A Naughty Santa Gram

by Alyssa D Mynx

  "And why do you think that? Maybe I'm a horrible person, and you'll hate me and just dump me at the punch bowl tonight, and then I'll be all alone and sad."

  "Firecracker, too. I should have guessed. I haven't seen a woman affect Drake as fast and as hard as you have in many, many years. Even then, the woman didn't hold a candle to you. You've got this sort of..."

  "Sass? Wit? Charm?" I offer.

  "D. All of the above." He grins back, smiling at me again with those dazzling whites.

  "Aw, such a charmer. I'm sure you tell all the girls that."

  "Only the most beautiful ones." He winks. "Now, we have about a half hour drive, so let's get to know each other a bit more, shall we?"

  "We shall. Whatcha want to know?"

  "Anything you want to tell me. I know Drake has those awful charts that tell you everything about me, but I want to know about you."

  "His files are way too thorough. Do you think he's human? Or some AI that got stuck with a shit ton of OCD complex?" I ask.

  "Definitely not AI, he's too odd for that."

  "Oh agreed, he's odd. But enough about him, I want to talk about me," I say, shifting in the leather to look more directly at Xav. "I have a Doctorate in Sarcasm, and I'm working on my Masters in Wit and Charm. I am a badass Santa at a company run by way too anal of a guy, and I live in a closet."

  "You, what?"

  "I have a Doctorate-"

  "No, that last bit."

  "Oh." I shrug. "The bit about the closet? It's legit. I live in my best friend's walk-in closet. It's tight, but it's not bad."

  "How'd you end up there?"

  "Long story short? My ex is a douche."

  "Well, I do have the power of the law behind me, so is there any way we can throw him in jail? I'll see it happen, hold him for twenty-four hours, let him stew."

  "Unless bad taste and low self-esteem are crimes, I'm afraid there's nothing on him."

  "Well, damn. I'd do just about anything to make my pretty companion smile," he teases, grinning cheekily.

  “I have an idea that would kill a few birds with one stone. Plus, this paparazzi thing? Still making me nervous. Maybe something a bit silly would help make me more comfortable.”

  “I’m intrigued. Do tell.”

  “Well, a nice round of truth or dare would entertain us for the drive, would make me smile, and help you get to know me. Plus, I’m pretty sure some juicy truths about Mister Chief of Police would distract me from those silly old nerves.”

  “I see,” he muses, rubbing his chin. “Deal.”

  “Good. One free pass each?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Perfect. So, truth or dare,” I ask, smiling, because I love a good and raunchy game of truth or dare. He has no idea what he’s getting into.

  “Truth,” Xav answers, grinning like this is going to be a simple game. Funny. He nicknamed me aptly, and I think he’s forgotten that.

  “First time you had sex: where, when, and with who.”

  “Whoa, and she goes for the personal stuff right off the bat,” he jokes.

  “Damn straight, I do. I’m vicious like that, don’t you know.” I wink.

  “Obviously. I was seventeen, and I was a football player, so, after the state game my senior year with my girlfriend at that time. I’d made the winning touchdown.”

  “Of course, you did.”

  “Woman, you asked, I answered. My turn. Truth or dare?”

  “Hmm…” I debate the risks of each. He could turn it around and get real personal with me, and I’m not sure I’m ready to get as real as he was with me about my first time. “Dare.”

  “Ooh, a wild woman, I like it. I dare you… To give me a two part dare. First to happen now, second later.”

  “Deal. What’s the first half for now?”

  “Scoot a little closer and let me put my arm around you.”

  “And he goes for the classic move with the girl. Alright, alright, I’m game.” I grin, moving next to him and throwing his arm over my shoulders. “Just no funny business now, you hear?”

  He chuckles.

  “Truth or dare?” I ask.

  “Dare.”

  “Ok, I dare you to stick your head out the sunroof.” I smirk, knowing he won’t do it. It would be beneath the Chief of Police, plus, it’s probably illegal.

  “Would that make you smile, Firecracker?” His attention is focused completely on me, intense, digging into the pool of my soul to find the answer.

  Lost in the pool with him, my quiet, “Yes,” barely slips out.

  And the crazy man moves up and sticks his head, shoulders, and chest out the sunroof, throws up his arms, and gives a wild, “Yahoo!”

  Giggles completely overtake me, and when he gets back in, his hair is a mess, and he looks a little windblown.

  “Alright. Not as uptight as I’d expect of the Chief of Police,” I quip, grinning from ear to ear.

  He grins. “Only for m’lady. Now, truth or dare?”

  "And then the criminal was like, 'No, I don't want a lawyer. I want to represent myself.' I had to tell him, 'Buddy. You're dumb as fuck, and if you think you can get out of this alone, then you're straight up delusional too,'" Xav says.

  I laugh even harder, clutching my sides and trying to get my face to finally relax. "Stop, please, I beg you. No more, you made me laugh, and my sides and lungs can't take it. You’ve completed your dare," I cough out.

  Xav puts his hand on my shoulder and laughs along with me, or maybe at me. I can't really tell the difference anymore. Not that it matters either way; his laugh is rich and full like a good dark chocolate. I'd listen to him laugh all day.

  "Sir," his driver interrupts, "we are five minutes out."

  "Thank you, Stephens," Xav acknowledges.

  "That half hour flew by way too freaking fast. Who knew the Chief of Police was such a dork?" I joke.

  "Watch it, Firecracker, I know where you're ticklish now."

  "You wouldn't."

  "Oh, I would, gladly and with great gusto." He grins, hands reaching for me.

  "No! I already have to pee and don't know how to do that in this huge dress. I'd rather try to use a toilet than ruin the dress." I scoot back, up against the door of the limo to escape his dancing fingers. "Don't ruin our Truth or Dare game by using that knowledge for evil," I shout

  Xav drops his fingers. "Deal- on one condition."

  "Oh? What is it?"

  "We play the rest of the night."

  My face is expressive, I'll admit it, and what he reads must be exactly what I'm feeling - this is gonna be a bad idea.

  "It'll be fun, liven up a dead party for us. Trust me, it's all shaking hands and playing into the whims of the rich."

  "If you're sure this would be a good idea..." I hesitate.

  "It will. Now, deal or no deal?" He raises his fingers again, moving slightly closer.

  "Deal," I shout. Whoa, that was louder than I expected. I think I should've been a bit quieter because even my ears want to bleed.

  My phone gives a quick buzz, and I glance at it, frowning, and just ignore the alert.

  Xav's smile starts to fade, and the warmth that had been in his eyes starts to fade.

  "I know the file said a lot about me, but at events like this, there's something you need to know," Xav says, a sorrowful look on his face.

  "Ok. What is it?"

  "I, well.... I hate talking to people, so I'm rude and walk away or only talk to my date."

  "Wait, what?" must be my new catchphrase of the night.

  "People and politicians are ridiculous. They're way too self-centered. I'm more focused on the safety of my city and the health and welfare of my people. So, I'm rude. You're probably the only person I'll really talk to. If I leave your side and people approach, you'll likely be interrogated, so I have a last minute question for you."

  The butterflies get a little spicy in my stomach from the seriousness of his statement, and I squeak out a soft response.
>
  "How do you want to play tonight? Girlfriend? Friend who's a girl? Associate? Friend of a friend?"

  And back into sleeping butterflies they go. I have to give him some of my natural teasing snark.

  "I don't know, depends on how well our chemistry mixes together," I tease, raising an eyebrow and turning towards the window with a cheeky grin.

  He almost whispers, "Why don't we find out? Second half of the dare: I dare you to let me kiss you," right before my chin is gently grasped, my head turned, and mouth captured.

  Time stands still. I can feel every wrinkle of his lip, every muscle's twitch as he moves his lips against mine. My entire focus is on the shape, texture, and taste of Xav's lips. Slowly and softly, his mouth opens almost imperceptibly, and his tongue moves out. He teases it along the seam of my lips, and I'm unable to resist. The heat has been building throughout our game, and now, the fire is lit.

  I turn my body to face his and put my hands on his chest, feeling the well-defined pecs beneath his shirt. A deep groan escapes me as my pussy weeps for more, to be touched, begging for release. But no, instead he starts to pull away, slowly lingering on the kiss. His hands come up to keep mine on his chest, holding them captive against the warmth of his body.

  "So," he starts, "what are we going to be telling people?"

  As he pulls back from me, my lips move with him, too hungry to let go. "Oh, definitely starting to date. There's too much here for us to be anything less," I whisper, dazed and rooted to my spot.

  My body is heavy, and there’s tingling in and between my cheeks, you know? I finally move back and relax into my chair, still turned slightly to face Xav. Heat rises in my face, and I look down.

  Masculine laughter spills into the limo, and Xav asks me, "Where did my little firecracker go? Hmm?"

  I just shake my head.

  "Oh, and it's my turn. Truth or Dare."

  "Truth," I respond, not willing to give myself into his hands right now, and too dazed to argue.

  He leans closer, and his hot breath caresses my ear. “Is that little pussy wet for me, Firecracker?"

  I gasp and clench my thighs, trying to keep the moisture contained but failing miserably. He chuckles, damn him, and whispers, "I guess that's a yes. If I had more time and you were inclined, I'd love to check that out for you, see if you really are as wet as I imagine."

  I whimper, and my head drops back as he kisses my neck. How am I so calm? And why am I letting myself do this? My past experiences with the police weren’t exactly positive. They never helped when I told them my step-father hurt my mom and me. They just passed me off as a kid who needed attention. So why am I like this with him? What makes him special?

  "Sir," the driver interrupts again, "we've almost arrived. The SUVs are pulling into traffic, and we’ll be reaching the front doors soon."

  Xav sits up and rights himself, then glances at me and smiles. "That's the kind of look we want them to see: a woman who gives to her man."

  "Hardy har har har," I respond, reaching for the little clutch and hoping there is a backup lipstick and mirror in there. Luckily, Jenna packed this little bag, so there's not only that, but also a tiny bit of foundation, a mini hairspray, and mascara. I finish fixing my face and close my clutch.

  "So, Firecracker, you ever exited a limo before?" Xav teases.

  "Nope. Care to give me the rundown, oh limo exit emperor?" I throw back.

  "Basically, I get out, I wave, then you slide over and let me help you out. Hand first, then feet, then I pull and up you come, smiling at me, not the pap. Let them take pictures of the two of us staring at each other. You really want to give them a show?"

  I shrug. "In for a penny, in for a pound."

  "Then let's just joke and talk the whole way up the steps. Don't even wave or look at the photographers, just me. Let's make some tongues wag."

  I grin at him and wrinkle my nose. This is going to be fun. I do hope I'm not on all the front pages, maybe just two or three.

  We get out exactly as he said, and he keeps his head tilted towards mine the entire way in the door, ignoring the shouts of "Chief!" "Chief Charles!" and all the others. The flashing lights don't seem to bother him, and he just continues walking with me slowly, allowing the photographers to get our pictures.

  I stop and tug Xav down to me, moving my lips to his, teasing at a kiss. “Hey Xav?” I whisper just loud enough for him to hear me.

  “Yes, Firecracker?”

  ”Truth or Dare.”

  "Jenna, Bitch! I need assistance!" I'm rifling through my side of the closet and am only ninety-nine point nine percent sure I'm going to look like a troll tonight.

  "You need to chill, woman. You'll give yourself an ulcer," she calls back from her bedroom.

  Highly unlikely that finding the perfect outfit for the Christmas in November party would give me an ulcer. It's much more likely that all the men in my life will do me in.

  "Only if you don't help me soon," I holler back at her, shuffling more clothes aside.

  "Hold your damned horses, I'll be there in just a few minutes. Geesh, not like you are a new attraction to all those men," she mumbles to herself.

  "I heard that," I yell at her, giving up on the clothes and skirting my bed to enter her room. "And it wasn't nice or needed. Maybe I should just go by myself tonight and leave you here," I scold.

  "You wouldn't," Jenna screeches at me, one arm out of her dress and half her face still covered.

  "Oh, babe, you know I would. What's taking you so damned long? You've been in here FOREVER, and I need help picking out clothes," I whine.

  "Well, there are other people here besides you, and we like to dress and look nice for big occasions as well, you know," she mutters, struggling into the form-fitting evergreen dress.

  "Oh my God, let me help you before you break yourself, you damned giraffe," I grumble, moving forward to help tug the dress past her tits and ass.

  On any normal human being, this dress would reach midway between thigh and knee, but on my girl? Hell no, it barely covers her ass. It's a damned good thing it's tight because if that thing rides up, everybody is going to know she's rocking a Brazilian. Crazy woman that she is, I’m sure she won’t wear any panties.

  Once her dress is on, I have to admit, she's a total bombshell. Her strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes pop in this green. Her long hair is down and curled, and with her makeup just right? Yeah, she’s getting laid tonight.

  "So are you bringing someone back here or going to their place?" I tease.

  "Oh, neither. Hotels for me. And they pay. Anonymity and shit like that. I don't need a crazy stalker texting or following me."

  My pulse stops. I draw a deep breath as I think of the phone calls I've been ignoring from my mother these last few weeks and the danger they could hold.

  Jenna must see a change in me because she rushes to hug me.

  "Shit shit shit. I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to bring it up. Forgive me, please?" she begs.

  "Always. Just... hold me a little longer, ok? My egg donor has been calling, and I don't know if it's actually her or not. It's got me a little shaken."

  "Aw, fuck. I'm sorry. You should have said something," she says, squeezing me a little tighter into her rack. Not that I'm complaining too much. Tits are super comfortable pillows, no joke.

  "I didn't want to worry you or anything," I respond, squeezing my bestie before releasing her. "Now, you look like a fucking million bucks, so do you think you can come help me now? Pretty please?" I beg, fluttering my mascara-less lashes.

  "I suppose, if I must," she responds, rolling her eyes at me and sighing so deeply I'm worried her lungs will pop like overfilled balloons.

  "Well, only if we're going to go anywhere tonight," I reply, smiling and rolling my eyes while heading to my bedroom.

  "Yeah, yeah, yeah," I hear from behind me.

  "Ok. So here's my problem," I start. "I have lots of Santa dresses, but that's like uniforms. But, they're sexy and red looks go
od on me. I also have some Platinum dresses here, but do I wear something THAT fancy to a shindig like this? Or do I go more lazy girl, or do I wear something totally different? Help me, please," I cry, throwing myself on the dresses that litter my bed.

  "Wow."

  "What?" I ask, arm thrown over my eyes.

  "You're really overthinking this."

  "Yup."

  "You're nervous about something."

  "Yup," I respond.

  "You're maybe nervous about someONE."

  "You're maybe right."

  "Do you need to tell me something?" Jenna inquires, arms crossing across her chest.

  "Yup."

  Silence. You could probably hear a tissue hit the ground if we were to toss one.

  Jenna finally gives up, making me the winner of the waiting game, and sits next to my head. Smacking my forehead, she commands, "Speak, child, before I smack your brains out."

  "Ow. That hurt, you evil woman. I'll tell you, but you can't freak out."

  "No promises. Dish."

  "Fine. So, remember my first day of work, how I was so tired and yet had this jittery energy?" I move my arm from my eyes, so I can see her reaction when I FINALLY tell her.

  "Yes. You were like a cheetah on catnip or something."

  "Well... I told you I kissed my boss, but… I totally fucked Drake."

  "No fucking way," Jenna shouts, grabbing my shoulders.

  "Fucking way. And that's not the worst of it."

  "No way, did he have a tiny dick? I knew it! That's why he's so precise and such a particular man. His dick's probably the size of a small cigarette, a-"

  "Would you stop?" I cut into her tirade. "No, his dick is huge, ok? The worst part is not even a bad thing, just a thing, and I'm pretty sure it was an amazing thing, and I want that thing again, but doing that thing again would be..." I trail off. "Oops." Motormouth won again.

  I take a deep breath and fully drop my arms to my sides. "While Drake fucked me... I gave Landon head."

  "Oh my fucking God! You didn’t!" Jenna exclaims, rolling onto me and squishing me.

  "Can't. Breathe."

  "Breathing is so fucking overrated when you don't tell your best friend for almost two weeks that you fucked your boss and a Santa at the same time. You sex kitten you. I'm loving this," she cries, squishing me. "Why did you wait so long?" I get the interrogation look when Jenna sits back up.