by Erin Trejo
“Get these clothes off. I need to fuck you,” he snaps pulling away from me to take his own clothes off.
“I’m tired.”
That was a mistake. I should have never said that. The back of his hand collides with my cheek. Shock and pain register within me.
“How dare you?” I scream as tears fall down my cheeks.
“You need to learn a lesson. You should obey your man. Now get your fucking clothes off you fat pig,” he roars.
His words ring in my head, but I do what he says. I’ve never known Eric to get violent. Words? Yeah, I’m used to those.
“Fuck. If you weren’t so fat you’d be sexy as hell,” he mumbles when I stand in front of him completely naked. I move my hands to block my body from his view. He stands up from the couch.
“Move them. If you’re ashamed of your body you should lose some weight.”
Tears prickle my eyes and are ready to fall any second now. I may not be the skinniest girl out there, but I don’t think I’m fat either. I was always happy with my body regardless of if I fit the mold of others, but lately I’ve been feeling worse and worse about the way I look thanks to Eric. His hands land on my hips and he tugs me toward him.
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
His voice is low and full of need. I glance up into his eyes. His smile could melt hearts if he wasn’t so into himself. He melted mine once, but it’s since hardened.
“There you are.”
“Eric.”
He shakes his head not wanting to say anything else. He leans in and kisses me and unlike what I felt with Viking I feel absolutely nothing with him. Viking’s kiss was like an explosion. It was rough and brutal, but Eric’s is everything his wasn’t. It’s soft and gentle that never changes. He pulls me against him and turns us so that he can lay me on the couch. He keeps kissing me as he knees my legs apart then settles between them.
“I love how you smell,” he whispers pressing kisses to my neck.
I try to enjoy the feeling, try to remember what it was I liked before he started using, but it doesn’t work. It all feels like I’m just an absent player in this situation. I’m just a body for him to use. As he slides into me I close my eyes. Maybe that’s all I’m meant to be? Something he can use at his will and treat like garbage? With each thrust I pinch my eyes closed tighter. Images of Viking smirking at me assault my mind. He was so different this morning than he was last night. It was almost like he hated the thought of me being near him. Maybe I should stay away from the clubhouse for a while? Just as the thought comes to my mind my phone rings in my shorts on the floor. Eric grunts which pulls me back to reality. He pulls out of me and nods to the phone.
“I was finished anyway.”
Of course he was. I roll off of the couch, grab my clothes, and pull my phone out as I do so. Heading toward the bathroom I answer it.
“Hey sis. You okay? You were gone before I got in today,” Fin asks. I sigh and close the bathroom door behind me.
“Yeah. I just couldn’t sleep, so I came home. Thanks for letting me stay.”
“Viking said to tell you that you can stay anytime you want. Are you sure you’re okay? You sound a little sad,” he says.
“I’m fine.”
“Well, before I forget. We’re headin’ to the beach house in a few weeks. Takin’ a break and just hangin’ out. You’re comin’ with.”
“Fin I don’t think-”
“I don’t care what you think. I want my sister to come with me. Yeah?”
“Okay,” I whisper into the phone knowing it’s the worst idea he’s ever had.
“Good. Come over anytime Carn. I mean it. The girls love you and the guys don’t mind you bein’ here.”
I’m sure one or two of them actually do.
“I will. I’m going to get a shower. I’ll call you later. Love you.”
“Love you baby girl.”
His words soothe my aching heart. I love him more than he knows. When I hang up I turn the shower on as hot as I can stand it and climb in. The scorching heat soothes me. As the water falls around me I lower my head. What if Viking was right? What if I should go after what I want instead of letting Eric hold me back? What could he possibly do to me anyway? I’m an adult. If I want to work, I can. If I want to go to school, I can do that too. I let the water scald my skin as I smile to myself. I’m going to enroll in classes, just like I had planned to.
7
Viking
“This is bullshit,” I roar as I look at what remains of our warehouse. Smoke continues to billow into the sky and the fire department is still on the scene. I thank God that this wasn’t one of our gun stashes. We house our legal shit here. Bike parts and other things of that nature. Not anymore. That’s all been burnt to the fucking ground. Only half of the warehouse remains standing. We can thank the boys of the Miami Fire Department for that. At least the fucks were quick to get on it.
“Any idea on who would do this?” Robert Crisp asks me. He’s the lead investigator. He also happens to be on my payroll.
“Really Crisp? You wanna go all formal and shit?” I ask as my anger is slowly rising inside of me.
“I have to Viking. This is your legit warehouse. I’ve got Miami FD and PD out here. We have to keep this one legal.”
I didn’t need him to remind me of that shit. I know it all too fucking well, but that does little to ease the annoyance of having them all hovering around here.
“One fuckin’ slip and that’s your ass Crisp,” I remind him.
He swallows thickly and nods his head. He knows that if my club gets brought under the gun for anything at all linked to this, that it’s his family on the line.
“I’ll call you if I find anything out,” he says before walking back towards his men.
One shot. That’s all it would take to make that fucker disappear. I glance over at Mason and see he’s laughing his ass off.
“I said that out loud yeah?” I grin when I realize my mistake.
“Yeah you did. I’m surprised the pudgy fuck didn’t come back to warn your ass about talkin’ like that in front of his men,” Mason teases as he slaps a hand on my shoulder.
“Tell me Fin has someone for me to shoot,” I mumble as we head back toward the bikes.
“He does. In fact, he has a few. Martin was lookin’ for a few newer guys down by the docks. The old ones seem to be tied up inside of it,” Mason laughs as I shake my head.
“Let’s get there then.”
I motion for the guys to move out. We all ride out in formation as we make our way through Miami. There have been a few times I’d considered moving. Seeking a new chapter or just walking away from the life altogether. My life has been easy as far as being in a MC goes. We run most of Miami, so shit doesn’t typically get brought to our doorstep. We are the only option when things need to be handled. If you go outside of us, well, you might as well consider yourself an enemy. I’ve often dreamed of a life with less violence in it. I know, it’s crazy coming from the president of a MC, right? As I get older though I find myself wanting to have kids and hopefully a family. Someone to take on my legacy when I’m gone. The more I dream of it the more I realize that isn’t going to happen for me. I could lie and say this lifestyle doesn’t allow it, but like I said that would be a lie. Family is the most important thing to us. We are family. Growing that family would be ideal, but at the same time very dangerous. I look at my brothers on a daily basis. Some with kids and a wife, and some without. Who’s to say which is happier?
I pull up to the docks and take a deep breath. This is something I live to do. What kind person are you to bring children into this world and then turn them into killers? At the end of each day when I lay my head down I like to think that if I had kids they wouldn’t end up just like me, but reality seems to have a way of fucking you. Any kids I would have had would have ended up just like me. I know that. I can’t raise something to be any better than what I am.
“You ready?” Grindle asks
.
He’s one of our newest patched members. He’s hell bent on getting blood. I grin over at him and nod. I like this sick son of a bitch. Grindle jogs ahead of us and holds the door to the small building open. We all file in and that’s when I see the fucks tied up to the chairs in front of us. It’s a sight to behold for sure. I like it when I don’t have to work for the kill; the kill just comes to you. I look up at Fin and see a grin on his face.
“Damn proud of yourself, yeah?” I ask him in a playful tone.
“Hell yeah. Look at these fucks. They could have been shot and dumped in the ocean, but here they are free for you to play with. You can’t turn down a free plaything Viking.”
The lightness in his voice makes me chuckle. Fin is one hell of a soldier.
“Suppose not. Untie that one,” I say pointing to the biggest of the three.
Fin stalks toward him, cuts the rope from his arms, and frees him. The man stands. He’s about as tall as I am. If he wins, I leave here in a body bag. If I win, he’s shark food. Easy enough.
“What the fuck Viking?” Mason snaps behind me.
I turn to look at him over my shoulder, but all I can do is shrug. If it’s my time, it’s my time. Hell, there is nothing I can do to stop that. I turn toward the fucker and I can see it in his eyes. He’s ready for this. Well, bring it on fucker. Carnie has me so fucking wound up in knots that I can almost taste his blood on the tip of my tongue.
“Bring it motherfucker,” I tell the prick.
His hands ball into fists as he comes at me. I dodge the first strike, but the second one lands. The fucker is faster than I thought he would be. I stumble back and ready myself. When I look at the bastard all I can see is rage. I like it. I get pissed and throw something better than the asshole just did. He comes at me again. This time I dodge him and slam my fist into his ribs. The air hisses from his lungs, but he recovers quickly. He rolls his shoulders and readies to strike again. This time I’m way ahead of him. My fist collides with his nose and blood splatters over my hand. I chuckle as he reaches up to wipe the blood away. The other guys are still sitting tied to their chairs watching with wide eyes. They think they’re going to be next.
Mason and Ink roar behind me as the others stand by watching with amused looks on their faces. The fight goes on for a little bit longer. We both take hits that stun us, but in the end I knock him flat on his ass. If those images of Carnie hadn’t floated through my mind I would have crushed this guy, but all I could see was her with that asshole Eric. It was more than enough to piss me off. I destroyed that asshole on the ground.
I pant for breath while Mason kneels next to him. He looks up after checking to see if he still has a pulse. He shakes his head. I just smirk like the fucking bastard that I am. I hold my hand out to Ink who passes me a gun.
“I decided not to make you boys wait for yours,” I tell them as I raise the gun and fire one shot into each of their heads. They both sit limply in their chairs with their heads tossed back due to the impact of the bullet.
“Send a cleanup crew out. I’m about ready to head to the goddamn beach house.”
8
Carnie
The last few weeks have been very difficult for me. Eric has hounded me about my weight constantly, so basically I’ve stopped eating. I’ve lost so much weight that I barely recognize myself. I hate what I’ve become. I hate that I’ve let him beat me down the way he does. I toss my clothes into my bag before I zip it up.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Eric says as he strides into the room looking way too confident in himself.
“With Fin. I told you about this a few weeks ago,” I tell him looking down to avoid his gaze.
“Oh yeah. That’s right. Brother bonding time. What a fucking waste.”
I ignore his comments not really giving a shit what he thinks of Fin. All it would take is one talk and Eric would be wiped off the face of the earth. Maybe that’s what I need to do. Tell Fin.
Eric walks behind me, grabs my hips, and pulls me back into him. He leans down close to my ear and whispers, “Don’t you dare let anyone touch what’s mine. You belong to me Carnie. You know that, right?” I nod my head as he plants small kisses on my shoulder. “Good. I don’t want to find out that you were near anyone but your brother.” He pulls away and I grab my bag quickly, tossing it over my shoulder.
I’m about to head out of the room to leave when he grabs me and spins me to face him. His eyes burn into me. The look on his face is different. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. Almost loving maybe?
“I love you Carnie. I just want you to know that.”
I blink rapidly trying to capture the look on his face before it disappears, but when he smiles at me I’m lost. Why is he saying this now? Why hasn’t he ever been like this before? I mean he used to be, but that was so long ago. Maybe he is finally seeing things differently. I smile back at him and lean in to kiss him.
“I love you too.”
It’s not a lie. I do love Eric. I always have, but the way he’s changed has made me see him differently lately.
“Get going before you’re late,” he says with a smile I haven’t seen in years.
Maybe with me losing the weight he has finally accepted me? I take a step back and his eyes move over my body as he grins at me. That has to be it. With a small wave I turn and head out into the hallway. My heart beats a little faster thinking about the look on his face. He was happy.
As soon as I step outside the apartment I know that the man on the bike isn’t Fin. I take a deep breath and walk closer to him as Viking smirks at me.
“Lover boy gonna be pissed off if he sees me?”
“Is that what you were trying to do? Piss him off?” I smart off.
Viking’s grin slowly fades as he replies, “No. Get on. Fin’s waitin’ at the clubhouse. I had a few things to round up before we could go.”
“That’s why you’re here?” I ask as I throw my leg over the bike and climb on behind him.
“Somethin’ like that. Hold on.”
I do as I’m told and hold onto him tightly. The smell of leather and Viking assaults my nose. I don’t know why it feels so right when it’s all so wrong. I lay my head on his back and let the smile that was on Eric’s face when he said he loved me float through my mind. If everything could just stay this perfect I would be happy.
Maybe now that he’s coming around again he will let me go to school. I’ve already applied to a few that he doesn’t know about. I was curious to see if I would even get accepted.
The ride to the clubhouse doesn’t take long. When Viking kills the engine I’m torn. Holding onto him like this I want to stay this way. I want to feel the safety that I’ve felt every time I’m near him. This comfort. This peace. He made it clear that he doesn’t want me though.
“You okay back there?” he asks as he turns around to look at me over his shoulder. I nod, unravel myself from his waist, and climb off.
“What’s with the baggy clothes?” he asks after he climbs off after me.
“Nothing. I’m comfortable.”
I leave him behind me as I head inside to find Fin. It only takes me a second to see him. When he sees me a full blown smile crosses his face.
“You ready to party?” Fin asks excitedly as he comes toward me. He leans down and kisses my cheek before he pulls away.
“Yep. I’m ready for some fun. You better make it worth it,” I warn him playfully.
“Oh come on baby girl. You always have fun with your big brother,” he teases.
“I know. I love you Fin.” His smile slowly fades as he stares down at me.
“What happened? What’s going on?” Fin asks.
“Somethin’ wrong?” Viking asks as he steps up next to us. He must have overheard Fin.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Don’t lie to me Carnie. I see the look on your face. Is it Eric? Tell me,” Fin demands.
“No, I love Eric. Everything is great. I’m just reall
y ready to go have some fun with my big brother.”
I hope he buys my shit. I watch his face for a reaction. His smile comes back full force, but when I glance over at Viking, I can tell he knows something is off. He doesn’t need to say anything. I can feel it. It’s the weirdest thing to be able to feel what someone else is feeling.
“Well, I’m packin’ up the truck. I need to see who you can ride with since it’s full, but we’re just about ready,” Fin tells me excitedly.
“She can ride with me,” Viking adds almost instantly. Fin nods and smiles before turning on his heel and walking away. I turn toward Viking ready to rip his ass.
“What the hell was that?” I snap at him.
“That was me offerin’ you a ride.”
He starts to walk away from me, but I don’t let him. I grab his arm to stop him. He looks down at me with an amused smirk.
“Walk back to my room. Now,” his order is soft, but I heard it. I jerk at his tone and stand my ground. “Don’t make me cause a scene sweetheart.”
With that I turn and head down the hallway. I don’t know what it is he wants this time, but I’m in no mood to play this game with him. I was happy to be able to spend some time with Fin, but if this is what my vacation is going to entail then I’m beginning to rethink this trip.
I stop at Viking’s door and hesitate for a second. What if someone saw me coming down here? Surely they would tell Fin. Viking’s presence looms behind me as his hand comes around to open the door before he presses his body against mine making me move forward. As soon as we’re inside he kicks the door closed and watches me.
“I’m here. Now what the fuck was that?” I snap once more.
His lips tilt up and his eyes are dancing with light as he says, “That was me offerin’ you a ride to the beach house.”
“Why Viking? A few weeks ago you threw me out of your room like I was a club whore.”
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. He takes a few steps closer, invades my space, and seems to suck all of the air from the room.