ACCIDENTAL UNICORN, THE

by Cassidy, Dakota

  “But it’s not all that’s happened to you, right?” Vinnie asked. “There’s more to your life than being a wife and a mother. I wish I could get my mother to understand that.”

  “If that ain’t the truth,” Marty said on a snort. “We have OOPS and various interests. I own a cosmetic’s company. Wanda writes books and recently self-published. And Nina, well, she complains all the time. But she’s damn good at it.”

  Vinnie almost laughed…until she remembered her mother had turned an unsuspecting man into a unicorn in order to marry her off. “I have a fulfilling career. I own my own home. I like my life, but my mother seems to think the only thing I have are my pets and some dusty old books, and that’s just not true.”

  Or was it? Maybe it was a little true. Sure, her life was isolated from a social standpoint—she didn’t love parties and crowds because she was so damn awkward, but the other parts of her life—her students, her hobbies—those brought her immense fulfillment.

  Marty’s face softened, her pretty blue eyes warm as she ushered Vinnie to the kitchen island and pulled out a chair. “But was there ever a time you wanted to get married? Have children?”

  That deep yearning in the pit of her stomach, the part of her that used to think about a husband and a family, pinged her gut, but only briefly before she remembered, she’d built a life she truly loved, anxieties and all.

  Vinnie looked at her hands before she redirected her gaze to Marty. “I did, but they’ve evolved, I guess. For now, anyway. I really do like my life. But my mother thinks there’s a better one in store for me, and if she could just tweak it to satisfy her grandmotherly needs, everything would be right in her world.”

  “My mother’s like that, too,” Oliver stated as he leaned into her with just enough pressure against her shoulder to leave her warm before he moved away, taking the chair beside her.

  “Your mother casts spells, too?” she teased. “We should introduce them.”

  Oliver barked a laugh. He’d removed his gauze, and he looked crazier than ever with sprinkles of pink and purple glitter on his cheeks, but somehow, he managed to pull the look off and still be handsome.

  Oliver leaned forward, bracing his elbow on the island with a grin. “Maybe our mothers could get together and make a living garden gnome?”

  “Bite your tongue and thank your lucky stars you didn’t turn into Frankenstein.” Vinnie paused for a moment as the full weight of what her mother had done sank in, and then she placed a hand on Oliver’s big one, liking the way the contrast of their skin looked, and said, “I’m really sorry, Oliver. I don’t know if we can fix this, but I’ll do my best to try to find something. Even if it means shaking the answer out of my mother.”

  “Okay, no murdering mothers today,” Wanda ordered with a smile. “How about we have some lunch? Arch made a batch of French onion soup and grilled Brie and Gouda sandwiches. Put a little something in your stomach on this chilly fall day. Anything Arch cooks always makes it better. Then we’ll try and find an answer to this mess.”

  Was there an answer? But Vinnie smiled anyway. Food in her face would certainly temporarily keep her from murdering her mother.

  “Ahhh!” Archibald howled from the stove as the crash of pots resounded through the kitchen, cutting off their conversation.

  He’d knocked over the steaming pot of French onion soup, fresh from the stove. The contents dripped down the front of the steel oven and to the floor, leaving a puddle at the manservant’s feet.

  “Arch!” Nina was beside him in a flash as he held up his hand, now beet red and dripping with onion soup. “Jesus! You burned the shit out of yourself!”

  Marty threw the tap water on, probably to run his hand under it, but Archibald’s skin had begun to bubble and water wasn’t going to help that.

  “Nooo, Marty!” Wanda bellowed. “He needs more than cold water! Get the SUV, Darnell. He needs a hospital!”

  “Nay, miss,” Arch protested, but it came out as nothing more than a whimper, his gentle eyes watery and red. “It’s nothing, really. Please don’t make a fuss.”

  Oliver popped up from his chair and, without saying a word, grabbed Arch’s wrist, wrapping his long fingers around it gingerly.

  Nina clapped him on the back, digging her fingers into his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing, dude? We have to take him to the friggin’ ER!”

  But Oliver didn’t listen. Instead, he bent his big body over the dapperly dressed man, making him look smaller than he really was, raised Arch’s wrist and slapped it against the horn. “Grip it, Archibald. Grab on tight,” he ordered gruffly.

  But Arch looked at him as though he were insane. “Sir?” he cried weakly.

  “Trust me. Grab on!” Oliver insisted.

  Arch’s round face, wrinkled like fine leather, went pale and chalky, his jowls shaking, but he latched on with a whimper of obvious pain from bending his fingers even just a little.

  The moment Arch grabbed on, his aging hand twisting around the horn as best he could, Oliver’s big body shook. His knees began to buckle as he grabbed for the counter to brace himself while Archibald clung to him.

  But Oliver’s complexion, normally ruddy and healthy, worried Vinnie the longer Arch held on.

  He began to take on a pasty pallor, gray around the edges, making the veins bulging in his neck bluer.

  When Oliver began to sway, Vinnie ran up behind him, reaching around his waist to steady him. He wasn’t a small man, and he was heavier than he looked, making it difficult to brace him without collapsing herself.

  Oliver’s well-muscled body vibrated against her almost violently, so much so, she virtually felt the hum of electricity he emitted before he began to buckle, his knees starting to cave while sweat dripped from his forehead.

  Vinnie gritted her teeth and dug her feet into the floor, her ballet slippers sliding as she pushed back against the bulk of him with a roar and her last burst of energy.

  “Jesus Christ, his eyes are rolling to the back of his goddamn head!” Nina yelled, pushing Vinnie aside and taking her place. “Marty! Grab Arch! Make him let go!”

  “Let go, Arch!” Marty ordered with a scream, reaching for Arch’s arm and forcefully pulling him from Oliver until they both fell backward to the floor, the manservant’s body flailing on top of Marty’s.

  Darnell rushed in from outside, where he’d been standing watch, his eyes wide. “What are y’all…” He didn’t even finish his sentence before his big, lumbering body was across the kitchen, scooping up both Marty and Archibald in his arms. “What’s goin’ on in here?”

  But it was Nina who yelled for help as Oliver began to convulse harder, making them both crash to the floor.

  She was out from under him in seconds, rolling him to his side and yelling to everyone, “Stay the fuck out of the way! He’s having a seizure!”

  Oliver’s long torso twisted for a moment like a fish out of water, slapping against the floor, making Vinnie’s pulse slam in her ears before he arched his back and raised up on the heels of his feet, his black boots literally digging holes into the floor.

  It was all Vinnie could do not to help, but she knew it was best not to touch him.

  Yet, the moment she was about to yell they should call 9-1-1, was the moment his convulsions were over. Oliver’s wide chest expanded, letting escape a long sigh before his eyes popped open and his vision appeared to clear.

  “What the hell?” he murmured, trying to lift himself up on his elbows.

  Vinnie was instantly at his side, brushing his sweat-soaked dark hair from his forehead, her heart crashing in her chest. “Are you okay, Oliver?”

  “What happened? Why am I on the floor? Last thing I remember was telling Archibald to grab my horn.”

  Vinnie put a hand on his shoulder, the thick cord of muscle warm beneath her palm. “He did, and then you fell on the floor. Have you had seizures before, Oliver? Do you have a history of them?”

  He shook his head, bewildered as his eyes roamed h
er face. “No. Never. But forget me. Did it work? Is Archibald okay?” he asked, his voice weak.

  Arch stood over Oliver, his gentle face contorted with worry, his eyes deep with concern as he held out his hand, his fingers splayed. “You healed me, sir. You healed me,” he mumbled, dazed as he held his hand higher to show Oliver. “How can I ever thank you?”

  Nina’s eyes went wide when they all looked to Arch, whose hand looked as though it had never been burned. “Holy fuck. He healed Arch. Holy-holy fuck. Like, I know he healed his cut, but I guess the breadth of his abilities didn’t sink in. I mean, holy shitballs.”

  Her mother, who’d stood on the fringe of the chaos—and appeared fine, just as Nina predicted—whispered in clear terror, “What just happened to you, Oliver?”

  Vinnie tapped Nina’s work boots to move her out of her mother’s line of vision, so she could see what happened—what she’d done.

  She pointed at Oliver’s forehead to the horn that now glowed so bright, it was like one of those light sticks kids used when they played hide and seek in the dark. The pink and purple glitter swirled around and around like a pastel neon sign.

  Vinnie’s lips thinned. “This, Mother. This is what happened. This is what you did.”

  Her mother cried out, gripping the edge of the countertop, but Nina grabbed her this time and gave her a light shake as she threw Alice’s arm around her shoulder and helped her back to the round dining room table.

  “Oh no, Unicorn Maker. You stay upright. Time to face the music and help us figure out what the fuck to do.”

  Vinnie would have laughed at Nina’s joke, but she was more concerned with how wrung out Oliver looked as Darnell latched onto his hand and pulled him upward from the floor where a pool of glitter scattered across the floor.

  He gave Oliver a light pat on the back and smiled, his white teeth flashing as he wrapped his arm around Oliver’s waist to help him out of the kitchen.

  “Man, you need a lie-down, brother. You don’t look so good. C’mon, I’ll get you settled and we’ll get ya some food. Big guy yo’ size needs food and a lot of it, I’m bettin’.”

  Vinnie was ready to blow a gasket, but she fought that urge when she finally approached her mother, now sitting at the dining room table. Pulling out a chair, she sat down beside Alice, who looked positively horrified.

  As well she should.

  “Mother—”

  The moment she spoke, Alice burst into tears, but Vinnie, while she was certain her mother was remorseful, wasn’t up for her histrionics. The time for remorse would be later. Now, she needed some answers about whom they could talk to—who might know how to reverse this spell.

  So she handed her a cloth napkin from one of the place settings and patted her mother on the back, making soothing circles with her palm. “We don’t have time for tears, Mother. Did you see what just happened to that man?”

  “I don’t understand what I did wrong,” she moaned, her gray eyes watery as she pressed the napkin to her nose. “I read it exactly as it was written.”

  “Let’s start at the beginning. Where did you get the love spell, Mother?”

  The guilt that spread across Alice’s face almost made Vinnie crumble. It was how her mother won every argument ever—guilt. The guilt she felt for making her mother cry. The guilt she felt because guilt was her middle name. But this time she wasn’t going to cave. This wasn’t about her. This was a man’s life her mother had tinkered with.

  Vinnie took a deep breath, collecting her patience. “Where is the spell, Mom? Who did you get it from?”

  “In my purse,” she huffed. “But what difference will it make anyway, Vincenza? Seeing the spell on paper won’t change what I’ve done. I couldn’t fix it if I wanted to!”

  Vinnie grabbed her mother’s large tote-like purse and began digging until she found a wrinkled piece of paper with some words scribbled on it, words she couldn’t even decipher but for maybe one. Vinnie squinted and still couldn’t be sure she was reading the word correctly, but it was the only one that looked even a little like unicorn.

  Biting her tongue before she spoke, she pointed to the word and showed it to her mother. “Mom, I think this says unicorn.”

  Her mother wouldn’t even look at the paper. “No,” Alice insisted with a shake of her head. “No, Vincenza. It’s says lovelorn.”

  “Um, I don’t think so. Had you worn your glasses, you would have known. But that’s neither here nor there. Still, I can’t read the rest of this. Can you?”

  Her mother twisted her fingers together and looked out the bank of windows overlooking the dining room. “No…”

  Vinnie let out a little gasp and tapped a finger on the table. She knew exactly what her mother’s inability to decipher the spell was about. “You couldn’t read any of it, could you? I’d bet money on the fact that you hurriedly copied it from somewhere you absolutely should not have been, and couldn’t read it because you forgot your glasses, so you said whatever you could remember and filled in the blanks with made-up words, didn’t you?”

  Her mother threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “All right, fine! I blew it! I was so nervous I’d get caught, I might have put some words in there that didn’t belong, okay? Are you happy to know I made an utter fool of myself, Vincenza?”

  “You didn’t just make a fool of yourself, Alice. You fuckin’ gave a dude a horn. That’s the shit,” Nina said with a snicker as she strolled back into the kitchen and sat across from them.

  Wanda, who’d made a bowl of soup for her mother, set it in front of her and sat down, too, reaching for Alice’s hand. “I’m going to stick my nose in just a little bit here. I’m pretty sure Vinnie’s not happy about how poorly this makes you feel, Alice. It’s unfair to put that sort of burden on her shoulders, wouldn’t you agree?”

  Her mother crumbled once more, her eyes falling to her lap. “Of course it isn’t fair,” she sniveled. “I’m sorry, Vincenza. I only want your happiness. I swear, I don’t do these things out of anything other than love.”

  Vinnie sighed. This vicious cycle would never end, would it? “I know that, Mom, but I also know you don’t want it at the expense of someone as nice as Oliver. He now has something a lot of greedy people will want. You’ve put his life at risk. That’s why everyone is here. To make sure no one tries to hurt him and to protect him, because how can he, a mortal with nothing more than human strength, protect himself from a demon or a vampire? You saw what his alicorn can do, didn’t you? He healed someone with it, and Archibald isn’t the only one he’s healed.”

  “I’d take it back if I could, honey. Surely you know that,” she sobbed.

  “Where did you get the spell, Mom?”

  Alice flapped her hands dismissively. “I can’t exactly remember. I think it was at Goddesses’ Night Out.”

  “Mom, your powers are so weak, they’re almost nonexistent. Do they still even let you attend Goddesses’ Night Out? We only get invited to some of the functions out of some misguided courtesy. You do understand that, don’t you?”

  Alice’s face collapsed again. “Of course I do, Vincenza! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be overlooked time and again because you’re nothing more than a token Goddess with no real power? Knowing they only invite me because it’s the right thing to do? It hurts my feelings.”

  “So why would you want to bother going to an event that’s for Goddesses only, Mom? If they don’t think you’re Goddess enough? Do you need to be part of that gaggle of Goddesses that badly? So badly you’d go and then let them ignore you? I don’t understand why they’re so important, Mom?”

  Her mother’s frustration level ratcheted upward. “Because when you have no one, you’re happy to fit in anywhere, Vincenza—even if it’s as the token handicapped Goddess!”

  Her mother’s life in a nutshell. Always trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Her first marriage, fresh out of high school, had been to a man who’d verbally abused her. But he was a warm body and that was all
she’d needed until he up and left and was never heard from again.

  Alice’s second marriage, to Vinnie’s father, Norman Morretti, had lasted about as long as it took to find out having a baby meant sleepless nights and a steady job—both of which Norman Morretti was incapable of.

  They’d divorced when Vinnie was three, and she’d only seen him sporadically over her twenty-eight years of life.

  But then, Agnew Costas had come into their lives when Vinnie was fifteen, and he’d been the best thing to happen to them. He was warm, loving, honest, and he made her mother feel like the most important person in the world. But he’d died two years ago, and her mother had been having trouble finding her footing ever since.

  Nina pushed her way out of her chair and came around the table to hug Alice. “Any friend of Khristos and Quinn’s is a friend of ours, right Wanda? You can be a part of our family, Alice. It’s fucked to shit. We’re about as dysfunctional as it damn well gets, but we’ll never make you feel like a fifth wheel and we always have good eats. Everybody’s welcome.”

  Alice wiped a tear from her eye and patted Nina on the arm. “You’re very sweet. Thank you.”

  All warm squishies aside, they still needed to talk to whomever her mother got that spell from. Maybe they could help.

  “Listen, Mom, I know they treat you poorly, and if you want to be a part of that group anyway, fine, but we need to know who you stole that spell from. Maybe she can help us fix this so we can let Oliver get back to his life.”

  “Hold up,” Marty said, entering the dining room by way of the kitchen. “I just got a text from Khristos and Quinn.”

  Vinnie sat up straight. “And?”

  “Khristos said he got in touch with his mother, the ex-Aphrodite, and she said this: The only thing I know about unicorns is the legend as follows. A unicorn’s alicorn can purify drinking water, nullify poison when dipped into it, and heal disease of any kind. But there is a price.”

  Vinnie held her breath, but Wanda didn’t. With her elegant face a mask of worry, she asked, “What’s the price?”

  Oh, God…