Undying

by Bernadette Azizi

  “For now, yes. But not for long,” he replied confidently.

  “Did anything else strange happen while you were away or when we were apart?”

  “No… not really. Just a dream I keep having, over and over again.”

  “What is it?” he asked casually.

  I thought about telling him about Victoria and Jonathon and the scene with the locket but I really didn’t know what could be gained. It’s just becoming more frequent and is starting to trouble me.

  “It’s nothing, really,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  I took in a deep breath and felt some pain shoot through my chest.

  “Ahhh…” I moaned.

  “You were lucky, you know,” James said.

  “I know… I have never been so terrified in my life. I didn’t want to die. Not yet anyway,” I continued.

  “Not ever,” he added, “I would kiss you, but I fear I may add to your pain…” he joked.

  I was not amused; he lifted my hand, turned it around and touched the palm. He kissed it so gently and then kissed the other one, placing them on his chest. He put both his hands around my back and pulled me slowly towards him until our bodies were touching. His body was breathtaking and even better then I remembered.

  “I can’t wait until tonight. To have you in my arms,” he whispered as he kissed me.

  “Tonight? Why not now?” I protested.

  “Well, I have to deal with something. While I’m gone you need to stay with someone.”

  “What? Where are you going? Can I come?”

  “I don’t think that is such a good idea,” he replied.

  “Can’t it wait?”

  “Not at all. I am going to see Richard, about us.”

  “What?” I was shocked to hear his name.

  James can’t see Richard. He will tell him about our kiss!

  “I have to.”

  “James, he won’t say anything.”

  “I need to be sure.”

  Then there was a knock at the door that ended our conversation.

  “Who is it?”

  “Oh, my apologies Mr Barclay, it’s me. I am so sorry to disturb you, but Mr Cartwright is here, wanting to see you,” called Jules.

  “Miss Kent, please excuse me for not coming to the door. I have just gotten out of the shower. Please let Mr Cartwright know I will be with him in a few moments.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Why is he here?” I asked, frustrated.

  “Catherine! Calm down! This is a good thing.”

  “No… It isn’t. Trust me. You don’t want to talk to him today. This is all still fresh,” I pleaded.

  “You have nothing to worry about. I want you to go straight to the common room and stay there until I finish. I will follow you.”

  “No!”

  “Yes!” he said as he kissed me, turned me around and sent me on my way.

  I had an idea. If I could get to Richard before James and beg him not to mention the kiss, then everything should be OK. Now, if only I could get there fast enough.

  As I left James’s room, the hallway was unusually cold. I crossed my arms as my body shivered. As I arrived at the top of the staircase, I paused for a second, contrary to the plan of rushing to Richard before James got there. Something was not right and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew I had to get down the stairs quickly but something was holding me back. As soon as I placed my foot on the first step, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, thinking it was James.

  How could James already be dressed and out of his room?

  As my body turned, a darkness went through me, sending me soaring down the stairs. I screamed out so loud that my throat hurt. I closed my eyes… My body lay on the earth, still. Thick, cold grass was beneath my face and the scent of it was over-powering. I didn’t realise grass could smell this strong.

  Why am I lying on the ground outside? Why am I dressed like this?

  I wondered how I had survived the fall. In actual fact, I was completely fine. I wasn’t hurt at all, just confused about where I was and how it was possible that I was still alive. I tried to get up, but I had no feeling in my legs. I lay there, helpless, looking around to see if there was anyone who could help me. The sun was strong, its rays shining down through the tree almost blinding. I heard some laughter and I looked around to where the sounds were coming from. After a few seconds of scouting I could see a woman was running and laughing in the distance.

  “Hey, over here!” I yelled, but she ignored me. She was close enough to have heard me.

  Why can’t she hear me?

  A man then appeared placing his arms around her as they both continued laughing.

  “Please, help me!” I yelled again, hoping the man would be more sympathetic to my cries. But he wasn’t. They both disregarded me. I grabbed at the grass with my hands and tore it out of the ground in anger and frustration.

  Damn it!

  I looked up again to scream out, but they were flirting with each other and laughing, paying no attention to my screams for help. The woman was putting something into the man’s hand. A shiver ran through my body. I then realised it was them – Victoria and Jonathon – the couple in my dream. My eyes opened wide in disbelief. The man opened his hand and pulled out the locket. He opened it and smiled, exactly like my dream.

  Could I be dreaming now? That would explain my being outside rather than inside on the bottom of the staircase. Maybe I didn’t even fall? Or maybe I am still lying down on my bed in my room, dreaming this all? Yes, that’s it. It’s all a dream, it has to be…

  So I decided to wait till I woke up. I closed my eyes, rolled on to my back and let the sunshine warm my face, while I lay in the lush green grass.

  “What are you doing?” a young voice asked.

  I opened my eyes and was surprised to find a beautiful little girl standing over me in a white, old-fashioned lace dress, smiling.

  “Who are you?” I asked.

  “My name is Elizabeth,” she replied politely.

  I wasn’t even sure why I was inconveniencing myself with this conversation. It was only a dream. I noticed Elizabeth looking towards the couple, who were standing there laughing and talking to each other. The girl looked anxious as she watched.

  “Are you alright Elizabeth?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she replied hesitantly.

  “Do you know them?” I reluctantly asked.

  “They are my parents, but I have not seen them for a long time,” she replied.

  “They are your parents? Well, I don’t know why, but I am always dreaming about them. But you! This is a first, having you join the dream!” I joked.

  She looked puzzled. “Do you not know who I am?”

  “What?”

  “You don’t remember me?”

  “How can I? We just met.”

  “No, we have met before.”

  “You must have me mistaken for someone else, Elizabeth.”

  “No… I remember you,” she said, slightly disappointed.

  I wasn’t amused. This was my dream and she was starting to annoy me.

  “You have to go back, and remember me.” She took a small twig of baby breath from her hair, placed it in the palm of my hand and then closed it.

  “I wonder if they…” she added as she looked towards her parents and ran off to them.

  My eyes followed her. Watching Elizabeth running towards her parents made me feel extremely emotional. I felt as though my heart was going to pound out of my chest, watching her little arms swing from side to side and her long hair swaying. Seeing her leave tore my heart apart. Even though I was sure this wasn’t real, I was overcome by uncontrollable emotions. As her parents turned towards her, her mother fell to her knees with open arms. Her father also fell to his knees, his hands over his face with disbelief. The tears were now pouring down my face as Elizabeth joined her parents and was held in her mother’s arms, I felt the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders.


  Why was I bearing that weight? This has nothing to do with me! This isn’t true…

  Watching the way that woman held onto her daughter, and hearing her cry was the most amazingly beautiful experience I had ever witnessed. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them, but I was starting to feel tired. These powerful emotions were exhausting. I lay down on my back again and decided to try to fall asleep so I could wake up. But I couldn’t sleep. One minute everything was so peaceful and calm and now there was a racket all around me.

  How was I supposed to sleep?

  I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I didn’t want to see what all the chaos was about. There were now so many unfamiliar voices around me calling out things that I didn’t understand. Still, I didn’t open my eyes. I sensed that I was just about to fall asleep…

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I felt like I had been asleep for hours. Yet I was still not hurried at all to wake up. When I eventually opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my room on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about James. Nor was I in an unfamiliar place, lying face down in a garden, dreaming. I was in hospital, with tubes in my arm, machines on both sides of me, a doctor and a few nurses over me. The doctor told me not to speak or move. He explained I had fallen down the stairs and I was very lucky.

  I already knew all that, but my version of events was different and I was far from lucky. I took the doctor’s advice anyway. I didn’t speak or move.

  “I am just going to take your blood pressure,” a nurse said as she gently grabbed my arm. “Relax your hand please.”

  My hand was in a tight, uncomfortable fist. I released my hand, and in my palm was a flat, lifeless baby breath twig. The nurse didn’t notice such a small thing, but for me, it was unbelievable.

  “Perfect,” she said as she went back to her seat beside me.

  I touched the baby breath in my hand.

  Oh Elizabeth, you were very, very real! Who are you and how do I know you?

  I thought about what she had said, over and over. I didn’t know any other Elizabeth.

  Is it supposed to be a riddle? This is all too hard…

  I tried to think of the Elizabeths I knew. There was my neighbour in Sydney, but she was Italian and it just couldn’t be her. The only other was the elderly Elizabeth who I met on the plane trip to England.

  Could it be her? That’s not possible. She’s so old. This is too crazy. Surely there has to be some end to all this bedlam. There has to be!

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. All of a sudden, I had a great urge to see Elizabeth.

  When I can move, I am going to London to see her!

  I had no idea why or what I would say to her.

  The next day, my thoughts were solely on Elizabeth – her words, her parents…

  What was the connection to me?

  The nurse assigned to my room was present around the clock. She never left in my room without being replaced by another.

  I hope I’m not on suicide watch!

  Thinking rationally, I realised that this would be the work of James, trying to look after me. I looked at the nurse. She was reading a novel and was incredibly engrossed.

  “Excuse me.” My voice was rough and dry, and barely recognisable.

  “Yes, dear,” she replied, immediately closing her book and getting up to approach me. She was quite young and seemed nervous.

  “How long have I been in hospital?” I asked.

  “Um, you came in on Sunday… and today is Thursday,” she replied.

  “What?” I cried, “That’s not possible. I have only been awake one day, at the most.”

  “Miss White, you have been in surgery.” She stopped talking. I think the look on my face and my panicked breathing was too much for her to handle.

  “Let me call the doctor and he will speak with you.” She used my buzzer, and in less than a minute, another nurse came by.

  “Could you please call the doctor, so he can speak to Catherine?” the first nurse asked.

  “Yes, of course.”

  In a few minutes, the same doctor who was with me previously came to my room.

  “Catherine, welcome back! You have been catching up on some much needed sleep perhaps?” he said.

  I didn’t find what he was saying to be amusing or entertaining. I could not fathom that I had been in hospital for that long.

  “Is today really Thursday? How long have I been asleep?” I needed confirmation.

  “Yes, but Catherine, you will be fine. We’ll be able to get you discharged from here within a week.”

  “How bad are my injuries?”

  “You had major swelling of the tissue surrounding your hip, which has now decreased considerably. You also fractured your femur, which needed surgery, what we call an ‘open reduction’. You see, we inserted a piece of metal, called an internal fixator, which will hold your bone in place while it heals. You have no neck, back or head injuries. With a fall like that, you are very lucky not to have sustained further injuries.”

  I nodded with a fake smile, which he picked up on.

  “A Mr Barclay has organised a private nurse to be in your room around the clock. I didn’t think it was necessary, but he was adamant that that was what he wanted.”

  “Where is James? Is he here?” I asked.

  “He has been here all day, every day. But just as you were coming around, he had to leave.”

  “Will you contact him for me please and tell him that I would like to see him as soon as possible?”

  “Yes, of course,” he promised.

  There was a knock at the door. The doctor went to the door and started to speak with someone. I couldn’t hear the other person’s voice. The doctor popped his head back in.

  “Are you up for a visitor, Catherine? A Jules Kent?”

  “Yes, yes!” I nodded frantically.

  “I will leave you to it then,” the doctor said as he left the room.

  “I will be waiting outside Miss, until your visit is done,” the nurse said as she followed the doctor out of the room.

  And there was Jules. She looked awful. Her eyes were dark and she was more pale than usual.

  “My darling Catherine, we thought we had lost you, my beautiful girl…”

  “Oh, Jules. I am so sorry.”

  “I have never been so scared in all my life. I couldn’t lose you. You are the sister I never had. You, my dear, would have to be the most lucky and most unlucky person I have ever met.”

  “I know, I couldn’t agree more.”

  “What happened?”

  “Hmmm… I must have lost my balance. My legs were still sore from the fall from the horse and I miscalculated my step. I don’t remember anything after that,” I lied.

  “Well, I don’t think I will be able to forget it. I was on my way to Mr Cartwright with a message from Mr Barclay when I heard your scream. Mr Cartwright must have heard it too because he ran right past me. When I finally got to you, both Mr Cartwright and Mr Barclay were standing over you, helpless.”

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them she was still shaking her head.

  “Catherine, it is almost impossible to describe to you the terror in both those men’s faces. They were horrified, and the look in Mr Barclay’s eyes. It was almost like…”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  “It was like he had just lost everything. He kept calling out your name. It was heart wrenching!” she admitted. “And poor Mr Cartwright… He just stood there, helpless and speechless. No one dared move you. And Mr Barclay would not allow anyone to touch you or come near you. It was unbelievable when the ambulance came and took you away, Richard sat on the bottom of the staircase for hours.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Well I guess he did not know where to go. It is not my place to say, but… I overheard Mr Barclay telling Mr Cartwright to stay away from you. I was in complete shock. He doesn’t know that I heard. I don’t know what came over Mr Barclay. It’s not like him,” she
announced.

  “And now?” I asked.

  “Well I haven’t seen Mr Cartwright since Sunday and Mr Barclay has been coming back and forth. He has found a replacement for you.”

  “A replacement!”

  “Just until you get better. I think you may be here for another week. Oh, yes, before I forget, I brought you a few things – toiletry items, your handbag and phone. If there is anything else you think of that you need, I can bring it up for you tomorrow.”

  “Thank you Jules. You did good!”

  “I will put everything here in your drawer; close enough for you to reach. Mr Barclay has made it clear that no students or teachers, except for me of course, are to visit you. How do you feel?”

  “I don’t know… I am still in shock that I have been here for so long already. And that I may have to stay another week!”

  “Please, Catherine that should not be an issue for you. You do not understand how fortunate you are. Please I have told Mr Barclay that when the time comes, I will come and collect you.”

  “Jules, I would really appreciate that. Thank you. As soon as the doctor lets me know when I can leave and the time, I will call you and let you know.”

  “Perfect.”

  “The doctor did tell me not to visit for too long, so you can rest. I had better go. I tell you, I have aged years from all your accidents!” she laughed, trying to make light of the situation, but I knew it was true.

  The moment Jules left the room, the nurse came back in an instant. I knew that I had been pushed down those stairs and I knew that James believed that also. But I was not scared anymore. I was angry that this ghost was such a coward. I used to think it had feelings for me and that it wanted me in its own sick way. I thought that these things kept happening because of jealousy, but not anymore. I was coming to the conclusion that this thing was vengeful, and had a feeling of resentment towards me, and worst of all that it wanted me dead. I hated it, whatever it was. I couldn’t wish it dead because it was already dead. I wished it would go back to wherever it had come from – hell, I guess.

  What in God’s name have I done to deserve this?

  I closed my eyes and tried to recall my last dream. I called it a dream for the sake of my sanity, but I knew it wasn’t.