harbour capable of making the passage to Gynys Mon in sufficient time. 'Why not?' he asked after a moment's pause.
Swallow didn't look up. 'Because... I haven't got a ship,' he muttered.
Anyx was confused. 'But you're the skipper of the Blue Pill, aren't you?'
Now Swallow lifted his head. 'And what do you know of the Pill?' he asked warily.
'Well-'
The captain shook his head. 'Do you not know that the Pill is a ship of the damned?'
'Really?' the dwarf replied. 'She doesn't look it.'
'How would you know?' Swallow scoffed. 'You can't even see the Pill. She's a ghost ship, see?'
Anyx scratched at his beard. 'But I've just seen her at her moorings in the harbour.'
'But... you couldn't have,' the captain insisted. 'She only appears when the moon is full, to those who are free of the curse at any rate. As do the crew! As do I!'
'But I'm standing here talking to you. I can see you.'
'Is there a full moon tonight,' Swallow asked.
'I'm pretty sure there isn't.'
'Hah! Then you must be cursed too!'
'Right,' said Anyx, slowly. He remembered that Victor had warned him that Swallow was a bit touched. He decided to play along. 'Very possibly,' he conceded. 'Especially when you consider all the things that I've been through.'
Swallow looked carefully at the dwarf before seeming to come to a decision. He jumped to his feet. 'Come then, shipmate. You can join us!'
'Um, like I said, I don't want to join you. I just want to charter your ship, that's all.'
'To where?'
'Gynys Mon.'
'Why? Nobody lives there anymore.'
'I know. We've just been over that.' The dwarf sighed. The captain was, indeed, very obviously three ships short of a fleet. 'Look, please will you take me and my friends to Gynys Mon. There's money in it... possibly.'
Swallow sat back down again and shook his head. 'I'm afraid I'm disinclined to acquiesce.'
'What?'
'Means no.'
'I know what it means,' said Anyx. 'I'm just amazed that you do.'
The captain reached inside his coat. 'Just because I'm mad, it doesn't mean I'm stupid,' he admonished the dwarf. He pulled out what appeared to be a compass. He glanced at it, as if to reassure himself that it was there. 'Tell you what,' he said, coming to his feet, and shaking the compass next to his ear as if trying to listen to its internal workings, 'if you can really see the ship as you claim, I'll take you anywhere you want.'
'That's it? That's all I have to do? Just point the ship out to you?'
'Aye, dwarf. You show me the black sails of the Pill and you've got yourself a ride.'
'But they're blue.'
'What?'
'The sails are blue.'
'Ah,' cried the captain. 'You must be one of us, cursed as we are!' He laughed out loud. 'Come, dwarf. And are your friends also damned?' he asked.
'Well... they can also see the ship, if that helps.'
'Then let's hurry.' He made towards the door. 'It's about time I returned to Gynys Mon and settled up with that bastard!'
Anyx groaned. 'And what bastard would that be?' he asked.
125
Theodore struggled to contain his fury as he watched Will Doors'
ineffectual attempts at repairing the PDA. Now the bloody wizardy bugger was going on about the screen, saying something about the number of pixies...
It was all going wrong. And, he had decided, it was all Henry's fault; he would make sure that his cousin paid for it. Banishment back to the mines would be too good for him, Theodore considered. He'd enjoy coming up with a suitable punishment, when this whole thing was over.
He'd noticed Henry earlier, sat at his desk, scribbling away at yet another one of his reports. Did anyone ever read the damned things, he wondered. They certainly never appeared on his desk, he suddenly realised. So where were they going to?
126
Henry smiled at his turn of phrase. He was a numbers man, or devil, rather... Numbers were his tools, not letters, but that last sentence was a corker. It could have been written by one of those bastards from Perjurtory.[31] He re-read it with satisfaction: 'Therefore, and without prejudice, in order to ensure this matter is resolved to the satisfaction of all involved, the only course of action is, in my opinion, to relieve the aforesaid subject from his duties summarily and forthwith. Yours etc.'
He stood up from his desk. He would take great delight in hand-delivering this one personally.
127
Anyx and Captain Swallow stepped out into the starlit night. Outside various members of the Merrie Men had lain down, pulling their cloaks tightly around them, and were trying to catch up on their sleep. Even Annabel was leaning gently against the side of the tavern, her eyes closed and a soft rumbling emanating from her belly. Only Robin and the Maid A'Veil still seemed to be wide awake.
Anyx hurried over to them. 'This,' he said, pointing to the slightly swaying captain, who was a few strides behind him, 'is the famous Captain Dick Swallow, skipper of the ghost-ship, the Blue Pill.'
Robin and the maid looked up, their eyes settling on the approaching sailor.
'Is he drunk?' asked A'Veil softly.
Anyx shook his head. 'He says he hasn't got his land legs yet.'
A'Veil nodded. She'd heard about sailors and their tendency towards missing limbs. 'Why, where are they?' she asked in all innocence.
'Hang on,' said Robin. 'Did you say ghost ship?'
'All will be revealed,' Anyx replied enigmatically. 'But let's get down to the harbour. Apparently we need to rush if we are to catch the tide.'
Robin merely shrugged and asked A'Veil to rouse the sleeping Merrie Men before turning to follow the Captain, who was leading the way towards the ship.
Anyx fell in besides the outlaw leader.
'So, what's going on?' Robin asked the dwarf.
'He's madder than a boatload of drunken stoats,' Anyx began. 'He thinks his ship is invisible, and that he and his crew are damned for all eternity due to some curse. Oh, and he thinks we're damned too. But apart from that, everything's fine.'
'Oh,' replied Robin evenly. 'Glad to see you have everything in hand.'
128
As they neared the harbour wall Swallow halted suddenly and spun towards Anyx. 'Can you see the Pill, then, dwarf?' the captain asked.
Anyx looked across at Robin who raised his eyes. 'Yes,' the dwarf replied. 'It's that bloody great wooden thing over there!'
Swallow smiled. 'So, you are damned, then. Just like the rest of us. Come now, let us board,' and he jumped lightly onto a hawser, up which he ran, balancing easily, before casually vaulting upon the deck of the Pill. Presently his head appeared over the gunwale. For some reason he swept his tri-corn from his head and gave an elaborate bow. 'I'll get the men to lower the gangplank,' he shouted, with a grin.
129
By the time the Merrie Men had boarded morning was already showing as a blur on the horizon. Swallow was shouting some orders, none of which they understood, and consequently sailors were running around furiously and pulling on things, which is what sailors tend to do.
'Weigh anchor!' cried Swallow, when all seemed ready.
'No need to, sir,' replied a large, unkempt man whom Anyx assumed was the First Mate. 'It's about four and a half hundredweight, same as always.'
'Okay,' replied Swallow, 'better just pull it up then.'
'Aye aye, sir!'
Swallow swivelled to greet Robin and the rest, arms flailing as if he was struggling to control them. He was accompanied by the grizzled figure of the First Mate, who was introduced as Bough.
Bough nodded towards the group before turning back towards Swallow. ''Scuse me, sir,' he said quietly. 'Could you now tell us what's going on?'
'All in good time, Bough,' the captain answered, somewhat guardedly in Anyx's opinion. 'Fetch the boatswain.'
'But... the curse, sir?'
'Did you not hear, Bou
gh? I said fetch Goose!'
Bough responded with a cursory two-knuckled salute. 'Very well, cap'n.'
Anyx watched the First Mate as he went off to fetch the boatswain. Bough was ancient, it was obvious. Deep wrinkles creased his dirt-brown face, white stubble graced his chin, and his baldness was hidden by a red kerchief knotted upon his pate. His legs were so bowed they almost made a perfect circle when they met again at his feet. As he watched the retreating back of the First Mate he suddenly remembered something. He turned to Swallow.
'Um, you mentioned settling up with some, er, bastard, I think you said?' he reminded the captain.
Dick looked momentarily bemused. 'Did I?'
'Yes.'
'Ah...' replied Swallow. He lifted his hat and scratched his head. 'Did I happen to mention who this bastard was?'
'No.'
'That's a shame. Still, I don't suppose it matters much... wait a minute. Where are we going again?'
'Gynys Mon.'
'Gynys Mon!' The captain swayed from side to side. 'In that case,' he announced dramatically, 'the bastard I was talking about must have been Samosa!'
'And why is this Samosa such a bastard?' asked the dwarf.
Dick threw his arms up into the air. 'Where do I start, my little shipmate? Captain Samosa - did I mention he's a bastard? I did? Good! - stole my ship, stole my crew, and left me stranded.'
'Stranded?' asked Anyx. 'Whereabouts?'
'Here, of course. Otherwise how would I be here?'
'Right,' said the dwarf, a little confused. 'But isn't the Pill your ship?'
'Aye,' Swallow confirmed.
'So... you had another ship?'
'No.'
'Then... why is the Pill here?'
Swallow smiled. 'Because, my inquisitive friend, Captain Samosa contrived to lose the Pill...'
'What?'
Dick leaned forward and only just managed to stop, it seemed. After a moment's teetering he started to sway backwards. 'You see, the day he stole my ship, well, it was a full moon. The next time he moored up and left the ship, well, it wasn't. When he returned he couldn't see it.' The captain leaned back and waved his hands. 'Simple.'
Despite himself the dwarf continued. 'So how did you get it back.'
'Well, he just happened to moor it right here, just where it is now. I just walked back on it.'
'And so where's Captain Samosa now?'
Swallow shrugged. 'No idea. He probably stole some other ship, and no doubt returned to his hideout on Gynys Mon, which nobody can find, unless they've already been there.'
'Or unless you've got some sort of chart, I suppose, and a compass.'
'What?'
'You know, a chart. It's like a map but with less land-'
Their conversation was interrupted by the return of Bough, accompanied by the Boatswain. It was obvious by his demeanour that the be-whiskered First Mate was not happy. Glancing across at the Merrie Man he approached the captain.
'Sir, what's going?' he asked. 'What about the curse?' How can they see us?'
Anyx leaned across to Robin. 'Told you - this lot make you lot look sane!' he whispered.
Swallow placed his arm around Bough's shoulders. 'These are our new shipmates, Bough, and they are cursed, just as we are.' He turned to the boatswain who, Robin noticed, was a tall, willowy figure with flowing blond hair tied in a knot at the back.
'Eliza Goose, boatswain,' Swallow introduced. 'Goose, I want you to look after our guests on our short voyage.' He turned back to the First Mate. 'Plot a course for Gynys Mon, Bough.'
At the mention of Gynys Mon Bough seemed to become even more downcast. 'But what about Samosa, Captain?' he asked anxiously.
'Hopefully we'll meet him, Bough, and send him to Davy Jones' locker, where he belongs.'
Robin stepped forward. 'Is that wise?' he asked.
Swallow took a moment to focus his eyes on the outlaw leader. 'Is what wise?' he asked.
'Messing about in another chap's locker? I mean, you don't know what you're going to find although, in my opinion, it invariably includes slightly spoiled jockstraps and other such-'
'Means the bottom of the sea.'
'Oh.'
Bough shook his head at the Merrie Men's ignorance. He mistrusted strangers at the best of times, particularly landlubbers, and now this lot had come on board and suddenly the captain wanted to sail for
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