I continued, “Yeah, it is over. This one dude confronted his girlfriend because he was cheating on him with somebody named Rosemary. So the owner shut it down because she didn’t want him to come back and do something crazy.”
Eli put his hands in his pockets, looking shocked and asked, “Damn, are you serious?” “I am dead-ass serious. You look shocked. What? You knew him or something?” I said, trying to be funny. “Aww, so you are going to go there,” he said, smiling. I didn’t say anything. I just smiled back at him.
He got out his phone and asked, “May I have your number, please? If so, Ms. Breana, will you put it in my phone?” I put my hand on my hip and tapped my foot and said, “I’ll think about it.”
Eli put his phone back in his pocket and said, “Okay, I’ll respect that.” I laughed. “Look at you! I was kidding. But I liked how you respect my decision.”
“I try not to overstep my boundaries,” he replied. I didn’t say anything. He broke a couple seconds’ silence. “If you don’t mind me asking, where are you going?” he asked. “I don’t mind you asking. I am going home so I can rest,” I answered. “Are you hungry?” Eli asked. “I ate here,” I replied. “Okay, well. Can I call you tonight?” he asked. “Sure, if you like. That is fine with me.” I answered.
Eli walked me to my car and said, “Breana, I had a rough day, and you just don’t know you made my day. Thank you.” I smiled and told him, “Eli, you’re more than welcome.”
As I drove home, I was feeling good. Eli just doesn’t know he made my day too.
9
Chapter nine
Brian been texting me every day from some unknown
number. Every time I blocked each number he managed to call from another unknown number. I am so proud of myself! I normally would have given in and called Brian or answered his calls. Maybe this is a sign that I am getting over him. Who am I kidding? I’ve had a distraction. Eli and I talked every single day. He asked me out a couple times but I am not ready because I am still in the healing process.
I am enjoying my peace and getting a lot done without being distracted with all of Brian’s many problems that he dumped on me and left me to figure out.
Summer yelled loudly, “Breana, you have company! Do you want me to send her up?”
I yelled, “Who is it?”
“Confident Chloe!” Summer yelled.
“Yes, she can come up. Thank you!” I yelled.
Knock. Knock. (on the door)
“Anyone home?” Chloe asked, smiling as she waited for me to say come in.
“You silly, girl. Come in,” I said as I was cleaning off my bed.
“Bree, I’ve never seen your bed clean. You are either cleaning it off or stuff is still on it. We just sit on stacks of paper and at times books, pens, thumbtacks stick us on the ass, or we get attacked by all the papers on your bed and get a paper cut,” Chloe said as she sat on a stack of papers.
“Well, since you are used to it and making yourself comfortable there’s no need for me to clean off the bed,” I said as I sat across the bed with it being half cleared off.
“What’s been up your ass?” Chloe asked as she looked at her sky-blue nails.
“What you mean? I’ve been chilling, taking it easy and getting a lot of work done. I am loving it. No pressure. I am not responsible for anyone but me,” I said as I picked up a sheet of paper I’d been looking for, for the longest time.
“Umm, okay,” Chloe said as she rolled her eyes and put a piece of gum in her mouth.
She started to chew her gum, “I don’t appreciate you putting me on pause. I’ve called you a couple of times and you never called back. Needless to say, I’ve texted you too.”
I was looking confused and told her, “Girl, stop. I talked to you the other day. You filled me in on Darius and how he played the victim because you told him you are not going to have sex with him.”
Chloe popped her gum, put it back in her mouth and said, “Okay. Go on.”
“You told me over and over again Brian was asking you about me. You caught me up on ol’ girl Shay’s baby daddy drama and come to find out Marcus is the daddy. Must I go on?” I asked.
“Yes,” Chloe said as she took off her shoes.
“What? Girl, bye. I am not going to tell you what you already told me. You must not remember,” I said as I looked at my phone.
“I remember. I just wanted to make sure you were listening since you’ve been in your own little world. Lately, you been all about Bree and you haven’t checked on me once. I know you and Brian are going through stuff, but dang, you can call and check on your girl. Or have you been too busy to even think of anyone but yourself?” She asked with an attitude.
I paused and said to myself, oh no she didn’t. This is the shit I’ve been trying to stay away from.
“Chloe, you are right. I’ve made my life all about me. At the beginning and end of the day, nobody but me knows what I am going through inside and out. I am trying to stay positive and focus on all the stuff I need to do and give myself some me time. I deserve that. When we texted each other, I asked you how you were doing. You never answered. I asked you again and you read it but didn’t say anything. I assumed you were fine or upset with me. If you are upset with me, I don’t know why because I didn’t say or do anything for you to be upset about.”
She tried to talk, but I talked over her and said, “No, let me finish. I feel like when I need a little time to myself everyone thinks it’s a crime or some shit. I wish people would for once understand where I am coming from or at least give a shit about how I feel. I am going through a lot of shit with Brian, I haven’t gotten a letter from the school I want to attend. I am working my ass off with school, working, homecoming stuff, and trying to make everyone happy. With that being said, who asks Bree how she’s doing? Nobody. Instead, everybody wants to complain and say, Bree, you haven’t done this or that. You haven’t answered my calls or text messages. Bree, you didn’t ask me how I am doing. Well, excuse the fuck out of me. I wish someone, shit, just anybody, would ask Bree how the fuck I am doing? I guess that’s too much to ask. I am tired of being everybody’s keeper.” I paused and yelled, “I am not Perfect Breana! I am human and I have feelings too!”
I paused, pursed my lips, blinked my eyes, walked to the door and said, “You know what? I do not have time for this shit today. Chloe, with all due respect, please leave. You can be pissed off or whatever. Right about now, I really don’t give a shit.”
Chloe jumped off the bed and said, “I think it’s fucked up that you are taking your shit out on me. It’s all good though.”
She put up the peace sign and she walked down the steps.
I sat on my bed and laid my head on my pillow. I felt a touch on my back. “Bree, are you okay?” Summer asked softly.
“Summer, I am okay. Thanks for asking. Everybody wants too much from me. I am only one person. If everybody could have their way; they would clone me. I wish they would and the real me would be able to breathe for once,” I said as my pillow was wet because of my tears.
“I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but I was standing outside the door. I heard everything. What happened with you and Brian?” Summer asked, as if she was innocent.
I smiled and said, “You weren’t trying to be nosy, but you were standing outside the door. That was your choice to stand outside the door. Girl, it is sealed, stamped and approved that you are the Secretary of State. You know everyone’s business.”
Summer continued to rub my back as she said, “I’m glad you are smiling.”
“You’re trying to be slick and trying to get off the subject. I am smiling, you’re acting like you are so innocent. One day, you are going to hear something you’re not supposed to hear,” I said as I hugged my pillow.
“If I didn’t know anything else, I know you let Chloe have it,” Summer remarked.
“I don’t think I was wrong. I am tired of always being everyone’s hero. People think I should stop everything I am doin
g to console them. I am tired of it. I just want a break from everything and everybody. Summer, you are the only one who asks me how I am doing. I appreciate it.” I told her as I hugged her with one hand.
Summer took off her shoes and said, “Bree, you are more than my big sister, you are my best friend. I love you so much. I know you have a lot on your plate. I think you should take a break too.”
I got up and hugged Summer as I squeezed her tightly with my eyes closed, I said, “I love you too, baby sister.”
A familiar voice asked, “Can I get in on the hug too?”
I opened my eyes and it was Chloe.
“I want some sisterly love too,” Chloe said as she hugged Summer and me.
“I apologize, Bree. I was too hard on you. I know you are going through a lot. Will you accept my apology?” she asked as she almost squeezed the life out of me.
“You know, my girl, and yes, I accept your apology,” I said as I hugged her back with one arm as I continued to hug Summer with the other.
“I am going to let you two be,” Summer said.
I smirked. “Yeah, right.”
“I am for real, my favorite shows come on back-to-back so you all are lucky!” Summer said as she walked backwards out of the room.
“Bree, Really. I am so sorry.” Chloe said as she reached to hug me again.
“Chloe, I apologize if you felt like I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I just needed some time to myself,” I said.
“Girl, I wasn’t going through anything. You were right, we talked. I guess just not as long as I wanted too, but you did make time for me. I should have been calling you asking you how you were doing, but I understand we all need our space,” Chloe said as she chewed the hell out of her gum.
“I appreciate it,” I said as I moved a box into a corner. “How are you doing?” Chloe asked as she watched me move boxes around.
“I am good. You know Brian been blowing up my phone? I miss him though, but I am tired of his shit,” I said as I stacked the boxes on top of each other.
“Yeah, I hear you. He asked me about you. I told him he gotta talk to you because you are my girl. He told me to tell you he misses you and to answer his calls,” Chloe said as she took off her shoes and lay on the bed as if my bed was her bed.
I turned around before I stacked the last box, and replied, “Chloe, girl, he broke up with me three times in one day. You know he’s good for breaking up with me when he doesn’t get his way. Girl, I am just tired of his ass. As if I got to put up with that shit. I am too good for that. I know my worth, and honestly, when it comes to Brian, I settle for less. The sad part is I knew I was settling for less when I got involved with his ass. I don’t know why we girls know we’re settling for less, and accept it.”
Chloe was shaking her head as she focused on filing her nails and said, “Hell yeah, we know better. We either think we can change a dude or we settle because there aren’t any good boys out here. Either way, it is our fault because we know what we are getting ourselves into and do it any damn way.”
“Yeah, so true. After listening to Brian’s story about his mom and dad I really thought I could make him a better man, but girl, the only thing I’ve done is made him depend on me and treat me like shit. I feel like I was his mother, not his girlfriend.”
I paused and said, “Well, an ex-girlfriend once again. I don’t know how many times he’s broken up with me as long as we’ve been together. And my dumb ass takes his ass right back. This time, I am like, fuck it, because he knows that he can do what he wants and I will take him back. I’m drained and I am so sick of it.”
I walked over to look at myself in the mirror and said, “I love me too much to let a boy talk to me to any kind of way. We as women teach a man how to treat us by what we’re willing to accept. I love him, but I am so tired of all the straight-up bullshit.”
Chloe looked at me and said, “Bree, I hear you. Darius broke up with me today because I told him I am not ready to have sex for, I don’t know how many times, too. He flat out said…
Chloe’s eyes watered as she repeated herself, “He flat out said he didn’t want to have sex with my fat ass anyway.”
I turned around so fast my head was about to fall off my shoulders. “His ugly ass said what?”
Chloe was crying a river of tears. I walked over to give her a hug. I rocked Chloe in my arms as I said over and over again, “Let it all out. It’s going to be okay.”
Chloe continued crying as she asked me, “Bree, do you think it’s going to be okay?”
I reassured her as I rocked her in my arms, “I know it’s going to be okay.”
Summer opened the door, walking in the room with her arms wide open and said, “I apology for eavesdropping again, but Chloe, it’s going to be okay.”
Summer hugged Chloe and put her arm over me and said, “Remember, you are confident, Chloe, and you are tough as nails. Screw Darius, and I agree with Bree, he was ugly anyway. You should have told his ugly butt if you had sex with him you would have had to put a pillow over his face so you wouldn’t have to look at him.”
Chloe and I start laughing and said, “What?” at the same time.
Summer started laughing and answered, “Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to look at that ugly face while having sex. Ugh. I’m just saying.”
We all laughed because Summer is something else.
I looked at Summer with a curious face and said, “Hold up. Wait a minute. What do you know about sex?”
Summer looked at me as she put her hands on her hips and said with her sassy mouth, “Bree, you talked to me about it in elementary school, don’t you remember? Mommy and Daddy talked to me about the birds and the bees right before I started middle school. They said they wanted me to hear it from them first because they did not want me to hear it from anyone else. Mommy and Daddy talked to you and Luke about it too around my age. So, Bree, do not act surprised.”
I was thinking about when I talked to Summer. “Summer, I don’t remember,” I said.
“Sure, you do, Bree. Remember we had a picnic at the park? You brought a blanket with some snacks. Remember?” she asked.
“Ohhh, yeah, I remember! That was about two years ago,” I said.
Summer looked at me with her mouth open. “Duh, Bree. I tell ya, sometimes you are not the brightest—but I will give you another pass.”
As Summer settled herself comfortably in my room she said, “I told Mommy and Daddy I do not understand why people call it the birds and the bees. Clearly, that is not how sex happens. My take on the birds and the bees is—the bees are the boys because they are drones. They mate with the female bees and leave them alone to take care of the mess they made together. Drones are good for nothing—they do not produce pollen. They cannot do anything but make a mess. They are powerless because they do not have a stinger. They are just for nothing. The drones stay in the hive during the summer and the female workers and queen bee kick them out during the cold seasons. They kick them out because they do not participate in gathering food or making honey. We as girls need to have the mentality of a female bee. We have to know our worth. We must keep in mind we are soon to be young ladies and women and that we hold the power. We hold the key because we are powerful. What we say goes.”
Chloe said, “Summer, girl, you better preach!”
Summer looked at Chloe and said, “Wait. You interrupted me. I am not finished. Girls are birds too We all know birds lay eggs, but I’m speaking hypothetically because the guy has gotten her pregnant, that is when the girl bird has to provide for their child or children. Such as nesting, finding them a home, providing food for their child. As the saying goes, the early bird catches the worm. From what I see all the time, birds are always protecting their young as well and taking on all the responsibility in caring for their babies. We as girls need to take note from the worker bees and the queen bee. We have to believe and know that we are in charge and it’s our call.”
Summer paused for a mi
nute and continued, “The other day, I played chess at recess with this boy name Kale. He looked at me with a straight face and said, “The king piece can move anywhere he likes on the board. He’s the man.” I told him, “That is true, but like always “the man” is powerless because the queen protects the king. Shouldn’t the king protect the queen?” I told him to keep in mind guys are good for moving around here and there and always bragging, but the queen is the most powerful piece on the board—and the most powerful in the world. Man cannot dare do what a woman can do. He then said I wasn’t any fun to play chess with. I told him, “See, a typical man. Leaves with he wants to and cannot handle the truth.”
I looked at Summer and gave her a high five, saying, “Girl, knowledge, wisdom, and power!” As Summer took her hands off her hips she said with a confident voice, “As Breana always says, (Summer looked directly me) we as girls do not need to apologize for our flaws. Instead, we are unapologetic for our flaws and all!”
Summer winked her eye, took a bow and said, “Ladies, that’s all I have to say.”
I looked at Chloe and bumped up against her. “Girl, you dodged a bullet.”
I smiled at my sister and said, “So, Ms. Know-It-All.”
As I was sitting on the bed Summer jumped on me, kissed me on the cheek, hugged all over me and said, “I am proud and honored to have you as my big sister. You are not the smartest at all times, but Bree, I never ever forgot when you talked to me about sex for the first time. I will never forget when you told me I should know my worth. I will never ever forget when you said that I should always be unapologetic for my flaws and all. I listen to you, Bree. I thank you for always taking time to listen and be here for me.”
I hugged Summer so tight and told her, “You’re welcome, Love Bug!”
Love Bug has always been my nickname for Summer. When she was little, she always loved and hugged up on me; and she still does it until this day. That is why I call her Love Bug.
Unapologetic for My Flaws and All Page 11