ACCIDENTAL UNICORN, THE

by Cassidy, Dakota

  He didn’t stop and think about Byron and the gun. He didn’t stop and think about who was in the car up ahead. He didn’t stop and think, period.

  He simply refused to allow the woman he’d come to care for, the woman he loved talking to late into the night about, of all things, shiplap, the woman he’d held in his arms while she’d slept, to die.

  Not today, Satan. Not. Today.

  Oliver roared a howl so loud, so guttural, he almost couldn’t believe it came from his mouth. Head down against the battering rain, legs pumping, he charged Byron like a bull in a china shop.

  “I’ll kill you, you sonofabitch!” he screamed into the wind seconds before he rammed into Byron’s lithe, athletic body, driving his horn right into his midsection.

  His body strained, his head pounded, his muscles flexed, and his chest threatened to implode when he made contact.

  Byron’s gun went flying, clattering off to the side of the gravel pathway as Oliver knocked him over with the force of his rage, stabbing him hard in the gut with his horn.

  Oliver steamrolled him, using every ounce of strength he had—and that was when the strangest thing of all the things that had happened since this all began, happened.

  His alicorn burned, so hot, so fierce, he was sure it would fry his brain and sizzle the very skin from his forehead. He heard Bryon scream in agony, writhing against him as he collapsed forward with a grunt and an “oompf!”

  And then Byron exploded—exploded into a million particles of pink and purple, scattering everywhere, flying up into the air as though he were embers of a burning flame, shooting sparks, lighting up the sky.

  Along with Byron, Oliver’s alicorn exploded, too.

  He felt it release from his head with a force so strong, it knocked him to his back, where he stared up at the starless sky with a quarter moon winking down at him as purple and pink glitter mingled with the ret rain, showered down on them.

  God, all that wet glitter was going to be a nightmare to get out of their clothes.

  “Oliver!” he heard Vinnie cry out hoarsely. “Oliver, oh my God! Are you okay? Answer me, damn you! Answer me!”

  He forced his elbows under him and pushed himself all the way up to a sitting position, only to find Vinnie crawling to get to him, her ankle precariously twisted, her body battered.

  “Stay there, Vinnie. Don’t move or you’ll hurt yourself even worse,” he yelled back to her, rising to his feet, slipping in the mud and soaking wet.

  But that was exactly the moment they heard the roar of the engine of the car up ahead.

  In that second, just when he thought they were home free, Oliver saw the terror in Vinnie’s eyes as she sat helpless to do much but try to crawl out of harm’s way, and it shredded him, nearly ripped him apart.

  Until he saw Byron’s gun in the headlights of the car, still growing ever closer. It was off to the side in the gravel. Oliver dove for it, hitting the gravel with a crunch and scraping his cheek, latching onto the pistol’s handle he rolled to his feet.

  He held it up to the tune of Vinnie screaming, “Oooliver!”

  He’d never used a gun before. He had no damn idea what he was doing, but he fired off a shot that nearly stopped his heart, aiming it at the driver of the car, whom he couldn’t see, but prayed he’d hit anyway.

  A flash of a shadow flew out in front of the car, a blur of colors and very little sound, but it screeched to a halt—and then the vehicle flew high in the air, arcing over them to crash land on top of a stack of shipping containers.

  And then someone yelled, “Fuuck! I’m never gonna get this shit outta my hair, Sparkle tits! And put that GD shit down before you hurt yourself!”

  Nina. It was Nina, stomping toward him with Marty and Darnell hot on her heels. She stopped in front of him, her raven hair plastered to her skull with wet glitter, and held out her lean hand.

  “Give that to me, John Fucking Wayne. Jesus Christ and a bottle of Dos Equis, you’re gonna get yourself fucking killed.”

  He sighed in relief, the biggest relief he’d ever felt in his entire life, as he threw an arm around her neck and squeezed her tight before letting go. “You came.”

  She batted him away, as always, uncomfortable with any form of gratitude. “Of course I came, dipshit. Darnell tracked your phone. How much patience do you think I have to listen to Chatty Cathy talk about her elementary school days? Jesus, what kind of stall tactic was that, Almost-Goddess?” Nina asked as she turned around to look down at Vinnie, but she was smiling.

  Vinnie choked out a cry as Oliver knelt to scoop her up. “You are one helluva sidekick, Princess Vinnie. What the hell were you thinking, talking all that smack, but worse, tripping on purpose like that?”

  As he lifted her soaking-wet body, cradling her next to him, she moaned, but her sense of humor was still intact. “I was thinking if you died, I’d never have a moat, and we had a deal, Glitter Shitter. I’d be your princess if you’d build me a castle with a moat.”

  But he couldn’t laugh. Instead, he gathered her as close as he could without hurting her and hugged her to him as the rain spat at them, cold and wet.

  “You could have been killed, pulling that stunt, Vinnie. Jesus Christ, I saw my life flash before my damn eyes when he aimed that gun at you.”

  But she simply shrugged and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Well, that was the point. A distraction. I did mention that back in the shipping container. And all for what? Your alicorn is gone, Oliver. It exploded. All this glitter falling on us must be the fallout from your alicorn.”

  Oliver blinked. He’d forgotten the sensation of it leaving his forehead. “Gone? Really?”

  “Yep. When you hit Byron, he exploded in a million colors, and so did your alicorn.”

  A moment of grief shot through him for the alicorn that had become so much a part of him these last several days, but it passed as quickly as it came, because along with its leaving, the heavy weight of who to heal was now gone, too. If he didn’t have a horn, he couldn’t heal anything.

  That was a relief so intense, it shook him to his core.

  “Sure is gone, Oliver. Shoulda seen it from where we were sittin’,” Darnell said on a chuckle as he came up behind them and clapped Oliver on the back. “Lit up the damn night like the Fourth o’ July with all that glitter, brother. You’re a beast, man. A total beast.”

  “Okay, ladies and gentlemen,” Marty said, clapping her hands, leaving drops of glitter-rain flying in the air. “I’m thrilled to itsy-bitsy bits everyone is okay. But the party’s over. Darnell? You get these two back home, and Nina and I will do cleanup.”

  Oliver smiled at Marty and chuckled. “I’m not even gonna ask what that entails, but I’m guessing it has something to do with the guy in the car.”

  “Two guys in the car, to be fucking exact, and it’s best you don’t, Sparkle Tits,” Nina said with her infamous cackle, pushing her sodden hair from her face.

  “You can’t call me that anymore, vampire. You’re going to have to come up with something more original now,” he teased.

  Nina reached up and tweaked his cheek. “Fuck you and your original. You’ll always be Sparkle Tits to me. Now get the fuck out of here and go make googley eyes at each other while you see about that ankle or I’m gonna beat your ass for shitting all this glitter on me.” She held up a strand of her soaking wet hair, covered in shiny glitter.

  Mouthing a thank you to the women, Oliver clung to Vinnie as he turned to follow Darnell. The wind blew and the rain picked up, but he didn’t care. Vinnie was alive. That was all he needed.

  As Darnell popped open Marty’s SUV doors, Vinnie tugged on his soaking-wet sweater. “Hey, what did Nina mean when she called me Chatty Cathy? How did she know what I yammering on about with Byron?”

  Oliver grinned down at her. “My phone. I turned the sound down and dialed her number while you were screaming at Byron about what a mama’s boy he is…er, was.”

  “Ooooh, crafty unicorn is crafty. Well
played, buddy. See? I was distracting him. Now, let’s forget about Byron and talk about that moat. Just because you’re not a unicorn anymore doesn’t mean that you can get out of—”

  Oliver planted a kiss on her soft lips, one that deepened the longer it went on, and when she sighed, when she melted against him, he knew this journey, this crazy, wild, sparkly journey, was meant to lead to this.

  To Vinnie.

  Epilogue

  One not-such-a-glitter-shitter-anymore guy who’d inherited some Godlike powers; an almost-Goddess who’s the shit with a paint brush with no powers to speak of but a mighty-mighty brain; a vampire with a fresh mouth and an attitude; a mother for the second time of a half-werewolf, half-vampire baby girl; a fashionista bleached-blonde werewolf who loves makeup and jewelry; a teddy bear demon who happened to really like DIY as much as his new friends; a gentle, slightly green zombie; a spiffy manservant who had given up being a doula for good; three spouses of the aforementioned; a poodle named Muffin, a talking cat named Calamity, a dog named Mario and yet another named Frank, a cat named Brenda and a chipmunk named Baloney, all gathered almost a year later at a moving-in-together party/surprise reveal…

  “He did not either,” Marty said on a chuckle, bouncing Wanda’s beautiful dark-haired, blue-eyed baby on her skinny-jean-clad hip. She shook her signature bangle bracelets, making the baby grab at them with her chubby fists.

  Nina smiled at the baby and cooed as she dropped kisses on her. “Tell Auntie Marty, Sparkle Tits did too. Uncle Darnell and Daddy and all the guys helped. Ask him.”

  “He did, Marty, and it’s magnificent, if I do say so myself. The craftsmanship of it all is simply stunning,” Wanda, looking as slim and fit as anyone ever had in a pencil skirt, low heels and a lavender silk shirt, assured Marty as she cuddled a sleeping Sam to her chest. “They’re just putting the finishing touches on now. He wanted to have it ready for move-in day for Vinnie.”

  “I can’t believe he did that,” Marty murmured with a smile. “He’s such a great guy.”

  Vinnie stuck her head into the circle the women made and asked with a smile, “Who did what?”

  “Mind your funky business, lady,” Nina chided, flicking her fingers in Vinnie’s face.

  Vinnie frowned at the vampire and made a face. “My what business? Who are you?”

  Nina tweaked her cheek and grinned like a cat that ate a mouse. “You heard me. I don’t swear in front of the kids. I said, mind your funky business. Now mind it and don’t make me break my rule.”

  Vinnie tucked Baloney into her sweater pocket and tried to see out the back windows to Oliver’s…er, their backyard by standing on tiptoe, but he and Darnell, Carl, Greg, Keegan, and Heath had covered them with brown paper to keep her from seeing whatever he was doing.

  Alice, who sat with little Charlie in her lap while Hollis played on her iPad and Calamity snuggled next to her, stood guard to keep Vinnie from peeking out.

  “Aw, c’mon, meaniebutt,” Vinnie whined. “Lemme see. They’ve been out there for two days doing whatever they’re doing. I’ve been on an Oliver’s-house ban for what feels like forever.”

  “Yeah,” Nina agreed. “And Sparkle Tits said it was a surprise. So let it be a surprise, nosy.”

  “Miss Vinnie, you will leave this kitchen now, or I shall boil you in oil!” Arch teased from the stove where he, as always, prepared a feast fit for kings to celebrate Vinnie’s big move.

  With her free arm, Marty grabbed one of the last boxes Carl brought in from the moving van, and Vinnie followed her to Oliver’s den, the last room left to unpack to officially make this Vinnie and Oliver’s house.

  They’d been dating for almost a year now, and every second of it had been amazing. She was never happier than when she was with Oliver, Baloney and her pets.

  They’d decided to take it slow and really get to know one another instead of rushing into anything—to truly learn about each other without any false pretenses. Oliver admitted he was guilty of doing exactly what Denise had done, trying to turn his ex-fiancée into something she simply wasn’t, and he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

  Denise hadn’t wanted the lifestyle he’d wanted, and he hadn’t wanted hers. This time around, he promised to genuinely listen to Vinnie and what she wanted, instead of only hearing what he wanted to hear, and Vinnie promised to speak up without fear of rejection or retribution if she didn’t want the same thing, instead of keeping her emotions hidden while she buried her nose in a book.

  But it turned out she did want the same things Oliver wanted, and most everything she wanted, he wanted, too. Except for more throw pillows. He’d firmly stated he didn’t want more of those. But she’d won that playful argument.

  And they’d been making it work for almost exactly a year today, which is why they’d decided a couple of months ago to move in together and see how they fit as a couple sharing the same space. She’d put her house up for sale, and with some luck and a great realtor Heath knew, she’d sold it for quite a hefty profit.

  During that year, they’d even gone to couple’s counseling so Vinnie could learn to deal more effectively with her social anxiety and OCD, and Oliver could learn to be an effective partner to her.

  Alice had gone with Vinnie, too, and they were making real strides in their relationship. Vinnie, after her long talk with Marty that night, a night that now seemed so long ago, finally understood what it was her mother had been trying to do all along.

  And Alice finally understood that what she thought was good for Vinnie, wasn’t so good at all, even if her heart was always in the right place.

  And somehow, the twain had begun to meet.

  They often had lunch after a session or went shopping, and nothing pleased her more than the time she and Alice spent together and with Oliver, who, her mother gloatingly reminded her, had been her pick for Vinnie all along.

  Vinnie’d met Oliver’s parents and his sisters on a trip to Colorado, where they’d skied and drank tons of hot cocoa, and she’d liked them as much as they’d liked her. They still didn’t know about Oliver’s ordeal, but he promised when the time and place were right, he’d explain…and maybe even show them what he could do now since that night in the shipyard.

  It wouldn’t be easy, but Vinnie promised to help him when he was ready.

  “So, while we have a moment alone, I don’t want to pry, and you can tell me to bug off, but everything’s good with you two, you know… I mean, you’d have come to me if you needed to talk about anything personal, right? You can talk to any one of us. I hope you know that,” Marty encouraged.

  Ah. She meant sex and Vinnie’s virginity. The big elephant in the room.

  Oliver had respected that aspect of her life like no one before him. She’d confessed the humiliating secret of her almost first time to him, and how it had shamed her enough not to want to try again. Coupled with her social anxieties and her fears, the actual thought had become almost bigger than her.

  But with patience and understanding on Oliver’s part, and some awkward moments when she’d halted things due to her anxiety, even though it left poor Oliver wanting more, they’d worked it out by talking to each other. And when the actual time arrived, it had been filled with love and tenderness, and those emotions only grew with each intimate moment they shared. And they’d shared plenty since—plenty that she often smiled about secretly to herself at the most inopportune times.

  “I do know I can come to you. But everything on that front is really great. Really great.”

  She squeezed Vinnie’s arm and smiled warmly. “Oh, and hey,” Marty said with a nudge and a wink. “I see your biggest fan talked you into hanging your stuff up?” She pointed to the wall above Oliver’s desk, where Brenda the cat sat in her favorite spot, right in the middle of everything.

  Oliver had indeed talked her into hanging her paintings in his den, a space he’d deemed the place he liked to spend the most time, cuddling and watching TV with her. So why wouldn’t he surr
ound himself with pictures painted by his favorite girl in the world?

  There was an entire wall above his desk devoted to Vinnie’s art. All of Oliver’s favorites, in fact. She’d had them framed and gave them to Oliver for his birthday, and every time she came over to binge watch one show or another with him, her heart swooned at the idea he’d hung them.

  Vinnie smiled, secretly pleased. “Oh, by the way, I have a little bit of news on the painting front.”

  Marty grinned as she set the box down and handed the baby off to Vinnie so she could begin to unpack. “Do tell.”

  Vinnie pressed her cheek to the baby’s and inhaled, loving the scent of her rosy skin. “I submitted some of my work to a couple of comic book publishers—small places, mind you. I didn’t go all Marvel/DC or anything.”

  Marty rolled her eyes and giggled. “Whatever that means. If it’s not foundation and lip gloss, I don’t understand. But keep talkin’. I like what I’m hearing, kiddo.”

  “Anyway, I heard back this week, and a place in Texas is interested in my art. The money’s not huge, but they loved my work.”

  “Shut the front door!” Nina yelped from behind her, giving her shoulder a nudge with the flat of her palm. “Way to rock a dream, kid.”

  “Oh, Vinnie, I’m so proud of you,” Wanda said with a warm smile. She took hold of the baby’s fist, kissing it, and said, “And so is little Olivia, aren’t you? Tell Auntie Vinnie how proud you are!”

  Olivia giggled and nestled her soft head into Vinnie’s neck. In honor of what Oliver had done to save this precious life Vinnie and Oliver had grown to love, Wanda and Heath had decided there was no other name for their little girl than a take on Oliver’s.

  When they’d had Olivia christened, they’d of course invited Vinnie and Oliver and, at the big party afterward, where they met almost everyone the women of OOPS had helped over the years, Wanda and Heath announced the baby’s name. And for the first time since she’d met him, Oliver choked up.