Unapologetic for My Flaws and All

by Charlena E. Jackson

  As I walked to my seat, I picked up the program and couldn’t believe my eyes—my name was in written in black italic letters on a fancy cream background with the title of my degree: (Brenna E. Anderson, Associate of Science). After everyone said what they needed to say, it was time for the graduates to stand. The girl in front me tripped badly as she was going up the steps. I was afraid that might happen to me—that’s why I wore flip flops with a gown that wasn’t too long or too short—it was perfect!

  My name was called by a chubby lady who had a deep strong firm voice, “Breana Anderson.” She paused and added, “As we call her at BSU, Breana the Brave!” The crowd was screaming my name saying, “Breana the Brave!” There were some people screaming, “Breana the Brave, we love you!” I smiled. It took a while for the crowd to stop yelling my name. There were so many people standing up and giving me a round of applause. I was very emotional. I smiled and cried at the same time. I tried to hold in my tears again, but they ran down my face.

  I walked up the steps, gave her a handshake and said, “Thank you.” She caught me off-guard when she gave me a hug and said, “You’re welcome! …and no, we all thank you. You made us, as women around campus, speak up and be unapologetic for our flaws and all. We thank you so much.” I nodded my head and smiled. I walked a little further along the stage, reached to shake everyone’s hand, and towards the end, I put my hand out to shake the President of BSU’s hand. He too gave me a hug and said, “Congratulations, Breana Anderson. You are going to change the world!” I smiled and said, “Thank you, sir.” He handed me my diploma cover. I looked at my family as I turned my tassel! I walked down the stairs and took my graduation picture. As I walked back to my chair, people were still calling my name. I smiled and waved in the humblest way possible. I laid my eyes on Summer and blew her a kiss.

  After the ceremony, I took a couple of pictures with my professors and family. Mrs. Morgan squeezed into a couple of pictures! My family, extended family and I went to one of our favorite restaurants, Tacos and Tequilas. We talked over dinner and had a grand time! There were so many of us we took up an entire whole section. Chloe and Luke were so adorable. I cannot believe they are a couple but they are perfect for each other. T’eo and I were playing with each other’s hands under the table. After dinner was over, I asked my parents if it was okay if I left with T’eo. They agreed and told me to be home before midnight. T’eo and I went to the park. We laid out a blanket as we enjoyed the city lights and stars. It was breathtaking as we gazed at the sky and talked about our future.

  ***

  I finally stayed in the house for a couple days and I still was living in a surreal life! Luke, Chloe, T’eo and I had a double date. We all went to Atlanta Botanical Gardens. It was so beautiful! I love nature. As I walked hand and hand with T’eo, I closed my eyes and cleared my chakras as the breeze tickled my nose and massaged my toes. At the Cascades, the water falling from the hand of the Earth Goddess felt so peaceful. I’d left my hair hanging down my back, and T’eo enjoyed pulling it behind my ears as he kissed my lips. I looked over at Luke and Chloe – they were hugged all up on each other in their lovey-dovey moment. I took a couple of pictures without them knowing. We all walked across the bridge. It was so romantic because it seemed that the birds knew we all were in love; they were singing us a lullaby and blessing us on our path.

  After we left the Botanical Gardens, we took a stroll in the park for a little while. Then we all rented bikes and rode around the park. T’eo and I rented our own bike. Luke and Chloe shared a bike. Chloe was acting so silly as they went down the hill; her arms and legs were stretched out as if she was going on a roller coaster ride. Sadly, Luke lost his balance and they both fell off the bike. T’eo and I asked if they were okay. Chloe lay on the ground, rolled over as she was being overdramatic, and answered, “Yes, we are fine.” I couldn’t hold in my laughter anymore. We all had a good laugh as they both dusted themselves off. I reached for Chloe’s hand to help her up as she said, “It’s not funny, Bree.” I couldn’t stop laughing, “What do you mean, it’s not funny? I can’t believe you Luke wanted to share a bike anyway.” I was laughing so hard my stomach was hurting as I continued, “Then your ass wanted to act like you were at Six Flags over Georgia on the Goliath!” I couldn’t help myself as I continued laughing, “Then your ass wanted to stop, drop and roll as if you were trying to get away from a house fire.” I was laughing so hard tears started rolling down my face and I said, “Oh lordy, I can’t.” Chloe stood there, looking at me with a straight face as she told me, “I hope you laugh so hard that you pee on yourself.” I laughed even harder. “Don’t get mad at me because your ass was literally bouncing off a bike!” Chloe couldn’t help but laugh. We hugged onto each other and laughed so hard as we fell on the ground together. Luke and T’eo were standing over us, shaking their heads. They didn’t get it!

  It was fun, and such a lovely day to spend with my boyfriend, brother, and best friend. After biking, we all sat near the pond and fed the ducks. Later, we sat on our private swing as we watched the sunset change the outline of the sky. We had so much fun together. I think we will double date more often!

  Chloe Google Duo’d me early in the morning saying, “Hello, Prom Queen, Newly Grad twice, and Ms. Valedictorian at Jackson-Miles High!” I rubbed my eyes and said in a groggy tone, “I haven’t even got up or brushed my teeth, Ms. 2019 Graduate of Jackson-Miles High.” Chloe answered, “We are Class of 2019! Wow, we are about to graduate high school today. We are not kids anymore.” Her voice changed as if she was nervous as she asked, “What are we going to do?” I smiled, “Yang, we are going to live life.” I closed my eyes for a short second, “We will not ever be alone, because we will always have each other.” Chloe said sadly, “Yeah, but you are leaving. You haven’t told anyone what school you are going too.” I stretched and said, “Nope, nobody knows. Only the school that I accepted their invite and scholarships.” Chloe said, “Every school you applied to, you received a full ride.” I said, “Maybe, but I am only one person and I can only attend one school. I will announce it later. What school did you decide on?” Chloe replied, “Brubaker State University, because they have a full academic scholarship. Oh, and I want to say, thank you so much for helping me apply for the scholarships. I have just enough money to live on campus and receive a refund check!” I said, “Cool! Look at you! I am so excited for you! No problem, Yang, that is what sisters are for! Did you know BSU has the best all-around for medicine, psychology, psychiatry, economics, and law?” Chloe sounded sad, “That could be very well true, but Luke is going back to Markie Orr State University and you are going who knows where. So, it can’t be the best all-around since the best aren’t staying.” I told her, “Chloe, take a chill pill. You worry too much! Be excited that you got a full ride and you are truly blessed! Are you on your way so we can get ready together?” Chloe sounded sad as she said, “I am leaving the house in five minutes.” I said, “Okay. T’eo is calling me. See you in a few.”

  I smiled as I answered the phone saying, “Hey, my honey bun!” He laughed, “I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” I asked, “Whatever? Are you sure?” He laughed and said, “Okay, maybe not whatever.” I giggled, “That’s what I thought.” T’eo asked, “Are you getting ready?” I rolled over on my bed and said, “Not yet. I’m about too.” He asked, “Do you have your speech down pat?” I replied, “Nope. I gave the principal something, but I am going to speak from my heart.” T’eo said, “Ohhh, you’re going to get in trouble.” I balled up my pillow and laid on it and responded, “Ugh. I doubt it.” T’eo said, “Well, I’m on my way, and I’ll let you get ready.” I blew him a kiss through the phone. He said, “I caught it and put it on my heart.” He blew me one too and I told him, “I caught it and put it on my lips.”

  ***

  I got myself ready for graduation. I put on some slacks, a t-shirt and some flip-flops. My mother’s face looked disgusted as she asked, “Are you
wearing that?” I said, “Yep! I want to be comfortable.” Chloe laughed, “Well at least I am not the only one.” Chloe had on joggers and a PINK t-shirt with some flats. Summer said, “Eww, Chloe, you are so tacky.” Chloe retorted, “Thanks, Summer. I love the compliment.” Chloe’s mother said in a funny way, “Our girls! Gotta love em!” T’eo walked in the door and said, “You all should be ready by now.” We laughed. I told him, “We are ready. This is what we are wearing.” T’eo laughed, “You’ve been hanging around me too long. I see I am a bad influence on your style.” Summer walked between us and said, “Yeah, pretty much.” We took tons of pictures! Chloe’s mother was dressed up like she was going to church. She was excited because she’s graduating from medical school tomorrow. Luke was dressed up like always, my parents were too, and we headed on our way.

  ***

  All the lovebirds rode with Luke. Summer rode with my parents. T’eo and Chloe kept talking about fall semester. I rolled my eyes, “Come on, you two, enjoy the moment. Fall semester hasn’t started yet. T’eo keeps saying he is going to miss me, and Chloe agrees.” I looked at Luke because he was not hearing the end of it either. Chloe was talking about how she hopes their long-distance relationship works. T’eo commented on Chloe’s concerns; they are both rocking the same boat. Luke and I were trying to get off the subject by asking what they want to do after graduation. They kept talking and going on and on and on nonstop about how they are going to cope by having a long-distance relationship.

  Thank God, we pulled up, and goodness, parking was crazy! Finding a parking space took forever. Chloe and I had to run to make the line. We made sure we were looking our best. Basically, we were each other’s mirror since we hadn’t had time to freshen up. She fixed my hair and I fixed hers. I fixed her cap and made sure her purple gown was on straight since we were running for dear life to make it, and she did the same. Since we weren’t partners or sitting together, we hugged each other and said, “Okay Yin and Yang, let’s do it.” We both shed a few tears, wiped them off each other, and off we went.

  I walked down the aisle first. I looked over at my family so they could get a good picture. As I was standing near my chair I waited to see if I could see Chloe. She was walking proudly, with confidence and strength! “Chloe!” I yelled excitedly. She looked over at her mother first, then Luke, then she started grinning as she looked at me.

  All of the higher authorities, principal superintendent and everyone else said their speeches, and it was my turn, the valedictorian, to walk up to the podium to speak. I straightened my gown and with each step I took, I was filled with happiness, joy, and peace. I adjusted the mic, cleared my throat and said, “Congratulations, Class of 2019! First and foremost, I would like to thank the administration at Jackson-Miles High for giving me the opportunity to stand before you all today. When I was younger, and up until this day, I would ask myself, am I happy? Believe it or not, I asked myself the same question the other day. I would either make up an excuse to make myself feel better or the answer would be a flat out no because I had a lot of work to do. I had to work on me and let go of what didn’t serve me.

  Breana, are you happy? Yes, I am. I am free because I learned how to love me. Breana. I love myself during my toughest and hardest trials. I am proud of myself because I didn’t give up. I loved myself through the roughest seasons because the roughness helped me create a thicker skin. There were some seasons when it was brutally dark, cutthroat and cold, but I loved myself enough to shed a little light of warmth. My pride was cut down in size, my heartache, and my mind was an emotional wreck. I needed to experience that to notice my core. I needed the heartache to heal me from the inside out. I was happy that the emotional rollercoaster finally wrecked because then I started to rebuild myself from the foundation up. I let other people’s words have power over me; however, I used their words to sharpen my sword. When they threw their negative energy my way, they never took me down, because their words were empty—better yet, I used that energy to fuel my fire. I had a choice to listen to it and let it eat me alive—instead, I never gave them the satisfaction to fill their ego, therefore, I let them starve because I refused to give them a drop of water to drink or bread crumbs to eat. Life was waiting for me to start living for me.

  However, my journey started when I started to love me. There were some seasons that were too hot. I was uncomfortable because my classes got the best of me, but I had to ask myself, Breana how badly do you want it? I wasn’t sure, because I faced so much. I didn’t know where I fitted in or where I wanted to be. I was lost because I had to find out who I was. Who is Breana Elizabeth Anderson? Honestly, I didn’t know. However, I was on a mission to find out.

  Most days it was difficult. There were seasons when I had to find a way to embrace me for who I was; and who or what people wanted me to be. That is when I said, Breana, you have to do more than survive. You’re working hard to live… And you are working hard to live for you and nobody else.

  I transformed my words, my mind, my inner ability, because my roots run deep, deep in my core. I had to buckle up, stay conscious, and keep my eyes on the prize. Failure wasn’t an option for me, because I didn’t allow failure to exist in a negative way. Once upon a time I was afraid and feared failure; until I made failure a close friend. I rose from what I thought had failed because failure made me realize my wrongs so that I could make them right. Failure made me realize if I wanted it bad enough to not be afraid to get up and start over again. Failure became one of my closest friends because it gave me that extra push; it put fire in my eyes and it gave me great strength to execute my goals.

  I worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices because that was a choice I made. It was my best choice thus far in life, and one that I wouldn’t ever regret. With hard work, dedication, sacrifices, and concentration, I graduated from college before high school and earned an Associate of Science degree. (Everybody applauded!).

  I was challenged in the most disrespectful way, but I wasn’t going to let fear keep me quiet. I wasn’t afraid to take a stand and if it took making me taller for people to hear my voice, well I’ll be darned, I took it up a notch and stood on my tippy toes. I’m standing on my tippy toes as I speak—does everyone see me now? (The crowd started cheering and saying, Breana, we see you!).

  I am a warrior, and Class of 2019, you all are warriors too. We are the future and we have to make our marks. We have to make everything we put our mind to, to count. Know your hard work isn’t in vain, have a plan, execute it and make it happen. Don’t be afraid to stand on your toes to be heard or seen. Don’t be afraid to make sacrifices—remember—easy come, easy go. Through the madness and chaos, never give up! Never give in! Count every step and count every single step as joy, because when all is said and done, you are victorious. I love you, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy, for being my rock. Thank you, Mother, for being my strength. Mommy, I love you dearly. Summer, baby sister, you are my joy and thank you for always keeping it real—I love you to the moon and back. Luke, my older brother, thank you for being the role model that I needed. I look up to you. You are the best brother on the planet—my love for you is out of the universe. Chloe, my bestie, my Yang, my girl, we’ve been through some of everything together since elementary school. We’ve had our ups and downs. Good and bad. Happiness, sadness, laughter, and joy! We are sisters from another mother. You are the Yang to my Yin, and I love you so much! Say it with me, Class of 2019! You cannot shake my core! I am victorious!”

  They yelled, “I am victorious!”

  I said, “Say it one more time and mean it, “You cannot shake my core! I am victorious!”

  They said it, loud and proud “You cannot shake my core! I am victorious!” They said it over and over again until the superintendent came to the mic and asked us to stand.

  I heard people calling me “Breana the Brave” and I waved my hand and smiled as I walked down the stage to my seat. Taking a seat wasn’t an option because the lin
e started to move. I got behind the third person and waited on my name to be called. As the superintendent called my name “Breana Anderson” I heard roars from the audience. Some people were saying, “We are victorious.” Some were saying, “Breana the Brave” Class of 2019 were saying, “You cannot shake my core! I am victorious!” I pumped my first and said, “You cannot shake my core! I am victorious!” The superintendent announced, “Breana Anderson has over $300k in scholarships and has been accepted to over thirty universities. As she mentioned, she holds an Associate of Science degree and maintained a 4.0 average in high school and college.” I was very emotional because I had worked so hard for this day. It finally came. It’s finally here. Hard work pays off. As other people’s names were called, Chloe’s name finally was called. I screamed, “My Yang! Get it, girl!” The superintendent said, “Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, you will be truly missed. I love your confident ways, sweet child. You are going far in life. Chloe has a full ride to Brubaker’s State University!” She hugged Chloe and said, “Make us proud!” I screamed again, “Chloe! I love you! I know you are going to make us proud!”

  We weren’t supposed to change seats, but I asked the girl beside me, since they are not going to keep track of our names anymore, if she would switch seats with Chloe because I wanted to throw my cap in the air with her. She agreed. I texted Chloe and told her to come up here and switch places. As they said, “Class of 2019, turn your tassels around,” Chloe and I looked at each other and turned each other’s tassel. As they said, “You are officially graduates of 2019,” Chloe and I looked at each other and threw our caps in the air, caught them, hugged each other tightly and said, “We did it together!” This is a memory I will always cherish and never forget!