My Two Husbands: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Amanda Aksel

  After a few moments of playful silence, our waiter comes back to take our orders. I take Kyle up on his recommendation and order the crab cakes.

  “Why did Jake call you Quinn?” Kyle asks.

  My cheeks flush. “I dunno. It is my last name.” Is it wrong that I don’t want to tell him about our accidental run in earlier today, if only to spare him the cold, hard truth that his friend is kind of a jerk?

  “Huh,” Kyle utters. “So where were we? Oh, right. Connecticut. That seems like a good place to raise a family. Are your parents still there?”

  Raise a family? My parents? This is not a good sign. “I’m sure it is. And yes, they are.”

  “You ever think about going back?”

  I shake my head. “Never. I’m not interested in things like raising a family.”

  “Really?” He sounds surprised.

  “Half of my friends back home are married and saddled with kids already. That’s not the kind of life I want.” He needs to know that about me now. “What about you?”

  “I’d like to get married and have a family. But not anytime soon.”

  I smile. “Good.”

  In the course of fifteen minutes, he learns that I love tabletop board games, and I learn that he loves to take out his father’s boat. He rattles off his dream boat specs while my gaze wanders over to Jake’s table. Sonia’s stiletto sits sideways on the ground as her toe runs up his pant leg. Jake’s brown eyes shift my way for a moment like he knows I’m watching. I bet he’s thinking his date is going much better than ours.

  I’ll show him.

  I slip one of my pumps off my feet and find the cottony fabric of Kyle’s sock with my toe. “So Kyle, you ever take a woman out on this boat . . . alone?” My foot slides up his calf, and his little curly leg hairs stand on edge.

  Kyle smirks. “No, would you like to be the first?”

  “Absolutely.” I swear, successfully propositioning a man for sex is like shooting fish in a barrel. He rubs his hand up my leg for a moment, and I’m so thankful that I had time to shave.

  I glance back at Jake who’s now sitting next to Sonia instead of across from her, nibbling her neck like she’s wearing a candy necklace. His devilish eyes roll up to meet mine. I clench my jaw and scoot my chair next to Kyle.

  He looks pleased. “Whatcha doin’?”

  I lean in. “Nothing. I just thought we could get to know each other better this way.”

  “I like the way you think.” Kyle gazes into my eyes the same way he did at the bar last week—good guy with a hint of trouble.

  Meanwhile, the real troublemaker’s eyes are burning into my skin. My gaze subtly wanders his way. Jake stares at me with his hand glued to Sonia’s ass. Ugh, Kyle and I are going to have way better sex than them tonight.

  I purse my lips at Jake and then stroke Kyle’s hair. My oblivious date locks eyes with me, and I pull him in, laying a very deep and sexy kiss on his lips. Mmm! To my pleasant surprise, Kyle’s a pretty good kisser.

  Moments later, our lips unlock. “What was that for?” he asks.

  To show up your friend and let you know I’m serious about boat sex. “Sorry, it’s just ever since we met I’ve wanted to kiss you.”

  He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’ve wanted to kiss you too.” Pulling me close, Kyle tickles my lips with his. He dives in, kissing me even better than before. Now I know dessert is going to be tasty. As we break apart, I wipe the edges of my mouth, cleaning any smudged lipstick.

  Kyle clears his throat and adjusts himself beneath the table. And just as I think I’ve got him pegged, he looks up and coos. “Aw, look at the little baby.”

  Huh? I turn around, spotting a nice couple in their thirties. The woman is dressed in a pretty blue dress carrying an infant wearing a white and navy boating outfit. “Cute.”

  I glance over at Jake, and he smirks at me as if saying, “I told you so.” Can he hear our conversation? I can’t hear his. Not that those two have done a lot of talking since they got here.

  I absolutely freaking hate to admit this but . . . Jake was right. Kyle might be faking it for me, but he is 100 percent the commitment type. But I like him. Maybe he’ll change for me.

  I know, I know . . . because they always do, right?

  “Kyle?” another voice calls next to our table. This time it’s much more high pitched. A pretty brunette waitress looms over us.

  Kyle’s eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. “Christine? What are you doing here?”

  “What does it look like? I work here now.” The waitress, presumably Christine, scowls at me. “Are you . . . are you on a date?”

  “Yeah, um . . . this is Natalie.”

  I don’t know who this woman is, but she better not be his girlfriend. That is not okay with me.

  “I can’t believe you’re dating already! We’ve only been broken up for two weeks.” Hmm, maybe Jake was wrong and Kyle is the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.

  There’s a distinct shift in the room. Everyone is looking at our table. I’m just glad she’s his ex. Exes are a pain in the ass.

  And speaking of pains in the ass, Jake approaches the table. “Hey Christine, how you doin’?”

  Christine folds her arms and gives Jake a dirty look. “Ugh, of course you’re here. If you and Kyle love each other so freaking much maybe you two should be on a date.”

  I glance over at Sonia as she watches the scene. She catches my stare and gestures as if asking what the deal is. I shrug. And for the first time since she showed up, I feel a sense of solidarity with her.

  Jake snickers. “Christine, c’mon. Don’t make a scene. Everyone’s just trying to have a good time.”

  “Oh, sure. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” Christine jabs a finger into Jake’s chest. “Don’t think I don’t know that Kyle broke up with me because of you.”

  “Excuse me?” Jake says, holding his hands up.

  “Look, Christine, it’s complicated,” Kyle says, rising to his feet.

  “It’s not complicated. It’s bullshit! Just like you.” She grabs Kyle’s wine glass off the table and tosses it in the guys’ direction.

  Splash!

  With an exaggerated huff, Christine stomps off, leaving Kyle and Jake with cold pinot grigio dripping down their frowning faces.

  Okay, that’s it. I officially want nothing to do with these two. Clearly, they’re trouble. Kyle takes his napkin and wipes his face clean, then hands it over to his friend.

  Jake takes it. “What is she talking about you broke up with her because of me?”

  “I have no idea,” Kyle says. “I broke up with her because she’s crazy.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “I mean dramatic.” Slightly better, but I can’t blame him for the blanket description after that scene. “Natalie, I’m so sorry about this.”

  “It’s okay, but maybe we should go.”

  “Yeah, good idea.” Kyle throws a couple of twenties on the table, and I grab my purse. We say a quick farewell to Jake and hurry out of the restaurant, keeping an eye out for Miss Drama.

  “You want me to take you somewhere else?” he asks.

  “No, I think I’ve had enough excitement for tonight.”

  “Oh no, really?” Kyle takes my hand. “I was really enjoying our time together.”

  I sigh. “I was too, but I have to take a hint from the universe. I don’t think it wants us to be alone together.”

  “C’mon, that’s just a coincidence.”

  I stare at Kyle in the parking lot, wondering if I should give this another shot.

  What do they say?

  Third time’s a charm?

  At the same time, I’ve got this nagging feeling in my gut, and it’s not just because I’m still hungry.

  I take Kyle’s hand. “Look, you’re a really nice guy, but I can’t ignore the signs. This just isn’t meant to be.”

  “And what if it is? We’ll never know if we don’t try.”

  Try? I’ve been on half
a date with this guy, and he wants me to fight for him?

  No. I don’t think so.

  I shrug. “I’m sorry. Thanks for the wine.”

  He doesn’t seem deterred by my statement, and I almost wonder if he heard me. “You sure you don’t want me to take you somewhere else?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” I lean in and kiss his cheek. “Goodbye, Kyle.”

  EPISODE THREE

  E ver since Jake announced his meeting this morning, Kyle’s been acting a little strange. It’s like he thinks the dynamic has shifted and doesn’t know what to do. Frankly, it’s making me uncomfortable. So I keep filling my glass with bubbly spirits until my husband and I finish the entire bottle. What can I say, that Dom goes down pretty smooth. The alcohol not only makes me much more comfortable, but I’m feeling enamored with both of them—my two handsome husbands.

  My double chocolate cake arrives at the table. Apparently I’m the only one who left room for dessert—though I don’t know how after all that champagne. The guys are engaged in some conversation about football when I dive into my fluffy, warm treat. The velvety richness melts on my tongue and a rush surges through my body. It’s probably just a sugar rush, but it feels like heaven. “Mmm,” I moan and the guys shoot me strange looks. “You have to try this. It’s better than sex,” I manage to say, my tongue sticky with frosting.

  Kyle’s face turns pink, and he blinks a few times. “Natalie.”

  Uh-oh. I’ve offended him. “Sorry, honey, I didn’t mean that it’s better than sex with you. I just meant that this cake is orgasmic. You’re great in bed.” And that’s the truth.

  Jake roughly clears his throat.

  Oh shit.

  Now I’ve offended him too.

  “Sorry, Jake,” I start. “You’re also great in . . .” I trail off and stuff another bite of cake in my mouth if only to shut me up.

  Okay, note to self, no getting drunk around the husband and the ex.

  Jake cracks a smile and snickers. He already knows he’s great in bed. Amazing actually. Like, I almost want to pimp him out he’s so good. What is it about bad boys being good in bed?

  “You got some chocolate on your lip.” Jake leans in, holding his thumb up to my face when Kyle swiftly swipes the corner of my mouth with his cloth napkin.

  “I got it,” Kyle says and shoots Jake a look that says keep your hands off my wife. I gulp back a piece of cake. In retrospect, maybe this dinner wasn’t such a great idea. But it’s kinda funny. I mean, Kyle has nothing to worry about. He’s my chosen person, and Jake knows it. But Kyle’s death stare doesn’t back down.

  I’m sure under more sober circumstances I would diffuse the situation by changing the subject. But sobriety is about six hours away, so instead, I press my lips together and unsuccessfully stifle a laugh.

  Jake and Kyle whip their heads in my direction looking half surprised and half appalled.

  “You should see the looks on your faces.” Giggling, I slap my hand over my mouth.

  Kyle places the napkin on the table. “Okay, I think it’s time to get you out of here.”

  “But I haven’t finished my cake.”

  “I’ll get a box and meet you guys in the car,” Jake says, rising to his feet and pulling his wallet out from his back pocket.

  “Thanks, man.” Kyle ties his arm around my waist, and I lean on him as we walk out to the parking lot. “You doing okay?”

  “I’m doin’ just fine.” My speech is slurred worse than when I had a mouth full of frosting. “Can’t you tell?”

  He smiles and shakes his head. “Yeah, I think the whole restaurant could tell.”

  “Sorry if I embarrassed you with the cake sex thing.”

  “That’s okay. I know I’m better than a piece of cake.” Kyle’s finger runs softly over my shoulder shooting a shiver up my spine. “But just to be sure, we should go home and test it.” He leans in, kissing the crook of my neck and sliding his hands down my hips. A moment later, I find myself pressed against his car, feeling just how excited he is to get home.

  It’s been a while since we kissed like this outside of a restaurant. When we first got together, Kyle and I would go at it every chance we got. But after our wedding and with me working so hard to expand my business, our passion hasn’t exactly been a priority. I pull him closer, taking a fist full of his shirt, wanting to tear it off. Glad we still got it.

  Kyle opens the door to the backseat, and we climb inside. Then his hands begin climbing beneath my dress.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, giggling.

  He smiles and kisses me. “What? A man can’t sit in the backseat with his wife?”

  “Yes, but we’re not exactly sitting, and Jake’s going to be back any second,” I say, hushed.

  “All right. I’ll wait.” He sits back and adjusts the crotch of his pants just as there’s a knock on the window. He rolls it down.

  “What’s goin’ on?” Jake asks, holding a white takeout box.

  Kyle steals the box from him. “I’m pretty tipsy. Would you mind driving?”

  Jake glances at me, then back at Kyle. “Sure.” He makes his way to the front seat, and I hear the buckle of his seatbelt. Somehow, I’ve sobered up enough to keep my lips locked. And I’m not the only one playing the quiet game. The ride home is utterly silent. Not even the engine makes a sound. But that doesn’t stop Kyle from shooting me I can’t wait to take your clothes off looks.

  When we pull up to the house, Jake shuts off the engine and tosses the keys to Kyle in the backseat.

  “You guys have a good night.”

  “Night!” we call as he gets out of the car and slams the door shut.

  Once he’s disappeared around the back of the house, Kyle turns to me with a devilish look in his eyes. “Mmm, now we’re alone.” He throws off his seatbelt and dives in for a kiss.

  I push him off. “The neighbors might see. Let’s go inside.” Okay, I’m not as worried about the neighbors as I am about Jake coming back out to the driveway. Even though I don’t love him that way anymore, I would cringe catching him sleeping with someone else. And I’m sure he feels the same about me. The funny thing is, I don’t think he’s been with anyone else since we broke up. And if that’s true, I can’t even imagine the fiery passion he’d release onto the next woman. Whoever she is, I’m a little jealous. There’s nothing like standing in front of a man you’re dying to have and seeing that wild look in his eyes that says, “Your satisfaction is the only thing that matters . . . now and forever.” Jake did that so well, I used to think he invented that look.

  Kyle and I rush up the stairs to our bedroom. We’ve got the whole sexy time thing down. He lights the candles while I start the smooth R&B playlist. I turn down the sheets and toss the throw pillows off the bed while he ditches his socks. But tonight, we skip that ritual. My satisfaction seems to be the only thing that matters to him right now. He slams the door shut and presses me against it, his mouth locked on mine as he hoists me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I let out a moan with a slight giggle. Feels so good to be wanted this much.

  Kyle carries me to the bed, finding his way in the pitch-black room. The buzz from the champagne makes my skin tingle at his touch. Between his tongue and his hands, he’s got all the hot spots covered. In one quick motion, he tugs my dress and bra off my shoulders and slides the soft fabric down my body. I roll my head back into the bedding as his tongue flicks against my nipple.

  “I think you like it in the dark,” Kyle says in a low growl, followed by the scratch of his zipper.

  I push my thong down my hips and run the edge of my foot against his firm torso. “Mmhmm.” The thing about having sex in the dark is everything is a surprise because you can’t see it coming. And as he lies down on top of me, I can feel his full-size surprise coming for me. It’s like he’s bigger, stronger in the dark.

  The rush of him zooms over my body as he thrusts into me. His heavy breath tickles my ear, and I dig my teeth into his muscular shoulder. H
e grunts a moan. Hmm, I didn’t know he likes that. I’m not much of a biter, at least I’m not really a biter with Kyle. Jake and I left all kinds of sex marks on each other’s bodies.

  “Oh, I’m close,” I whisper feeling my body surrender to the drunken pleasure. He kisses me so hard, I struggle to breathe. A current of alcohol flows through my brain. The ecstasy of it all is too much. I have to let go.

  A wave explodes inside me, rippling throughout my entire being, and I let it out. “Oh, Jake!”

  Kyle’s hips freeze as if hitting the pause button on a movie. “What did you say?”

  “Huh?” I open my eyes, and even in the dark I can tell my husband has a very disturbed look on his face.

  “You just called me Jake.”

  My cheeks feel beet red, and I slap my hand over my mouth. Oh. No. I. Didn’t! “Seriously?”

  He pushes himself off of me, and I know the party’s over.

  T oday is closing day, which is the highlight of my week, especially after that date. I gotta say, it’s probably my favorite part of the entire real estate process. There’s nothing better than watching your client sign a gazillion forms and knowing that your paycheck isn’t far behind.

  Sloan, my client, marks her bubbly signature and initials on each page with bright blue ink. Her chunky bracelets knock against the desk with every swoop of her letters. She’s about my age, recently landed a marketing job at a vacation rental firm, and she’s purchasing a condo with a small down payment that she inherited when her grandfather passed away five months ago. A woman in her early-twenties that invests a sum like that instead of spending it on shoes and nights out at the club is freaking awesome in my book.

  Before the ink is even dry on the last page, they hand her the keys, and I snap a photo for my webpage.

  “So, what are you up to now?” she asks as I walk her out of the air-conditioned office. Her brightly colored dress swishes around her thighs. Wish I could pull off bold teal colors like she can.

  I shrug. “I’m gonna take this paperwork back to the office. You?”

  “I’m celebrating, duh! Why don’t you come? Meet me at my condo in say . . . an hour? We can drink margaritas!” Sloan sings the word margaritas.