Gynys Mon, the lair of his fiercest enemy. And now he noticed something that had him even more agitated.
'Er... Captain. That there's a woman,' Bough declared, pointing to the Maid A'Veil.
'Yes, I can see that, Bough,' Swallow replied.
'But, but, sir,' stammered Bough. 'Women on a ship sir, you know what they say?'
'Remind me.'
'Bad luck, sir,' Bough proclaimed. 'Can't have no women on the ship!'
'Really? Why exactly?' asked Robin.
Bough turned to him. 'Because-' he started, before realising that he wasn't exactly sure.
'Are you sure it's not elephants that are bad luck?' asked Anyx mischievously, winking at Annabel.'
'Why would an elephant be unlucky?' asked Swallow, genuinely puzzled.
'Well, they do tend to weigh quite a lot.'
'It's albatrosses, actually.' Robin stated, 'but only if you shoot them.'
'Certainly sounds unlucky for the albatross,' Anyx muttered.
'Hang on a moment,' A'Veil interrupted. 'What do you mean, you can't have a woman on the ship? What about Eliza?'
'Oh, miss,' chuckled Bough. 'Eliza ain't no woman.' Beside him, the boatswain seemed to redden.
'Really?' asked A'Veil doubtfully, before noticing the boatswain silently imploring her to go no further.
The notion continued to amuse Bough. 'Fancy thinkin' Goose is a woman,' he laughed. 'The very thought! Fair enough, Eliza is a bit of a girl's name, and, admittedly, I've never seen him peeing over the side like the rest of us, and his hair is as soft and silky as a lady's undergarments, but it should be obvious to everybody that the boatswain here is all man.'
'But-' Anyx began, desperate to point out the blindingly obvious, but Bough wasn't to be put off his stride.
'I mean, he's been with us, man and boy, for seven years. Don't you think we'd have noticed? And just think of all the bad luck we'd have had, had we had a woman on board for seven years.'
Captain Swallow pulled at his braids. 'Well, it hasn't exactly been the best seven years, has it?'
'What do you mean, sir?'
'Well, we have been wrecked three times-'
'True, sir,' agreed Bough. 'And of course we were attacked by that Kraken thingy-'
Swallow nodded. 'And there's been at least three mutinies that I can remember in that time.'
'Aye, and we've lost over two hundred crew-'
'And that's not including that cholera epidemic-'
'And, of course, that bastard Samosa nicked the Pill!'
'Although you seemed to have retrieved that remarkably quickly,' Robin pointed out.
'Yes,' agreed Swallow. 'I suppose that was quite lucky.'
'Definitely lucky,' Bough echoed. He turned back to the Maid A'Veil. 'So with such good fortune as that, how on Terra Infirma could Goose be a woman?'
Beside A'Veil Anyx was fit to burst. 'For crying out loud-' he started but the Maid, conscious of the beseeching look in Eliza's eyes, gently laid her hand upon the dwarf's arm and shook her head. 'Mr Goose,' she said loudly, 'would you be so kind as to show me to my quarters-'
Eliza gave a little bow of gratitude. 'Of course.'
Bough watched their retreating backs as Eliza led A'Veil down below, their heads bent together in whispered conversation. He shook his head, but whether it was at the notion of Goose being a woman, or at the fact that there was now, indeed, a woman on board (as well as an elephant), he couldn't be sure.
130
The Blue Pill seemed to protest as it slowly made its way out of the harbour, its timber's groaning and creaking at the strain that its huge sails imparted upon the battered hull. Indeed, on close inspection, it was obvious to the Merrie Men that the Pill had seen better days. Its decking was worn out, its sails were literally weather-beaten, its masts appeared warped and its ropes were, well, ropey. But for all that, once out upon open water, it seemed to fly over the waves.
Soon Port Tawny was little more than a greasy stain on the eastern horizon, and the south-easterly wind gradually began to increase in strength as they negotiated the menacingly named Sound of Violence, which separated Gynys Mon from the mainland.
The Pill's bows rose to meet wave after wave and presently, out in the open water and with the wind now threatening to reach gale force, the Merrie Men, without exception, were crouched over the gunwales. 'How can they bloody stand this?' Anyx asked with a groan.
'They reckon you get used to it,' replied a green-faced Will.
'Never!'
Now the ship was bucking like an unbroken horse and when the wind came round to an easterly it started to roll violently also.
'We should take down some canvas, Captain,' advised Bough, looking fearfully at the sails.
'Nonsense! She's running fine, Bough,' Swallow replied. 'What do we have, Goose?'
'Eleven nots, sir,' Eliza answered.
Swallow nodded. 'Bough, the Pill's built for speed.' He threw his arms into the air and laughed. 'You just need to give her 'er head,' he said.
'Give who head?' said Bough, looking sideways at Goose. For some reason, all of a sudden, there was something about the boatswain that was bothering him.
'Give the Pill her head, Bough,' Swallow answered.
Bough shook his head to get the unbidden image of a naked Goose out of his head. He found that he was sweating. He consciously made an effort to turn his attention back to the matter in hand. 'But what about the Reefs, sir?'
'What about 'em?'
'Perhaps we should be running a point or two more northerly, sir,' the First Mate advised.
'Nonsense,' Swallow replied. 'I know these waters like the back of my hand.'
'Which hand?'
'What?'
'Which hand, sir?'
'My right, if you like,' replied the captain, distractedly.
'You have a tattoo on your right hand, don't you sir?' Bough remarked.
'I do indeed, Bough.'
'And what is the tattoo? No, don't look.'
'What are you trying to get at, Bough?'
'It's a big 'R' which stands for right, right?'
'Does it?' The captain looked down at his hand. 'So it does. Well, well.' And then, unsurprisingly, the Pill struck the reefs.
131
Shortly after the Pill had disappeared over the horizon, back in Port Tawny, a small fishing vessel slipped anchor and followed the bigger ship out of the harbour walls. Its fearful crew consisted of the skipper, two mates, and the determined troll who had commandeered the boat. And, in the small tender tied up to the stern, unbeknownst to anyone on board, a stowaway crouched unseen.
132
It was the speed with which the Pill simply disappeared beneath the waves that amazed Anyx; that, and the fact that he was still alive, despite the small problem of not being able to swim.
His last view was that of Swallow stood in the crow's nest, chin upwards, one arm folded across his chest in an ironic salute, as the ship sank. The water just seemed to swallow him up yet he remained in that pose until the waves lapped over his head.
Somehow the dwarf managed to grab on to a piece of flotsam - or was it jetsam? He could never be sure - with which he was just about managing to ride the massive waves. Occasionally, when he was at the peak of a wave he would see other heads bobbing in the water, but then he would be carried back down into the trough between the rollers and he would be on his own once again. The cold ate away at him, yet, curiously, the midday sun was burning his face, and it was all he could do to remain conscious. In fact, he couldn't be sure that he did manage to stay awake, for he was undoubtedly dreaming; he could hear a voice, two, in fact, one of which was strangely recognisable, and they were... bickering.
'You bloody well did nick my boat, you bloody pirate!'
'For Gods' sake, Swallow! For the last time I didn't steal your ship. And how many times do I need to tell you? I'm not a pirate. I'm in import/export, check out my tax return if you like.'
'Samosa, you're a bloody liar as w
ell as a pirate! The only reason I got the Pill back is because of the curse!'
'Oh hells, Starling, you're not still going on about that curse, are you? There is no curse, you idiot, and I've never laid a finger on your boat!'
'Man overboard!' came an urgent cry.
Samosa and Swallow stopped arguing and looked out to where a crewman was pointing.
After a second Swallow said, 'No it isn't. It's 'Dwarf overboard, actually.'
133
Anyx had been dragged aboard and given, much to his absolute delight, a tot of rum and a warm blanket. And, to his even greater delight, not one life had been lost, even Annabel had survived the wreck, although bringing her on board had been impossible, so now she swam alongside Captain Samosa's ship.
Samosa, amazingly, had turned out to be polite, helpful and, at least in comparison to just about everyone else, totally sane. Older than Captain Swallow, Samosa had none of the former's manic hyperactivity. Instead he was thoughtful and considered beneath his battered leather hat.
The Merrie Men now stood shivering on the quarterdeck of Samosa's ship, the Terror Pin (sane, yes, but not great at spelling!), listening to their rescuer, who had been quickly appraised of the Merrie Men's mission.
'The last time I saw the Walking Stones they were at the very north of the Island, atop the cliffs there,' he explained. He paused to consider the situation. 'It would be too dangerous to try and land anywhere near there, the rocks are too treacherous, and it would also mean a tricky climb. It would be my advice to land on Shivering Beach, to the south of the island, and make the trek northwards.'
'How long a march would that be?' asked Robin, conscious of the fact that sundown was fast approaching.
'Three hours hard marching,' Samosa responded.
'Three hours? Well, it'll be cutting it fine but it seems we have no option. Shivering Beach it is then, Captain.'
134
A couple of hours the Terror Pin lay at anchor, just off Shivering Beach, in the Blue Lagoon.[32] A lifeboat was lowered from the deck, which slowly made its way towards the shore.
The landing party of the Terror Pin consisted of Robin, Ron, Anyx and A'Veil along with Samosa and Swallow, who insisted on coming despite his gloom over the loss of the Pill.
'We must hope the Stones are still there when we get there,' said Samosa as they clambered out of the small lifeboat and onto the beach. 'They can show a good turn of speed when they want to.'
135
'Um, I think I've got it working.'
Theodore raised his head. Doors had been working on the damned PDA for hours, so it seemed, and he'd passed the time by conjuring up imaginative, creative and most of all, painful, punishments to be meted out to Henry, Doors, those bloody Merrie Men idiots and anyone else who just happened to get in his way. 'Are you sure?' he asked in response to Doors' declaration, more in hope than expectation.
'Well,' said Doors. 'It's still a bit slow in loading, and Spider Solitaire doesn't seem to be working, but-'
'Yes?' De Ville demanded.
'There is an image coming through.'
Theo jumped up from his seat. 'And what can you see?' he asked eagerly.
'Um, I'm hoping it will be the people you're seeking. I just put 'Merrie Men' into Goggles and-'
'Goggles?'
'Um, Goggles is a seer engine-'
Theo waved his hands. 'Don't bother me with the technical stuff,' he said. 'Just tell me where they are.'
Doors peered at the PDA. 'I'm not sure I can make it out. Let me zoom out.' He fiddled for a few moments before the image resolved itself into an island. Doors took a moment to consider the island's shape before looking up triumphantly. 'Gynys Mon!' he declared proudly.
Theo stepped forward and slapped him on the back. 'Good work,' he declared, forgetting his earlier thoughts of innovative and excruciating punishment. 'Now, where did I leave my cane?'
136
The march to the northern tip of the island had been hard work in the warm afternoon sun, but generally uneventful. The terrain of Gynys Mon was, to the south, gentle and rolling, but, as they walked, the ground had started to rise and had become rocky underfoot. Perfect habitat for a bunch of Walking
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