Rude Awakenings

by Jonathan Eaves

Mm, maybe, but it's a good two days travel to Tri Via,' he remarked. 'If Wacchus's birthplace turns out to be any further than another day's travel from Tri Via then the whole thing is doomed.' He rubbed his forehead. 'And I've never been. I'm not even sure I could find it.'

  'Tri Via? What's Tri Via?' asked Anyx, looking towards the leper.

  'Tri Via, or the Three Ways, is fabled as the place where earth, air and water meet,' Lenny explained. 'It's situated many leagues to the north. A huge waterfall is said to cascade from a granite cliff only to seemingly disappear into an ancient forest. The cloud rarely lifts. Some say the cloud is merely the mist created by the waterfall. But whatever it is, it is a dark and gloomy place.'

  'Dark and gloomy, huh?' remarked the dwarf. 'Well, it can't be any worse than Cleat's cellar. And the Oracle?'

  Doctor Dosodall opened his eyes and leaned forward. 'The Oracle of Tri Via is an omniscient priest who also happened to be rather a dab hand at the old tea leaves.' He turned to Robin. 'Annabel says that she knows the way. She and the Oracle are colleagues of a sort, after all.'

  'Sounds like a good place to start,' stated Anyx cheerfully. 'Well, good luck, then. I wish you every success. Um, any more sherry, by the way?' he added flippantly.

  Robin pointedly ignored the dwarf. 'Annabel knows the way?

  Where is it? How do we get there?'

  Annabel let out a low, long rumble. 'She says that the Forest of Tri Via proper lies beyond Old Horse Gorse which itself is situated to the north of the lower slopes of the Ragged Ridge Mountains,' the doctor translated. 'From here there are three possible routes. The first would mean making our way through the city-'

  'Probably not a good idea,' Robin mused. 'What about the other routes?'

  'The second would mean traversing Sodden Marsh to Sodden Edge before continuing over a pass in the western-most range.'

  'Sounds tough. And the third?'

  'Annabel is not sure about this one but she has heard of a route which would take us out beyond the Forts and into the Eastern Lands. However that is all she knows of that particular option.'

  Robin nodded and sat down upon a fallen tree-trunk and rested his chin in has hands. 'Okay,' he pondered 'it seems that heading west is the only reasonable choice. However, we still need to consider what to do about Azif?' He purposely made a show of looking up at the dwarf.

  Anyx looked into Robin's eyes for a few moments before heaving a theatrical sigh. He couldn't believe he was going to do what he was going to do, but, much to his surprise and very much against his best instincts, his curiosity had finally got the better of him and he felt a strange need to find out just how this whole thing would end. 'Ok, I'll do it,' he said at last. 'You're all patently mad but I haven't exactly got anywhere else to go right now. I'll meet with Grantt and make the exchange. You lot can make your way to this Tri Via place. Azif and I will follow behind, if, by some bloody miracle, we manage to get away.'

  'You'll join us?' Robin asked, somewhat taken aback by the dwarf's sudden acquiescence.

  'Why not?' replied Anyx. 'My diary seems to be quite clear at the moment, with the exception of, let me think, 'Today - 7st 6lbs - alcohol units; nowhere near enough - pipes of tar-ridden tobacco; ditto - calories - ditto once again - managed to get entangled with the biggest bunch of lunatics ever assembled in one single place and subsequently abducted by a man who is as big as his intellect is small-'' He realised that everybody was looking at him with completely blank faces, even Annabel.

  '7-6, huh?' Robin asked eventually. 'That sounds pretty heavy for a dwarf.'

  Anyx stared at the outlaw leader for a moment before shaking his head. These guys really didn't get irony. 'My weight isn't really important right now,' he said after a moment, 'although, I would just like to point out, my apothecary says my weight is perfectly acceptable for someone my size. Anyway, let's get down to business. Here's the plan; I'll set off back to Marasmus at first light with the Maid A'Veil.' He glanced across at the young girl who merely nodded. 'If Grantt manages to amaze us all by accepting the exchange,' the dwarf continued, 'we'll only be a few hours behind you. Does Azif, by any chance, know the way to Tri Via?'

  'I don't know,' Robin admitted. 'He's sort of... mysterious and not exactly, you know, talkative, but his knowledge is far-ranging. I can't recall him ever speaking of never of Tri Via, however...'

  'Um, Azif sounds like a Moor...' Lenny interrupted.

  'A more what?' asked Anyx.

  'I mean the name Azif. It's very Moorish.'

  'What, like peanuts?'

  Lenny sighed, suspecting that the dwarf was being intentionally obtuse. 'I mean a man from the Eastern Lands.' He turned back to Robin. 'Is that not so?'

  'Well, yes,' agreed Robin.

  'Then may I make a suggestion.'

  Robin nodded. 'Please, go ahead.'

  'In order to increase our chances of success it would be wise to split into two groups,' the leper proposed. 'It's possible that Azif may just know of the eastern route to Trivia. Therefore one group should take the western route, and, should Grantt agree to release Azif, he and the dwarf should take the eastern route.'

  Robin nodded at Lenny's thinking. 'Good idea! Okay, I suggest we all get some rest while we have the opportunity. There'll be much travelling in the coming days.'

  31

  The night was clear and the temperature had started to plummet. Fortunately it had been sensible enough to bring along a parachute, so now it was merely drifting gently downwards.

  As soon as the faint morning light started to filter through the forest canopy Anyx was kicked awake by Ron.

  'Rise and shine, little man,' the giant chortled good-naturedly.

  'Bugger off, you big lump,' Anyx mumbled, but he sat up and forced himself to waken. He stretched, and shivered against the chill of the morning. 'I don't suppose you lot have any coffee knocking around?'

  'Actually yeah. Lott is a dab-hand with the ol' beans.'

  'He's a Barista?'

  'Nah, I don't think he ever studied law.'

  'No, not a... it doesn't matter. Can you just ask him to do me a strong, sweet coffee, the stronger and sweeter the better?' He yawned and stretched his aching limbs, then strolled over to the dying embers of the fire, where he had noticed Robin and the Maid A'Veil were heads together, obviously in deep conversation. He decided to eavesdrop.

  'But Robin, please! I don't want to-' he heard the maiden say.

  'I know, but it will only be for a day or two,' Robin replied.

  'But can we trust him?' A'Veil asked.

  'I've been thinking about that and-' Robin stopped as he realized the dwarf was so close. 'Ah, good morning,' he said instead, falsely cheerful, in the dwarf's opinion. 'Ready for the off, are we?'

  'As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose,' replied the dwarf.

  Robin nodded and looked around the clearing. 'It's a sad day, don't you think?' he remarked after a moment.

  'Sad?' replied the dwarf, somewhat mystified.

  'Yes, the breaking of the fellowship, and what have you...'

  'What?'

  'You know, the breaking of the fellowship.'

  'What bloody fellowship?' asked the dwarf in disbelief. 'There is no fellowship. You lot are a bunch of bloody madmen, and I'm only here because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And besides, if, by some miracle, all goes to plan, your friend Azif and I will be seeing you all again in a few days time, more's the pity.'

  'I was actually referring to the Maid A'Veil,' Robin stated softly.

  'Ah! Right. Sorry.'

  'And Will also, as a matter of fact. Although he should be back in a couple of days too.'

  'Why?' asked the dwarf. 'Where's he going?'

  'He's coming with you.'

  'Why?'

  'Protection.'

  'Protection? Will? He's a bloody minstrel!' the dwarf protested. 'Your mates tell me that Scarper's not his surname, it's his nickname!'

  'Well, it is true that he can be quite forwar
d when it comes to going backwards but-'

  'But nothing,' the dwarf interjected. 'You just don't trust me. You're sending him just to keep an eye on me.'

  'It's not that at all. It's just that-'

  'Oh, don't deny it, B'La Clava. What do you think I'm going to do? Kidnap the maiden myself? Force myself upon her?'

  'Well-'

  'Well what?'

  'It had occurred to me that you might decide to add a little something to the negotiations-'

  Anyx stared hard at Robin. 'Such as?'

  'A little ransom, perhaps, to feather your own pockets.'

  'How dare you! The thought had never even crossed my mind!' And it really hadn't. Must be losing my touch, the dwarf mused.

  'And there's another reason that Will is coming with you.'

  'Which is?'

  'He's a master at picking locks.'

  Anyx threw his arms up in exasperation. 'Well why doesn't he just pick the lock of Azif's cell and save us all a whole heap of trouble?'

  'Because, if you recall, there is the small matter of getting into the military part of the castle, through a garrison of about 40 or so guards!'

  The dwarf forced himself to calm down. 'Fair enough,' he conceded. 'But what do we need to pick a lock for then?'

  Robin hesitated momentarily before answering. 'In order to get into the Maid A'Veil's chamber,' he explained somewhat sheepishly.

  'Right, I see-' A sudden realisation hit the dwarf. 'Oh no. No way. You can't possibly be thinking of... you are, aren't you? You bloody well are! You're going to hand the Maid A'Veil over, and then try to get her back.

  Robin jumped up and grabbed Anyx by the arm. He quickly led the dwarf away from the fire and out of the maiden's earshot, Anyx realised.

  'She wants to come with us,' Robin began. 'You know how it is when a woman makes up her mind about something.' He shrugged the universal shrug men make when talking about women and their mysterious ways. 'And,' he continued, 'as an added bonus the fellowship will be restored!'

  'What are you going on about? There is no bloody fellowship, just like I said.'

  'But-'

  'No bloody buts,' insisted the dwarf. 'We are simply not doing this. It's too damned dangerous. I mean, you don't think Grantt is simply going to hand Azif over and promptly forget all about it.'

  'Well-'

  'He's going to come after us, mark my words, as fast as he can and with as many troops as possible. If it's just me and Azif then we may just stand a chance of getting into the woods where we might, with a bit of luck, lose the chase. But with Will tagging along, not to mention A'Veil, then we simply won't have a hope.'

  'Ah,' said Robin, ignoring the dwarf's protestations, 'but that's where the Maid A'veil can help.'

  'How?'

  'She'll be able to get into the stables,' the outlaw leader explained. 'Both she and Azif are masterful riders. You'll be much quicker on horseback than on foot and remember, trolls can't ride horses - they're just too heavy.'

  'Please,' came the Maid A'Veil's gentle voice. Neither Anyx nor Robin had heard her approaching. She stepped forwards to lay a light hand on the dwarf's arm. 'Please, Master Abychson, I promise I will not be a burden to you.'

  Anyx found himself looking into the maiden's soft green eyes and considered the situation. It would be madness to take this young girl along on what could prove to be a very arduous journey, he knew, but, then again, wasn't the whole damn thing madness? Oh sod it, he thought, as he made his decision.

  'Alright,' he said eventually. 'But we do this thing my way.'

  32

  Time was against them so, by necessity, farewells were brief. Anyx, Will and the Maid A'Veil departed with the exhortation to meet at Old Horse Gorse by the evening of the following day at the latest. They would all then continue to Tri Via together.

  It was Will who led the way, striding ahead of A'Veil with Anyx bringing up the rear. Will was armed with a small dagger hanging at his belt and the maiden carried a slender bow with a small quiver strapped to her back. Anyx was unarmed. He had no expectation of any confrontation, at least not within the confines of the forest, and besides,