Finding Hope at Hillside Farm

by Rachael Lucas

  She looked around the little cottage sitting room. Over the last few months it had begun to feel like home, despite having been thrust upon them. The shelves were stacked with their books and Hope’s drawings were tucked along the mantelpiece next to her mum’s photograph. The stone floor beneath the rush mat had been swept neatly earlier, and the fire was glowing. The holiday agency had sent an email asking her to get in touch, and she was hovering, one foot in one country and one in another. Lou had settled, despite the odds, and he was healthy and happy. If they went back home to Norfolk, they could return to their old life, their old friends; but would they be back to all their old problems?

  She looked again at the photo of Sarah, and made up her mind.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Ella

  ‘Can I ride Tor now?’ Charlotte was waggling his bridle at her, dancing in front of her. Sometimes it wasn’t hard to imagine her as a pony-mad little girl.

  It was half past two and a few visitors were still hanging around, chatting to the horses, or making an extra plastic cup of wine last a bit longer. A couple of children around Hope’s age were doting on Muffin, feeding him handfuls of grass they were tearing up from the lawn. They’d laughed as Ella did a demonstration with Muffin and Tor, leading them herself through a series of obstacles, explaining what she was doing to a group of visitors who sat on the benches by the side of the indoor arena.

  ‘Go on then. I’ll tell the others you’re going to have a ride round on him and they can come in and watch you two show off.’

  ‘Yes.’ Charlotte did a fist pump and swooshed off with the bridle in hand. ‘Come on baby, it’s time to shine.’

  Watching Charlotte cantering around the school on Tor, Ella felt a tightness in her stomach that she didn’t recognize. It took a moment before she realized the sensation she was feeling was – envy. She’d sent him away to be trained by an expert, promising herself that one day she’d get on his back and get over her fear of riding, but two years had passed and she was no further forward.

  ‘Charlotte!’

  She spun round, recognizing Hope’s voice immediately.

  ‘I thought I’d bring her up after all,’ Jenny said, with a shy smile.

  ‘Hello, little one.’ Ella beamed as Hope clattered across the wooden floorboards of the viewing area on her crutches. She was surprisingly speedy.

  ‘Grandma said I could come and see you and Muffin and have some more lessons.’

  Jenny’s eyes met hers. ‘Really?’

  Jenny nodded. ‘If you’ll have us.’

  ‘I would love that. But I thought you were going back?’

  Jenny shook her head. ‘I think we’ve found home.’

  Charlotte eased Tor to a walk and rode him over. He reached across to Hope, sniffing at her crutches with interest. Hope patted Tor’s neck.

  Ella left them there chatting whilst she headed out with the last few stragglers, handing them information leaflets and closing the gate behind them. She sighed with relief and headed back to the school to join Charlotte, Jenny and Hope.

  ‘If it’s OK with you, I’d like Hope to carry on where we left off.’

  ‘How do you feel about that, Hope?’

  She nodded, but bit her lip. ‘Good, but I don’t think I want to ride Muffin.’

  Jenny laughed. ‘You can’t ride Muffin, darling, you’ve got a broken leg.’

  ‘I know,’ Hope said, her face solemn. ‘I mean, I don’t want to ride him after that.’

  ‘Why not?’ Charlotte, still sitting astride Tor, pushed back her riding hat and looked at Hope with curiosity.

  ‘Because,’ Ella said, gently, ‘sometimes if you fall off, or something scary happens, it’s quite hard to get back on.’

  Charlotte’s eyes met hers then in a moment of understanding. She slid off Tor’s back and stood by his side, holding his reins.

  Inside, Ella felt as if every muscle in her body was screaming no at the same time as her mind was saying yes. She reached out her hand to take Tor’s reins.

  ‘Can I borrow your hat?’

  Charlotte nodded and Ella fastened it on, clipping the chin strap carefully in place.

  Jenny looked puzzled. ‘What’s going on?’

  Ella gathered the reins in one hand, and took the stirrup in the other. The yoga exercises had opened up the stiffness in her hip, and running had given her the strength in her legs to swing herself onto Tor’s back without any trouble, even after all this time. She took an unsteady breath and slipped her right foot into the stirrup, looking at them from the familiar, yet alien viewpoint. Tor’s ears pricked in front of her, his long mane shining as he arched his neck, jingling the metal of his bit.

  ‘Sometimes,’ Ella looked at Hope and smiled, ‘if you fall off, it’s quite scary to think of getting back on.’ As she spoke, she felt herself relaxing. ‘It’s a very long time since I’ve sat on a horse, Hope. Years and years.’

  ‘Aren’t you scared you might fall off like I did?’ Hope looked back at her, wide-eyed.

  ‘A little bit.’ Ella, now in the saddle, shifted her weight and Tor responded instantly. He was still warmed up and she pushed him forwards into a walk, feeling him swaying beneath her. It felt like forever, and no time at all. ‘But I think if we don’t do things that are a bit scary sometimes, we won’t ever try anything.’

  And she pushed Tor forward into a soaring rocking-horse canter, his mane flying out with every stride. Her body moved instinctively with his and she laughed aloud in sheer joy, circling him back towards the others for a moment and then back across the school in a figure of eight. She hadn’t forgotten a thing. It felt like it always had – like she was born to ride. Turning Tor back once more, she steadied him to a walk, sliding off his back almost before he’d come to a halt.

  Harry was standing, his arms around Hope, watching her with an unreadable expression.

  ‘I –’ Her throat was dry, and the words wouldn’t come. Her legs carried her towards them, Tor walking obediently by her side.

  ‘Hope tells me she’s looking forward to riding Muffin when her leg gets better.’

  Hope balanced on one crutch and did a thumbs-up, grinning gappily at them. ‘I might be a little bit scared but it’s OK, isn’t it?’

  Harry wrapped his arms around Hope, but his eyes looked directly into hers. ‘Definitely.’

  ‘I’ll just take Tor back to the stable.’

  She led him out through the sliding door, ignoring the fact that her inner thighs were already aching and her legs felt like jelly. She opened Tor’s door and led him in, lifting the side of the saddle and unfastening the girth, sliding it off his back. She turned to balance it on his door.

  ‘I don’t blame you,’ Harry said. He took the saddle and lifted it over the door, waiting while she undid the bridle and ruffled Tor’s mane in thanks. Tor gave a gusty snort and turned to investigate his hay rack.

  Harry opened the stable door for her, the saddle over one arm, and she slipped out, leaning against the wall to hold up her wobbly legs.

  ‘I wanted you to know. I don’t blame you for Hope’s accident.’

  She looked into his face briefly, seeing nothing there but kindness. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Like old times,’ he said, indicating the saddle. There was an awkward pause while they both remembered the days when she’d ride Ruby and he’d be there waiting afterwards.

  He turned away first, clearing his throat.

  ‘Daddy, do you think maybe one day I could have a pony of my own? Like Muffin?’

  Hope made her way across the yard, her bright purple cast finished off with a brightly coloured stripy woollen sock.

  ‘I like your colourful toes.’

  Hope waggled her leg. ‘It’s to stop me getting cold feet. I’ve got lots and lots of pairs. Grandma bought them.’

  ‘Well?’ Hope looked at them as if they were all incredibly forgetful.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Can I have a pony like Muffin?’


  Ella watched Jenny and Harry exchange a sideways look.

  ‘We’ll have to see what happens, sweetheart,’ Harry said.

  ‘I think we’d better let you get on,’ Jenny said, patting Tor cautiously on the nose. ‘And now I think of it, I believe Lou’s out without a key. He didn’t know we were going out.’

  Ella closed the gate behind them and turned to Charlotte, who was leaning against a wall, checking her phone. Despite the lack of signal, she lived in hope and was perpetually waving it around in the hope something might get through.

  ‘Come on, you. We can finish off the biscuits before evening stables, and then I’m getting in a bath and never getting out again.’

  They headed into the house, closing the door on the last light of the afternoon.

  Ella could see Bron’s face, but couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Her mouth was moving and she was gesticulating.

  ‘I can’t hear you,’ Ella said, for the third time.

  ‘. . . Sorry, the microphone was off.’

  They were still chatting on Skype regularly. Ella was amused by the changes in her aunt. First some plaited bracelets appeared on her wrist, and then a silver ring. And another the next time. She seemed to be embracing her youth again.

  ‘D’you like my hair?’ Bron pulled her long plait over her shoulder and Ella peered at the screen, realizing that the underside was streaked with magenta which wove through the plait like a ribbon.

  ‘Amazing.’ She pushed her own hair back, seeing how untidy it looked in the little box on the screen, and she laughed. ‘You look like you’ve gone native. Turned into a surfer dude.’

  ‘Funny you should say that,’ Bron raised her eyebrows, mischievously. ‘I’ve been taking some lessons.’

  ‘In surfing?’

  ‘Yes.’ Bron raised a warning finger. ‘And don’t you start with the don’t you think you’re a bit old for that sort of thing with me, young lady.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to.’

  ‘Good. Because I’ve got something I want to ask you.’

  Ella suspected she knew what was coming.

  ‘How would you feel about me staying out here for another few months?’

  She looked back at her aunt’s much-loved face, and smiled. ‘I think you should stay as long as you like.’

  Bron’s face lit up. ‘I’m very glad to hear that.’

  ‘You’re not missing everyone back here too much? And the rain and the mud and –’

  ‘No, Isobel’s keeping me busy. And I’ve –’ She paused for a moment and looked away. ‘Well, I’ve been spending some time with a friend I’ve made.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Ella, laughing. In all the time she’d known her aunt she’d been resolutely single, maintaining she had no time for men or any of that nonsense.

  ‘So who is he?’

  ‘He isn’t anyone.’ Bron twiddled with the end of her plait and looked down for a moment, waiting for the words to sink in.

  ‘. . . She is Meg. My surfing instructor.’

  Ella put a hand to her mouth and started to laugh in surprise.

  ‘There’s a photo of her on my phone, here, look.’ Bron lifted up her phone to the screen and Ella could just make out a picture of her aunt, smiling with her arm around a tall woman with grey-streaked blonde hair. They looked perfect together.

  ‘You don’t mind?’ Bron bit her lip and frowned.

  ‘Mind?’ Ella shook her head. ‘Why would I mind?’

  ‘Well. It wasn’t exactly the done thing when I was growing up. It seemed easier to just stay single and focus on putting all my energies into the farm and the horses.’

  ‘Oh, Bron.’ Tears sprang to Ella’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Bron shook her head. ‘No need. Maybe next time I’ll bring Meg along for a chat.’ She looked proud, and strangely shy.

  ‘I’d love that.’

  Bron waved goodbye and reached across to switch off. Ella blew a kiss as her aunt’s image disappeared from the screen.

  Ella did the last round of checks alone, leaving Charlotte in the farmhouse watching television. Her wet hair was knotted up in a loose bun and she pulled a fleece over her pyjamas, slipping her feet into wellies.

  She looped a rope around the horse’s neck and led him out of the paddock and into the stable by the indoor school. He’d rolled, trying to relieve the itch that came with the beginning of his winter coat shedding, and she picked up a brush to remove the worst of the mud that was clinging to his back.

  As she swept the brush along in long strokes, she thought back to the years when she’d been growing up and had come here to visit with her dad. It had never occurred to her once that Bron might have been lonely, or that she hadn’t been alone by choice.

  And then when she’d arrived, broken and devastated by the split and the aftermath of the crash, she’d been so wrapped up in herself that Bron had been like a comfort blanket. She’d given her love and support to Ella unconditionally, and now – away from the demands of the farm and the horses – Bron was getting that back.

  It was a relief to know that she was happy.

  Chapter Forty-two

  Ella

  ‘Morning,’ a voice came over the top of the stable door. Brian peered down at Ella. She placed Lily’s foot down on the floor gently and stood up, pressing her hands into the small of her back and stretching. She needed a long bath, or a massage – or both. She’d been riding in every spare moment she could find since the open day, and her body was protesting – in a good way. Everything ached, but she was getting stronger and fitter. Just as well, because the fun run was only a day away. She’d been slacking off a bit on the running, and hoped she wouldn’t let the side down after everything.

  ‘You ready for your final session?’

  He bobbed his head sideways with a wink that almost hid the nerves. ‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’

  ‘Reckon we’ll have the time of our lives out there,’ Brian said, as he swung his leg over Tor’s back and landed gently in the saddle. He’d gone from being too scared of horses to go near them, to leading several of the horses through courses of obstacles, and he’d asked if she would give him a chance to try riding before he booked himself in for some lessons at Jim’s riding school across the valley.

  ‘Don’t forget, their tack is a bit different to what you’re used to. You’ll be more comfortable, I should think.’ She adjusted his stirrups. ‘Western saddles are built for sitting in all day.’

  ‘I don’t know about that.’ Brian looked uncertain. ‘Think we’re hoping for a bit of time for shopping and eating and that sort of thing.’

  ‘We?’

  ‘Did Carol not mention it?’

  Ella looked up at him in surprise. ‘No.’

  ‘She’s coming with me. We’re going to Calgary, now, in Canada. We can do a bit of sightseeing, a bit of riding, a bit of time together . . .’

  ‘Brian, that’s lovely.’ Ella smiled as they headed towards the outdoor school. ‘I’m so pleased for you.’

  ‘You should put it on your literature.’

  ‘Put what?’

  ‘Something about it being a good way to meet people.’

  She laughed. ‘That’s not exactly the done thing – I think you two are a bit unusual.’

  ‘Well, we’ve got you to thank.’

  ‘You’ve got yourselves to thank. You did all the work.’

  The next morning Ella woke early. Even when there was a 10k run to do, the horses still needed to be fed, turned out to graze, checked over and mucked out.

  ‘I’ll do that,’ Charlotte said, taking the wheelbarrow out of her hands. ‘You go and get your stuff on.’

  They’d closed off the main streets of the village and lined them with bunting, which flapped wildly in the wind. The shops were decorated with pink and red hearts for Valentine’s Day, and Babs was there with her catering van, handing out delicious-smelling burgers. Ella’s stomach groaned at the thought. She’d had porridge with banana for breakfa
st, as recommended by Lissa’s running magazine.

  ‘You ready?’

  ‘I was born ready.’ Lissa did a power pose and spun round.

  ‘Please don’t ever say that again.’ Ella shook her head.

  ‘Sorry. I was reading a thing online last night that said you were supposed to visualize yourself doing well.’

  ‘I’m visualizing myself at the finish line having a burger.’ Ella’s stomach rumbled again.

  ‘I’m thinking about dinner tonight,’ said Lissa, dreamily.

  ‘Another hot date?’

  Lissa made a face. ‘I feel like a proper grown-up.’

  ‘You are a proper grown-up. Half your class is over there waiting to cheer you on, look.’

  Lissa turned and saw a group of children with a banner in their hands. It had COME ON MISS JONES written in large, smudgy letters.

  ‘Oh my God.’ She clapped a hand to her mouth.

  ‘If they’d only added a comma, that would have been sweet, instead of faintly pornographic.’

  ‘You two all right?’ Connie caught them both doubled over with laughter.

  ‘Absolutely.’ Lissa looked at Ella, and they started laughing all over again.

  ‘Welcome to the first annual Llanidaeron Fun Run,’ boomed Alan’s voice over a loudspeaker. Ella turned to Lissa in alarm.

  ‘First? We’re doing this again next year?’

  ‘Bollocks to that. We’ve done our bit.’

  Ella reached out and gave her a high five as a klaxon sounded and the run began. They settled into a steady pace and she found herself enjoying it, waving to friends from the village as she turned down familiar roads, high-fiving children who were sitting on the church wall waving flags.

  ‘Go on, Ell,’ Nick shouted, grinning. He was standing outside the Lion with a group of his mates, all with pints in their hands.