Facial Recognition

by Jennifer Peel

  Not happening. I grabbed my shoes and stood. I was going to look like a deranged prom queen marching home barefoot in my dress. It was apropos, considering our history. Tonight’s sting was a little more acute, though. I got played by two men in one night this time. Two grown men, I might add.

  Brooks wouldn’t leave well enough alone and came after me, grabbing my hand.

  I ripped it away as fast as I could.

  “Damn it, Grace. Don’t you think I feel terrible about what happened tonight? About what happened twenty years ago?” he added in quietly.

  I took a second to scowl at him before trudging across the cemetery.

  The jerk followed. “You don’t have to say anything, but please listen to me,” he pled like his life depended on it.

  If it wasn’t too childish, I would have covered my ears and loudly said, La la la la la. I had to settle for turning my head away from him as I continued to march past the headstones.

  “I’ll start with tonight.” He wasn’t deterred. “First of all, I had no idea you were going to be at Manresa’s with Julian,” he growled. “Morgan,” he spewed her name, “told me she’d made reservations there for us several weeks ago. I had wanted to discuss our relationship with her, so I agreed to go. Your words last week cut me. Made me reflect on who I had become. I think she knew I was thinking of taking a step back, which is probably why she asked Julian to bring you.”

  That piece of information, unfortunately, had me betraying myself. I stopped in my tracks, my head snapping in his direction involuntarily as my mouth flew open. “Right, so you could see what a catch she was in comparison to lowly, uneducated me.”

  “Probably,” he conceded. “Little did she know that it was the worst thing she could have done. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you tonight, wondering how I had been so blind,” he said as if he were angry at himself. “You are the most beautiful woman I know, both inside and out.” His tone softened. “You left no doubt who the superior woman is.”

  My heart skipped a few beats. Thankfully my head kicked in. Girl, do not fall for this fool’s line. I walked on. “Thanks for clearing that up. Good night.”

  “Grace.” He started after me, vigorously rubbing his temples. “You were right about Morgan . . . and me. She is selfish and controlling.”

  “Let’s not forget a liar.” I couldn’t help but say that. Who lies about being married and their career? I’ll tell you this, she had done a good job covering it up. I had looked up her social media profiles, and they were all glowing reviews of herself. Not once did I see any hint of her being married or demoted. She was the best wordsmith around.

  “That too,” Brooks groaned. “I don’t know how I got so taken in by her.”

  “Obviously, you’re an idiot,” I fired back. I kept up my steady pace, even though we had hit the paved walkways now and it wasn’t feeling all that great on my bare feet.

  “I am.” He grabbed my hand. This time he held on tighter, pulling me to a stop and making it harder for me to twist away. “Please, Grace, let me have my say.”

  I looked between our clasped hands and his pleading eyes. The love I’d had for him bubbled to the surface. I pushed it back down where it belonged. “What difference will it make?” I stood my ground.

  “Probably none, but you need to know the truth.” With his thumb he gently wiped some tears off my cheek.

  I turned my head from him. “Don’t touch me.”

  He dropped his hand and sighed. “Grace, I never meant to hurt you.”

  I ripped my hand from his. “I don’t believe you. You lied to me when you said you couldn’t face me after prom because I would have given you reasons to stay in Pecan Orchard. The truth was, you never wanted to take me to prom. But worse than that, I can’t believe you so callously used me so you could sleep with Morgan that night. Why didn’t you just say no when I asked you?”

  He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t plan on having sex with Morgan that night. It was a heat-of-the-moment, careless decision. My world had just come crashing down around me, and I needed someone to talk to. Someone who understood what I was feeling. Morgan’s parents never had a good relationship, so she could sympathize with me. Before I knew it, one thing led to another.”

  He began to pace, breathing out hard as he went. “Grace, I couldn’t face you after what we had done. You don’t know how guilty I felt. Those next few weeks were hell for me, worrying that I might have gotten Morgan pregnant all while having to pretend my family wasn’t falling apart. And the one person I needed the most—you—I couldn’t go to.” He stopped and met my eyes. “Grace, I had no idea how you felt about me.”

  My skin broke out in a tidal wave of red. Why had I told him I’d loved him? I hightailed it out of there. At least, I tried. I really should have put on my shoes. I stepped on a sharp rock and screeched, “Holy freaking crow!” into the night, hopping on one foot.

  Brooks was to me in no time, lending me someone to lean on.

  “I don’t need your help.” I tried to push him away.

  He wasn’t having it. He easily swept me up into his arms, like he was Prince Charming or something. More like Prince Not So Charming.

  “Put me down,” I demanded.

  He pulled me closer instead. “No,” he refused so adamantly, I stopped fighting him.

  We locked eyes, and I noticed his had a sheen of moisture in them. I inhaled his amber-and-vanilla scent and had to fight against the urge to sink into him and stay awhile. All of me wanted all of him. And I hated myself for it.

  “I didn’t know you were in love with me,” he whispered. “I thought we were friends.”

  “We were,” my voice hitched. “Now let me go.”

  He didn’t comply. “Grace, I’m sorry I’ve been so blind.”

  “I am too.” I wiped the tears out of my eyes. “I wish I would have never asked you to prom. I don’t even know why you said yes.”

  The corners of his mouth twitched. “When you tried on your prom dress for me, I couldn’t resist. I’d thought it would be our last hoorah before I left for school. And I hoped I would get the chance to kiss you again.”

  “You wanted to kiss me?”

  He nodded. “I may have been oblivious to your feelings, but I wasn’t blind to how beautiful you were . . . are. I’d often thought of what it would have been like to date you, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”

  “And you loved Morgan.”

  He let out a heavy breath. “Maybe I did. I don’t know. She certainly had me under her spell. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever truly been in love with anyone, except maybe myself.”

  That pierced my soul. “Great,” I cried. “Can I go now?”

  “I’m not saying that to hurt you. You always deserved better than me. I even knew that back in high school.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I deserved the boy who brought me cookies when he found me crying on my lawn. The one that helped me pass calculus. And I definitely deserved the boy who let me cry all night onto his chest the day my momma died and held my hand during her funeral.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I deserve that boy, but he no longer exists.” I forcibly pushed myself out of his arms and landed on my feet. Before I marched off, I took a moment to gaze up at him. That sheen of mist in his eyes had turned to pools of tears.

  “I don’t know where that boy went or how to get him back,” his voice cracked, but he cleared his throat like he was embarrassed by the emotion he’d shown.

  I admit, he had me wanting to comfort him, but I couldn’t. Not anymore. “Only you would know. Goodbye, Brooks.” I turned from him.

  “Grace, what if I found him?”

  I refused to face him. I feared if I did, I would say things I would regret. Things like, Please find the boy I loved. I miss him. I want him. Thankfully, I held strong. “I think your family would love that.”

  “What about you? Us?”

  I rubbed my chest. It was as if I could feel
my heart breaking. “There never was an us.”

  “Could there be?” He said it like it was his last shot of hope.

  I grabbed my stomach, holding back the sobs and my true feelings. “No, Brooks,” I whispered.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I finished arranging my two signs on the front desk. The one for Lorelai read, I donut want to go to my reunion with anyone but you. I placed it above a huge box of letter-shaped donuts that spelled out REUNION. For Colette I had a venti espresso and a sign that said, This is hard to espresso, but I’ll take a shot. Reunion?

  After I got home last night and bawled my eyes out to my ever-faithful daddy, who had waited up for me, I stayed up half the night looking up cheesy ways to ask my two best friends to my reunion. Then I worked on the signs. The other half of the night, I watched my beloved Noah Drake tapes. And I might have consumed an entire pan of brownies. After a night like that, I looked dreadful this morning and would be treating myself to my own facial today. The day also called for lots of caffeine, not only in my eye cream but in the six-pack of Diet Pepsi I’d already halfway consumed. I’d peed like ten times this morning. But, hey, at least it meant I wasn’t dehydrated from shedding gallons of tears last night.

  I kept telling myself that last night was a good thing. It was like a reset button. Now I never needed to worry about Brooks or the voice again. In fact, I might never worry about men, period. I was thinking of adopting a puppy and a baby. Or maybe hitting up a sperm bank. After all, I did have beautiful lady part mucus, and my ovaries were still working. I mean, why not? We could convert the extra bedroom into a nursery. I wondered what Daddy would think about that.

  Actually, Daddy had surprised me last night. I’d thought he would be happy, or at least relieved, that I had committed fully to being a spinster. Instead he suggested that I not be so hasty. That perhaps Brooks would surprise me. Daddy had said he’d always had a feeling about Brooks and me. Yeah, so had I, and it hadn’t turned out very well.

  I’d spent over half my life waiting for the voice to reappear. Waiting for a man to make me feel the way Brooks had. Come to find out, my old best friend was a bigger jerk than I thought. I was still sick thinking about him sleeping with Morgan while I was standing alone and devastated at prom. A few guys had asked me to dance, but I could tell the girls they had brought weren’t fond of the idea, so I had declined. My only dance that night was the obligatory one with the prom king. Of course, my girlfriends and I threw down a few numbers, but most of the night I felt small and humiliated. I had even worried something bad had happened to Brooks. I guess something awful had happened to him—Morgan. I shuddered thinking about the pair.

  I needed to stop dwelling on this. I had things to look forward to, like dating my best friends and putting the final touches on the reunion. Sure, it was turning out a lot differently than I thought it would, but at least I knew I would have fun with Colette and Lorelai. There would be no worrying about whether there would be a good night kiss or if the date would lead to more dates. Brooks and Julian had given me a gift. It had come in a crappy package, but at least I knew the truth about them both before I wasted another second with either one of them.

  A minute after I had everything neatly arranged, my best friends walked in, all smiles and looking like they had gotten a good night’s rest.

  “Good morning,” I sang. It sounded pretty croaky, since I hadn’t slept a wink last night.

  “Good morning,” they both responded, looking intently at my setup. They walked closer, reading the signs. They both kept looking between me and the words, confusion etched on their faces.

  I leaned on the welcome desk for support. I wasn’t a spring chicken anymore, and the sleepless night was getting to me. “Well, don’t leave me hanging. Will y’all be my dates?”

  They tiptoed toward me as if I were a wild caged animal.

  Lorelai delicately ran her fingers down my puffy, waterlogged face. “What happened, darlin’?”

  My eyes betrayed me and started watering. “I’m fine. I just got slapped with the cold hard truth last night. But that’s a good thing. Better to live the truth than a lie.”

  Colette wrapped her arms around me. “Tell us what happened.”

  My head fell on her shoulder, and the sobs came next. I seriously thought I would be out of tears by now. “It’s so humiliating. Think prom two point oh.”

  “This sounds like we better use the ‘executive’ bathroom,” Lorelai recommended.

  “Grab the donuts,” I was able to get that out through my howling. Like I needed more sugar. I was seriously going to have to detox after this ordeal.

  My friends got me settled on the ottoman with two donuts and a Diet Pepsi. I must have looked so pathetic. They both knelt in front of me and rubbed my legs, which were still smooth from all my prepping last night. Now I wished I hadn’t put so much effort in for my date that had gone south—more like to hell in a handbasket. I still had no idea what that meant. I should probably google it. Regardless, the date was bad. Like, the worst.

  After some more sugar and downing another Diet Pepsi, I was able to recount last night’s events.

  Lorelai and Colette gasped and cussed at all the right moments. When I finished my ugly tale, they were both fuming.

  “So whose house do we toilet paper first?” Colette asked.

  “That’s too kind,” Lorelai responded. “I was thinking more along the lines of doing a billboard to call them out. Or a social media smear campaign.”

  I managed a weak laugh. “They aren’t worth it. My only hope is to forget about all of them.”

  “Even Brooks?” Lorelai patted my knee.

  “I have to,” I choked out.

  “What about the voice?” Colette asked.

  “With every piece of my soul, I know it was right, but people change.”

  Lorelai gave me a crooked smile. “Yes, they do. Maybe your daddy is right. Perhaps Brooks will surprise you.”

  I couldn’t afford to think like that. It had already cost me twenty years. “I don’t think so. Besides, I’m done with men. So, what do you ladies say to being my dates? Uteruses before duderuses, right?”

  We all broke into fits of laughter.

  They each took one of my hands.

  “Are you taking us out to dinner first?” Colette asked.

  “Of course. You know that means we are at least going to get to first base,” I teased.

  “Don’t excite me.” Lorelai giggled. “It will be the most action I’ve seen in years.”

  I squeezed their hands. “I love you, ladies. Thank you,” my voice went all pitchy.

  “Honey, don’t give up hope on Brooks—the Lord loves to work with the broken,” Lorelai preached.

  “What we had can’t be fixed. Honestly, I’m not sure we ever had anything.”

  “If that were true, you wouldn’t be so torn up about it,” Colette wisely gave her two cents.

  She was right. “Even so, it was all one sided. He never saw me as anything more than his friend.”

  “That’s not true,” Lorelai disagreed. “No man sweeps a woman up into his arms for no reason. And I saw the way he looked at you when we met him at the hospital.”

  Like I said, I couldn’t go down that road. I took some cleansing breaths. “I have to let him go. Especially now that I snagged the hottest dates for my reunion.” I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed that I wouldn’t be dancing the night away with a beautiful man, but at least this way I knew I wouldn’t be stood up. And I was guaranteed to have a great time.

  “We are going to throw it down,” Colette roared.

  “Hopefully we won’t throw out our backs.” Lorelai snickered.

  “I’ll keep the Advil handy,” I offered. I let out a heavy breath. “I think I’m ready to face the day now.”

  They smothered me in a Gracie sandwich. “You got this, Gracie,” Lorelai whispered in my ear.

  I wasn’t sure about that. My only saving grace, no pun intend
ed, was that I was certain Julian and Brooks would disappear from my life as quickly as they had drifted in.

  ~*~

  So, I was wrong. Again. It was becoming a bad habit. One I really needed to quit. There I was after work, minding my own business and grabbing the mail from the mailbox before I walked into the house, and guess who showed up. Brooks, the prodigal son.

  While I checked to see if I’d won a million dollars from Publishers Clearing House, he pulled up next to me in his truck and scared the holy living crap out of me when he said, “Hey.” I jumped out of my skin, and my mail went flying everywhere.

  Brooks hopped out of his truck and chased some of the mailers that had blown away in the light breeze. One piece gave him a bit of trouble and flew all the way into his daddy’s yard before he could stomp on it and pick it up. A few weeks ago, I would have laughed at the scene and found him heroic for saving my junk mail, but now all I could think about was why he was here and how much it panged my heart to be in his presence. He was supposed to have disappeared without a word to me, like he had twenty years ago.

  He ran back to me and handed over my mail. His soulful chocolate eyes tried to penetrate my own, but I wasn’t having it. I grabbed the mail without a word of thanks and turned to go, refusing to acknowledge how fantastic he looked in his dark dress shorts and white polo shirt. And his five-o’clock shadow was begging for someone to caress it.

  “Grace.”

  The unseen power of my name on his lips made me freeze in place, my back to him.

  “I know you don’t owe me anything, but please listen to me for one minute. I want you to know I’m going to try my best to make things right with my family.” He paused. “With you.”

  I grabbed my stomach. A swarm of butterflies had taken flight against my will. “Just do right by your family,” I stammered out, like I couldn’t catch my breath.

  “Grace, I went home last night with every intention of letting you go so I couldn’t hurt you anymore. But I realized, there is no letting you go. You’re part of me. A part I had buried, but it’s the best part of me.”