Beside Still Waters

by AnnaLee Conti

  Violet breathed a prayer of thanks to the Lord. She sensed a ‘still small voice’ say, “See, My child? If I can protect you today, don’t you think I can take care of all your tomorrows?”

  Chapter 33

  ALL THAT NIGHT, THE STORM battered Juneau. Violet lay awake listening to the crescendo of a thousand drummers as the rain beat its steady rhythm on the tin roof directly above her attic bedroom. But the roar of the rain wasn’t what kept her awake. Juneau got lots of rain. She would never sleep if she hadn’t learned how to tune it out at night.

  The wind howled around the eaves and rattled the windowpanes. The house shook, but Violet wasn’t concerned about that either. This house had withstood the hurricane-force Taku winds of many winters. It would come through okay.

  So what was keeping her awake?

  She prayed for all the children in the house and counted her blessings, as the gospel song admonished. That usually worked, but sleep still eluded her.

  The fog in her mind suddenly cleared. Of course!

  As a particularly strong gust of wind shook the house, she rose up on her elbow and shuddered. She was worried about Norman. This wild night, he and Tennes were out there somewhere in the darkness on their frail fishing boat being tossed about in the boisterous waves and hammered by the storm. She’d already lost her husband to the treacherous Alaskan waters. And a steamer was far better equipped to handle stormy weather than a tiny fishing troller. Yet, Sophia had sunk and taken John to the bottom of Lynn Canal. In this storm, the waves could swallow Norman’s boat whole like a humpback whale feasting on krill.

  Norman was fast becoming a good friend, but for a woman who didn’t plan to ever remarry, she was beginning to care far too much about a certain handsome fisherman. She prayed for his safety and lay back down to try again to get some sleep.

  Still, she was wide awake. The darkness was graying as dawn approached. It must be about four a.m. Rolling over, she sat up and turned on her bedside lamp. She couldn’t go on denying her feelings for Norman. She felt attracted to him, and he sought her out whenever he was in town. She needed to settle her intentions once and for all.

  In the logical manner with which she had learned to approach decision making, she analyzed her feelings. Why should she not allow the developing friendship with Norman to blossom? While Cally and Norman’s sister, Alma, seemed to think he was falling in love with her, she didn’t feel their confidence.

  Besides, his wife had been gone barely a year. Was he even ready to consider courtship and remarriage? She didn’t want to get her hopes up.

  Maybe she was worrying about something that wasn’t meant to be. Maybe she should just go to sleep and see what developed. But that didn’t seem to be working too well.

  The bottom line was, she was afraid to risk getting hurt.

  Words from a sermon Daniel had preached recently popped into her mind. “Jesus had no guarantee that you would accept His sacrifice on the cross, yet He suffered willingly for your salvation. What if He had counted the cost and decided He didn’t want to be hurt?”

  “Oh, Lord,” Violet prayed, “You brought Norman into my life when he was suffering beyond measure. I know firsthand the pain of losing a spouse and a child. I’m willing to offer him the comfort with which You have comforted me. Let me be Your instrument to bring peace and healing into his life—even if that’s the sum of our friendship.”

  With sudden clarity, she knew she would be very disappointed if that was all their friendship amounted to.

  But what if he died like everyone else she’d ever loved?

  Tears sprang into her eyes, and she dabbed at them with a corner of her sheet. Just thinking about it caused pain—until Cally’s quote rang in her ears: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

  “Lord, You know I don’t want to be hurt like that again. Norman is a man of the sea, a fisherman, an occupation perhaps even more hazardous than John’s as a Yukon steamer captain. If I were to marry Norman, I’d always worry.”

  Then the ‘still small voice’ gently chided her, “Didn’t I tell you in My Word not to worry? Trust Me. I will take care of you. ‘My grace is sufficient’ for every trial.”

  She mulled that over and finally gave in. “Okay, Lord! I’ll trust it all to You.”

  But she still felt unsettled. Merely thinking about remarriage made her feel guilty, like she was betraying John. How she wished she could talk to him about her feelings. That thought struck her funny bone, and she giggled. If he was here to talk to, she wouldn’t have this problem, would she? But she could reread the water-stained letter John had written to her aboard the doomed Princess Sophia.

  Reaching into the narrow drawer of her nightstand, she pulled it out and reread the beloved words she’d nearly memorized by now. Over the years, his words had soothed her. She could almost see his face and hear his voice as she read his last message to her.

  This time, though, the next to the last paragraph jumped out at her as never before:

  My dearest Violet, should the worst happen, I don’t want you to waste your life grieving for me . . . Don’t let sorrow and bitterness destroy you. Have a happy life, my darling.

  As she read, she was startled to realize he’d anticipated that someday she might meet someone else and want to remarry. He’d given her his blessing. That certainly added a new dimension to her thinking.

  From her bedside stand, she picked up the grandeur foldover easel frame displaying the five-by-seven portrait of John taken one winter while they were visiting his parents in Seattle. Although the pose was serious, a tiny twinkle lurked behind his eyes as though he was about to burst into laughter. It always made her smile. With her index finger, she traced his face. How dear he was!

  “Oh, John, I’ll always love you. But now I know you don’t want me to go through life alone if I can find happiness with another husband. I’m ready to see what the next chapter of my journey holds.”

  Folding the black, linen-weave cardstock frame and inserting the tab closure into the front panel to secure it, Violet turned out the light. Hugging the photo to her breast, she tucked herself back into bed and fell asleep.

  In her dream she was walking arm in arm with John. When she glanced around, she saw that he was walking her down a long church aisle to give her away in marriage. “But you’re my husband,” she protested. As she drew nearer to the groom, she saw it was Norman. He smiled at her as he reached out to take her hand in his. She looked back, and John had vanished. She and Norman faced the minister.

  When she awoke, her cheeks were damp with tears, but she felt no guilt or sense of betrayal.

  The unusually severe summer storm raged for a couple of days. Violet continued to pray for Norman’s safety, but she was determined not to worry. She was awakened one night by an eerie silence. The insistent thrumming of the rain had finally ceased.

  The next day, Daniel reported that the storm had caused minor damage to the floats and a few boats in the boat harbor. Many trollers had come in for repairs. Norman and Tennes had only been out for a week. They weren’t due back for another several days.

  As the days went by, though, all kinds of disastrous scenarios played out in Violet’s dreams: The Kristina smashed on the rocks somewhere with Norman and Tennes bloodied or dead. The engine swamped by seawater. The Kristina stranded in some hidden cove where no one could find them. A hole punched through the hull by debris in the dark water.

  Resolutely, Violet pushed the dire images out of her mind. When she caught herself playing the “what if” game and worrying, she prayed instead.

  One day, Alma rode the ferry from her home in Douglas to Juneau to shop for groceries. She dropped by the children’s home to visit and confided in Violet. “I’m worried. I haven’t heard from Tennes and Norman. After the storm, I expected them to come in and check out the boat.”

  Filled with dread, Violet’s stomach lurched. “Maybe they’re fine but decided to use up their supplies before com
ing in.” Her hopeful words belied her own fears.

  “That’s what I keep telling myself, but I know how treacherous the waters can be, especially in a storm.” Concern still creased Alma’s brow.

  “I know. I’ve been worried too . . . until the Lord chided me for it. Now, when scary thoughts come, I pray for them instead.”

  Alma’s brow smoothed, and she smiled through her fears. “Bless you, Violet. That’s just what I needed to hear. Like the Psalmist, I need to ‘trust and not be afraid.’”

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Violet fluttered her hand. “Even David admitted to being afraid sometimes. He also penned, ‘When I am afraid, I will trust in You.’”

  “Yes! God is very patient with our frailties, isn’t He?”

  As they continued chatting, a loud knock sounded at the front door. Violet left Alma in the living room and went to answer it. She opened the door, and there stood Norman and Tennes.

  Violet’s heart leaped at the sight of them, and her mouth dropped open. They looked as though they hadn’t slept for days. Usually clean-shaven, they sported a week’s growth of beard. Their dungarees and flannel shirts were rumpled and stained with jagged, white streaks of dried saltwater. They smelled of diesel and sweat, but no sight could have made her happier.

  “Oh! You’re back!” She squealed as her hands flew up to her cheeks.

  “Alma’s not home. Is she here?” Tennes pulled off his knit stocking cap and tried to look past her to scan the room.

  “Yes! We were just talking about you two—wondering if you were okay. She’ll be glad to see you. Come on in.” Violet led the way to the living room. “Alma, here’s the answer to our prayers.”

  At the sight of Tennes, Alma jumped up and rushed into his outstretched arms. “Since the storm I’ve been so frightened—”

  “Ah, Alma girl! Haven’t you learned yet that God will take care of me?”

  To give them some privacy for their joyful reunion, Violet turned shyly to Norman, who had hesitated in the archway between the dining room and living room. Before she could question him about their trip, he asked softly, “Miss me?”

  By his impish grin, Violet knew he was teasing, but the lift of his eyebrows suggested he hoped for a positive answer. When she gave a tiny nod, he bounded forward and grabbed her into a bear hug. “I missed you too.”

  When he set her back on her feet, she felt as though she’d been caught up in a whirlwind.

  Norman whispered, “May I come back this evening to talk?”

  She finally found her voice. “Why don’t you all come for dinner tonight? I’m sure the family would love to see you. Alma can stay here while the two of you tend to your boat.”

  Norman turned his back to Tennes and Alma and whispered, “Only if you’ll agree to go for a walk with me afterward.”

  Violet’s heartbeat tripped into high gear. She nodded.

  “I still need to do my grocery shopping,” Alma said.

  “And we left the Kristina on the skids to wait for low tide,” Norman glanced at the chime clock atop the bookcase, “which should be just about now.” He gestured toward Alma. “Why don’t you go food shopping while Tennes and I check the hull? You can come back here while we take the groceries home in the motorboat and get cleaned up for dinner.”

  “I think that’s a splendid idea.” Alma held her nose. “You both stink!”

  Pretending to be offended, the two men sniffed. “Aren’t you happy to have us home?”

  She poked them playfully. “Of course, but I’ll be happier when you smell better.”

  “I think coming back for dinner is a good idea too,” Tennes added. “Norman can tell everyone all at once about our adventures on this trip, and I won’t have to listen to him tell it over and over.”

  Tennes ducked out the front door pulling Alma by the hand with him.

  Norman rolled his eyes at the retreating backs. He turned to Violet and winked. “Don’t forget your promise.”

  “I won’t.” What did he have in mind? She waved as they left as quickly as they’d come, leaving only the fishy, briny aroma to prove they’d really been there.

  Violet went in search of Cally to let her know they’d have company for dinner.

  “I’m so glad they’re back safe and sound.” Cally grinned slyly. “They came to the back door first and gave me these.” She pointed to two large kings all cleaned and ready to fry up for dinner. “I think Norman was hoping for an invitation, so I sent them around to the front door.”

  “Thanks, Cally! They didn’t even let on. And, by the way, thanks for the advice the other day. I’ve decided to take it.”

  “You’re welcome, dear.” She smoothed her apron and added, “I don’t like to interfere, but I felt you needed a push in the right direction.”

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought and prayer too. I’m ready for whatever.” Violet turned to go but looked back. “Cally, do you need my help getting dinner ready?”

  “I’ll ask Byron to slice the salmon into steaks. Then all I need to do is fry it up and cream the potatoes, carrots, and peas. I gathered salad makings from the garden earlier and baked a cake. I’ll get the girls to help me peel the potatoes. You go on and pretty up for dinner.”

  Violet hugged the older lady, who, though she had no children of her own, had become a grandma to everyone in the household.

  Around the dinner table that evening, Norman, now clean-shaven and smelling of soap, recounted his and Tennes’ adventures during the storm. “At first, we tried to keep fishing through the rain. We get wet anyway, so what did a few raindrops matter? But when the wind kicked up, it was so fierce we had to make a run for shelter in a cove near Hoonah.

  “Unfortunately, we hit something in the water in the dark. Couldn’t see what it was. Maybe a submerged log. At first, we didn’t realize it had punched a hole in the hull, but we spent the rest of the storm pumping water out of the bilge as fast as we could to keep the Kristina afloat. Once the storm ended, we were able to rig a temporary patch over the inside of the hole and limp in to Juneau. That’s what took us so long to get back.

  “This morning we put her on the skids. After the tide went out, we could see the damage from the outside. I think we’ll be able to repair it tomorrow.”

  “We were praying for you,” Daniel said.

  “And I know my sister was too. Thank you,” he glanced around the table, “all of you.”

  “Well, thank you for this delicious salmon,” Mary said. And everyone echoed her.

  After dessert, the adults retired to the living room. Violet went to the kitchen with the older children to oversee the cleanup, while the younger ones ferried the dirty plates and silverware from the table to the kitchen counter. Once the table had been cleared and the food put away, Violet sent the younger ones outside to play while the teens did the dishes.

  At that moment, Norman stepped into the kitchen. He held out his hand to Violet. “You promised,” he whispered as he pulled her toward the front door. The teens all snickered until Norman looked back, shook his head, and frowned at them. With red faces, they resumed doing their chores, and he escorted Violet to the front door.

  Chapter 34

  ALTHOUGH THE SUN STILL SHONE high in the sky, the air felt cool as Violet and Norman stepped out onto the front porch. Norman reached back into the vestibule to grab her coat off the hook and held it as she slipped into it. Through the towering evergreen trees surrounding the house, they could glimpse Gastineau Channel and Douglas Island before they headed up Goldbelt Avenue around Evergreen Bowl.

  They strolled in silence, listening to the chirping of the birds and the rustle of the breeze in the bushes. Norman drew a deep breath and said, “I did a lot of thinking during that storm.”

  “Mmm.” Violet nodded and looked up into his face. “Me too.”

  Norman smiled at her; then his expression turned serious. “Kristina’s been gone over a year now. She was my sweetheart from the old country. I can scarcely re
member a time when I didn’t love her. When I was married to Cecilia, I tried to put her out of my mind, but I felt a lingering sadness. Even now, I miss her every day.”

  “I know what you mean.” Violet’s heart plummeted. To keep from crying, she studied the ground as they walked. When she could trust her voice, she said, “It’s been sixteen years since I lost John, and I still miss him.”

  “In all that time, a pretty girl like you, I’d have thought you would have remarried.”

  “No.” She tried to sound nonchalant. “Several men expressed an interest, but I never fell in love.”

  “Huh.” Norman didn’t say anything more for a moment. Then he stopped walking and grasped both of Violet’s hands so they stood face to face. “Something happened during the storm.” He spoke hesitantly, yet Violet sensed an urgency in his tone. “When I wasn’t sure we’d make it back safely, I kept thinking not of Kristina but of you . . . of how I’d miss out on getting to know you better. After Evie was kidnapped, I wouldn’t have cared if I died. But in this storm, I knew I wanted to live. Violet, I . . . I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  At this sudden turn of events, Violet’s heart sped up recklessly, nearly taking her breath away. She wanted to tell him about her nighttime conversation with God during the storm but felt at a momentary loss for words.

  Norman’s face clouded over. “I’m sorry, Violet. I hoped you might feel something for me too.” He dropped her hands and began to walk away.

  Violet caught his arm. “Norman, wait! You misunderstood!” He stopped and waited. “You took me by surprise. When you spoke of your love for Kristina, I thought you were getting ready to ask me if we could just be friends, and I . . . um, was . . . ”

  “You were what?” Norman quirked one eyebrow.

  “ . . . disappointed,” she whispered. Her face felt hot. Was she blushing?

  A grin spread slowly across his face until it lit his striking sapphire eyes. “Yes?”