by Erin Trejo
“You’re testin’ me today baby girl. I wanna know why.”
I try to look away, but his strong hand comes up to grip my chin. He’s forcing my gaze to stay on him.
“I don’t want to leave Viking. I want to stay here. I want to be with you and Fin.”
My admission should be easy since he already knows this, but it’s not. It looks like it kills him more to hear it than it hurt to say it. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and that dream still lives in me, but I also know how precious life is. I want to have as much of it as I can. I need to be with both Fin and Viking to do that.
“We ain’t goin’ nowhere Carnie. You get me? I’m gonna be here when you come home. Fin will still be here. It’s not like we’re sayin’ goodbye here. This is for you. You still have the chance to live your dream and I’m gonna make sure you do it. Don’t you get that by now?”
His words wrap around my heart and hold me tightly. A tear slips down from my eye and slides down my cheek. I love that about him too. The fact that he doesn’t want to hold me back like Eric did. In fact he pushes me to be whatever I want to be.
“I get it Viking. I just don’t like it.”
Viking leans in and presses his lips to mine. It’s a slow, sweet kiss that could steal my breath away. His hand slides up the side of my cheek and holds me gently. When he pulls back he smiles at me.
“You mean everything to me Carnie. My life wouldn’t be as full as it is without you. We’re gonna talk every day. I’m gonna come see you every chance I get. The time will fly by baby girl. Once you’re done I’ll have us a place ready to live in. I’ll give you whatever you want. I just need for you to do this for yourself. Yeah?”
How can he make me feel like this? How does this one man manage to take my breath away.
“You promise me,” I say softly not sure what I’m even asking for, but Viking leans in with his lips barely touching mine.
“I promise you my forever Carnie. I give you my every day. All I want is you.”
Tears now freely roll down my cheeks as I bury my face in his chest. Viking pulls me in and holds me tightly as I cry. I should be thankful to have someone like him. I should be proud that the man I love wants more for me, but I’m scared. In the back of my mind I’m scared to death to leave both him and Fin. I’ve never been on my own. Fin has always been a phone call away and now they’re sending me off to college.
I almost can’t believe that I’m going to go. It shocks me. After being with Eric for so long, I never thought I would have the chance to live out my future the way I wanted to. Now I have Viking leading the way to it.
“Thank you,” I tell him softly.
His lips press into the top of my head.
“For what?”
“Believing in me, pushing me, and loving me.”
Viking chuckles and nuzzles his face deeper into my hair.
“That’s the easy part baby girl.”
27
Viking
“Well I never thought I’d see the day,” I say as I smirk at the bastards.
“Fuck you,” he spits.
I glance up at Fin and we both chuckle.
“I thought I made the message clear enough when I slit your boy’s throat? Apparently that was too simple a gesture. What should we do with the rest of these little shits Fin?”
I glance over at him as he twirls his blade in between his fingers. All was calm for a while. We laid back, recovered, and kept business moving forward. Imagine my surprise when the little fuckers of the rat boys showed up outside our clubhouse ready for a war they weren’t prepared for.
Mason, Ink, and the prospects made quick work of rounding the little wanna be thugs up and bringing them out to the docks. They were damn lucky when they set foot on my property that my girl wasn’t there. Luckily for me she was now out shopping with Molly and Whitley.
“I think cuttin’ off each of their head and rollin’ that shit down off the dock sounds fun,” Fin adds as his voice slurs a little.
I chuckle, look back at the guys on their knees in front of us, and chuckle as I say, “That sound fun boys?”
“You don’t have to kill us. We’ll disappear,” the new ringleader tells me.
Turns out Eric was the leader all along. He killed the other one and quickly slid into his place. He did forget one crucial part in all of this though, me.
“I already know you’re gonna disappear. As soon as Shook gets you out on that boat that is. You see, he knows where the sharks like to feed at. Did I ever tell you that man has a thing for sharks? He loves watchin’ them eat. Meal times are his favorite.”
The guy in front of me shakes his head rapidly. I almost laugh, but keep it down.
“Let’s finish this shit. We’ve got a party to attend,” Fin reminds me.
I grunt, grab one of the guys by the hair, and drag him toward me.
“Yeah my girl’s goin’ to college. You go to college pretty boy?” I ask him as he squirms to try to get out of my hold.
“No.”
“Too bad. Maybe you wouldn’t be endin’ up shark bait if you had gone. See, that’s why I’m pushin’ my girl to go yeah? I want her to be somethin’ better than us. That make sense?” I ask him as I pull him to his feet.
“Yes. Makes a lot of sense,” he stutters.
“She wanted to fight me on it. Can you believe that? She wanted to stay with me and not go off to learn some shit.”
I shake my head. I don’t know why I’m telling this little fucker any of this, but it feels good to get it off of my chest.
“She’s a stubborn girl,” I mumble. “Anyway we’re havin’ her a big ass celebration party today and you fuckers almost ruined that. Shark bait should be the least of what I do to you, but seein’ as how my baby girl is waitin’ on me back at the clubhouse, we have to make this quick. You don’t mind do you?”
I like fucking with his head. I like the look in his eyes. It’s like we’ve magically become friends. Except he forgot one tiny problem. I only tell my people my business.
“Please. We’ll just leave,” he tries again.
I shake my head and drag him onto the plastic we have unrolled on the floor to catch the blood and dead body. See? I can be a helpful motherfucker too.
“Can’t do that. You helped him take my girl. You helped him plan that shit out and that’s just somethin’ I’m not very forgivin’ of. I don’t think Fin is either. Are ya Fin?” I ask as I glance over to see him draggin’ one of the others over onto the plastic as well.
“Not in the slightest. She’s my family. My little sister and you motherfuckers wanted to see her dead. I think you’re gettin’ your due,” Fin adds shoving the guy to his knees.
I nod my head, grab the asshole’s hair, and yank his head back.
“Hey Fin? Should we cut it off or watch him bleed?” I ask with a chuckle.
“Let him bleed out. Makes more of a statement that way,” he says.
The guy shakes. He panics, but there isn’t anything he can do to stop this. I slide the blade through his flesh as hot blood starts leaking down his skin. I watch as he gasps and starts gagging. It’s such an intense sight to see.
“Who’s next?” Fin hollers through the warehouse.
I can’t stop the chuckle that escapes me. I walk over, grab another asshole, and drag him kicking and screaming like a little bitch until he’s next to his friend. They’re all screaming. It’s the same thing over, and over. Let me go. You don’t have to do this. Please don’t. Fuck them. Who the hell did they think they took? They helped Eric get Carnie. They played into his hand and took the bait he offered.
You don’t get an ounce of remorse if you hurt one of ours. That’s what she is. Carnie is one of us regardless as to if Fin wanted her to be or not. She’s mine. That makes her a goddamn queen in my book.
One after the other we slash all the motherfuckers in the throat. Just the same. We let their dead bodies fall into a pile on the plastic.
“At least y
ou kept it clean for me,” Shook says as he walks in with a big ass smile on his face.
“Tryin’ to be hospitable and shit. You sure you got all this?” I ask waving my hand over the death that lies on the floor in front of us.
“Fuck yeah I got it. I got Motor and Ben comin’ down to help load it up. Motor wanted to go fishin’ anyways. Might as well use the good bait,” Shook laughs.
I look at Fin before we both start laughing. Shook is one sick son of a bitch.
“Glad to hear it. We’re headin’ out. Call in when it’s all handled yeah?”
Shook nods his head and bends down to begin rolling up the plastic. I walk toward Fin and slap my hand on his shoulder.
“Glad that shit’s over with.”
“Me too Viking. I didn’t want her worryin’ that they were still out there. I just don’t wanna be the one to tell her they’re not,” he laughs.
I step outside, grab a cigarette, and light it up.
“I got that part. You ready for this? Lettin’ her go?”
Fin glances around and shields his eyes from the sun.
“Never thought I’d have to brother. She’s my sister but I know she needs to do this. I know what she wants in her life. Regardless of how I feel, she’s ready. Hell, if she can handle your ass full time, a few years of college should be easy,” he laughs. I blow out a ring of smoke and shake my head.
“Yeah. She’s a stubborn little shit, but I’m glad that she made the right choice.”
“Did she make it or did you enforce it?”
I shrug my shoulder.
“A little of both I suppose. She just needed some reassurance and a little push. I gave her both.”
“You know I appreciate it Viking. Everything you’ve done for her…” he trails off and shakes his head.
“She means a lot to me Fin. You know that. I’d give her anything she wanted if I could.”
28
Carnie
I sit with a beer in my hand and watch the door like a hawk. I know what they were going to do regardless of if they thought they were being sneaky. Hell I saw Eric’s little puppets outside. I can’t say that I felt a sense of relief though. It scared me. I don’t know what they were doing here or why Mason and the guys quickly make short work of them. That’s when everyone sort of just disappeared.
“They’ll be back,” Whit tells me with a bright smile.
“I know. I just don’t like when they leave like that.”
I worry about them. Not just Viking either. I worry about Fin too. He’s my brother.
“Are you excited to be going to school?” she asks me changing the subject.
“Honestly? I’m scared shitless. It’s been a bit since I’ve been in school. I think it’ll be fun though.”
“You’re going to do great. I think it’s amazing that you want to teach kids. Did you know that Taz used to be a teacher?” Whit asks.
I shake my head and reply, “I had no idea.”
“Yeah. She’s the one that taught Drake before he died. She loves kids. She never could have any of her own. I suppose that’s why she loves teaching them so much.”
“There’s just something about knowing you’re preparing them for the future and whatever they want to be that’s amazing. You get to help mold them as they grow. Try to shape their little minds. It’s always been a dream of mine,” I tell her until I feel that familiar warmth behind me.
“Why are you so happy?” I ask him with a smile of my own.
“Because you’re happy.”
“You two are gross,” Whitley giggles and walks away.
“We’re gross,” I tell Viking spinning around to face him.
“I’m good with that. You ready to party?” he asks me with that sexy glint in his eyes.
“With you? Always.”
“Come on now. We can’t just sneak the party girl outta the party for a quick fuck,” he teases me.
“What the fuck did I tell you two about that shit? I don’t wanna hear it.”
I glance over my shoulder to see Fin with his arm around Molly. She’s already slightly passed drunk, but that doesn’t seem to faze anyone here.
“Got you somethin’,” Fin says holding out a pink gift bag to me.
I turn in Viking’s arms and reach for it excitedly.
“Thank you. I love you so much Fin,” I whisper in his ear.
“I love you too baby girl. I have no doubt that you are gonna kick ass at school,” he says pressing a kiss to my cheek before he pulls back.
“You didn’t even look at it. You have to look at the top,” Molly slurs excitedly.
Fin wraps his arms around her and pulls her closer to his side. I turn to get the laptop out. When I slip it out of the case I almost cry.
“That’s so we’re always with you,” Viking says from behind me.
The top of the laptop has been customized. The Soulless Bastards logo covers the front. It’s got everything from the blue sparks from the eyes right down to the cigarette in the skull’s mouth.
“I love it. Thank you so much.”
I throw myself into Viking’s arms. He kisses my cheek.
“That’s not your only present from me. I’ll give you the other one later,” he whispers.
Yeah, I just bet he will.
“Go on. Go visit everyone now. It’s your last night here and all.”
I don’t miss the sadness in his tone. It hurts my heart to hear it, but I love that man and he’s right. No matter what happens we will still be going strong together.
I press a kiss to his lips and turn to find Whitley and a few of the other girls waiting for me. I’m actually glad that I don’t see Tink here tonight. Once she saw how serious things were getting between Viking and I she stepped back a lot. Whitley said she heard Taz talking to one of the other girls and saying that they thought Tink was going to a different MC now. I know she called this place a home as much as I did, but I’m still glad she isn’t here.
“So college girl, how many shots do you think you can keep down?” Whitley asks passing me a round from the bar.
The music is blasting and everyone is dancing. People I don’t even know have come up to me and congratulated me. It’s both strange and comforting at the same time. They’re a family. A close one.
“I got this,” I say knocking back the first two shots. She lines up more. We both sway to the music as the liquor keeps flowing. I turn around and lean against the bar to watch everyone. This is what I’ll miss the most about not being here. The way they all come together to be a family. There is nothing better than this.
Whitley hands me another shot which I down when she says, “I’ll keep him in line while you’re gone. I have a knife now you know?” She laughs. I laugh even harder. Whitley with a knife is not a good combination.
“Should I be concerned?” I giggle.
“No, us girls stick together right? Besides I don’t think I could take the caveman if I had to. I could bring Jackson around to keep him company though.”
The laughter that erupts out of her is contagious.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I like Jackson and might want to hang out with him again someday.”
Whitley laughs harder before Viking walks up to us. Viking pulls me in close and leans down to my ear.
“I love you Carnie.”
Nothing else needs to be said. We are now in our own little world. Being in his arms feels like the world has shifted and brought us even closer together.
Everything about him feels right.
Everything about us feels right.
29
Viking
“I’m surprised you can walk this mornin’,” I tease Carnie as she takes the last of her bags out to the truck. She smiles and sticks her tongue out at me.
“I’m surprised you can,” she snaps back.
I shake my head and blow out a ring of smoke as I lean against the side of the clubhouse. I can’t believe today is the day I have to say goodbye to her
. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I know it’s for the best I can handle, but actually dropping her off? That’s something else. I know I wanted her to have her life, but this is fucking hard.
My heart keeps twisting up in knots and it doesn’t want to stop. My stomach feels like it’s weighted down with lead. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I’m being a selfish bastard in my head. I want to keep her here and I know if I said the word that she’d stay.
Which is exactly why I’m keeping my mouth shut. Everyone has already said their goodbyes except for Fin. He stands at the back of the truck and his eyes never leave her. I suppose it’s just as hard on him as it is on me. I watch Carnie walk toward him and her tears are falling. He scoops her up into his arms and holds her tightly. He’s whispering his goodbye under his breath.
When she turns to me I almost lose it. I almost snap and say fuck it to this entire thing. She’s come a long way in this world, but holding her back is not a fucking option.
“You ready?” I ask her when Fin walks her toward me.
She nods her head and wipes away the tears on her cheeks.
“Take care of her Viking,” Fin warns me.
I nod once and lead her back to the truck. She climbs in and I close the door behind her. Fin watches with teary eyes ready to leak out at any second, but he reins them in.
“She’s got this Fin. We’ll drink it up when I get back yeah?”
Fin nods his head and turns to head back inside. He’s no doubt too upset to actually watch us leave. I jump in the truck and put it in drive. We ride in silence for a majority of the trip. I’m lost in my head and Carnie is no doubt lost in her sorrow. We both know that this is the right thing to do, but it doesn’t hurt any less to do it.
The idea of her being so far away doesn’t sit right with me, but I also promised Fin that if she met someone else that I’d let her go. I’ll make good on that promise if it kills me. If it’s the last thing I do I will let her decide her own future from now on.