Loved You Once

by Claudia Burgoa

  “Do you always have to be this cruel?” Blaire asks. “Is this the only way you can feel satisfaction, by wounding others?”

  “Tell me I’m wrong, Blaire,” he almost screams. “Are you staying to play house with the Doc? Even his mother left. Look at us, the Aldridges are cursed.”

  “My relationship with Hayes is not up for discussion. No, I’m not staying with him to play house. We’re working together to forge a future because we once had a meaningful connection. I’m giving myself a chance to know Hayes and fall for him all over again.”

  “You’re just setting up yourself to failure,” he tells her bitterly.

  Blaire walks to him and gives him a hug. “It’s okay, Henry. He left, and you were never able to tell him how you felt about him or how it felt to be abandoned by him. However, Hayes isn’t your dad, and he’s not your enemy either.”

  Henry stays frigid under her embrace for a couple of minutes, before stepping away and leaving the room. Blaire looks at me and says, “Go after him.”

  “What about us?”

  “As long as there’s still fear in your heart, I don’t think there can be an us, can there?” she answers.

  “Blaire, I…”

  “You got upset because he hit a nerve. Me. You’re still afraid that I’ll leave you. Hell, you already left me once for that very reason. Is this time any different?”

  I stare at her, dumbfounded by her question. “It … of course it is.”

  “The answer came a second too late. You don’t trust me—or yourself. Fix yourself from the inside out. I’m not the answer to your midlife crisis, Hayes. I can’t be. God knows I love you, even after all the years and all the pain, but before we can be an us … you need to start with yourself. I’ll stay with you in spite of your flaws, but I need you to confront your fears.”

  “Blaire…”

  “Go have a long talk with Henry. You have to learn to get along and be brothers. He lost his dad. He feels like he doesn’t have any family left.”

  I stare at her because what am I supposed to say?

  “Prove him wrong,” she says with a smile. “He thinks he can push all of us away because we don’t care. I think we need to show him he’s wrong. He’ll hate that more than anything.”

  “Have I mentioned I love that you can be good and yet pretty evil?”

  “A few times.”

  “I see you’re still predictable,” I say, when I find him on the roof of The Lodge.

  “Grandma hated when we came here,” he reminds me, taking a swig from a bottle of wine. He didn’t bother to bring glasses.

  “We were usually drinking or smoking pot and were caught by the sheriff. Of course, she hated it. She had to pay money to everyone who knew that we were bad so the Aldridge name would stay clean.” I chuckle.

  He laughs and hands me one of the bottles of wine he brought with him. “I stole them from the restaurant.”

  “Dad barely visited us,” I say out loud and then tell him the story of what happened just before the Beacon fiasco came to light.

  “I was almost okay with the way things were in our family because he wasn’t any different from my friends’ fathers. I lived in a boarding school since I was eight for fuck’s sake,” he says. “Then, I met you guys and … your mothers actually gave a shit. Mine was too busy running a company, charities. I didn’t want your dad. I wanted your families.”

  “You had us.”

  “Did I? Because I haven’t heard from you in years.”

  “You never reached out when my brother died.”

  “My brother died, too, Hayes.”

  It’s true, our brother died. Carter was always mine, but he became theirs. My little brother was the glue. Mom used to say he had one of those personalities that everyone loved. He was the life of the party. Losing him hurt, and it was easier to push everyone away rather than having to face the same pain if anything like that happened to these guys.

  “Blaire is not going to stay,” I confirm. “No matter what I do, she’s getting out of this town when we meet the stipulations of the will.”

  “You’re already giving up?” He punches me on the arm. “You’re so fucking lucky. No one has ever seen me the way she sees you. Let alone love. Every fucking woman—or girl when I was younger—just looked at me as their ticket to popularity or to a lavish life. I am, Henry Lloyd Merkel Aldridge.”

  I look at him, and I finally understand what happened with my parents. Dad didn’t follow Mom. He dropped her in Baltimore to do her thing, and he moved to New York to start a new life. He never cared enough to be a part of anyone’s life, just lived in the moment. Blaire isn’t just a moment in time; she’s a lifetime. My stardust is everywhere, and like a star, I can follow her no matter where she is. This time, I have to be smart. I can’t lose her.

  “No, I’m going to pack and ask her where we’re going next,” I say. “Sorry for … being just like William, I guess. He couldn’t hold onto a relationship. Not even to a blood relative, could he?”

  He takes a swig of wine and stares at the horizon.

  “Blaire says that I have to grieve.” I fill the silence. “What is it that I’m supposed to grieve? The man I wish he had been or the guy who gave me life?”

  “Fuck if I know,” he answers with anger, “You at least have Cassandra.”

  “I’m lucky to have her, and she loves you guys, too, in case you ever want to reach out to her,” I mention. “Listen, I know you don’t believe me when I say we can do this. It’s hard to trust someone when you’ve been alone for so long, but for the few good times that we shared, please have faith in me. Help me get through these eighteen months.”

  “You fail me, and I swear I’ll get Vance to finish you,” he jokes. “I miss this. We didn’t do it often, but you were my only friend. I thought you had my back, but then you were gone, too.”

  My chest constricts because he’s right. We did have a lot in common back in the day. Even when I had Carter, Henry understood me more because he was older.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeat. “No matter what happens, I won’t leave you again. We’re a family. I’m not sure what that will look like, but I’ll make sure it includes Christmas and all that shit.”

  We continue drinking and talking. I feel like I have one brother on board, but fuck, there are still four more, and I don’t know how to reach out to them. Henry and I understood each other because we were the oldest. Pierce sometimes played along. The other four … Carter was our link to the age gap. Now, it’s not that big, but I feel like the gap is the size of the Grand Canyon.

  Thirty

  Blaire

  I spend the next two weeks working on the house, approving fixtures, appliances, and buying furniture. When I have a chance, Sophia and I go to the bookstore. Jane Heywood, the owner, knows everyone and everything we need to know, and she’s discreet. She introduces us to the festival committee and the mayor; and she even invites us to her book club.

  The festivals happen almost every weekend and the out of town vendors can register to participate a year in advance. We have a list of the events, and the organizers are more than happy that The Lodge and the Aldridge family will be participating in the festivities.

  “Isn’t it weird that the founders of the town aren’t a part of it?” I ask Sophia, as we sit in the conference room, trying to see how we can fit the ice cream and chocolates into the festival.

  She hired a marketing team to help rebrand the products, and we convinced the bakery to carry a few pints of ice cream.

  “It’s just as ridiculous as not having an ice cream shop,” she quips and looks at me seriously. “Why do I feel like Henry dumped the factory’s responsibilities on us?”

  “Because he did,” I confirm. “I would complain if I wasn’t having so much fun. Are you going to visit us after today?”

  We’re all leaving Baker’s Creek as soon as Hayes and Henry finish their meetings with the factory’s manager.

  “I like you, and I�
��m sure the rest of the brothers are lovely, but I am Henry-free for eighteen months,” she says with so much excitement I want to hug and congratulate her. “You can call me. I might have to check on the factory a few times. However, I’ll stay away as much as possible.”

  “If we’re lucky, maybe he’ll meet some innocent soul in this town, and the bitterness goes away,” I joke.

  She laughs. “As long as I don’t have to clean his mess, he can date the entire town.”

  I don’t have time to ask what that means because Hayes and Henry enter the conference room.

  “We’re set,” Hayes says. “Ready to go?”

  “Honestly, I was expecting you to tell me we were staying another week,” I answer, closing my new laptop.

  Hayes got it for me when Henry told me that he needed me to stay a few more days—two weeks ago. He keeps prolonging our stay because there are too many problems he needs to fix. Since Easton Rodin couldn’t fit the renovation of the restaurants in his schedule anytime soon, he brought in some of the people who’ve worked for him in the past. He’s hoping that we’ll be able to open at least the main restaurant in just a couple of weeks.

  During this time, I’ve been able to work with Tori too. We have a few candidates I want to interview for the next project. We also were able to add a few amenities to the orphanage we’re building in Brazil.

  Going home is important, since I only have two weeks to hire new doctors. Once we open the practice, I’ll be dedicating most of my time to it. Hayes signed the papers and transferred the money yesterday. Dr. Garrison won’t hand it over until we move in so the locals can have healthcare. Not that I think opening twice a week for only a few hours helps the town, but I kept my thoughts to myself while we finished the transaction.

  “Here.” Hayes gives a paper bag from the bakery to Sophia. “Paige, the owner of My Cookie Jar brought you this, since you’re leaving.”

  “I’m going to miss my daily pastry,” she whines.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll send you a care package every week,” I promise.

  Henry looks at his watch and says, “We need to go. The jets should be ready to take off when we arrive at the airport. If we take any longer, they’re going to charge us extra.”

  Thirty-One

  Blaire

  “We’re going in separate cars, aren’t we?” I ask Henry because all the cars he had shipped from home are two-seaters.

  “No, I’m giving you a ride to Portland, Princess,” he says, looking at me with a guarded expression.

  I jingle the keys of the rental. “No, I have a car waiting for me.”

  Henry rolls his eyes and wiggles his fingers. “Hand them over,” he orders. “I’ll have one of the new guys drive it back to Portland. Your plane leaves in a couple of hours. It’s easier to fly you.”

  “What are you? The Flash?” I cock an eyebrow and cross my arms.

  Hayes explains, “Henry is flying us in his helicopter. Let’s move, or we won’t make it on time.”

  “So, this is how I die,” I joke. “Angry brothers push me out of the helicopter in mid-air.”

  “You’re ridiculous,” Hayes declares, but there’s a smile playing on the edge of his lips, and impulsively, I kiss him.

  “Stop the PDA,” Henry orders.

  “What’s the matter? Human contact gives you hives,” I mock him.

  “No, it’s just you two.” Henry states, glancing at us and then walking away.

  “I might sound crazy, but I’m going to miss this place,” Sophia states, as we walk toward the helipad that sits on the back of the hotel property.

  “We should get this repaired, maybe build a shed for a helicopter,” Hayes says.

  “Add it to the things we need to do,” Henry requests. “Vance could be in charge of the security and maintenance of the factory and lodge.”

  I’m tempted to ask if they’ve heard from their brothers. We all need to be here in two weeks, and I don’t see anyone but Henry, Hayes, and Pierce working their asses off to make this happen. Sophia might be Henry’s assistant, but she’s doing a lot more for the town than she should be doing.

  “We’ll talk to him once we settled in the house.”

  “How’s that project going?” Henry inquires.

  “The kitchen and bathrooms are almost ready. I think Easton is going to finish by next week,” I answer. “The furniture doesn’t start coming in until next weekend, but if anything arrives before the house is ready, they’re going to store it in the garage.”

  “You can’t possibly think that the furniture is going to be right next to my cars,” Henry complains.

  “It’s not your garage,” Hayes protests. “We all agreed that we can’t have more than five cars each.”

  He gives me conspiratorial look because I already promised to give him my five spots.

  “Then we have to ask Easton to expand the garage,” Henry protests.

  “And so it starts,” I complain. “The quest to show who has the best toys.”

  “And the bigger dick,” Sophia adds, and we both laugh. Both men give us an unamused glare.

  The flight is uneventful. When we arrive at the airport, Sophia and I say our goodbyes. I’m going to miss her a lot, but we promise to text every day and Facetime as often as work allows her to do it.

  “Listen,” I say, as we board the jet, “not to sound ungrateful, but … this is a jet. I was already counting my spare change to pay you for the plane ticket, but now what am I supposed to do?”

  “You can always pay me in kind.” Hayes winks and throws that sexy smirk that shows off his kissable dimples.

  “You’re impossible,” I say, standing close to him, unable to move to my seat.

  He caresses my face with the back of his hand, warmth shimmering from his touch. I shiver, aware of the seductiveness of that simple touch. I push myself onto my tiptoes and my lips touch his. He takes my mouth and kisses me deeply until the captain announces that we’re ready for takeoff and we have to take our seats.

  “I could’ve called a Lyft or an Uber,” I say, as Hayes drives us through the already crowded streets of San Francisco.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks. “I thought we were past awkwardness, and we trusted each other.”

  “We do, but I know you have things to do. You’re selling the shares of your practice and you have to meet with your partners.”

  “That’s tomorrow,” he reminds me. “Unless the deal falls through.”

  “Do you think that’ll happen?”

  “Nah, it’s going to be fine. That means I have some free time to be with you. I wish you’d stay with me.” He suggested that earlier when we were landing.

  “We’re going to get sick of each other before we even have to move in together,” I say. “Really, I appreciate the ride, but I feel like I’m taking advantage of you”

  “I can think of many ways you can thank me for … today,” he says flirtatiously as he parks the car.

  I squirm under his smoldering gaze. I’m only seconds away from unbuttoning his pants and either taking him in my mouth or climbing him and…

  Rushing, I take off my seatbelt and jump out of the car. This isn’t happening here, in a car, in the middle of the day.

  “Where’s the fire?” he asks.

  “I just don’t want to take any more of your time,” I say, trying to sound cool, but I’m pretty sure I’m failing.

  “Lead the way,” he says, carrying my stuff.

  “Just hand it over, I’ll take it from here,” I say.

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  Nope, I’m losing my self-control, and if Tori is home, I won’t be able to push you down on my bed and...

  “You can just leave me here,” I insist, walking to the front door and inputting the code. We head up the stairs, and I unlock the door to my apartment and look at him. “Really, you don’t want to go inside.”

  “Unless you have a dead body inside, I don’t see any reason to send me on my way,�
� he says, giving me a suspicious look. “Everything okay, Blaire?”

  I exhale in a whoosh and send a quick prayer, please don’t be home, Tori. “I’m fine, let’s go into the unknown. Just be aware that my roommate doesn’t believe in housekeeping.”

  “How long have you lived here?”

  “Six or seven years,” I explain, checking the tray where Tori sets my mail. There’s just junk mail, so I place it on the ‘to shred’ bin, which is overflowing.

  “This is a nice area,” he says. “How did you get it? I tried to buy an apartment around here, and it was impossible.”

  “Tori’s family owns the building. She was already living here when she started working with me. Six months after I hired her, I lost my studio,” I explain.

  “How can you lose your studio?”

  “Funny that you ask. Apparently, when you forget to pay the rent, because you’re out of the country, landlords don’t give a shit, and they kick you out,” I explain, a little embarrassed. “If I say I was young and stupid, does that count?”

  “I guess at twenty-five I did do a lot of stupid things,” he agrees. “Forgetting to pay the rent wasn’t one of them, though.”

  “Well, I was in a remote area of Mongolia, and there was no wi-fi.” I give him a shrug. “My phone back then was still the flip phone my parents gave me. There’s no data on that thing.”

  His eyes watch me with humor, and I’m glad he’s not laughing at me.

  “Let me put my things in my room,” I say, and he follows me, carrying them.

  When I open the door, I gasp and can’t help but yell, “Oh fucking hell!” I jump back after I close the door again and grab my phone.

  Hayes frowns, opens the door, and enters. His jaw twitches when he asks, “Boyfriend?”

  “Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”

  “There’s a man in my bed,” I tell the operator. “A naked man sprawled in my bed.”

  “Were you drunk last night, ma’am?”