A Lonely Harvest

by Perumal Murugan

  Sitting beside her, he gently turned her face towards him and kissed her on the lips. To let him know that she had not fully made peace with him yet, she pursed her lips tightly. He tried to use his lips to make her relent. He then used his teeth to draw her lips out. But she was not about to let go so easily. When she realized he was stronger, she used her hands to push his face away.

  ‘Why, dear?’ he said pleadingly.

  ‘You are sticking out your swollen tongue,’ she mumbled in response.

  He said, ‘You mean, like this?’ and stuck out his tongue and bit it down with his teeth. His eyes bulged, his face got twisted.

  ‘Ayyo!’ She shuddered and spread open her hands to cover his face completely.

  Trying to move her hands, he said, ‘Look here.’

  ‘I am scared. Don’t come near me. Go away,’ she said.

  He laughed and said, ‘Look here, don’t worry. I was just trying to scare you.’

  He would often act like a playful child. If he saw from a distance that Ponna was coming to the barnyard, he’d go and hide. Once, he climbed up and sat on the portia tree. She arrived at the barnyard, calling out, ‘Maama, Maama . . .’ but got no response. And she could not find him anywhere. ‘Where did he go?’ she muttered and looked for him everywhere in the barnyard. When she was passing by right under the tree, he shook the branch and jumped down, shouting. It terrified her, and she screamed. She then said to him, ‘We are familiar with ghosts in tamarind trees; you are a ghost in the portia tree.’ One night, when there was plenty of moonlight, she brought him food. A similar thing happened. She looked for him everywhere and then decided that he must have gone to fetch some palm toddy. It looked like all the day’s tasks at the barnyard had been completed properly. She went into the hut with the dish she was carrying. Then she felt something brush against her waist. She turned around quickly, but there was nothing there. She thought she must have imagined it and set down the dish. Now she clearly felt something poking her waist. She spun around, wondering if it was a snake or something worse. She found nothing, but was unnerved by the entire experience.

  The next time something brushed against her waist, she did not turn around, but only looked out of the corner of her eye. She saw a stick poking out of a woven basket and moving towards her. Having deduced what was happening, she calmly picked up the ladle that was nearby. Then moving swiftly, she pushed the basket and dealt several blows with the ladle, yelling, ‘It is a snake!’ Kali then shouted, bearing her blows, ‘No, dear one, no, no!’

  He was always playful like that. Once, when she was least expecting it, he came running towards her from behind the hut, his arms wide, and startled her with a highly demonstrative embrace. Yet another time, he sat hidden among the sheep and suddenly leapt up to surprise her. ‘Don’t do such things,’ she said angrily. ‘It scares me, especially when we are alone here.’ He replied, ‘Who else is going to come here? Not even a little insect can touch you without my permission, my dear.’

  Is that what was happening now? Was he playing with her now, teasing her with his tongue?

  She said to him, ‘You hung from the portia tree’s branch. Were you holding on to the branch with one hand?’

  ‘Hmm,’ he murmured. ‘Did it scare you?’

  ‘Of course it did,’ she said. ‘Who does things like that? My heart skipped a beat. There you were, with bulging eyeballs like a sheep’s!’

  ‘It is all a game.’

  ‘But such games can turn dangerous. Tell me you won’t do such things any more.’

  ‘I won’t. I won’t do anything you don’t approve of.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really. I swear on your life. All right, now show me your lips.’

  ‘Go away. You will bite them just the way you were biting your tongue.’

  ‘I won’t bite them. I just want to touch them.’

  Slowly, she parted her lips. He pressed his lips on hers.

  ‘Why is there blood on your teeth?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s nothing. It is all your imagination. Now be a good girl and close your eyes. My touch is the only thing you will feel. All right?’

  ‘You didn’t care about me all these days. Now suddenly here you are.’

  ‘I have been coming every day,’ he said, ‘but you never lifted your head and looked at me. I thought you were very angry, so I stood around for a while and left. But today you held the scales of the brinjal stalk fondly against you and called out to me. So I came.’ Picking up the brinjal stalks, he threw them aside, and placed his hand on her chest.

  ‘Go away!’ She smiled. ‘What have you come for now?’

  ‘I am going to give you the thing you want.’

  ‘Do you know what I want?’

  ‘I have been with you for twelve years. Don’t you think I know that much?’

  ‘Will you be with me in the future too?’

  ‘I am going to be with you.’

  He buried his face in her. Now he did not need his own space on the cot. Kali spent a long time with Ponna that night.

  When Seerayi woke up from her sleep, the lamp was out. ‘Kerosene’s over?’ she muttered. From inside the hut, she could hear Ponna turning over on the cot. ‘When will this girl get to sleep properly?’ she said to herself.

  Kali laughed. When Seerayi entered the hut to refill the kerosene lamp and to check on Ponna, he distracted her by blowing towards the portia tree and making the branch sway. And Seerayi walked out, saying, ‘Hey! Are you not finished with your meddling?’

  Ponna had no idea how long Kali stayed or precisely when he left.

  TWELVE

  Ponna slept on well past daybreak. There had been a sudden burst of rainfall at midnight. But it stopped before they could get up and move certain things indoors. Ponna had been aware of the rain. It was the kind of quick but heavy downpour that cools the heated earth. But she did not wake up, she did not see the rain, she just lay there shrivelled like a plantain leaf that had been cast aside after a feast. Vallayi was worried, seeing that even a single day’s labour had taken such a toll on Ponna. They had mixed the kambu meal from last night with water. There was some curd too. The two older women waited for Ponna to wake up so that they could make her eat some of the kambu and curd. Since she did not wake up for quite a while, they both went ahead and ate a little themselves.

  Outside, it did not look like it had rained at all. But they felt that it must have rained enough for one round of ploughing. The floor of the cattle shed alone was in some disarray thanks to the downpour. They cleaned that up and put things back in their places. The sun grew harsh, but Ponna was still sleeping. Worried and suspicious, Vallayi went closer to check on Ponna. She was breathing steadily. It must just be the exhaustion, nothing else. Right now, the barnyard looked just like it would have if Kali had been here. The fact was that Kali was not there. That was it. Once they stepped outside and looked at the field, they could feel his absence very evidently. Everyone else’s field was lush, while Kali’s looked like it was a casualty to a property dispute between kinsmen and had been left uncared for. Had he been alive, he would have planted things in the two irrigated square measures of land. He had been thinking of planting chilli pepper this year. Even when he planted them in only one section of the land, he had always made sure they grew lush and healthy. They would have enough to keep harvesting for five or six months.

  He would definitely have planted one square measure of ragi millets. In the rest of the land, he’d grow groundnuts and thuvarai lentils, and in the space between them he’d sow castor seeds. And bordering the groundnuts, he’d do a neat line of green grams. He would also grow kambu millets in a large plot, and maize in all the surrounding plots. This would give enough ragi and kambu to last the family over a year. There would be enough fodder for the cattle too. He’d keep the ragi stalks to feed the calves, and give the maize stalks to the bullocks. There was always fresh green grass for the milch cows. The fields were strewn with bitter orange and t
humbai shrubs. The cows grazed around them. If it continued to rain, they could even sow maize.

  Seerayi wondered if things would change for these fields only after the period of mourning was over and they had settled the matter of where and how Ponna was to live. Thinking along these lines, Seerayi resolved to take the cows to graze and to fetch some grass. Before setting out, she said to Vallayi, ‘How long can the two of us sit around looking at each other’s faces? If I go and get a bundle of grass, we can feed the milk cow. This is planting season. It is unbecoming for a farming woman like me to sit around doing nothing.’

  Vallayi engaged herself in washing the pots and pans. Then she fed the hens. She sat in the front yard and observed the commotion of the blackbirds. They had started building their nest. ‘Even if the older ones die, there are always new lives coming about,’ she thought. She sat watching this for a little while from the flat rock bench. Then she heard the nine o’clock work siren from Karattur. She really wanted to wake Ponna up. How could a peasant woman sleep so late?

  A peasant woman had to wake up at the first rooster’s crow and go about making food for the day: pounding kambu and ragi grains. Then she needed to churn buttermilk. By then, the day would have started dawning. She would then pour the watery leftovers for the men to eat. After that she would have to sweep and clean the front yard and the floor of the cattle shed. If the man was a good worker and was industrious, he would milk the cow. Otherwise, the woman would have to do that too. Some of the calves would be difficult to control: they’d leap and bound about, refusing to be tied down. There are men who don’t help even in such situations. If it happened to be the planting season, there was a lot more work to do. They would have to pack food and get to the fields before daybreak. Was there ever a single day when they did not have to toil? Their daily work lasted till well after it grew dark in the evening. After that, they might sleep well for the first part of the night. Then they’d be awake again.

  Vallayi felt that she had been unproductive these past two months. Back home, her daughter-in-law was now doing all the work by herself. ‘Well, let her also realize how useful it is to have another person’s help at times like these,’ Vallayi thought. It was planting season, so the farm labourers would come by to work in the fields. All the daughter-in-law had to do was take care of the domestic chores. Vallayi had come over here to make sure Ponna was not alone, but she had ended up staying on for quite a while now.

  Vallayi felt that all they did was cook, eat and just hang around doing not much else. Taking the cows out for grazing and then bringing them back later—that was not much work, was it? She thought she heard Ponna muttering in her sleep. Did she have a fever? Vallayi could try touching her daughter to check for signs of fever, but she didn’t want to wake her up in the bargain. Nonetheless, she stepped inside the hut to assess the situation closely.

  Ponna’s eyes were open. Like the eyes of a puppy that was opening its eyes to the world for the very first time, Ponna’s eyelashes were crusted and stuck together. ‘Amma,’ she said, feebly.

  Vallayi had not heard her say that in a long time. She rushed to Ponna’s side lovingly and said, ‘Ponna . . . what happened? Are you unwell? Do you have fever? You worked so hard yesterday, dear . . .’ She placed her hand on Ponna’s forehead, neck and arms to check for fever. But Ponna was fine.

  ‘Amma, please help me up,’ said Ponna. Vallayi lifted her up from the bed like she would a child. Ponna held her head in her hands and said, ‘I feel dizzy.’

  ‘You will feel fine after you eat a little. You are dehydrated. I will bring you something. You can drink it sitting right here on the cot, all right?’ said Vallayi.

  But Ponna said incoherently, ‘No, I need to rinse my mouth first.’

  ‘All right, walk holding on to me. You can rinse your mouth first and then drink something.’ Vallayi helped Ponna walk slowly away from the cot.

  Ponna found it hard to take even a single step. It felt like her feet weren’t pressing down on the ground at all. It was as if her mother’s shoulders were pulling her ahead. Ponna felt like laying her head down somewhere and leaning over something. She leant on her mother’s shoulder. Vallayi held her by the hand and helped her walk outside. Ponna couldn’t bear the harshness of the sun as soon as they stepped out. Her eyes were blinded for a few moments by the glare. She then turned to look at the portia tree. From here, she could see the entire expanse of the tree. Her mother made her sit down on the flat stone and went to fetch some water. But Ponna could not sit unsupported even for those few seconds, so she lay down on the stone. She was comforted by the warmth of the sun on her skin. She was unclear about what had happened the night before. It felt at once like a dream and a real occurrence. She ran her fingers across her chest. She could feel the scabs where the bristles on the brinjal stalks had grazed her skin. Her chest was swollen with the blood clots from these wounds. It was all his work. He wouldn’t leave her alone. Not until she too joined him. ‘If that’s what it takes to be with you, take me with you soon,’ she thought.

  Her mother helped her sit up on the stone and gave her the little pitcher of water. The water was warm. It must have warmed in the sun. Ponna lacked the strength even to hold the pitcher. Her mother held it in her hands and brought it to her lips. Ponna used all the water in the pitcher to rinse her mouth thoroughly. When a little water wet her throat, she felt an intense urge to throw up. She retched so forcefully that she thought she might vomit out her innards. Holding on to the end of her mother’s sari, she bent down and tried to throw up. Her mouth had pouted like the open beak of a little sparrow, but no matter how much she retched, she did not throw up. After much effort, just some saliva dribbled out. Her mother asked her to drink a little more water. But Ponna could not even close her mouth. She shook her head. Then she panted loudly. Since her mother insisted, Ponna sipped some water, but she could not take in even a mouthful. What little she drank she spat right out on her mother. She retched again as if she had a lot to vomit out. Soon she grew tired. Still keeping her mouth open and ready in case she needed to vomit, she embraced her mother in exhaustion.

  Vallayi lamented, ‘I don’t know what has happened to you. You were well yesterday. What will I do now? Your mother-in-law is not around to help in this time of need.’ As she looked about, she spotted the top of a bundle of grass over the fence by the alley. She called out, ‘Seerayi, come, quick! Look at Ponna. I don’t know why she is like this.’ Seerayi dropped the bundle right there and came running. She thought that Ponna had done something terrible to herself. So she came beating her chest and crying out loud, ‘Ayyo! You too have abandoned me and gone?’ People in the adjacent fields must have heard her. But once she entered the barnyard, Seerayi saw Ponna trying hard to vomit.

  She understood the situation right away. It was most definitely that. ‘Ponna!’ she gushed happily. ‘You have given me hope. I was worried that you were going to be alone. But god has given you a new life in your womb. My son has made sure he gave us a life before he took one away from us.’

  She came closer, placed her hand on Ponna’s head and then cracked her knuckles to ward off the evil eye. Ponna could not make sense of anything yet. But now Vallayi too understood the situation. To confirm it, she asked, ‘Ponna, how long has it been since your last period?’ But Ponna had not really kept track of it. She did not recollect it happening since Kali’s death. Vallayi said, ‘That god has not forsaken us. Your own husband has now come as a child in your womb. There is nothing to worry about now.’

  Ponna understood at last. But she held her head in her hands and burst into sobs.

  THIRTEEN

  All those in the adjacent fields who had heard Seerayi’s loud laments now landed up at the barnyard. It was quite a large crowd. But once they found out what the situation really was, all the men dispersed, saying, ‘These womenfolk are always like this. They would yell when good things happen, yell when bad things happen. I dropped everything and ran over here because I thoug
ht there has been another death.’

  None of the women left. They went over to Ponna and wished her well. When she looked up at each of their faces, all she could do was weep. The women stood around talking among themselves, feeling a mixture of both happiness and sadness.

  ‘What an unlucky fellow. Such bad timing, his death. He was not fortunate enough to look at her now.’

  ‘This is his doing. He has given a life in exchange for taking one. It is going to be a boy, you wait and see.’

  ‘It must be the third month now, that’s why she experiences this kind of retching.’

  ‘Actually, she might have experienced this sooner had they added seasoning to their food. They were not doing that because they are still in the mourning period. If she had smelt the hot crackling of seasoning in the oil, she’d have retched a while ago.’

  ‘No one noticed that her menses was delayed?’

  ‘Right! When they are grieving the loss of the man of the house, who has the time to notice when menses is supposed to happen!’

  ‘Apparently, all the astrologers they consulted told them they would definitely have a child. Instead of being patient, he went ahead and hung himself just because some useless dog insulted him. Such pride.’

  Everyone had something to say about this new development.