it was whenever I got around my girls. Yes, we were best friends, but we weren’t robots who were trained to like the same thing and have the same opinions. Hell, half the time we could never really agree on something, but our friendship had respect and boundaries, so we didn’t clash with each other each and every time we had differences of opinion.

  11:54 PM

  “You can be the designated driver for tonight, Shrimp because everybody knows that you aren’t going to drink,” Kassidy said as her, Brooklyn, Breshay, and I walked out of Brooklyn’s home together.

  After hanging with them earlier today, we’d all gone out to the mall to find outfits for tonight, and as much as I didn’t want to go, here I was, stepping out, already wishing that the night was over. I think the last time that I’ve been to the club was before any of my children were born. Club scenes really weren’t my cup of tea. I would much rather go to a fancy restaurant out on the beach, have a few drinks, and call it a night.

  It was Brooklyn’s crazy idea to go to a damn strip club to celebrate her 33rd birthday. If I didn’t love this girl so much, I would have definitely taken a rain check. Kassidy was right about me not drinking tonight, so I didn’t mind driving. On the drive over to the club, they were already in the car pre-gaming, and we had City Girls’ new album, Period playing on my car’s Bluetooth, rapping each song word for word and not skipping a bit.

  “Damnnnn, look at this long ass line.” I groaned the moment we pulled up, and I saw that the line to get into the club was pretty much wrapped around th
e entire building.

  “Dion is working the door tonight. I’m texting him right now to let him know that we’re outside, so we don’t have to wait in the line,” Kassidy let me know, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  Dion was her child’s father, and he did security as a side hustle. It was by the grace of God that he was working the door tonight. I hadn’t been in these red bottom pumps for a whole hour, and my feet were already killing me. As if the four of us were an R&B singing group, we were dressed in all black. I decided on a leather spaghetti strapped romper that fit my body like a glove. My little four pack was showing through the fabric, and one would think that I was in someone’s gym just about every day, but really, chasing behind two five year old kids all day was all the exercise I got.

  The Christian Louboutin pumps that I wore had me looking taller than I really was, and instead of wearing my long hair parted down the middle like I usually did, it was curly from me washing it earlier and pinned up, giving off a little mohawk. I applied light makeup to my face, and I wore a little bit of gold jewelry. It still felt weird as hell walking around without my wedding band on my finger, but it was something that I was getting used to.

  “I got eyes on y’all all night. Kassidy, don’t fuckin’ play with me in there, alright?” Dion let us know the moment he raised the velvet rope so the four of us could get through the door.

  I laughed because although the two of them weren’t together and they just simply co-parented, you couldn’t tell Dion that Kassidy wasn’t still his girl. Honestly, I liked the two of them together, only when they were on good terms, though. I couldn’t tell you the number of drive-bys and pop ups that I had to do with Kassidy during the years that she was with him. Or the number of bitches that I’ve witnessed with my own two eyes her fighting or her busting out his windows. I wouldn’t say like all men because I honestly didn’t believe that all men cheated, but like the majority of men out here, Dion didn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants when he was with my girl. As a result of him making her look stupid one too many times, he lost her.