Unapologetic for My Flaws and All

by Charlena E. Jackson

  ***

  Midterms are tomorrow! I cannot believe how much time has passed by. I am ready and I know that I am going to execute them! It’s funny how I was taking classes back-to-back on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and got the hang of them all. When I was taking a midterm for each class. I literally walked right in and right back out. They were a breeze. In between my breaks, I met up with T’eo to have lunch. He was worried about two of his exams. I told him he is too blessed to be stressed. Let it go and it will work itself out. I am working with T’eo on letting things be when he has put his best foot forward and to have faith that the Great Divine has taken care of the rest. He’s doing better, but he has more work to do. T’eo has been working with me about not always having a schedule for everything. He tells me to go with the flow. Honestly, I am working on it, but it is hard because I wonder how people get things done without a schedule or plan. I admit I am a work in progress. I looked at the time and said, “It is time for my next final.” T’eo said, “You got this, babe! Knock it out!” I kissed him on the cheek, rubbed his hair for luck and said, “Thanks! Don’t you worry about your exams because I know you blew them out of the water!” I bit a piece off his sandwich and made my way through the crowded cafeteria.

  ***

  I learned that waiting until the last minute to buy a prom dress is a huge no-no! I didn’t think finding a prom dress would be so difficult. I guess people take prom more seriously than I thought. My mother, Summer, Chloe and I walked into (it felt like) thousands of stores and tried on millions of dresses but nothing cut it. I was very frustrated. I looked at Chloe and said, “It’s not that serious. I can find something in my closet.” Chloe touched my forehead as she asked, “Are you feeling okay?” I playfully slapped her hand away and said, “What? Girl, I am fine. I don’t think finding a dress is a big deal. This is such a waste of valuable time.” My mother said, “Bree, no it isn’t. Prom is a special moment in your life.” As I was struggling to take off one of the dresses that didn’t fit, I said, “Really? Walking in and out of stores trying on one dress after another for one night to impress people who you see every day—and really don’t care about? I don’t think that is special. Graduation is a special moment because your hard work has paid off and you are moving on in life to conquer your next journey.”

  As I stepped out of the dress, I continued, “Some of the students who are going to prom aren’t even graduating. I don’t see how they can enjoy themselves on prom night as opposed to the day that really counts. And that day is graduation.” Summer walked out of the dressing room wearing an ugly orange glittered different color beaded gown. She rolled her eyes and said as she looked in the mirror, “Ugh. Bree. Give us a break. Gosh, you’re really spoiling the moment. Go shopping in your closet then, that way we all can be doing something else.” I looked at Summer, as I was about to say something, but my mother said, “Come on, you two, stop it. We are going to find the right dress, and no, Breana you are not going shopping in your closet.” Chloe laughed and said, “Sometimes I am glad I am an only child.” Summer looked at Chloe as she put her hand on her hip and said, “Oh really? You are glad you’re an only child? I can’t tell. It seems like my parents have adopted you because you be at our house day in and day out.” We all laughed and said, ‘True.” We were cutting it close. However, I lucked out because in the last week of March my mother, Summer, and Chloe helped me find the perfect dress.

  ***

  Today I took Summer to her soccer camp. As Summer ran out the door with her soccer gear on, she was talking to someone. I walked outside, and it was T’eo. I smiled and asked, “What are you doing here?” He was about to speak, but Summer said, “I invited him to come to soccer camp with us.” I told her, “That’s the best idea you’ve had all day!”

  When we arrived at Summer’s camp, T’eo and I walked into the building (since the camp was indoors), and there were so many children bouncing balls everywhere. T’eo warmed Summer up before the training started. One of the coaches walked by and ask T’eo if he wanted to help with the camp. He agreed because he is really good at soccer. T’eo and Summer are always in the backyard, kicking the ball around and learning new tricks. The same coach walked over to me and said, “If you don’t mind, will you sit on the bench with the other parents, guardians, etc.?” I was kind of offended. Summer and T’eo started to laugh. I said, “Coach, I can help out as well.” The coach replied, “No thanks. I have all the help I need.” Summer laughed, “Coach knows you cannot play, that’s why he said no.” I was like okay, well. Whatever. It was pretty cool seeing Summer and T’eo playing together. I said to myself, I can get used to this.

  After camp, we all went to Fresh 2 Order to get something to eat. I ordered a tofu and veggie entrée. Summer and T’eo ordered the grilled salmon entrée. We all sat down, ate in silence until Summer said, “T’eo, I am so glad Bree didn’t mess up a good thing with you.” I was about to choke on my food as I tried to speak. I asked, “Summer, how do you know what a good thing is?” She looked at me, took another bite of her food and she said, “I know what a good thing is because I see it every day.” I cut up my tofu and said, “Really, you see it every day? Where?” Summer cleared her throat and said with confidence, “I see it at home.” Summer sipped some of her drink. T’eo started laughing. I said, “T’eo, please do not entertain her today.” He continued to laugh. I rolled my eyes and said, “Ugh. Give me a break.” Summer finished her juice and said, “Bree, it’s important to know where I know about a good thing… but I’d rather talk about the word, who.” I paused and said in a dry tone, “Who, Summer? Who?” Summer tilted her head to the side and paused. Then she slid out of her seat and said, “I am going to get a refill.” She walked backwards and said, “Well, before I do that, let me give you something, or I should say, some people, to think about.” She formed a quotation mark with her fingers and said, “Mommy and Daddy. That is how I know what a good thing is. Mommy and Daddy show us every single day. The love they have for each other is what I want. The love they have for each other is what you have sitting right beside you.” Summer looked at her cup as she tried to sip the last bit of juice out and said, “Think about that while I refill my drink.”

  ***

  It was chilly outside. You would think in April it would be warm. The sun is out, but the temperature is still in the high 50’s and low 60’s. For the past couple of years, the weather does what it wants to do. That is why I keep clothes in my car for all seasons. Chloe, T’eo and I went to Home Depot to buy some organic seeds and dirt to start growing our garden.

  As we walked around, T’eo said, “Wait a minute. I’ve noticed in the past month and a half you’ve taken my style.” I was focused on finding an almond tree and said, “What do you mean, I stole your style? You have the worst style ever.” I looked at the price for the Aloe Vera plant I passed and continued, “Well... you look cute when you dress casual. Other than that, your style is horrible.” T’eo smiled and said, “Oh really? My style is horrible, huh?” As I kept looking for the almond tree I said, “Yep, and you know it too.” T’eo laughed, “Well… if my style is horrible that means you are now a horrible dresser too. All of a sudden you wear my sweat pants, and my shirts, I might add.” I turned around, looked at him and said, “Oh, whatever. I’ll let you have that one.” T’eo asked, “Is that so?” I replied, “Yep.” He said, “Well, why all of a sudden you don’t wear shoes? Huh?”

  I was talking to him as I walked along a different aisle and said, “I wear shoes, you silly man.” T’eo laughed, “Oh, I’m a silly man now?” I laughed but didn’t say anything. Then he said, “You’re wearing your silly man’s flip flops too. I had so many pairs of flip-flops and all of a sudden I have to fumble around to find a pair that matches because the rest of them are at your house.” I laughed. He asked, “How did they get over there?” I laughed again, “When I visit you, I want to be comfy, so I borrow your flip flops.” He laughed so har
d and said, “Yeah, I know because all of your tennis shoes, boots and dress shoes are at my house.”

  I walked over to the aisle he was on, walked up to him, kissed him and asked, “Are you complaining, or do you like it?” He put his arms around my shoulder and said, “No, I don’t like it. I love it!”

  Chloe said, “Lovebirds, please.” I smiled at her and hugged on to T’eo arms and kissed him on the cheek as we continue to look for the things we needed.

  ***

  Just when I was getting my life back on track, I forgot that today is the first day for Dr. Wright’s trial. Before we got the car, there were people standing outside the courtroom with signs, yelling and screaming, Justice for Women! There were some people who were wearing Breana the Brave: Unapologetic for my Flaws and All t-shirts, long sleeves and tank tops.

  As I stepped out of the car, people started to clap and scream my name. I heard someone say, “Breana the Brave is fearless!” The crowd shouted my name. I didn’t know whether to wave or not. My lawyer walked in front of me. I kept my head straight as I said to myself, Breana, you got this. My mother asked me if I was nervous. I told her no, I am ready to get this over with. My daddy held my hand and said, “I know you are.” T’eo was walking behind my parents and me. Chloe and Summer were holding hands as we walked in the courtroom.

  As I put one foot in front of the other, I looked left and there were so many women waving at me with half-smiles of hurt. There were some who nodded their heads as if they were saying to themselves, we all are in this together. I saw Dr. Gilbert, Dr. Robinson, and the President of Brubaker State University.

  I looked over to my left, and Dr. Wright was sitting at the table, wearing a black suit. He looked as though he had been beaten up; you could tell they tried to cover the bruises with makeup. I didn’t feel bad for him if he got his ass beat in jail, he deserved it. For what he had done to us girls, that ass-beating wasn’t enough. My facial expression began to turn sour. I tried not to be filled with rage, but looking at his disgusting face made me want to beat the shit out of him too. My brother touched my shoulder and said, “Bree. Do not look that way.” I turned my head and looked straight ahead.

  We’ve been the courtroom for hours. There were so many women who testified against Dr. Wright. He sexually assaulted and harassed so many women for years before I was even born. There were only twenty-one counts but to my surprise, it turned out to be sixty-six women and thirteen men. It should have been more, but some of his victims were deceased, therefore, they couldn’t speak for themselves. Dr. Wright should be ashamed of himself. He started victimizing people when he was in his twenties.

  One woman took the stand, she had to be in her early thirties. She told the jury, Dr. Wright (who was Mr. Wright at that time) followed her into the ladies’ room. She explained it was a single restroom. He walked in after her and locked the door. He put his hands over her mouth, ripped off her clothes and raped her. She said she screamed but nobody heard her. He threatened her and said if she said a word, he was going to tell her husband that she cheated on him, and he’d have his way with her (at the time) sixteen-year-old daughter. Therefore, she never said a word.

  I took the stand on the final day of the trial, which was the sixth day. His lawyer asked me to point to the person who touched me in a sexual way. I looked Dr. Wright in the eyes without blinking and pointed to him. His lawyer asked me my age. I told him I turned eighteen years old on the first of December, 2018. He asked me if I was in college or high school. I said, “I attend Jackson-Miles High school. I participate in the dual-enrollment program at my high school and attend college at Brubaker State University.”

  His lawyer paused, took a breath and said firmly, “Okay… Okay…” twice. He then put his right hand on his face. His thumb was under his chin and his index finger was resting on his cheekbone as he asked, “Would you consider yourself to be an independent young lady?” I replied, “Yes.” He smiled as if he’d caught me in the act, or as if he’d just won the case, as he said slowly, “Oh, an independent and grown woman.” I stayed calm and said, “Pardon me?” He repeated himself and said, “You are an independent, grown woman.” I asked him, “Are you asking me or telling me?” He didn’t answer, he said to the jury, “She is legal and…” I cut him off and said angrily, “Legal? What does that have to do with anything? I didn’t give Dr. Wright permission to touch me. None of us women or men gave him permission!”

  His lawyer tried to talk over me. The judge said, “Counselor, let the young lady talk. I want to hear what she has to say.” I gratefully said, “Thank you, Your Honor.” I then looked at Dr. Wright’s lawyer and said in a firm tone, “Legal? What does age have to do with this? You are a lawyer and I am more than sure you have common sense. With all due respect, which you are lacking right now. But my age doesn’t have anything to do with what Dr. Wright did to me or to any of us. I don’t care if we were sixteen or ninety-nine—we were touched by Dr. Wright in the most distasteful way possible. He disrespected us on so many levels. Our age shouldn’t matter. I am not going to apologize for my age. I am not going to apologize for my sex. I am not going to apologize for my race. The women and men who were sexually assaulted and harassed shouldn’t apologize either. If we chose to be bisexual, gay or homosexual or whatever, we shouldn’t apologize. Everyone matters! What Dr. Wright did to all of us is not acceptable, not on my watch and not on any given day that The Great Divines bless us with. I will make a fight for justice; and justice will be served. Dr. Wright does not need to be in a psychiatric ward. He’s not crazy, he knew better and he knew exactly what he was doing. He needs to suffer in prison for the rest of his life. He shouldn’t be given any mercy or grace. He should sit in prison and think about his disgusting ways.”

  I looked at the jury and said, “Look at Dr. Wright. If he touched your babies, your loved one, how would you feel? You wouldn’t think about their age. You would think about the hurt, scars and pain your loved one endured. You would think about the stress and depression it caused. You would think about how Dr. Wright took away their innocence. You all would think about how hard it is for your loved one to trust and love again. You would think about the burden your loved one had to carry over the course of the years or decades. You would think about the precious time Dr. Wright took away from your loved ones their happy, well-lived and joyful lives. Would you want justice to be served? Do the right thing.”

  I looked at the judge and said, “Thank you for letting me speak my piece.” He looked at me and said, “You’re welcome.” I looked at Dr. Wright’s lawyer and said, “Do you have any more questions?” He said, “No.” I looked at my lawyer and he said, “I do not have any questions.” I stood up, dusted off my shirt and stepped off the stand with poise, strength, and confidence.

  The judge said, “Ms. Breana Anderson,” I turned around and answered, “Yes, Your Honor.” He said, “You said you attend Brubaker State University and Jackson-Miles High school, correct?” I replied, “Correct.” He asked me what was my major. I replied, “Biology and Pre-med.” He said, “It’s no surprise that you are a smart, determined, fearless young lady.” He cracked a quick smile and said, “If you don’t mind my advice, I think you should go to law school. We need someone with such fight, drive and fearless attitude in our system.” I cracked a smile back and said, “I will think about it. Thank you.”

  There were others who took the stand after me. Their stories made me sick to my stomach. As time passed, we patiently waited for a verdict in the courtroom. As they asked us to stand for the judge’s return, in my mind I was ready to celebrate. As the jury handed over the paper, the judge read over it. I was trying to read his facial expression but his expression was plain and straightforward. He said, “Dr. Wright, please stand.” He continued, “I think the jury showed you a lot of mercy.” My heart dropped as I said to myself really quickly, No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. My left leg began to shake even faster than I was saying n
o. I sat back as far as I could and squeezed my daddy’s hand tightly. I looked over at Dr. Wright. He looked relieved, and his eyes had a certain kind of peace, as if he was going to hear he was acquitted of all charges. His lawyer was nervous, but he looked like he was thinking the sentence would be cut in half.

  As I sat there waiting, I relaxed my body, silently cleared my chakras and asked the Great Divine for justice to be served. I let go of my daddy’s hand because I knew the Great Divine wasn’t going to let me down. I took a deep breath. The judge said, “Dr. Wright, you are charged with 43 counts of statutory rape, 36 counts of attempted rape, 79 counts of sexual assault and 79 counts of sexual harassment. In all, you will serve 43 years in prison.” I did the math in my head, he would be released when he was 107 years old. The judge continued and said, “You will have to serve all 43 years. You will not be eligible for patrol.” I looked over at Dr. Wright. The judge asked him if he had anything to say. Dr. Wright said, “No sir.” The judge then asked, “Dr. Wright, do you understand your sentence?” Dr. Wright said, “Yes sir, I do.” The judge said, “Great, now take him out of here.”

  I was happy, but my daddy said, “I agree with the judge, they showed him mercy.” I looked at him and replied, “Maybe, but at least he will not walk away without being held accountable for his actions. He will be released when he’s 107 years old. I am fine with that. He will not touch or hurt anyone else.” I thanked the Great Divine for the grace and mercy that was shed for myself and others. T’eo hugged me and said, “Breana the Brave.” My lawyer said, “It is done!” I hugged him and said, “Thank you!” Attorney Davis said, “You did the work, I need to cut you half of the check.” I laughed and said, “If I did the work, they need to deposit the entire check in my account!” We had a good laugh. I hugged my mother, brother, sister, Chloe and T’eo. As I walked out of the courthouse, there were so many people coming up to me, shaking my hand and screaming my name. I pumped my fist and screamed, “We did it! We are not apologizing for who we are. We accept our flaws and all. Justice was served!”